back to article Woman who hooked up with over 15 spectres has found her forever phantom after whirlwind romance and plane sex

If, on the eve of Halloween, your mind has turned to Amethyst Realm, the woman who dated more than 15 ghosts, let us get you up to speed. She has settled down. With another spook. The 30-year-old "spiritual guidance counsellor" from Bristol plans to have a baby with her spectral fiancé, Cornwall Live reported, though how that …

  1. Fading Silver badge
    Coat

    Only 15...

    Intel's spectre count is rapidly catching up....

    (at least I tried to make it IT related)

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not the craziest thing I've heard today...

    My employer are seriously looking into a BYOD solution, just so the contractors can use their own hardware and avoid being ensnared into the latest IR35 shenanigans.

    I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact the IT Director is a contractor.

  3. BillG Silver badge
    Happy

    Ask your Doctor

    So what's a ghost hookup like?... "I feel them though, their weight against me, their touch, the warmth and energy that just sinks into me."

    I feel the exact same thing! But my cardiologist has a different diagnosis.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    but at what point does honest eccentricity become a clear need to be sectioned under the mental health act?

    before or after she batters some innocent person for sleeping with her Ghost?

  5. macjules Silver badge
    Angel

    Ghost in the machine?

    I hope that as and when I shuffle off this mortal coil that I will be doing something more interesting in the afterlife than haunting Miss Amethyst Realm's vibrator.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Ghost in the machine?

    i dunno .... it could be worse ...

  7. Lee D Silver badge

    Dear God,

    I'd like to file a bug report...

  8. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

    Dear God,

    As I understand Catholic doctrine, there are no such things as ghosts. Once you're dead you are in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory (if that's still a thing) and not around to go woo-woo on Earth.

    Therefore, if you come into contact with something which represents itself as a spirit of the dead, it's actually a demon sent to tempt you, so you make the sign of the cross and it evaporates.

    Not that I believe a word of it but at least it's a consistent belief system, so this is not a bug report you can file with the Catholic God.

    Abusive nuns and priests, however, different kettle of theological fish. You can report them.

  9. jake Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    That's OK, the Catholic god isn't the only one to choose from. There are plenty more. Humans have fertile imaginations, especially if there is a buck to be made fleecing other humans.

  10. Steve K Silver badge
    Coat

    Re: Dear God,

    ..and that's the beauty of open-source...

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    >Dear God,

    I'd like to file a bug report...

    -----

    F**k Off, I'm busy

    LT (Aka God)

  12. Velv Silver badge
    Coat

    Re: Dear God,

    As I understand it, it’s a bit like the old TV game “Call My Bluff”

    You get to the “gates” of the afterlife and there’s a bunch of deities holding brown cards. You pick your chosen deity and hope they don’t turn it over to find the word “Bluff”

  13. jake Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    You're thinking about it bassakwards. You don't pick one now, you wait.

    Consider that thanks to the many gods and goddesses that Man has invented^Wdiscovered^Wcome in contact with^W^W^W^Wwhatever, the chances of you actually worshiping THE Gawd/ess that created this dampish rock we live on are slim-to-nil ... I suspect that the god of the OT would be really, really pissed if you are worshiping the God of the NT, if they are, in fact, different $ENTITIES ... and if you do chose one or both of those two, what Kali might have to say when you slip your mortal coil doesn't bear thinking about. Probably better to say "I dunno" now, in life, and beg forgiveness when/if you get to the other side, no?

  14. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    ...or Purgatory (if that's still a thing)

    Yes it is a thing, and very real for that matter. I used to live there. It is otherwise known as Belgium*.

    * Of course, Belgium isn't that bad at all. In fact, it can be a rather nice and pleasant place. That it turned out to be my personal purgatory has mainly to do with the fact that it is the origin of ex-Ms Evil Auditor.

  15. onefang

    Re: Dear God,

    "That it turned out to be my personal purgatory has mainly to do with the fact that it is the origin of ex-Ms Evil Auditor."

    Now I have to ask. Was she more evil or less evil than you like?

  16. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    Considering purgatory is niether here nor there.. I'd say she was possibly heroicly good...

    Striving for balance and all that.

  17. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    @onefang, it was the toxic combination of two evil that turned the way to hell into a slippery slope downhill.

    @Sgt_Oddball, I like your humour. Even though certainly not pure evil, rest assured she was definitely not heroically good either.

  18. Paul Crawford Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    I have an ex from Belgium, so I think I know where you are coming from...

  19. MonkeyCee Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    "Now I have to ask. Was she more evil or less evil than you like?"

    Based on my experience, the default alignment is Belgium is chaotic neutral. YMMV

  20. David 132 Silver badge
    Happy

    Re: Dear God,

    Moderators, can we get this comment thread expunged or at least censored, please? I’m no prude, but these frequent, blatant and shameless uses of the word B*lg*um are beyond the pale. There might be small children or elderly dowager aunts reading this, for fuck’s sake.

  21. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
    Trollface

    Re: Dear God,

    @David 132 - Ghent man, GHENT!

  22. LDS Silver badge

    "You can report them"

    You can also report demons and the like to an exorcist - if you believe in that, that's your bug hunted and pest control... still, I guess it would disapprove hooking up a ghost, especially since "succubi" and "incubi" are demons looking for sex... so, it looks it's an old story. Just, this woman a few century ago would have been burn as a witch. Just those poor women didn't make the money of actual ones...

  23. LDS Silver badge

    Or maybe GodHub had a latency problem between the Heaven main system and the Purgatory backup because a BOFH let a poltergeist in the system.... that's why you should never offshore administration & maintenance to the underworld...

  24. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Devil

    Re: Dear God,

    but the demons are the only ones that the church will try to drive out

  25. jmch Silver badge
    Happy

    Re: Dear God,

    "Once you're dead you are in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory (if that's still a thing).... Not that I believe a word of it but at least it's a consistent belief system "

    Of course there is also the "Mary ascended to heaven with her human body" thing, and if you keep the consistency of belief system, implies that heaven is a physical location somewhere in the Universe.

  26. dr john

    Re: Dear God,

    This is where purgatory is

    https://www.google.com/maps/place/Purgatory/@51.9087192,-1.35518,13.5z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x4876da73c403d64d:0x261dec584da99635!8m2!3d51.9037532!4d-1.3425153

    World's End is nearby too, down the road a bit

    https://www.google.com/maps/place/World's+End,+Newbury+RG20+8SB/@51.4895563,-1.32346,13.25z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x4876a53d96aa0e05:0x260eae2ecb827301!8m2!3d51.485418!4d-1.301698

  27. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Re: Dear God, I am writing to complain....

    As I understand Catholic doctrine, there are no such things as ghosts. Once you're dead you are in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory (if that's still a thing) and not around to go woo-woo on Earth.

    Still been known to have done exorcisms though....

    Therefore, if you come into contact with something which represents itself as a spirit of the dead, it's actually a demon sent to tempt you, so you make the sign of the cross and it evaporates.

    Now I think you're getting confused with the more puritan variations of protestantism (apart from the crossing yourself thing - I think they advise waving a bible at it).

    Not that I believe a word of it but at least it's a consistent belief system, so this is not a bug report you can file with the Catholic God.

    Consistent? I think you've had too much pumpkin punch...whole thing devised by a committee in Nicea (we all know how things put together by committee end up) then left to stew in political expediency and corruption for a thousand or so years.

    Abusive nuns and priests, however, different kettle of theological fish. You can report them.

    That's only been effective in the last thirty or so years. Think what it was like centuries ago when the Church was a gateway for the really ambitious and power hungry.

  28. BongoJoe Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    Goodness, I met my ex in Belgium too: a left-pondian whom gave me mental scars for years afterwards.

    What is it with that place? Is the lashings of free flowing De Koninck which addled our senses?

    Nonetheless, I would love to return there and see out my days in that wonderful, but utterly bonkers, country.

  29. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    As I understand Catholic doctrine, there are no such things as ghosts.

    In the original Christian theology[1] there are no ghosts either. Largely (or entirely) because the idea of an immortal soul was something that the later Church added on from pagan theology (along with a literal devil, the trinity and quite a few other things..)

    [1] As in the 1st Century, before people started changing the theology for fun and profit..

  30. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    Was she more evil or less evil than you like?

    I suspect the answer would be "differently evil".

    Bit like the differences between senior and junior black cats[1] current resident at my house.

    [1] Unlike senoir male cat - the one that woke us up at 2am by enthusiastically chomping his take-home meal[2] by our bed..

    [2] By the scant remains - a mouse.

  31. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    Re: Dear God,

    the default alignment is Belgium is chaotic neutral.

    Unless you are on a motorbike. In which case, it turns into chaotic evil.

    Unlike their neighbours on either side (Germany and France) which are both quite careful and respectful of bikes - particularly foreign ones. Switzerland however, is very definately lawful evil towards foreign bikes - particularly ones with UK plates.

  32. onefang

    Re: Dear God,

    "As I understand Catholic doctrine, there are no such things as ghosts."

    The father, the son, and the holy ghost might disagree.

  33. Scott 53

    Re: Dear God,

    Or you could be Enoch. He's somewhere else.

  34. Toni the terrible
    Holmes

    Re: Dear God,

    or one of the other universes perhaps

  35. Toni the terrible
    Headmaster

    Re: Dear God,

    generally known as the Holy Spirit not Ghost

  36. John Mangan

    Part of me is amused . . .

    but part of me thinks it is impolite to laugh at crazy (not a clinical diagnosis) people.

    Even if they do push themselves into the public eye.

    Actually, regarding the public eye thing, how are the programme makers/newspaper editors in any way different from the warders in bedlam?

  37. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Re: Part of me is amused . . .

    Yep.

    And, on This Morning next Monday, we'll be talking to an Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, who will be telling us of his plans to invade Russia. On Tuesday we'll be interviewing Mr Elwood P Dowd and his six-foot tall pet rabbit, Harvey. Then on Wednesday we will be speaking to the widow of an African dictator who has $62 million (SIXTY TWO MILLION US DOLARS) that she is trying to find a safe home for, and on Thursday our guest explains how he can cure cancer over the Internet on receipt of £1000.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    9 months prime matured fanny fart?

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When reading this, I was wondering if I have inadvertently birthed many, many spectral babies along the way. They did occasionally bring me to tears, though not of joy.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "I have inadvertently birthed many, many spectral babies along the way"

    I had a lot of imaginary and invisible girlfriends, who knows how many imaginary sons and daughters I can have generated... guess most of nerds offspring is this kind....

  41. onefang

    I guess it makes joining the Mile High Club a bit easier, if one of the participants can't be seen, and takes up less room in the cramped aircraft loo. You know what they say, the spirit is willing, and the flesh is week at the knees.

  42. wolfetone Silver badge

    At what point does it become your duty to refer people like this to mental health services?

  43. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    @wolfetone

    At what point does it become your duty to refer the mental health services to a person like this?

    that's better, as I don't want to interact with goofballs. Better to alert the keepers that one of their chargers is wandering aimlessly than try to reason with a goofball...

  44. DropBear Silver badge

    Why would you need to? What's the difference between "I can see ghosts" and "I need you to reinstall my Windows, it's getting slow* again"...?

    * completely unsupported by any metric you can possibly think of

  45. jake Silver badge

    The difference?

    Ghosts have never been shown to actually exist. Windows demonstrably slows down when used as intended.

  46. Steve Evans

    I don't think you're allowed to refer them to mental health professionals as that would be oppressing their human rights and stuff etc etc...

    At least this nut-job seems mainly harmless, and there's little chance she will be passing on whatever freaky gene she got dealt to another generation.

    Just sit back, watch, and laugh like the rest of us (in the privacy of your own home of course, you don't want any witnesses to report you).

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    (Serious bit)

    At what point does it become your duty to refer the mental health services to a person like this?

    Only at the point where other peoples well being is threatened. I refer you to a wiser mind than mine :

    "The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not sufficient warrant..."

    John Stuart Mill

    - now I appreciate that's not how it is in the UK, and we have this nobly corrosive idea that we should somehow save people "from themselves". But to my mind that requires that everybody thinks the same as everybody else. Which is a dangerous path to tread.

  48. hplasm Silver badge
    Holmes

    Well-

    "At what point does it become your duty to refer people like this to mental health services?"

    Obviously, when their money runs out and/or they ask for it back and/or the public interest that pays you goes away...

  49. ibmalone Silver badge

    Re: (Serious bit)

    - now I appreciate that's not how it is in the UK, and we have this nobly corrosive idea that we should somehow save people "from themselves". But to my mind that requires that everybody thinks the same as everybody else. Which is a dangerous path to tread.

    There's a difficult line. But if somebody is suffering from a temporary psychosis due to drugs or an infection, then maybe stopping them stabbing themselves or jumping off a building while under a delusion is not quite the state oppression you're suggesting.

  50. sisk Silver badge

    Re: (Serious bit)

    now I appreciate that's not how it is in the UK

    I really don't think it's that way in most places. I can name at least a dozen laws here that only protect people from themselves. Drug laws, seat belt and helmet laws, curfew laws (usually anyway - I could see them in places that have had problems with juvenile delinquents), the inability of grocery stores to get liquor licenses and the ban on alcohol sales on Sunday (those two are local to this hyper-religious area and annoying)...The list goes on and on.

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