back to article Apple vs the iPad Bedwetters

Apple's new iPad has caused an amazing outbreak of Chicken Little-ism. If the iPad is successful, it's curtains for the internet, for freedom and for humanity as we know it. Have you felt a piece of this fall on your head? Permit me to introduce you to the Professional Bedwetter. It's someone who doesn't like what they see, …

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Closed system my arse

It's not really closed - why not? Because it's not a standalone device. You need a PC or a Mac to use it properly, to copy your photo's onto it, and your music, and your films etc etc etc. Now if this thing had a single USB port, and the ability to import the above from a memory stuck, USB CD drive, etc, then you might be onto something.

It's not the end of computing as we know it, It's an accessory device to your existing computing infrastructure, only one that doesn't need security software and the associated $ubscriptions, doesn't have a dozen ways to install and/or remove software, doesn't present you with a thousand tray icons bugging you individually about software updates, doesn't feel the need to tell you that version 12.34.5678 of your graphics drivers are now available, doesn't magically speed up when you remember to defrag it/run a registry cleaner or slow down as your startup items folder fills with trash, won't fill your screen with 25% of the screen real estate taken up with title bars/minimise buttons/unwanted toolbars and un-needed scroll paraphernalia, won't ever prompt you to perform upgrades and force a reboot after they are applied in the middle of using it for something else (Yes, I know that upgrades will be available, but the point is that you do the upgrade at the point of synchronising the device, ergo when you are not using it for other tasks), doesn't have a noisy fan that kicks in when you start a game, or visit a website with a flash advert, or a battery that will barely get you through an evening of youtube etc etc ad infinitum.

Some people, maybe people who don't lurk on tech websites, might appreciate some of this. Personally, I long for the day when the standalone iPad comes out, then I can make a 90% saving on my Family IT Bill in time spent faffing with shite that people who don't want to know, don't NEED to know...and at the end of the day, for those of us that want more power and freedom...guess what, we still have it!

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Decision made

Good god, it's an electronics product, a bunch of chips with some software running on it. I havnt seen this much mass hysteria since poor old Princess Di copped it.

Cant say I was particularly fussed about this thing, but now I will definitely be picking one up, just for the fuzzy feeling of knowing how much it will fuck off a large number of single, overweight, pale skinned men.

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Post of the Day!!!

El Reg, is there such an award? There chuffing well should be! And that post should win it!

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Seconded!

That is all.

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Not a good laptop, but a good appliance

I think Jeff Shortland is on the right track and I would bet that the iPad, despite the name, will sell well. I can already see buying or facilitating the buy of at least three; for my mother, grandmother, and daughter.

It seems to me that the iPad is being bashed mainly for being such a poor laptop replacement. Sure, it's not the super computer sheet of glass from the usual sci-fi flicks. However it isn't meant for that. It is a simple, easy to support (IT support I mean), appliance for web browsing, small apps, and media. For the semi- or non- computer savvy people in your life...or those whose *current* computing needs do not require a full laptop the iPad is perfect.

e.g.: my mother is semi-computer savvy. Yes, she can use a laptop but only if everything is already arranged and if, once she has learned it, nothing changes. She is a medical professional with a lifetime of skill in medicine and patient care (US private system) and little time or interest in computers themselves. However she does need to use email, loves to see pictures of her kids and grandkids, and would find researching via the web a real treat if she could get past the ancient computers that work provides her. An iPad would be brilliant for her. Great Christmas or birthday gift.

e.g.: my grandmother hasn't the faintest clue about computers ("that's nice dear") chases mice with her broom, and makes a nice pot of tea but lives nowhere near us. I do not know but I suspect that she could operate an iPad (the interface is straightforward enough) if I set it up for her. That way I could push regular pictures of her great-grandkids to her and keep in touch.

e.g.: my daughter, the inquisitive three yo. She likes to 'help me work' on the laptop (Mac Air), which is entertaining enough, but really would be better served with an introductory platform onto which I could put reading/math/language applications for fun and learning. Today the options are a raft of single age-range gadgets like the LeapPad that want replacing every six months as she grows. The iPad would last at least a couple of years, probably 3-4, since I (and eventually she) could keep loading age-appropriate apps.

So…I think this new Apple appliance has legs; just not for laptop replacement.

j

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Ironically...

Although I really don't like Apple and their control freak nature (or own any of their products), I feel forcing the arty farty web designers (usually Apple customers) to actually write some HTML instead of just throwing the entire "presentation" into a high bandwidth Flash based website is actually a good thing!

Long live St Jobs and his dislike of all thing Flashy!

For anyone who missed it, check out Charlie Brooker's "opinion" :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEfcy_u0-YM

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Charlie Brooker...

...is the voice inside my head!!

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Alert

An awful lot of hate

From the IT industry for a device that's going to allow the majority of our customers to finally use a computer as effortlessly as they use their TV.

It's not a big iPod, it's the tip of an iceberg.

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Anonymous Coward

I'm underwhelmed, but......

My mother decided that she wanted a laptop for Christmas, because she wanted something bigger than the LCD screen on the back of her camera when she wanted to share photos with her friends. My Dad wasn't wild about this idea (he was paying for it!) but he was a lot happier when I explained the concept of the Netbook to him - at EUR250 it was still an extravagant christmas present, but he could see the value in a "real computer" at that price.

Surprise, surprise, she's not really using the netbook. An iPad type "device" was really what she was looking for, but, even if it had been available, EUR 400 is way to much for what she wants from a device like that.

My first reaction when the iPad was announced was that it was much cheaper than I expected, but the more I think about it, the less impressed I am by the price. My parents could probably make use of one in the living room, (especially when someone comes up with practical Crossword Puzzle and Sudoku type apps) but I can't see any functionality that would justify that sort of price point.

On the other hand, the people who are in a position to form public opinion (television and print journalists) are quite a bit less price sensitive than the public at large, and they're all sold on this iPad. Apple has a "mindshare" far in excess of it's actual market share. As a "computer guy", the level of control that Apple imposes on the ecosystem creeps me out, but I do appreciate the amazing value that it has.

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Bah!

"If Apple is to become "the gatekeeper" that these Bedwetters fear, then we must get rid of all the others - including MacBooks and MacPros"

I think this is a legitimate concern - I've only discussed the iPad and my house is now completely free of these devices. On account of I can't afford them and they won't run my favourite games.

(I did have a laptop, but it broke down years ago.)

This iPad is indeed a force to be reckoned with.

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Wall-e is not a cartoon for kids. It's a glimpse of what is to come

mindless blobs consuming whatever stuff is fed to them by their pad. And a red-glowing-eye overmind chuckling all the way to the bank...

After all Wall-e was made by pixar which is owned by ... you get it.

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FAIL

...owned by...

Disney?

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FAIL

Meh

@A_User

And I forgot to log in to post in too. Just want to point out I do not believe in discrimination, I want to fuck off single, overweight, brown, black and yellow skinned men too.

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"ban"

No one reputable is suggesting that Apple be banned from selling anything. If Apple wants to behave badly, not adhere to net conventions and lock up everything on their devices that is obviously their choice. It is also the choice of those of us who think this is creepy behavior to make that as well known as possible.

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Happy

Hello mum.

If the iPad is successful, it's curtains for the internet<

Yay, and once more the geek shall inherit the 'net. Once the majority leave the open net, so the governments of the world will forget it ever existed. Win win.

Apple didn't hype anything<

Yea, and santa clause totally exists.

Why my mum will love the iPad.

My mum will love the iPad because I have to buy it because Apple made it. I will have to give it to her, because it's useless to me, being neither a phone, real computer (multitasking), or multimedia device (Flash - loathe it or indifference, it's still part of the web media experience for a couple years yet), and offers no onboard HDMI or even DVD watching abilities. So, I will give it to my mum who shall be pleased that one her offspring actually remember her, and whenever I go round (once a year at Xmas for four hours so she can give presents to the grandkids), it will be sitting there on the coffee table, pristine and untouched.

Apple happy, me happy, mum happy, 3000 more starving kids in never-heard-of-it-stan, not so much.

And my disconnect from reality shall finally be complete. Thumbs up Apple.

Copyright Tony F Paulazzo.

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Anonymous Coward

you point out the obvious

Yay, and once more the geek shall inherit the 'net. Once the majority leave the open net, so the governments of the world will forget it ever existed. Win win.

and i was thinking we would have to start using the old iridium network !!!

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Stop

Shhhhhh

You'll give it away!

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One small step

The iPad has recently gotten more useful as Vonage has a VOIP app on the iTunes store for the iPhone and "iTouch". So now it is a WiFi voip phone, I wonder if the app will work over the 3G connection of the iPad.

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Too much hate, too much negativity.

I keep seeing the terms DRM, "locked" and "Closed" as a criticism for all things Apple. I have over 10Gb of DRM-free music on my iPhone so it seems most of the Apple bashers haven't used iTunes in years.

And what's all this crap about not being able to install the software I want to install? Any decent developer can get their work onto the Appstore for $99 - and please don't complain that it should be free; it's still much cheaper than VS, for example.

So far I've found applications for everything I want to do on the iPhone (no, iFarting wasn't amongst them, I prefer to use my iPhone to study Chinese for example), and if I can't then it's no big deal, as I'll surely find an app for Os X (or Windows ftm) to run on my MBP.

Of course it's great to be able to install any software you like (only really possible on Os X with VM's) - but with great freedom comes great responsibility, and I no longer trust MS, Adobe et al to live up to that task. Since discovering rootkits on two of my friends Vista machines recently that were running up-to-date virus and malware software, I'll never type my credit card details on Windows again.

Don't get me wrong - I still enjoy, and earn a living, using Windows (but only in a VM): each device and OS has its' advantages and disadvantages for different users, so there's really no point in bashing anyone, or anything.

Try a little love instead.

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Flame

Price of Visual studio

The trouble with getting your own apps onto an iPhone is that you first need a Mac to write it as the SDK does not support Windows. And more people have Windows than Macs. You then pay the $99 to test the app on your own iPhone. This is before you even consider putting it on the Appstore. If you decide that the idea does not work when you have put it on your phone, you have lost the $99.

As for Visual Studio, while you do need to run Windows, this is a lot easier to do on a Mac than running a Mac on a PC. The software is FREE using the Express version. As other phone can have apps copied onto them without going through the manufacturers website, then there is no additional cost.

So for most people writing apps is free for other phones, but anywhere from $99 to hundreds to write for the iPhone, after which Apple could reject your app and you are left with nothing.

I would love to develop apps for the iPhone, which many of my friends have, but can not afford to.

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Simples

Get yourself a paper round son.

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You can't kill the internet with a web browser...

Some people are talking as if this is a locked down totally proprietary device, but it's got a nice standard web browser, and that lets you do just about anything with it, except get viruses. I'm sure that Flash is moving from ubiquity to a liability, and there is a lot of money to be made converting Flash to HTML5 over the next year or so.

I bought my dad an iPod touch last Xmas.... now he and the tens of millions of iPod touch users have an upgrade path, and the iPhone users who don't need an iPod touch because its the same size, have a reason to get an iPad for use at home, and load all the apps they already bought onto it.

And if you are going to wet the bed, make sure you are wearing a pad.

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Happy

But it is already taking over..

Postings on tech blogs that is.. And while the extra traffic caused by the fanboy army zooming around and making sure that any dissent is thoroughly squashed is pretty heavy, the internet will survive. It is fun to watch the old standard responses coming out.

The fanboys are annoying, but then they always were, and always will be.

My personal take on the picture frame with wings.. Big Meh..

What can I use it for that isn't already more than covered by other devices I own.. And usually done better for my particular needs. Nothing. And forgive my obviously barbaric lack of taste, but iPhone apps are not something that I see as a huge advantage.

I have an e-book reader. It's great. Fits perfectly into my favourite jacket's pocket, displays the text in the way I like for ages.. Ten hours.. Pfft.. Try weeks and we can talk. Cost me about £170 year before last. Not a single day of second thoughts.

I have a PDA. Have done for the best part of a decade. Differnt makes and models. Fits into the pocket of every pair of trousers I own, fits in any jacket pocket, and doubles as a wallet too.

I have a TV. Why the hell would I want to watch a movie on a titchy 4:3 display when I can watch it on a nice 32 inch HD wide screen (real HD) dispay?

Web surfing? No flash, no thanks. And my doddering old Thinkpad serves perfectly well as a couch side surfing device.

So.. A kind of portable-ish device that doesn't really offer anything beyond a netbook, which I also don't have, for 500 notes.. Give me a break. The only thing it does is provide a very fertile ground for feminine hygiene product jokes, and provide yet another way to may iFans cry.

The big fuss is already dying down. Give it a month, and a few days at launch for shots of the faithful queuing around the block, and it will go the way of the Air. A few will buy it and come looking for validation, the rest will shrug and buy a netbook or something.

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@ John B

"The only thing it does is provide a very fertile ground for feminine hygiene product jokes, and provide yet another way to may iFans cry."

The perfect reason to let (or take an active part) the hype roll on this device.

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Grenade

Apple? - isn't that a fruit?

The problem with Apply freaks is that they cannot see a tech world outside. Most sane people use whatever does the job and is cheap. Most people? - ah! - that'll be Windows on a PC/laptop/netbook/whatever, then. Yes, I know it's not the best technically, but it "does the job and is cheap" - ask any of the umpteen million users.

When the iPad grows up (ie: gains all the functionality missing in version 1) it might be quite an interesting device. If only it ran Windows................

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Jobs Halo

Get me two

If I nail them onto broomsticks they will make quite good canoe paddles.

Then I can send them to Gordon Brown in the hope he can get us out of the shit creek he has landed us in.

Who said they are useless?

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FAIL

What a load!!

This article is pants, and so are most of the comments.

The iPad is an under-specced, over-hyped, over-priced gadget, which brings nothing new, and is aimed at the sad and gullable . Get an iPhone instead, or even an Android with the touch update.

The opinion of fanboi's is irrrelevent as it is biased. If mApple put it's logo on an old white poo fanboi's would buy, write articles praising it, and slate anyone who tried to point out it's negative points.

The iPad is very well made, tactile, and has a nice interface, but it's too big to fit in your pocket, it can't multi-task, it can't phone or text, has a limited O.S, only runs iPhone apps, has limited connectivity - if you jave a recent phone you prob won't need one anyway, so it comes down to being just a status symbal. OK, hands up if you really think owning one will make anyone think your anywhere near close to cool - lol !!

Buy one and watch people point at you and laugh

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Market Segments

I suspect that in the long run, ipads will be the hallmark of people with more money, and more desire for the appearance of cool, than good sense. Netbooks can do more for less.

And I think Apple is about to get a comeuppance in the near future when Adobe tells them Apple can either figure out how to make Flash work, or they can take their tiny market share and shove off.

(k, k, their phone share is more significant than their computer share, but folks are not going to be buying ipads to replace their phones.)

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Dell wish they had a tiny market share...

...that tiny $45 Billion market share that is. Too late. Adobe just smiles and waves at Apple, Linux, and MicroSoft and says:

'We know it's 2010 but we'll keep developin' 'both our 32-bit binary Flash & H.264 plug-ins' like it's 1999.'

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Anonymous Coward

Goolag

Andrew Orlowski :

"But what Google can do, that a Verizon or BT can't, is come quite close, by setting the economic parameters for others. So by reducing the ability of access networks to make a profit, it aggregates value in its own data centres. By reducing the value of copyright to zero, it bolsters its primary business, which is advertising."

Can someone explain this a little?

Thanks, this site has the sharpest writing!

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