back to article Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange's efforts to tip a bunch of rules allegedly imposed on him by his Ecuadorian hosts into the kitty litter tray have been suspended owing to interpreter difficulties. According to reports, the world's most annoying housemate reckoned that the court-appointed interpreter was not up to snuff. Alas …

  1. m0rt Silver badge

    "playse stawp yoah caht crahppin in ahh embahssy"

    That just comes across as UK Black Country accent to me.

  2. phuzz Silver badge

    The 'our' in "our embassy" goes up in pitch and would be pronounced closer to 'hour' in brum, where as the Aussie goes lower, "ahh".

  3. macjules Silver badge
    Happy

    Original:

    Buenos días señor Assange. Le agradeceríamos mucho si pudiera abstenerse de dejar a su gato defecar en nuestro piso.

    English:

    Good morning Mr Assange. We would very much appreciate it if you could refrain from letting your cat defecate on our floor.

    Aussie Translation:

    G'day mate, stop letting your cat shit on the floor.

    There, FTFY.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    re: yoah

    it's closer to "yow-er" ...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I speak Australian, it's definitely missing a "ya cant" off the end of it.

  6. Danny 14 Silver badge

    flamin galah!

  7. the Jim bloke Bronze badge
    Headmaster

    Proper strine is spoken with the teeth clenched together,

    to reduce the intake of flies.

    Insertion of "mate" and "strewth" have gone out of fashion, being replaced with "old mate" (3rd person indefinite?) and "yeah nah" because apparently it confuses the fuck out of septics...

  8. defiler Silver badge

    I speak Australian, it's definitely missing a "ya cant" off the end of it.

    No you don't. I can tell because it's pronounced "Strayan", unless you're doing that for our benefit.

  9. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Playse stawp yoah caht

    I literally had to clamp both hands over my mouth to keep from laughing loud enough to annoy everyone in the building. Thank goodness I wasn't drinking anything when I read that!

    Icon because close enough.

  10. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    bloody drongo!

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sympathy

    For Assange: no.

    For the embassy: no.

    For the cat: yes!

  12. defiler Silver badge

    Re: Sympathy

    ...For The Devil?

  13. ukgnome Silver badge

    Re: Sympathy

    Woo Woo

  14. Richard Wharram

    How are they breaching his human rights?

    It's their building. He can leave it if he doesn't like how they run the show.

  15. lsces

    Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

    Is he actually paying any rent?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

    In the same way that blocking unregulated immigration is a human rights violation despite the fact that any illegal immigrant can leave if they don't like how the receiving country runs the show.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

    Illegal immigrants typically flee from rather worse issues that being called out for being an unwashed git who can't keep his appendix in his pants. Have you considered the Human Rights of the girls, or the asylum seekers who need asylum for /actual/ humanitarian reasons?

  18. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

    who can't keep his appendix in his pants. Have you considered the Human Rights of the girls,

    I should think we should consider everyones rights in the face of someone who waves their internal organs about, erm, willy-nilly.

    Usually, a surgeon is required to remove appendix from pants.

    I think you meant appendage A/C.

  19. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

    Is he actually paying any rent?

    He is bringing a lot of free publicity in for Ecuador. How many people knew their Embassy in London was in Kensington before Assange stopped by?

    Wouldn't you think that the Ecuadoreans are a very hospitable people just because they have put up with all the grief that their guest has given them.

  20. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

    "I think you meant appendage"

    That would be the case for the rest of the male mammal population. Your're dealing with someone special here.

  21. JohnFen Silver badge

    Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

    Does it matter? I pay rent, yet my landlord still demands basic cleanliness and care of my living space.

  22. Jamie Jones Silver badge

    Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

    In the same way that blocking unregulated immigration is a human rights violation despite the fact that any illegal immigrant can leave if they don't like how the receiving country runs the show.

    Give me your address.. I'm coming to kip in your spare bedroom.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's simple...

    To speak like an Australian native, simply take an english sentence, and insert the following words as and where you feel is best:

    Strewth, Sheila, Esky, Doona, Roo.

    I am available for Brexit consultations as well. Good terms offered. Unless you're an alien.

  24. Tim99 Silver badge

    Re: It's simple...

    No worries, she’ll be right.

  25. Stratman

    Re: It's simple...

    Don't forget to raise the pitch of the last word in a sentence by a perfect fifth.

  26. Mike Richards Silver badge

    Re: It's simple...

    For true Strine you have to insert the c-word that rhymes with Jeremy Hunt somewhere in the sentence. Or indeed, any sentence.

  27. ArrZarr Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Re: It's simple...

    Ever since the news reporter got his name wrong, I've stopped reading it as Jeremy Hunt and have always needed to do some quick translation between brain and mouth.

  28. Ledswinger Silver badge

    Re: It's simple...

    For true Strine you have to insert the c-word that rhymes with Jeremy Hunt somewhere in the sentence.

    Noting that it only rhymes if you keep it in Strine, because in that language there is no "uhhh" syllable that rhymes with the UK or US word "truck".

    Lucky we're taking the piss out of fellow Anglophone nations. If this debate involved just about any other language/nation, pathetic whiners would have escalated it to the status of a diplomatic incident.

  29. Danny 14 Silver badge

    Re: It's simple...

    shithouse is a good word to know too. "That tucker was shithouse mate".

  30. Simon B-52

    Universal translation?

    In addition to the intended Australian, and the already mentioned Black Country, I can read that sentence in a Texan or a Scottish accent, so I'm wondering if the author hasn't stumbled on something of great importance here.

    However, try as I might, I can't turn it into Geordie......

  31. Rick594

    Re: Universal translation?

    Try putting "pet" on the end.

  32. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    Re: Universal translation?

    "Try putting "pet" on the end."

    Or hinny. And don't forget a why aye man? at the start or end.

  33. JohnG Silver badge

    Soap opera

    It is almost as if Assange and his hosts are creating an absurd soap opera, so that The Reg can write articles like this one.

    Maybe Assange could do a new version of the video for the 90s dance track "Ecuador" by "Sash!".

  34. Paul Dx
    Coat

    Re: Soap opera

    I'd prefer him to "Shaddup your face" and play "Over the hills and far away"

  35. Paul Herber

    Re: Soap opera

    More a "Communication Breakdown".

  36. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Re: More a "Communication Breakdown"

    As we've descended into Led Zep references, it's worth noting from their catalogue ...

    "Ten Years Gone",

    "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You"

    "Hots On For Nowhere"

    And ones that Assange should really learn by heart:

    "Friends", and "Thank You"

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Soap opera

    These certainly are ‘Mysterious Times’ : /

  38. The Oncoming Scorn
    Coat

    Re: Soap opera

    Joe Dolce - Is the cat called Vienna (After Rigsbys cat in Rising Damp) perchance?

    Icon because Midge Ure wore a long one in the Vienna video.

  39. Anonymous C0ward

    Re: Soap opera

    This means nothing to me.

  40. IceC0ld Bronze badge

    Re: More a "Communication Breakdown"

    not just Zeppelin, anyone else recall Mud ?

    the cat crept in, CRAPPED, crept out again

  41. RedneckMother

    hmmmm... a case of "don't (let the cat) crap where you eat"?

  42. NXM

    Move the embassy

    They'd get a nice new embassy with a clean bathroom, and Julian wouldn't be able to either stay or go with them without being accosted by the rozzers. A win for everyone, and the Ecuadorians could keep kitty as their new diplocat.

  43. Admiral Grace Hopper

    Re: Move the embassy

    Diplocat is my new DJ name.

  44. DougS Silver badge

    Re: Move the embassy

    Diplocat killed the mau5.

  45. onefang

    Re: Move the embassy

    "A win for everyone,"

    Not a win for Assange, so no, not everyone..

  46. Danny 14 Silver badge

    Re: Move the embassy

    it will be, he will get more freedom in a UK jail.

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Move the embassy

    This is the most obvious thing to do at this time. I don't understand why the Ecuadorians haven't done this yet, or even why the British Government hasn't offered them a swanky new place for a month - rent free - since this will be cheaper than the police presence outside the current embassy.

  48. imanidiot Silver badge

    Re: Move the embassy

    Police presence outside the embassy ended in 2015. (http://uk.businessinsider.com/metropolitan-police-ends-24-7-guard-julian-assange-ecuador-embassy-wikileaks-2015-10?international=true&r=UK&IR=T)

    The went to "covert tactics". Probably a bunch of camera's in the area.

  49. Some Twat

    Tbh he's being very very stupid, shitting on the people who are keeping him out of the clutches of the US government. Very stupid indeed.

  50. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Downvoted ..

    I agree as a basic courtesy he should be nice to his hosts. However, I remain to be convinced they are sheltering him from anyone or thing apart from a UK prison sentence for skipping bail.

    I wish people would stop with this James-Bond fantasy that he's somehow "marked". He's not, and (controversially ?) he never was. In fact, it's arguable that the only reason he is STILL holed up, is because he knows when he finally comes out, all the worshippers of St. Julian will see the feet of clay, as no one in the US gives a toss.

    "Julian .. who ?"

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