back to article Woman who hooked up with over 15 spectres has found her forever phantom after whirlwind romance and plane sex

If, on the eve of Halloween, your mind has turned to Amethyst Realm, the woman who dated more than 15 ghosts, let us get you up to speed. She has settled down. With another spook. The 30-year-old "spiritual guidance counsellor" from Bristol plans to have a baby with her spectral fiancé, Cornwall Live reported, though how that …

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  1. Fading Silver badge
    Coat

    Only 15...

    Intel's spectre count is rapidly catching up....

    (at least I tried to make it IT related)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Not the craziest thing I've heard today...

      My employer are seriously looking into a BYOD solution, just so the contractors can use their own hardware and avoid being ensnared into the latest IR35 shenanigans.

      I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact the IT Director is a contractor.

    2. BillG Silver badge
      Happy

      Ask your Doctor

      So what's a ghost hookup like?... "I feel them though, their weight against me, their touch, the warmth and energy that just sinks into me."

      I feel the exact same thing! But my cardiologist has a different diagnosis.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        but at what point does honest eccentricity become a clear need to be sectioned under the mental health act?

        before or after she batters some innocent person for sleeping with her Ghost?

  2. macjules Silver badge
    Angel

    Ghost in the machine?

    I hope that as and when I shuffle off this mortal coil that I will be doing something more interesting in the afterlife than haunting Miss Amethyst Realm's vibrator.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ghost in the machine?

      i dunno .... it could be worse ...

  3. Lee D Silver badge

    Dear God,

    I'd like to file a bug report...

    1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

      Dear God,

      As I understand Catholic doctrine, there are no such things as ghosts. Once you're dead you are in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory (if that's still a thing) and not around to go woo-woo on Earth.

      Therefore, if you come into contact with something which represents itself as a spirit of the dead, it's actually a demon sent to tempt you, so you make the sign of the cross and it evaporates.

      Not that I believe a word of it but at least it's a consistent belief system, so this is not a bug report you can file with the Catholic God.

      Abusive nuns and priests, however, different kettle of theological fish. You can report them.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Dear God,

        That's OK, the Catholic god isn't the only one to choose from. There are plenty more. Humans have fertile imaginations, especially if there is a buck to be made fleecing other humans.

        1. Steve K Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Dear God,

          ..and that's the beauty of open-source...

      2. Velv Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Dear God,

        As I understand it, it’s a bit like the old TV game “Call My Bluff”

        You get to the “gates” of the afterlife and there’s a bunch of deities holding brown cards. You pick your chosen deity and hope they don’t turn it over to find the word “Bluff”

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Dear God,

          You're thinking about it bassakwards. You don't pick one now, you wait.

          Consider that thanks to the many gods and goddesses that Man has invented^Wdiscovered^Wcome in contact with^W^W^W^Wwhatever, the chances of you actually worshiping THE Gawd/ess that created this dampish rock we live on are slim-to-nil ... I suspect that the god of the OT would be really, really pissed if you are worshiping the God of the NT, if they are, in fact, different $ENTITIES ... and if you do chose one or both of those two, what Kali might have to say when you slip your mortal coil doesn't bear thinking about. Probably better to say "I dunno" now, in life, and beg forgiveness when/if you get to the other side, no?

      3. Evil Auditor Silver badge

        Re: Dear God,

        ...or Purgatory (if that's still a thing)

        Yes it is a thing, and very real for that matter. I used to live there. It is otherwise known as Belgium*.

        * Of course, Belgium isn't that bad at all. In fact, it can be a rather nice and pleasant place. That it turned out to be my personal purgatory has mainly to do with the fact that it is the origin of ex-Ms Evil Auditor.

        1. onefang Silver badge

          Re: Dear God,

          "That it turned out to be my personal purgatory has mainly to do with the fact that it is the origin of ex-Ms Evil Auditor."

          Now I have to ask. Was she more evil or less evil than you like?

          1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

            Re: Dear God,

            Considering purgatory is niether here nor there.. I'd say she was possibly heroicly good...

            Striving for balance and all that.

          2. Evil Auditor Silver badge

            Re: Dear God,

            @onefang, it was the toxic combination of two evil that turned the way to hell into a slippery slope downhill.

            @Sgt_Oddball, I like your humour. Even though certainly not pure evil, rest assured she was definitely not heroically good either.

          3. MonkeyCee Silver badge

            Re: Dear God,

            "Now I have to ask. Was she more evil or less evil than you like?"

            Based on my experience, the default alignment is Belgium is chaotic neutral. YMMV

            1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

              Re: Dear God,

              the default alignment is Belgium is chaotic neutral.

              Unless you are on a motorbike. In which case, it turns into chaotic evil.

              Unlike their neighbours on either side (Germany and France) which are both quite careful and respectful of bikes - particularly foreign ones. Switzerland however, is very definately lawful evil towards foreign bikes - particularly ones with UK plates.

          4. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: Dear God,

            Was she more evil or less evil than you like?

            I suspect the answer would be "differently evil".

            Bit like the differences between senior and junior black cats[1] current resident at my house.

            [1] Unlike senoir male cat - the one that woke us up at 2am by enthusiastically chomping his take-home meal[2] by our bed..

            [2] By the scant remains - a mouse.

        2. Paul Crawford Silver badge

          Re: Dear God,

          I have an ex from Belgium, so I think I know where you are coming from...

          1. BongoJoe

            Re: Dear God,

            Goodness, I met my ex in Belgium too: a left-pondian whom gave me mental scars for years afterwards.

            What is it with that place? Is the lashings of free flowing De Koninck which addled our senses?

            Nonetheless, I would love to return there and see out my days in that wonderful, but utterly bonkers, country.

        3. David 132 Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: Dear God,

          Moderators, can we get this comment thread expunged or at least censored, please? I’m no prude, but these frequent, blatant and shameless uses of the word B*lg*um are beyond the pale. There might be small children or elderly dowager aunts reading this, for fuck’s sake.

          1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
            Trollface

            Re: Dear God,

            @David 132 - Ghent man, GHENT!

        4. dr john

          Re: Dear God,

          This is where purgatory is

          https://www.google.com/maps/place/Purgatory/@51.9087192,-1.35518,13.5z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x4876da73c403d64d:0x261dec584da99635!8m2!3d51.9037532!4d-1.3425153

          World's End is nearby too, down the road a bit

          https://www.google.com/maps/place/World's+End,+Newbury+RG20+8SB/@51.4895563,-1.32346,13.25z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x4876a53d96aa0e05:0x260eae2ecb827301!8m2!3d51.485418!4d-1.301698

      4. LDS Silver badge

        "You can report them"

        You can also report demons and the like to an exorcist - if you believe in that, that's your bug hunted and pest control... still, I guess it would disapprove hooking up a ghost, especially since "succubi" and "incubi" are demons looking for sex... so, it looks it's an old story. Just, this woman a few century ago would have been burn as a witch. Just those poor women didn't make the money of actual ones...

      5. Ken 16 Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Dear God,

        but the demons are the only ones that the church will try to drive out

      6. jmch Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Dear God,

        "Once you're dead you are in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory (if that's still a thing).... Not that I believe a word of it but at least it's a consistent belief system "

        Of course there is also the "Mary ascended to heaven with her human body" thing, and if you keep the consistency of belief system, implies that heaven is a physical location somewhere in the Universe.

        1. Toni the terrible
          Holmes

          Re: Dear God,

          or one of the other universes perhaps

      7. Teiwaz Silver badge

        Re: Dear God, I am writing to complain....

        As I understand Catholic doctrine, there are no such things as ghosts. Once you're dead you are in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory (if that's still a thing) and not around to go woo-woo on Earth.

        Still been known to have done exorcisms though....

        Therefore, if you come into contact with something which represents itself as a spirit of the dead, it's actually a demon sent to tempt you, so you make the sign of the cross and it evaporates.

        Now I think you're getting confused with the more puritan variations of protestantism (apart from the crossing yourself thing - I think they advise waving a bible at it).

        Not that I believe a word of it but at least it's a consistent belief system, so this is not a bug report you can file with the Catholic God.

        Consistent? I think you've had too much pumpkin punch...whole thing devised by a committee in Nicea (we all know how things put together by committee end up) then left to stew in political expediency and corruption for a thousand or so years.

        Abusive nuns and priests, however, different kettle of theological fish. You can report them.

        That's only been effective in the last thirty or so years. Think what it was like centuries ago when the Church was a gateway for the really ambitious and power hungry.

      8. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Dear God,

        As I understand Catholic doctrine, there are no such things as ghosts.

        In the original Christian theology[1] there are no ghosts either. Largely (or entirely) because the idea of an immortal soul was something that the later Church added on from pagan theology (along with a literal devil, the trinity and quite a few other things..)

        [1] As in the 1st Century, before people started changing the theology for fun and profit..

      9. onefang Silver badge

        Re: Dear God,

        "As I understand Catholic doctrine, there are no such things as ghosts."

        The father, the son, and the holy ghost might disagree.

        1. Toni the terrible
          Headmaster

          Re: Dear God,

          generally known as the Holy Spirit not Ghost

      10. Scott 53

        Re: Dear God,

        Or you could be Enoch. He's somewhere else.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      >Dear God,

      I'd like to file a bug report...

      -----

      F**k Off, I'm busy

      LT (Aka God)

      1. LDS Silver badge

        Or maybe GodHub had a latency problem between the Heaven main system and the Purgatory backup because a BOFH let a poltergeist in the system.... that's why you should never offshore administration & maintenance to the underworld...

  4. John Mangan

    Part of me is amused . . .

    but part of me thinks it is impolite to laugh at crazy (not a clinical diagnosis) people.

    Even if they do push themselves into the public eye.

    Actually, regarding the public eye thing, how are the programme makers/newspaper editors in any way different from the warders in bedlam?

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Part of me is amused . . .

      Yep.

      And, on This Morning next Monday, we'll be talking to an Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, who will be telling us of his plans to invade Russia. On Tuesday we'll be interviewing Mr Elwood P Dowd and his six-foot tall pet rabbit, Harvey. Then on Wednesday we will be speaking to the widow of an African dictator who has $62 million (SIXTY TWO MILLION US DOLARS) that she is trying to find a safe home for, and on Thursday our guest explains how he can cure cancer over the Internet on receipt of £1000.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    9 months prime matured fanny fart?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      When reading this, I was wondering if I have inadvertently birthed many, many spectral babies along the way. They did occasionally bring me to tears, though not of joy.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "I have inadvertently birthed many, many spectral babies along the way"

        I had a lot of imaginary and invisible girlfriends, who knows how many imaginary sons and daughters I can have generated... guess most of nerds offspring is this kind....

  6. onefang Silver badge

    I guess it makes joining the Mile High Club a bit easier, if one of the participants can't be seen, and takes up less room in the cramped aircraft loo. You know what they say, the spirit is willing, and the flesh is week at the knees.

  7. wolfetone Silver badge

    At what point does it become your duty to refer people like this to mental health services?

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Trollface

      @wolfetone

      At what point does it become your duty to refer the mental health services to a person like this?

      that's better, as I don't want to interact with goofballs. Better to alert the keepers that one of their chargers is wandering aimlessly than try to reason with a goofball...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        (Serious bit)

        At what point does it become your duty to refer the mental health services to a person like this?

        Only at the point where other peoples well being is threatened. I refer you to a wiser mind than mine :

        "The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not sufficient warrant..."

        John Stuart Mill

        - now I appreciate that's not how it is in the UK, and we have this nobly corrosive idea that we should somehow save people "from themselves". But to my mind that requires that everybody thinks the same as everybody else. Which is a dangerous path to tread.

        1. ibmalone Silver badge

          Re: (Serious bit)

          - now I appreciate that's not how it is in the UK, and we have this nobly corrosive idea that we should somehow save people "from themselves". But to my mind that requires that everybody thinks the same as everybody else. Which is a dangerous path to tread.

          There's a difficult line. But if somebody is suffering from a temporary psychosis due to drugs or an infection, then maybe stopping them stabbing themselves or jumping off a building while under a delusion is not quite the state oppression you're suggesting.

        2. sisk Silver badge

          Re: (Serious bit)

          now I appreciate that's not how it is in the UK

          I really don't think it's that way in most places. I can name at least a dozen laws here that only protect people from themselves. Drug laws, seat belt and helmet laws, curfew laws (usually anyway - I could see them in places that have had problems with juvenile delinquents), the inability of grocery stores to get liquor licenses and the ban on alcohol sales on Sunday (those two are local to this hyper-religious area and annoying)...The list goes on and on.

          1. Clunking Fist Bronze badge

            Re: (Serious bit)

            "Drug laws, seat belt and helmet laws" are designed to stop you becoming a drain on our socialised health services, as much as protect yourself.

            "curfew laws" most def protect me from you, if you are a noisy vomiting delinquent.

            "the inability of grocery stores to get liquor licenses" is about the protection racket for existing suppliers.

            "the ban on alcohol sales on Sunday" doesn't protect anyone, but does leave those in favour of the ban with a warm feeling inside and a sense of power over others.

            1. sisk Silver badge

              Re: (Serious bit)

              "Drug laws, seat belt and helmet laws" are designed to stop you becoming a drain on our socialised health services, as much as protect yourself.

              If that's the intent then drug laws, at least, fail miserably. The amount of money that gets funneled into fighting the drug war when it might actually accomplish some good going into treatment programs for addicts instead is absolutely staggering.

              As for seat belt and helmet laws, I think it's mostly a wash, at least here in the US. We don't have socialized medicine (though, in my personal opinion, it would be a vast improvement on our incredibly broken health care system even if I were prepared to accept the "socialist=bad always" narrative that's common here, which I'm not). Even if we did paramedics usually respond to traffic accidents whether there's an actual need for them or not on the grounds that figuring out whether they're needed would take minutes that can be the difference between life and death in such situations.

              "curfew laws" most def protect me from you, if you are a noisy vomiting delinquent.

              Which is why I can understand them in places that have significant problems with juvenile delinquents. But the simple fact of the matter is that most juveniles aren't delinquents, and treating them as though they are is a good way to breed teenage rebellion. For the most part in most places the only valid justification for curfew laws on teens is to make sure they get enough sleep for school because some of them (I was one of these back in the 90s) would otherwise be out all night but not necessarily causing problems.

              "the ban on alcohol sales on Sunday" doesn't protect anyone, but does leave those in favour of the ban with a warm feeling inside and a sense of power over others.

              I think those in favor of such bans frame it in their own minds as protecting the souls of us poor sinners who want to drink on the Sabbath. Which is ridiculous both in terms of their own religion (Christ's first miracle was to create wine so that a party could continue after all, and wine is called for in Communion even if most denominations use grape juice instead these days, and even barring that....well, go ask a clergyman what day of the week is the Biblical Sabbath and I think you'll be surprised by the answer) and and on the grounds that not everyone shares it.

          2. LDS Silver badge

            "laws here that only protect people from themselves"

            No, often they also protect others from you. Driving under alcohol or drugs means you have more chances to hurt or kill others (and even when not driving - a lot of violence happens under altered conditions).

            Without seat belts, you become an issue for those sitting in front of you. And if unluckily you don't die, and become just a disabled, other people will need to pay for your therapies and sustenance. I think people who want just want to take full risks to damage themselves, should sign a document asserting they agree no one would ever be compelled to take care of them.

            1. TomG

              Re: "laws here that only protect people from themselves"

              agreed

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