back to article Paris Hilton - the compromised candidate

Paris Hilton got astride the hustings in the US presidential election today, and redrew the boundaries on the previous front runners’ energy policies. Hilton was dragged into the election when Republican contender John McCain, in a campaign ad, referred to his Democratic rival Barack Obama as lightweight celebrity like Paris …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Good idea

    just not short-term. Offshore drilling takes time and money- and people to do it. So 5 years at the absolute fastest IF they've already completed a survey of the area and can throw billions at it at once.

    Rack up taxes on oil revenues afterwards- ensuring that the oil companies stay merely "ridiculously" rich so as to not piss off too many influential people- and stick the extra revenue into research into renewable power sources. Or DARPA as they're absolutely bonkers- okay we'd have the collapse of American civilisation on the cards, BUT we'd have a jetpack propelled robotic hovercar with 40w phased plasma rifles for arms and a heart or coal.

    Oh, and @whoever it was, gas is from gasoline rather than what you'd normally think of as a gas. No idea where gasoline came from though, as it's late and I'm a bit drunk.

  2. Goat Jam
    Coat

    @Norman

    "However, if you are a political party in the US it is defined as when the other side gives in, sees reason and does things our way."

    Hey, that's my wifes idea of a compromise too!

  3. Martin Huizing
    Paris Hilton

    Re: Paris Hilton... why?

    "what do you guys see in her?!"

    Put it simple; She is the type of girl that nerds, systems engineers, beancounters, pfy's (you get my drift) actually have a chance of getting in real life.

    Why need a girlfriend with a rack when you already have a stack of them?

  4. Jason
    Paris Hilton

    Erm...

    I think we're all missing a very important and crucial point here

    http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,397001,00.html

    How hot's her Mum!!

    Paris, because ....well just because!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Could see her in front of Congress or the UN

    Hi Bitches, you all look so hot.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    @Jason

    How hot's her mum?

    How hot's the two of them... together!!

    Icon... resembles.... onanism....

  7. E

    @Mark

    A wippet with tits!

    I'm in mind of a minx. Or a ferret.

    Makes it look so much bigger going in!

  8. Steve Gooberman-Hill
    Paris Hilton

    The Historical Angle.

    I wonder about Paris. I suspect that she is actually pretty smart:

    She is the darling of the party set, and (generally) always in the news. She has committed a few (fairly minor) infractions with the law - which have only served to increase her public exposure, and she has a reputation as a sexual athelete. She may always be at parties, but she doesn't have a reputation for partying hard enough to put her health at risk.

    The last peson I know of who had that reputation in their youth, surprised a lot of people with the breadth of their ambition and their political skill - and ultimately became president (or close enough - they effectively seized power in a coup), and was finally assassinated.

    Gaius Julius Caesar of course.

    I wonder....

  9. edge_e

    54 comments

    And nobody's mentioned how confused the American electorate will be on polling day when they can't find the Paris box !

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Solidarity with Pete!!!

    Paris is a braindead, stick thin bimdo, with all the charm and sophistication of a rotten spud! She does nothing for me. Now Lucy Pinder...brains and beauty in bucket loads! We need chuck Gordo out and get Pinder elected, she'd could certainly come round sort out my Home (and) Office!

  11. michael
    Coat

    title

    they could do worse at least she is better than the prevoius 2

    a sex scandle with her in it would at least be intresting

    and

    we all know she prefers the "make love not war"

    ok ok ok I am going

  12. Darren Lovell
    Flame

    @Paris Hilton... why? (Martin's response)

    Paris Hilton is too stuck up and self important for nerds, systems engineers, bean counters, PFYs, etc. to get any chance with her.

    I don't understand the appeal of her either. Apart from being female and having a half decent figure I can't think of anything attractive about her. Her big, ugly, size 11 man feet are all I need to point out that turns me right off; don't even get me started on her self-deifying personality, thinking she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. Perhaps if she becomes president, she can make use of aircraft carriers to be the first pair of shoes that fit her properly.

  13. Ron Eve
    Coat

    @Erm...

    Mmmmmmm MILF alert!!

    If I were to marry Paris, would I be coming into money...?

    /mines the raincoat...

  14. Andy G
    Paris Hilton

    i dont care . .

    .. .she'd still get it several times a day.. SHe's HOT !!!

    mmmmmmmmmmmm

  15. Paul
    Pirate

    I would say...

    having carfully studied Miss PH, that I dont think she is stupid, just un-worldly. Much like Bush, but unlike Bush she seems to be, over all, a good person.

    Skull and cross bones because... well just read the pic lable.

  16. Fragula The Furry
    Paris Hilton

    The scary thing is...

    "if she did actually run, then she would probably win"

    Hey, This is AMERICA, the smartest country in the world, right?

    Right, the one that elected Reagan and Schwarznegger.

    A court decided that they had elected G.W. Bush too.

    Maybe America isn't so smart after all.

    Mine is the one with the "Hilton for Prezidunce" badge.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Jason

    hmmm ... not very. Looks very plastic to me.

    Now Carla Bruni .. wow .. theres a girl that has IT

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Lookin good!

    As the inventor of the Where's The Paris Hilton Angle, I must say she looks good in that swimsuit.

  19. Elsnorff
    Paris Hilton

    Impressed

    I used to think Paris was just eye candy, now i see she has the intellect to match!

    Is she just the perfect woman or what!!!!

    <--- Believes the "?" on the Hilton icon is unjust as she is clearly not stupid!

  20. Mark

    Re: I would say...

    Actually, I think that GWB would be a nice person to know if it weren't for his family. Without them he would be flipping burgers somewhere rather than in charge of a nuclear superpower and as a burger flipper I would (I'd suspect) be *happy* to make his acquaintance.

  21. Mr Ropey
    Jobs Halo

    Paris for President

    I'd vote for her, purely and simply as the other two seemed to be determined to carry on GeeDubya's moronic policies! How to Win Friends and InfluenceThem is definately a book GeeDubya and his advisors could do with reading.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Electability

    Unless I'm mistaken, we have a minimum age for President here in the states...

    I still think she's a better choice when compared to either party, although I'll stick with Nadar.

    ...and she's attractive, big feet (I would never have known if not for the comments) and all (except the intelligence portion).

  23. Chris Hunt
    Paris Hilton

    @Pete et al

    I'm with you guys - I don't find her all that good looking, and I'm mystified by those that do.

    What could it be about multi-millionaire heiress Paris Hilton that people find so attractive?

    Oh, hang on...

  24. Svantevid
    Paris Hilton

    Kathy Hilton

    For "wotta MILF" vultures who feel a bit lazy to google it. A bit NSFW: http://tinyurl.com/5q4awp

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @Tawakalna

    Dude if you want to let her try talking with her mouth full of you then go right ahead! I would rather avoid that situation....since it could lead to painful mastication.

    Paris is a good stuck up rich party girl - she knows not to try talking with her mouth full!

  26. NT
    Thumb Up

    Kudos

    @ Pete ("Paris Hilton... why?"): It's a matter of individual preference, as always. There's no reason to try to explain it. Just know you're not alone. I won't say the girl's ugly, by any stretch of the imagination, but she's certainly not the sort of woman I'd get excited about in *that* way. I've got to take issue with the AC "Solidarity with Pete!!!!" though: "braindead, stick thin bimdo, with all the charm and sophistication of a rotten spud"? I take it you know her personally, to be able to judge her so harshly? Or are you just accepting what you're told by the glossy sleb mags?

    @ Norman Wanzer: 'Compromise' - or to put it another way, collaboration - between the parties seems to characterise both American and British politics at the moment - to the extent (at least here in Britain) that the three main parties have little to differentiate between them. Small wonder that the smaller, loonier parties like the BNP (neo-Nazis) are starting to gain ground with a politically disillusioned electorate. The big parties are inconstant - they spend all their time maneouvring for short-term vote-grabbing that they don't have any interest in actual policy and the country goes to Hell in the meantime. I suppose it's only natural that people turn to parties that have conviction (in the case of the BNP quite a few convictions), even if they're convinced of fairly unpleasant or impractical things.

    (Well, if you can /rant, so can I!)

    @ Mark: It's "goes like a privy door when the plague's in town". No bang and no shithouse.

    Otherwise, kudos to Paris for this response - it was spot-on. Creative, funny, imaginative and intelligent; and she's obviously perfectly capable of sending herself up and playing on her media image. As Steve Gooberman-Hill points out, for all the flak she takes - not least from El Reg readers - as a supposedly ditzy celeb she's a far cry from the more distressing examples like the Winehouses of the world (although I'm basing that solely on their media personas - I don't know these people as individuals). Although I'm not convinced you need to look all the way back to Caesar to find similar examples...!

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    old

    Thirty-five years is the minimum age to serve as president of the US, so the age works for McCain there. I missed that particular movie and am not clear on Yoda's age--he could perhaps serve as governor of California, where there are no constitutional objections to foreign birth, or electoral objections to imaginary characters.

  28. Andrew Moore

    I think this sums up my position perfectly:

    http://www.theonion.com/content/news/local_idiot_to_post_comment_on

  29. Georges
    Thumb Down

    Fools

    they have just addded to her celebrity status - fools. to me she is still light pornographic celebrity..

  30. Trevour Crow
    Stop

    Warning: Killjoy

    Paris can run all she wants. She can win every electoral vote. She can't be prez unless there's a constitutional amendment. She ain't five and thirty.

  31. NT

    @ Trevour Crow

    I think it was a joke, wasn't it?

    I mean, I may be wrong, but...

  32. Chris Hunt
    Stop

    She's not got a chance

    As if the people of America would elect, to become leader of their country, an idiot who owed everything to who their father was.

    Oh, hang on...

  33. J
    Paris Hilton

    Re: "...just as soon as i finish reading this article..."

    Of course she can read! Or at least memorize... Or do you think she wrote that!?

    Well, if she did write it (which is of course possible) than that will be a major disruption in The Force, I'm afraid.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Bitchin'

    Beware the Pink Panzers! http://data1.blog.de/media/896/532896_3e5636ce74_m.jpg

  35. Doug Lynn

    Paris Hilton needs to return to the faith of Hilton's founder, her great-grandfather.

    Hi, Hilton was a great man of God, Paris could learn alot from him, but alas I doubt she never knew him, she should read his books.

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