back to article Manchester man fined £1,440 after neighbours couldn't open windows for stench of dog toffee

A man from Radcliffe, Greater Manchester, allowed dog toffee to build up in his garden over the summer months to the point that his neighbours couldn't bear to open their windows. The UK has had a scorching 2018, and air con isn't something we tend to invest in, so you can imagine the Atmosphere. Alan Morse, 46, who owns …

  1. mrfantastic

    Had to think then

    I'd never heard of 'dog toffee', and it took 5 minutes for it to click you were on about dog eggs

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Had to think then

    > I'd never heard of 'dog toffee', and it took 5 minutes for it to click you were on about dog eggs

    The correct term is dog poo, the author must be American?

  3. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Re: Had to think then

    No, sir. I stole it from another (Brit) Reg writer.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Had to think then

    Dog exhaust.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Had to think then

    "barkers nest" was, I thought, the British term?

  6. fishman

    Re: Had to think then

    I call them "dog logs".

  7. Jeffrey Nonken Silver badge

    Re: Had to think then

    "The correct term is dog poo, the author must be American?"

    Not a euphemism I've ever heard before.

  8. Richard Wharram

    Re: Had to think then

    Dog toffee is in Viz Profanisaurus so it's acceptable.

    Personally I tell the wife that there's some new dog rope she needs to attend to.

  9. Danny 14 Silver badge

    Re: Had to think then

    I added dog toffee to my vocabulary too. Previously dog logs and dog eggs were standard terms. I do like the register for its informative pieces.

  10. james_smith

    Re: Had to think then

    "barkers nest" was, I thought, the British term?"

    A "barker's egg" is the correct term for a bum cigar deposited by a shit machine on four legs.

  11. Fungus Bob Silver badge

    Re: Had to think then

    "The correct term is dog poo, the author must be American?"

    Nope, we call 'em land mines over here.

  12. fredj

    Re: Had to think then

    Mind the kids don't take you literally.........

  13. Fungus Bob Silver badge

    Re: Had to think then

    It's more fun if they doo...

  14. Black Betty

    Re: Had to think then

    Round my parts they're called "barker's eggs".

  15. Sceptic Tank
    Paris Hilton

    Re: Had to think then

    Is "surface coal" still a thing?

  16. Julian 8

    WTF has Type 2 diabetes got to do with it ? - doesn't stop me doing anything.

    Gotta try this one at home when I get asked to do work in the garden and see how far that gets me

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The exercise would actually help

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    >WTF has Type 2 diabetes got to do with it ? - doesn't stop me doing anything.

    I suppose he just didn't give a shit.

  19. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Good luck with that!

    Gotta try this one at home when I get asked to do work in the garden and see how far that gets me

    Probably as far as it did the dog owner in the story, but with a more rapid (rabid?) response.

  20. anothercynic Silver badge

    Standard excuse: I've got diabetes, I can't do it. I've got a manky eye, I can't do it... the list goes on. This general malaise of people not being bothered and expecting others to do stuff they can do (short of having someone wipe their arse too while they're at it) is exasperating.

  21. Hollerithevo Silver badge

    I'm a type II as well

    And I am definitely going to use that excuse to get out of housework, because after I've done 30 laps in the local pool, I'm knackered.

  22. Chris Jasper

    I would guess not far...

  23. Spanker

    I got run over by a taxi and knocked on the head so hard I had post-traumatic amnesia for a good 6 hours.

    Best excuse ever for being late for work, “I forgot and this time I can prove it”

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Diabetes often has various side-effects, including depression. So it could be that it is a genuine reason - can't face getting out of bed, let alone taking dogs for a walk and a shit in the park like un-depressed people. So dogs go in the garden. Meh, he can sort it out mañana, when he feels better, but hey, what does it matter, what does anything matter?

  25. Adrian 4 Silver badge

    Lucky you.

    I can't stand upright without something to lean on. Makes shovelling shit (constant change of balance and newtonian reaction from flinging it in the wheelbarrow) practically impossible. Same problem leaning down and picking things up. It takes 10 times longer than another person. And no, I'm not overweight.

    The only practical method is to shuffle along the floor on your bum dragging a sack behind you. Not impossible, but I can sympathise with his reluctance to get it done.

    Depression might have stopped him getting a labourer in to do it on the first warning. Maybe a £1440 fine will push him to do it. Or maybe he can't afford one now and will have to do the shuffle thing.

    If there's something to blame him for it's owning three bull terriers whilst apparently being unable to exercise them properly. Now that's unreasonable. I guess the council should have taken them away.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you can't look after a dog, and that includes picking up after it then you really shouldn't have a dog.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    excuses

    My favourite is still 'I've got a bone in me leg mum

  28. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

    If you can't look after a dog, and that includes picking up after it then you really shouldn't have a dog.

    I agree.

    You do need to look at the larger picture, of course. For instance, if the diabetes was causing depression, which then caused him to be unable to clean up, taking the dog away is counterproductive and would probably make him even more depressed.

  29. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    WTF has Type 2 diabetes got to do with it ? - doesn't stop me doing anything

    It has stopped me eating sweets.. (But very little else.)

    It's also responsible for me heart attack (which definately, really, really didn't have anything to do with my bottle-of-red-wine-a-night habit..Honestly..)

  30. Locky

    Presumably

    When the officers turned up they asked What's the Story, Morning Glory?

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Presumably

    > When the officers turned up they asked What's the Story, Morning Glory?

    The Classical response would be to ask what all the Bach-ing was about, the smell being (Foul) Air On a G String.

  32. Shugyosha
    Headmaster

    Re: Presumably

    I think you've missed the fact that all the song title puns are from Manchester bands, giving a link, however tenuous, to the story.

  33. Roj Blake Silver badge

    Re: Presumably

    The smell was probably so great they felt the need to Sit Down.

  34. fredj

    Re: Presumably

    I suspect they needed counseling for their nasal discomfort.

  35. Korev Silver badge
    Coat

    Some Might Say all he had to do was Roll With It, put Hand in Glove, and Bob's Yer Uncle, job done. D'You Know What I mean? Sorry, we know That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore. ®

    I acquiesce

  36. John Lilburne Silver badge

    Seems the court has just rubbed his nose in it.

  37. msknight Silver badge

    Action should be faster

    My mother used to live next door to neighbours who did this. It was a serious impact on her ability to enjoy her own property. That and the late night parties, of course.

    The fine and the length of time it took to get to that point, are not enough, in my humble opinion. Should have been a damn sight faster to get the bloke dragged into court.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Action should be faster

    Indeed.

    the council had "a lot more resources than I do" which presumably include dog wardens to remove the offending animals until he demonstrates that he's fit to look after them?

  39. Eponymous Cowherd
    Devil

    Re: Action should be faster

    Had a neighbour who did this. He also didn't fix his fence when it started to fall apart, so Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden too.

    One day I was busy cleaning this up when the mutt appeared through the fence. I called it over and liberally anointed it with the bag of its shit I had in my hand at the time.

    The fence was fixed surprisingly quickly after that.

  40. TimR

    Re: Action should be faster

    A real shame it spoiled her late night parties.....

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden

    Don't punish Fido. It's not his fault.

  42. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    Re: Action should be faster

    My mother used to live next door to neighbours who did this. It was a serious impact on her ability to enjoy her own property. That and the late night parties, of course.

    whose parties? theirs or your mothers?

    [edit] dammit Tim beat me to that one!

  43. KarMann

    Re: Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden

    Given how dogs roll, Fido probably didn't see it as punishment.

    Now this article, THAT was pun-ishment.

  44. Alan Brown Silver badge

    Re: Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden

    "Don't punish Fido. It's not his fault."

    Our mutt (and most mutts I know of) used to roll in whatever foul-smelling thing she could find (usually a dead hedgehog or cat shit), so being rubbed all over in one's own shit is less likely to be seen as punishment by Fido and more likely to be seen as a favour.

  45. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    Re: Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden

    Our mutt (and most mutts I know of) used to roll in whatever foul-smelling thing she could find

    Yeah - but that's to *hide* their own scent. Which being covered in their own crap wouldn't..

  46. AGS221

    Dog toffee is a new one on me, but it brightened up a Monday morning.

  47. cam

    No 'Gas Panic!' ? Shame.

  48. wolfetone Silver badge

    Pity he wasn't from Sheffield

    Then you could've referred to it as dog Pulp...

  49. chivo243 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Bury the shit council?

    Gotta stop reading so fast....

    When this didn't help shift the shit, Bury Council issued Morse an abatement notice, ordering This Charming Man to Step On and clean up his act, probably asking How Soon is Now?

  50. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Whatcha doin?

    Chewing chocolate.... Where did ya ged it? Doggy dropped it...

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