back to article Loud sex ASBO woman back on the job

The Tyne and Wear woman earlier this year spared jail for breaching an ASBO requiring her to refrain from unnaturally loud sex has been cuffed after once again failing to put a sock in it. Caroline Cartwright, 49, was handed an eight-week sentence, suspended for 12 months, for three breaches of the order designed to protect …

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  1. RW
    Paris Hilton

    It's involuntary

    She's hardly doing this on purpose. I bet a jelly-filled donut that most of us have had sexual partners or known of people who at the critical moment let loose with the most amazing verbalizations. Some Buddhist sects believe that at the moment of orgasm, one gets a tiny taste of what enlightenment is like; is it any wonder that it inspires the autonomic nervous system to express itself freely?

    And that, to me, seems to be an iron-clad defense. "Yes, your lordship, I farted long and loud, but even the emperor Claudius recognized that farting is an uncontrollable natural function which it is harmful to try to rein in." Mutatis mutandis, the same is true of coital ululations.

    But underneath all this it's probably the neighbors being jealous of someone who clearly has a rich and satisfying sex life, unlike their own prematurely withered libidos.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    would you? I wouldn't

    Have you seen this woman? She's one ugly son of a bitch, why her husband would want to shag her I have no idea.

    1. LateNightLarry
      Pint

      would you? I wouldn't

      << Have you seen this woman? She's one ugly son of a bitch >>

      WRONG... she's one ugly BITCH. Maybe she was worth looking at 30 years ago... But now just give me some beer... LOTS of beer.

      If I chug enough, I won't remember what she looks like.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    The judge said!

    "He said steps such as closing windows, asking her husband to remind her to be quiet, and making efforts herself to tone down the noise could and should have been deployed."

    So he can scream "shut the fuck up bitch" whilst giving her the good news so that she doesnt breach her ASBO!

    I doubt "quiet dear" would work to well in that household!

    Then the neighbours will be complaining that all they can hear is him telling her to shut up followed by the double slap of the cowboy whip action.

    Paris - she deserves an ASBO for existing!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      they could move out

      and their neighbours would still piss and moan "we never hear any sound from that house we think it might be a cannabis farm wah wah wah think of the children"

  4. Mark York 3
    Joke

    "Putting A Sock In It"

    I don't see how putting a sock in it would make matters any better, ohhh hang on you mean her mouth.

    Joke because I can't be arsed for a PH reference & I really need to go to the pub now.

  5. The Evil One

    The neighbours have become sensitized now

    Probably her sex is not now noisy enough to justify an ASBO but the niighbours have been sensitized and the ASBO has given the power to send this woman to prison whenever they like if they hear the slightest sound from her.

    The ASBO law is an appalling law thought up by authoritarian politicians to harass the underclass.

  6. The Evil One

    The neighbours have become sensitised now

    Probably her sex is not now noisy enough to justify an ASBO but the neighbours have been sensitised and the ASBO has given the power to send this woman to prison whenever they like if they hear the slightest sound from her.

    The ASBO law is an appalling law thought up by authoritarian politicians to harass the underclass.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Am I the only one...

    ..who wants to hear some evidence?

    Sounds like she's in pain? Really? Like a wounded animal? Really?

    Come on - where's the NOTW recording?

  8. Thomas 18
    Thumb Up

    OrgASBO

    1. Star in a novelty porn based off your internet fame

    2. Spend £££ soundproofing your flat

  9. Craigness
    Headmaster

    Aaaarrrgggghhhhh

    10.15am on a Sunday morning

    I'd send her down for that alone.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton

      10:15

      Sending her husband down might have been part of the problem although sending her down might be a partial solution,

      Paris, she knows it's rude to speak with her mouth full.

  10. Jason Yau
    FAIL

    "failing to put a sock in it"

    It's best if she doesn't put anything in it.

  11. jeremy_the_great
    Pirate

    show no mercy

    i'll carry my hot coffee vending machine and drop it on that woman's you-know-what...

    ______________________________

    www.vendingpriceline.com

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