back to article Satanic net neologisms - nominations invited

So popular has our "top net neologism" poll proved that we're now bowing to reader pressure and inviting submissions for the "most repulsive bastard spawn of cyberspace" - words so hideous in their aspect that they cause lovers of the English language to vent steam through both ears while firing up the Twat-O-Tron. Regulars …

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So many, so many...

!!!1 - Not funny

!!!!1!!one - Still not funny

!!!!!1!!!!eleventyone!!! - STILL NOT FUCKING FUNNY

Oh, and 'O RLY' sucks the fat one too.

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Cloud

That gets my goat, the web isnt enough anymore, and now the new improved "web 2.0" with extra shiny bits is not enough, and so I am uploading this comment onto the cloud for you all to read....

Oh and also anything 2.0, like the guy said its just turd polishing to double to the price.

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Paris Hilton

Has to be one of the following:

"chic" in place of "chick"

"fiesty" instead of "feisty"

I had more but I need to get this popped vein looked at first.

Paris as I'm sure she would describe herself as a fiesty chic.

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Happy

Re: Got to be

I pronounce it poonage in my head. Though that does make it sound like a colloquial term for a collection of lady gardens

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Re: Automagically

Not sure you can count this one as a neologism, since it predates not only Web 2.0, but also the WWW in general - goes back to 1987 at least.

And I *would* distinguish between automatically and automagically - the latter requires the operation to be in some way technically complex and mysterious - as should be obvious from the roots of the portmanteau word - 'automatic' and 'magic'. Plenty of operations can be carried out automatically but have no 'magic' behind them. Yes, you can always replace uses of 'automagically' with 'automatically', just as you can always replace uses of 'crimson' with 'red'. Doesn't mean it doesn't add more description.

Of course, if it makes you feel better, and if you're up to pronouncing it, you could go with 'autosufficientlyadvancedtechnologyally' instead.

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Does it add anything to the language.

I heave heard a real "squee": We talk of people squealing, but there is no "l" sound in the noise they make. And it was an intensely ear-wracking experience.

"Automagically" is a really old word, in internet time, and carries for me a strong feel that, whatever is being done to achieve the result, nobody really knows how it works. A guy I know worked for Demon in the early days, and once tried to explain to me how the IP addresses were assigned so that, whatever Demon telephone number I used, I always had the same IP address.

And thanks for reviving "kybosh".

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A word in defence of Automagic

Can be very powerful if used in a sarcastic way:

"We have sod-all budget to do this big project"

"OK I'd better dust off the automagic code generator then"

or

"I know we have no historic data but I'd like to generate trends"

"Aha, a job for the automagic data analysis tools"

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Anonymous Coward

My nomination

Mobe: For some reason, I want to immediately punch anyone who uses this.

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Coat

... definitely ...

Twitter and Tweet .. each office has a twitterer or two, and from experience, they're all fucktards!

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Linux

All of 'em

I'd go with all the ones mentioned above but the most cringeworthy for me are "Blogosphere" and "Interweb"

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Unhappy

And mine..

The shame about this is that, thanks to the nutters at the various dictionaries, today's neologism is tomorrow's entry to try and show how cool Dictionary X is in keeping up with changing language. This isn't changing language, it's just retards who can't speak or write properly, or jargon-felchers trying to be "with it".

Blog - of course. If this has made it into a dictionary, we're doomed.

Blogosphere - for the BBC's "relevant" adoption of this crap word while misguidedly thinking that blogs were going to save us all and that reporting from the "blogosphere" was enlightening. HTMLRectumsphere more like.

Lappy - are you 6? It's a laptop.

Podcasting - it's not "casting" anything. It's an audio download. Nothing new to see here folks. Oh, and for the BBC's shameless advertising of iPods as if they were the only media player ever created, and once again for its adoption of an inane word to try and make themselves seem more with it.

Oh, and the propensity for prefixing any gadget or utility with "i". I what? Mr Jobs, please conjugate the verb to suck, but only go as far as "I" please. Oh, and the BBC (again!), for its shameless adoption of "i" for its iPlayer.

I hadn't thought before just how badly the BBC jumps on the neologism bandwagon. Bloody Bandwagon Copiers.

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Webinar FTW!

And while we're at it, how about "FTW"!?!

I use "automagically", but it's always ironic... e.g. so we'll wait for the "automagic" parsing and distribution process to kick in (i.e. the process is complex, and possibly still yet to be written... but it's the sort of thing business people might just assume should happen by itself). Used in kind of a similar tone as "Interweb"

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Edutainment

Spawn of the CD-ROM multimedia age that never died, I nominate "Edutainment".

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Flame

no title to see here, move along

EDM.

Three simple letters which are used in business to so we can say "Send the EDM to all our customers." instead of "Spam the living shit out of our customers!".

That is Electronic direct marketing, for those who don't know. Its Spam. Call it like it is.

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Teh pwnage

pwn, pwnage, etc ... I do stand "ownage", "0wned" and such because those at least did have some meaning.

"Teh" ... ok, we got the dyslexic joke eons ago, now it sounds lame!

"Web 2.0" ... not only lame, it has been confused between "Mac interface wannabe sites using AJAX" and "Social sites that don't make any money".

"intertubes", though I think we have a certain US senator to blame on that one

"podcast", now any periodical mp3 show is a "podcast"...

"First, Frist, F1r5t" ... no comments

... anything spouted by 4chan (No girlz in the intarnet!)

"Facebook *platform*" or anything Javascript-based announced as an "application platform".

"web operating system" ... thanks for muddying the waters, Google! Now MS have even more arguments to claim they're no longer a monopoly!

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I currently can only thing of non-net things... am I getting old?

Non-net things:

0) "Surge"

1) "Triangulation" of an issue ... or candidate? whatever

2) "Missile Defense"

@15:02 "Automagical" is right out. Used to be in code comments back in my uni days. The Hacker's dictionary says:

---------------

automagically /aw-toh-maj'i-klee/ /adv./

Automatically, but in a way that, for some reason (typically because it is too complicated, or too ugly, or perhaps even too trivial), the speaker doesn't feel like explaining to you. See magic. "The C-INTERCAL compiler generates C, then automagically invokes cc(1) to produce an executable."

This term is quite old, going back at least to the mid-70s and probably much earlier. The word `automagic' occurred in advertising (for a shirt-ironing gadget) as far back as the late 1940s.

---------------

So is "redouble" (in french, "redoubler")

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/redouble

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PC

No, not Personal Computer, I mean Politically Correct.

It seems to have mutated into a meaningless catchall smear against any policy the speaker disagrees with.

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Anonymous Coward

meatspace

as the title says

(Dunstan Vavasour the term Intellectual Property has been around since before the web. I remember years ago I was in my dad's office and reading some promotional blurb about how they were experts in the field of intellectual property and wondering what it was.)

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If you have to use 'tard

Then you are obviously Retarded and should be tard and feathered.

I have never before heard the phrase `sharing IP´but now I have I despise it and whichever cretin thought it up and first used it, may their dangly bits fester and drop off.

Last is Webinar, it should be removed forcibly from all records and if necessary from any brains that it may be lodged in so0 that it ceases to exist.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

A few

mobe

freetard

EPIC FAIL

lulz

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Alert

Signalized

As in " Please cross the road at the Signalized crossing"

Thanks to City of York Council

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Unhappy

HR

Calling people resources, may not be that new, but "Human Resources" still makes me shudder. I am not a resource I am a person. I worked in a company where "Personnel" became HR which everyone referred to as Human Remains. 6 months later they changed back to Personnel.

By the way, I (and my peers) used to draw packet switch networks as clouds back in the 70s, so the cloud is not that new either.

I also hate the -tard suffix. Calling a mentally ill person a retard is disgusting; disguising the bigotry by using a different prefix doesn't make it any better.

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Anonymous Coward

"Intranet" makes me furious

There's no such thing as an intranet. That's just an IP LAN. And before anyone argues that 'Intranet' is a handy shortcut for "Internet technologies being used on an internal network," I'd like to pre-emtively counter by insisting that there are also no internet technologies.

In fact, FF's spell checker even objects to intranet. Nice one, FF (although it does also seem to dislike "FF's").

I don't like 'progress' as a verb. Or leverage (why not say "use"?). Or referring to people as resources. Or 'baselining' (for example, with reference to requirements or timescales - this is just total nonsense). These words exist only so that Project Manglers can appear to be doing something.

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Anonymous Coward

Another one for webinar

It's not big and it's not clever. And it's not a fucking word. Stop it.

Oh, and the way new 'concepts' seem to all be 'i' something. Why is that?

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Solution and nearshore

Solution as in "processed alimentary residue disposal solution" for the loo, "synergistic accoustico-digital globally enabled idea sharing solution" for a phone. Not precisely a neologism though.

"Nearshore". This non-word is hideous and meaningless. Plus it feels like you're chewing on a fat slug when you try and pronounce it.

Slightly less slug-munching-like is the almost equally despisable "nearsourcing".

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@ron murray

You came close but I'll take it one step fruther, "internal customer", which is bad enough by itself, but of course the suits feel a need to then add extras, such as satisfaction, experience or any other crack pipe inspired bullshit.

"internal Customer" for those that want to walk away with the feeling they have just had a colonscopy

Hmmm. time to up the doage again I think </rant>

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LOL

I cannot stand people who say that out loud.

Especially in French.

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Unhappy

Touch Base

It's not a net neologism, but it enrages me so. Maybe we could get some work done around here if we weren't touching each others' bases all the time.

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Webified

As in, "Everything shall be webified." When I hear someone say that, I can't help but to cringe. So far as I can tell, it doesn't actually mean anything; some jackarse took "web" and added "ified" to make it sound cool. The only detail it's missing is a little two-dot-oh in the middle.

Now, if the phrase were "webamaficated", maybe it would be a different story.

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Lose the Looseness

The first and foremost is the overwhelming preponderance of pedants who seem perfectly capable of coherent conversation right up until they stumble over the word "lose", which they invariably spell as "loose". How that turned into a net-wide meme is beyond me, but let's just say it 'reduces your credibility considerably' if you not only can't get it right, but it makes it through the editorial process and into a major print magazine's published pages.... i.e. Microsoft will not "loose" to Apple. etc etc. gag. puke.

get. it. *&^#*^&#$ing. right.

LOOSE = NOT TIGHT. The word you are looking for is LOSE.

The other one that absolutely MUST die is that misspelling of 'owned' aka 'pwned' or worse 'pwnt' -- I've heard perfectly normal humans attempt to pronounce this in conversation and only regretted that the LART was not immediately to hand.

"Webinar" is a good one I'll admit, but it's definitely in third-place compared to these two bottom-grazers.

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Anonymous Coward

M8

"M8" or its many relatives(UR...): Instantly marks you out as having the intellect of a labour party researcher - it's no more effort to type the whole thing fucktard

"Web2.0": waffle to make marketing types with goatees sound visionary instead of stupid

"Blogosphere": the adult/media equivalent of telling your kid he's clever because he managed to shit in a potty rather than on your shirt

"social networking": a method of doing nothing known as 'spanner wanking' in the motor trade, another one for the goateed marketing muppets (come the glorious day...etc)

"lappy": somehow contrives to sound like a dog (or goateed marketing type) fucking your leg.

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God the choices!

Well as many have said there are too many to accurately add but these two I save a special hatred for:

Anything that has two point fucking zero after it. To be honest though anything that is part of “web 2” is automatically suspect to me. Always makes me think that they have taken an old turd.. pushed it into a vaguely different shape and then spray painted to it to hide the fact that the idea is about 4 years old and stank then too.

Blog, always makes me think of a toilet, and lets face it the content inside most blogs is the same shit contained in a filled crapper too.

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Anonymous Coward

Architecting. To re-architect.

FFS! What journotard writes something like this?!?

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Software Engineer

3laws sums up the reasoning perfectly:

http://3laws.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/kicking-off-in-the-nuts/

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Fucking fucking LOL

If the fucknuts who use lol actually laughed out loud as many times as they claim and at the material which they claim causes them to laugh out loud, then they would be killed. If I had one of those laughing policemen types in earshot I'd make a point of filling their lungs with cavity insulating foam, Rotterdam style.

The shitheads who point out that they just shot a mouthful of liquid at some piece of electronics, and then tell you the brand of liquid and the type of electronics, mountain dew and a brass victorian dildo or whatever, they need a beating too.

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LOL

LOL...

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL!

See, you hate it already.

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Anonymous Coward

Web 2!!!

It's just like Web, but with a 2!

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What I hate most on the web.....

wiki-fucking-pedia.

Always at the top of the search engines, far too pretentious and often wrong.

And held in such high esteem.

Why ?

'nuff said.

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My votes

LOL ( and all its stupid derivatives) - 1

PWN ( " ) -1

Webosphere -1

The others I can live with I suppose.

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Anonymous Coward

@BLoad - Paradigm

Yes! I was reading through the suggestions, and there are some good ones, but none gives the instant revulsion of this word. I think I started hearing it (in the context of "this is the start of a whole new paradigm") around 1993, when a well-meaning book introduced "paradigm shift" to the vocabulary of a swarm of people who went on to abuse it horribly.

This word goes into room 101.

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Architect... +5

Architect-anything.

If it ain't a frikkin building, you ain't a frikkin architect, you're a DESIGNER.

Get used to it, people might think you work for Apple, or maybe that you're a cushion-tosser.

And another candidate - Second Life, and Virtual anything. So bloody 1990s.

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@Scott R. Godin

Imagine how much worse it must be if you write "loose" instead of "lose" and have it immortalised on the lyric sheet of a best-selling album. Step forward erstwhile Pink Floyd sticksman Nick Mason...

The most hateful neologism of recent years, though, is "lappy". Anyone using it should immediately be the subject of an experiment to determine the precise temperature at which their face catches fire.

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Boffin

Automagically

I'm pretty sure automagically was used by Catweazle in the 1970's kids program, and thus should be excluded from this list. Besides, I like it.

Other Catweazleogisms include Tellingbone (telephone) and Electrickery.

Old fart.

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A couple more

To add to my earlier comment, I agree with almost everyone here. I definitely should have included `social networking´ and I have a particular dislike for the name Skype, I know it is not a neogilism but it sounds to be in the same league as the name Snape a particlarly unpleasant, sneaky and oily individual, perhaps I'm just odd but I don't like it. There are loads of other buzzwords that are not necessarily IT based that irritate, trouch base as mentioned , proactive is one that really makes me want to disembowel people over a slow fire. Too many others to mention really.

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omg

Inappropriate use of 'fail' as a noun.

As frequently overused by the Reg.

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Unhappy

roots of the evil the meaninf

pwnage - comes from first per shooters where owned was used alot because stopping to type can mean your death you used to get all sorts of opwned pwn opwen varifations the most common was pwned though and it was sort of semi adopted (personalyy i only ever saw it a few times. but thanks to the migration of people from FPS to WOW it's been adopted be the tits playing that now (not helped by web comics etc using it )

LOL- laugh out loud i understand

ROFL - roll on floor laughing i unstand

ROFLCOPTER - was a helicopter game where everything was made from the word* "ROFL" hate it don't unstand why it's been adopted

LUL - what the F&^K does that mean

!!!!1!one etc - ok i get where it comes from but adding the word one if makes you a fool

M8 - keep text speak for text's are

J00 - means you but it's just stupid

L33t- since leet isn't a word. i guess the mean lite or elite so shouldn't it be 3l1t3 or 3l33t

2.0 - surely really we are on v4 of the internet of V1.3.984 or something for service packs and revisions?

i could go on but i'm bored you can have the rest but let me keep LOL cause otherwise lolcats would make no sense

http://icanhazcheezburger.com (ithink just google lolcats)

*loosest possible use of the term

oh one more cum instead of come purely as i learnt the cum spelling as having a totally different meaning and when my ex used to text me cum over and see me i turned up expecting a totally different night to the one i got.

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Social networking and user generated content

These mutant abominations are out there and the only thing we can hope is that if we lead by example others may follow.

A suggested transliteration: "social network" -> "sadness network"

"Weblog" might be allowed through but "blogging" -> "I had time on my hands and nothing better to do"

"Mobe" users should report directly to Dr. Tinkle.

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Incentivise

Or, in the USA, incentivize. Like gingering a horse.

I also hate 'value for money', because it's inelegant and said when people's brains are turned off.

Webinar and podcast, for sure. I hate webinars, the reality, as well.

'Takeaway'. It used to be 'learnings' and before that 'lessons learned' but that was seen as suggesting some sort of failure or duty or task, so now we have 'takeaways' ('the takeaways from this webinar are...'). God forbid we should use 'lessons' or even 'what we learned was...'.

synergy -- perfectly OK word, but should be used sparingly and correctly.

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