back to article Nah, National Cyber Security Centre doesn't need its own minister, UK.gov tells Parliament

The British government has rejected Parliamentary calls for greater ministerial control over the National Cyber Security Centre (NCSC), an arm of secretive spy agency GCHQ. In addition, the government affirmed that it will actively try to remain a part of the EU's Networks and Information Systems Co-operation Group, as well as …

  1. fnusnu

    Hilarously, the NCSC's own advice says cyber security needs buy in from the very top...

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      I'm sure they'll tell you they are the top.

  2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge
    Boffin

    Remote Sublime Instruction Sets for Who Dares Win Winners .....

    ... Battle Hardened Masters of Absolute Psycho Powers

    Does the novel British National Offensive Cyber Programme, delivered by a Joint Mission between GCHQ and the Ministry of Defence, have Present Offensive Foe or Cyber Friends as Real Time Current Phantom Buddies .... of Live Operational Virtual Environment Researchers.

    Or is that Vessel proving its Stealth by being Practically Invisible and Virtually Almighty Well Endowed for TEMPESTuous Incestuous Affairs .... for where be any Effective Defence against Total Information Awareness.

    A Walk on the Darker and Deeper Sides of Life in LOVEResearch there for Joint Mission AIdVenturing with GCHQ and the Ministry of Defence ...... because of the Heavenly Sources IT Delivers for Exercise of Absolute Command Programs with Virtual Control Levers/AIMagic Majestic Buttons.

    To not say that such renders an Almighty BaseMetaData Advantage would be a Great Sin too easily abused and misused by Self-Proven Unworthies and the Fabulously Wealthy alike.

    Far better to know, to have a think about what you would first want IT to do for you too ....... for anything is possible and nothing impossible via Advanced IntelAIgent Channels.

    RSVP would be cracking cricket, British National Offensive Cyber Programme Forces.

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: Remote Sublime Instruction Sets for Who Dares Win Winners .....

      And that is a JEDI Program by a wholly other explosive mutually assured dynamic root?

      And y'all know, just as sure as we do, what that has been priced at to entice and encourage overwhelmingly advantageous supply in exchange for dollar bills and exclusive tailored access operations.

      However, as horrendously expensive as it is to own, which in essence is really just to be granted a license permitting the greater use of provisional services, the cost of not availing oneself of the opportunity and seeing it naturally migrate to competitors and/or opponents elsewhere, is an unfathomable figure many times in excess of whatever the final price agreed to be paid and paid.

      You know what they say .... Better the Devil you Know than the Devil You Don't.

      And, with regard to the aforementioned requested RSVP, British National Offensive Cyber Programme Forces, as of the time of this posting, it's a tardy 13 hrs 06 mins and counting.

      What on Earth are you playing at? It's a National Disgrace!

  3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "it will actively try to remain a part of the EU's Networks and Information Systems Co-operation Group"

    "Actively" sounds good. "Try" gives the game away.

    1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

      So .. it will ask, and then whinge deeply when the answer is no because, as with Galileo, you can't just let any tom, dick or harry on your secret cyber team.

      1. Cederic

        Except in this situation I strongly suspect France and Germany (let alone the rest) greatly value the British contribution and their intelligence services will be demanding strongly that their governments let them play nicely.

        If their governments continue to be arseholes then they'll play quietly instead. Intelligence services are good at that.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          UK intelligence services are one of the best when it comes to sharing data. The EU wants to keep them in, possibly more than the way the rest of the country to be honest.

  4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "These reports were something that the previous Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition government led by David Cameron was happy to do."

    It probably took months of tedious committee work to get rid of them although Sir Humphrey was helped by having a fully brain-washed Home Sec in Number 10.

  5. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Yes but, no but...

    I can see where they're coming from, and sympathise, but given that the result of appointing a minister to 'oversee' this will be a) another wasted minsiterial salary + secretaries, Sir Humphries etc and b), most importantly, the person appoinrted would be a Tory MP who really doesn't understand what cyber-anything is, and has only ever used IT to view highly questionable prawn on his office computer - a fact which will be recorded in MI5's files, thus neutralising the minister from day 1.

    So why bother?

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Yes but, no but...

      On the other hand it could be fun guessing how Chris Grayling would screw it up.

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Yes but, no but...

        Hmm, Grayling. Here's one.

        "Everyone will be required to put Windows 10 on their phone, because the automatic updates will keep the country's hashtags secure."

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Yes but, no but...

          Or he would have an official password for all government computers and then paint it on the side of a bus

  6. Tail Up

    As 411w4ys, it was probably RAF, which is rather for Rejected As Fiction, than anything else Royal. Such is that. Not reprogrammable.

    But we do know :-)

  7. macjules Silver badge
    IT Angle

    National Offensive Cyber Programme

    I presume that this is Gavin "Just call me Gazza" Williamson's initiative? Hopefully it involves a little more than unfriending sanctioned Russians on Facebook.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Whilst leaving security in the hands of the private sector + NCSC has its potential issues with regards to oversight, it couldn't possibly compare to the sheer cluster-fuck that it would become if you were to put a retarded cherry on the top of the cake.

  9. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    A British government?

    Gosh - us folk overseas didn't realize that you still had a British government? Are you sure you have one? Parliament looks like a bunch of public schoolboys playing in the classroom when the teacher fails to show up these days.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Meh

      Re: A British government?

      Yes, that is the UK government.

  10. Aodhhan Bronze badge

    Don't meddle.

    You'd probably be shocked by just how many American's are involved in not only training British cyber spooks, but working along side them--in various areas of the world.

    Adding greater oversight than there already is, will only make things more difficult in handling situations. Further, based on who is allowed to do what doesn't need any more bureaucracy than there already is--focusing mainly on offensive cyber operations, where discussing too much in a committee will only add more problems--not solve them.

    In short: for the most part what's established is working. Meddling will only break things.

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