back to article F***=off, Google tells its staff: Any mention of nookie now banned from internal files, URLs

Googlers must clean up their language at work as the ads giant is being anal about references to, ahem, carnal knowledge in internal web links and documents. Files and URLs with raunchy words like "fuck" in them are now forbidden from being shared around the workplace, and are already being automatically filtered out to …

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  1. Mayday Silver badge
    Stop

    FFS

    This totally wouldn't work in Aussie.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: FFS

      Won't work with ex-Navy and Marine types, either. Not sure about Army and Air Force but probably the same language issues.

      1. Martin Gregorie Silver badge

        Re: FFS

        The US airforce, army, marines and navy*, all speak Army Creole. For a concise definition and examples, see the Urban Dictionary.

        Tom Wolf's "The Right Stuff" contains a more graphic description of Army Creole: Chapter 6 'On the Balcony', 11 or 12 pages in - page 119 in my copy.

        'The Right Stuff' is a much better book than you'd expect if you've only see the rather pathetic film. It's still a very good read that offers insights into the lives and backgrounds of the pilots who became the Mercury Seven at the beginning of the space race and of NASA.

        * The US military services are listed alphabetically - no form of ranking is implied.

        1. A.P. Veening

          US military services

          I am missing the Coast Guard in your list and I would expect them to speak Army Creole as well (and better than most).

          1. Rich 11 Silver badge

            Re: US military services

            And why doesn't your list include Space Force? You can't leave out the mighty Space Force!

            1. Martin Gregorie Silver badge

              Re: US military services

              I'm not American: in countries where I am a national the Coast Guard is a branch of the Navy, so it never occurred to me that it wasn't part of the USN.

              AFAIK the Space Force is still pretty much a figment of the Trumpian imagination.

              Put it this way, I've seen nothing about the USSF since the first announcement. In any case, to be a real Space ForceTM, it should surely control all US nuke-tipped missiles, ABMs and manned military space vehicles, but as the missiles and ABMs are currently owned by the USAF and USN I imagine these outfits are lobbying hard against giving any of them up. So far there are no manned military space vehicles and no announced plans to build any. So, with no hardware of its own and nothing being planned for any time soon, the USSF is just a Governmental boondoggle.

              1. Jaybus

                Re: US military services

                "I'm not American: in countries where I am a national the Coast Guard is a branch of the Navy, so it never occurred to me that it wasn't part of the USN."

                The US Navy org chart is vast and the bureaucracy so deep it is hard to follow. The US Coast Guard is organized in a unique way due to the relatively recent establishment of the Dept of Homeland Security. Ordinarily, the Coast Guard is organized under the Dept of Homeland Security, however in times of war, or when directed by the President, they are subject to orders of the Secretary of the Navy. The reason for this goes back to the Posse Comitatus Act forbidding military forces from law enforcement activities. That is, the spirit of the Posse Comitatus Act, since the law specifically does not apply to the Navy. However, if the Navy were to act as law enforcement against civilians, even though technically legal, it would cause a hell of an uproar. So, during boarding or interdiction activities, the US Navy uses Law Enforcement Detachments (LEDETs) of Coast Guard personnel to perform civilian arrests and law enforcement duties.

                Should the US Coast Guard be included in your list? Don't know. It's like Schrodinger's cat. It could be either way until you actually look.

              2. MachDiamond Silver badge

                Re: US military services

                "I'm not American: in countries where I am a national the Coast Guard is a branch of the Navy, so it never occurred to me that it wasn't part of the USN."

                In the US, the Coast Guard is nominally a police force and not military. The difference is how they are allowed to be used on US soil. The definition is a bit gray by not being entirely police or entirely military, but biaed more towards police. Training can be different too. Those in the military are taught to kill, and the police are expected to use deadly force as a last resort.

                1. Cris E
                  Boffin

                  Re: US military services

                  The military is not allowed to be used in domestic law enforcement so as to avoid the third world tackiness of presidents using them to ignore the will of the people. The CG technically being outside the Dept of Defense gives them the right to arrest, detain, enforce all sorts of laws, etc, which is the big reason Trump's recent plan to use the military at the border was such a non-starter.

                  1. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge
                    Pint

                    Re: US military services

                    Coasties! Some dedicated, hard working men and women. Never seen a fat or lazy one. The service is too poor to afford a permanent desk jockey class, so just about every one is a real operator.

                    Back on the language topic: slide over to the bar and have a big fscking beer, on me.

                2. greatpix

                  Re: US military services

                  Just to muddy the waters (pun intended), the Coast Guard is also America's inland navy, responsible for all navigable waters in the U.S. including rivers.

                  Prior to the mashup that created Homeland Security the Coast Guard was under the aegis of the Treasury Department (as was the Secret Service).

              3. This post has been deleted by its author

            2. AceRimmer1980
              Headmaster

              Re: Frak those frakking toasters

              What if, say, you live in Scunthorpe and want to write to your Aunty in a small Austrian village. You know the one.

        2. Michael Strorm

          Oh-Oh-Whoah-Oh-Oh

          @Martin Gregorie; "'The Right Stuff' is a much better book than you'd expect if you've only see the rather pathetic film."

          I've only heard the song, and I was even less impressed with *that*.

          1. Santa from Exeter

            Re: Oh-Oh-Whoah-Oh-Oh @ Michael Strorm

            And exactly what's wrong with a bit of Bob Calvert?

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkMMUOp3Y4k (Vaguely NSFW, Go Stacia!)

            1. M. Poolman

              Re: Oh-Oh-Whoah-Oh-Oh @ Michael Strorm

              Beat me to it!

          2. M. Poolman

            Re: Oh-Oh-Whoah-Oh-Oh

            Not sure which song you're refering to but the song of that name in "Captain Lockheed and the Starfighters" is pretty good:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1gUnXFb9yM

          3. tuppence

            Re: Oh-Oh-Whoah-Oh-Oh

            the Captain Lockheed and the Starfighters one?

      2. BKF2014

        Re: FFS

        I work for the US Navy with coworkers who all served at least 20 years and retired as CPO's or better. They rarely swear in conversation, and NEVER use swear words in correspondence. It's considered unprofessional and is not generally considered appropriate.

        1. Lotaresco

          Re: FFS

          "I work for the US Navy with coworkers"

          How many cows do they ork each day?

    2. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: With that amount of censorship internally, just imagine how Google Search will end up.

      It sounds like #Hashtags Amber Rudd and her hyperbole, has been recruited to Google.

      With that amount of censorship internally, just imagine how Google Search will end up, it's already a lobotomised version of its former self. The whole hypocrisy regards criticism of China for over censorship.

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: With that amount of censorship internally, just imagine how Google Search will end up.

        I would hardly call it censorship to insist you don't use profanity on WORK documents. It's called professionalism. Let coders swear in the coffee-room or when they're "pair programming" (that's a circle jerk anyway so it's apt) but I'd rather not sit in a meeting or one cubicle along from a co-worker who is turning the air blue.

        If you want to swear at work, get a job as a white van man.

        1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

          Re: With that amount of censorship internally, just imagine how Google Search will end up.

          Evidently you've never had a boss speak up on a conference call with people much higher in the food chain and state "that's bullshit" usually followed with and you fucking know it.

          When applied correctly swear words can shock people into actually acknowledging a problem...

        2. Falanx

          Re: With that amount of censorship internally, just imagine how Google Search will end up.

          Except cursing hasn't been banned. Only references to Natalie Dormer doing that two handed gesture. Which is about right for the Puritan States. Killing in the Name of is all fine and good, but no bobs or vagene, thank you very much.

          (No, Amanfrommars hasn't hijacked this post)

        3. The Original Steve

          Re: With that amount of censorship internally, just imagine how Google Search will end up.

          Bollocks.

          You're clearly willing to put up with uncensored (e.g. profanity) in textual form by reading this mighty website. The fact you are reading the comments even more demonstrates that you may not be as precious as you first make out.

          Because you don't like hearing certain words doesn't mean people stop having the right to say them around you. Actually berating you with swearing is one thing, overhearing someone muttering a phrase you dislike is something else - and it does not justify infringing on their freedom to express.

          Equally you are more than entitled to tell the co-worker to pipe down and tell them how much you disapprove, but actively censoring is fucking stupid.

        4. Ubermik

          Re: With that amount of censorship internally, just imagine how Google Search will end up.

          White van man? How racist :)

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: FFS

      The sunburnt bloody stockman stood

      And, in a dismal bloody mood,

      Apostrophized his bloody cuddy;

      "This bloody nag's no bloody good,

      He doesn't earn his bloody food.

      A regular bloody brumby."

      1. disgruntled yank Silver badge

        Re: FFS

        @AC

        According to Robert Graves's "Lars Porsena, Or, The Future of Swearing", the point of "The Australian Song" was that Aussies were not particularly imaginative in their foul language. Now, this may have been simple Pommie bias, I don't know.

    5. Black Betty

      Re: FFS

      Telstra's online support chat censors even the mildest examples of Aussie vernacular.

      1. Soruk
        Boffin

        Re: FFS

        @Black Betty Rather makes it impossible to refer to the root password or root access!

    6. macjules Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: FFS

      Also a bit of an embuggerance if you happen to be in Scunthorpe, Brown Willy in Cornwall or indeed Dicks Mount, Suffolk.

      1. tiggity Silver badge

        Re: FFS

        Lord Hereford's knob (obligatory HMHB reference, Twmpa for Welsh speakers, a hill / mountain)

    7. andyfromcambridge

      Re: FFS

      FFS is frequently used in the 3GPP/LTE documents.

      The official acronym is for future study.

      I'm sure you use it in that meaning. (smiles)

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: FFS

      Get the fuck out!

    9. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: FFS

      GTFO! (because El Reg won't let me spell it out)

      1. chapter32

        Re: FFS

        I'm based in Europe and the company working language is English although most of the employees aren't. Here they use FFS to mean First Flight Standard which always made me smile. After explaining the alternative meaning to my French boss he now takes great pleasure in using it inappropriately in meetings to try and get me to laugh. We also have a First Certification Standard so as not to forget those with religious sensibilities.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The tourism board of Scunthorpe aren't going to be happy.

    1. Ptol

      Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

      Have you ever been there? Its a nice enough place - but its not exactly a tourist honey pot. In fact, I can only think of one reason for a tourist to visit there, and thats to pose by the welcome to... sign.

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
        WTF?

        Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

        What about the people who live in Sussex? or Essex or any of the US States that have a Sussex County or Middlesex County or Essex County?

        What about "Lower Bottom" and "Upper Bottom"

        The landscape of the British Isles is littered with names that the Puritans of Google would find offensive.

        Going all Puritan on us does not stop your constant need to get information on each and everyone of us.

        Are you going to become the 21st Century WitchFinder General then?

        Another reason to give Google the Finger? Yep.

        WTF Icon naturally.

        1. onefang Silver badge

          Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

          "Going all Puritan on us does not stop your constant need to get information on each and everyone of us."

          What if we contaminate a lot of that info about us with swear words? Will their internal censorship systems filter us out?

        2. Daniel von Asmuth Bronze badge
          WTF?

          Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

          "What about the people who live in Sussex? or Essex or any of the US States that have a Sussex County or Middlesex County or Essex County?"

          What about Sexbierum in Friesland?

          Google's motto used to be "do no evil"; is "make money, not love'"an improvement?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

        I went to Scunthorpe once. It was cancelled due to weather.

      3. Flywheel Silver badge

        Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

        thats to pose by the welcome to... sign

        You'd probably have to nip over to Penistone to pose by their welcome sign - it's about an hour away from Scunny..

        1. onefang Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

          "You'd probably have to nip over to Penistone to pose by their welcome sign - it's about an hour away from Scunny.."

          How do you get the sign at Penistone to stay up for an hour so you can get there from Scunny?

          1. Ubermik

            Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

            Then you could go down to Bicester and then bend right over to Gaydon, surely the next town along should be called normalsville?

          2. JJKing Silver badge
            Facepalm

            Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

            Viagra paint of course. Sheesh.

      4. tiggity Silver badge

        Re: Im sure theres only one reason why a tourist would visit that town...

        Lots of good fossils at Scunthorpe, though a lot of the best are on the iron extraction site so access can be a PITA.

    2. Giovani Tapini Silver badge

      Neither are fans of

      Duck Tracey, of Fanny Burney.

      Filtering has a habit in my experienceof creating as many issues as it solves.

    3. Frank Bitterlich

      Austria too...

      Just like the inhabitants of Fucking, Austria, whose town will probably be replaced by a black bar on Google Maps now...

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