back to article Deliveroo to bike food to hungry fanbois queuing to buy iPhones

The most shameless press release of the week award goes to Deliveroo for trying to share the limelight with Apple by offering to bike food to fanbois queuing for the latest iPhones released tomorrow. “Forget crushed crisps and soggy sandwiches to snack on when waiting in the cold and rain to get the newest iPhone,” PR babble …

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  1. ElectricFox
    Childcatcher

    Well....

    I guess things have moved on from queing for your essential bread in a great depression to smashed avacado sandwiches delivered to you while you wait in a queue for apples...

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Spoonsinger

      Re: Well....

      Umm, smashed avacado sandwiches seems to be a step backwards in the general state of the sandwich. I remember, in the late eighties, the "too your desk" sandwich lady used to deliver Avocado, Bacon, Brie and Red Current Jelly sandwiches. Maybe the late eighties was peak sandwich and everything that followed is just a bland pale interpretation of those times. Maybe there is a phone manufacturer which exemplifies that blandness?

    3. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: Well....

      I'm trying to work out why they are having food delivered to them in a queue when they could have the phone delivered to their home or office.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Well....

        Because they are Millennials and it's all about the 'experience'.

        1. MyffyW Silver badge

          Re: Well....

          You can have food you don't need delivered by people you absolutely don't give a sh*t about whilst you queue for a phone that massages your ego and tells you that "you're worth it".

        2. Stoneshop Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Well....

          Because they are Millennials and it's all about the 'experience'.

          Well, I could have been the father of a Millennial if I had been that daft about it, and they can stuff their 'experience' in a non-solarly-irradiated orifice.

          Camped out with two like-minded friends in front of an audio shop having a sale, supported by a transport bike, a coffeemaker, an extension cord that the shop was kind enough to run under their door and plug in at closing time the evening before, water[0], blankets, and assorted food and other drinks.

          [0] which partly froze on opening the bottle, as it was January and well below zero during the night.

    4. 45RPM Silver badge

      Re: Well....

      I’d rather have a (bacon and) fried egg sandwich with chilli sauce. It’s a state of the art sarnie. It's like a cross between food and bowel surgery.

      Mind you, I can’t think of many things I’d rather be doing less than queuing for some new gewgaw - but I suppose that queuing whilst paying over the odds for a hipsterish sandwich is one of them.

      1. Pete Smith 2

        Re: Well....

        It's a triple. You also forgot the chutney....

        1. 45RPM Silver badge

          Re: Well....

          @Pete Smith 2

          I know. I made it the way I like it. 2 bacon, 2 eggs and Napalm Sauce.

  2. m0rt Silver badge

    Does anyone else find the whole 'must get latest iPhone' rush more than a little bit disturbing?

    1. TimR

      m0rt - my first reaction was just that it is very sad, but you may have a point...

      If Apple can get thousands to pay to queue in the rain for the new shiny, with a bit more creative thinking, what else could they (Apple) get them to do?

      1. Wandering Reader

        They get turned into zombies:

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attack_of_the_Killer_App

        Quote from the episode "shut up and take my money"

    2. Lee D Silver badge

      I find it more worrying that people spending such money generally aren't at work from 9-5 in order to queue all day for, and collect, said phone.

      What we have is either a nation of already-retired millionaires splashing their money on tat and pizza and enjoying sitting in a London street in a queue, or a nation of people who really have nothing else better to do spending money they don't actually have or should be spending on other things.

      I'm not entirely sure which one I find more disturbing.

      The obvious problems (YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY BUYING and whether it's even any good) pale in comparison to "how/why have you afforded to have a day off work to queue in the British wind and rain to buy a phone that I would have to seriously check my bank balance before I even thought about purchasing it?"

      That said, this year alone, Apple's support has cost them hundreds of iPads and dozens of Macs from my workplace, because we're ditching them all purely because of their ridiculous and totally uninterested, and not even compliant with Companies Act support and communication (i.e. I was refused the address of the company's head office and they do not have any kind of proper complaint process. As the Head of Written Complaints, Apple, Ireland - that's all I could get out of him on the phone - REFUSED to confirm to me in writing the most basic of information, or even acknowledge that they'd received my complaint. They literally took zero action except to phone and tell me they wouldn't even reply to the recorded-delivery letter demanded mandatory details of their company).

      Why anyone would ever do business with Apple, I absolutely cannot fathom.

      1. VinceH Silver badge

        "What we have is either a nation of already-retired millionaires splashing their money on tat and pizza and enjoying sitting in a London street in a queue, or a nation of people who really have nothing else better to do spending money they don't actually have or should be spending on other things.

        I'm not entirely sure which one I find more disturbing."

        The latter possibility is worsened by the fact that:

        Apple customers will presumably be lining up to buy the latest iGadgets on Friday, though they will only be able to purchase the most expensive iPhones first - the XS and XS Max - with the other models due to hit the streets next month.

        The nature of fanboyism (and this doesn't just apply to Applytes) is that sufferers are more likely to try to get something sooner, even if it's the more expensive option, rather than wait. Companies like Apple know this, and they're exploiting it.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "I find it more worrying that people spending such money generally aren't at work from 9-5 in order to queue all day for, and collect, said phone."

        Given that launch day is a "known date", err ... annual leave (aka vacation day aka holiday)?

        (not saying that I understand or condone the behaviour either, mind!)

        1. Lee D Silver badge

          Yes, I think "I took a day off work to buy a status symbol" pretty much ranks just as high in the list of problems I have with it too. :-)

      3. Shadow Systems Silver badge

        Why anyone would do business with Apple is a mystery.

        I recently attempted to buy a new Imac because Apple has the best screen reader for the blind, hands down bar none.

        First I went into a store, specced it out, handed over my CC, & went home thinking I had just bought myself a new computer. Custom order with free shipping to my home, and I was looking forward to getting it. I hadn't been home even thirty minutes when I get an SMS & email stating there was a problem charging my card & I need to contact my bank. I get said notices five minutes after my bank closes for the rest of the weekend. I get to twiddle my thumbs until Monday, but at least I figured that my bank was on their toes to block the potential fraud use of my card. First thing Monday I call my bank, authorize the charge, get the fraud limit raised on a one time, temporary for 24 hours, so Apple can try to make the charge again. Call up Apple, explain situation, give order number, reconfirm my CC details, & tell them they've got less than 24H to place the charge or they'll hit a wall again. The CSR assures me the charge went through fine. Wednesday morning I get another SMS & email stating there was an issue with charging my card & I needed to talk to my bank. I check my balance & Apple didn't bother to even TRY to place the second charge, so they ignored the 24H limit & slammed face first into the fraud wall again. I decide I'll let the order die, take cash out of my account, & go back to the store to pay it all up front. Except later that same day I get an SMS & email congratulating me on my order, informing me that the next notices will be when it ships, & to enjoy my new computer. I check my bank again & *NOW* there's a charge for the computer - dated Monday. Except there was no charges pending when I checked earlier, my bank knew nothing of any Apple attempt, & it appears out of the blue in the hours between breakfast & lunch. Thursday the computer shows up & I sign for it. It doesn't work. I call up Apple "Accessibility Tech Support" (ATS), let them know the situation, & we spend the next two days trying to troubleshoot the issue. We finally make an appointment back at the store where I bought it for an "Accessibility Urgent Matter - Accessibility Expert Required" meeting. I get there 15 minutes before the appointment only to find out they had let their "Accessibility Expert" *go for a three hour lunch* & wouldn't be back any time soon. They give me a newly hired, not acquainted at all with accessibility, still wet behind the ears Rookie instead. He has to ask multiple questions of multiple coworkers before he can even figure out how to enable the screen reader (I tried to tell him it was Command F5), but once he was there he found the right bits. He plugged in their local keyboard & didn't even unpack the one that came with my machine, and when I asked if we could swap mine for another one I got no answer. He made sure the 'reader was on, auto launched after reboot, then packed my system back up & told me to have a nice day. I take it home, set it up, & it still won't acknowledge any keyboard I use. Three different Windows-centric, the Apple specific, & *none* of them were recognized by the machine. I called ATS back up again & told them the situation. They suggest I take *just* the keyboard back & exchange it. Except when I DO the CSR claims they can't find my order & wants to charge me for another keyboard. I'm so livid I go back home, pack it all back up, & arrange to return it the next day for a refund. The fuckers at the store tried to tell me I had to initiate the return online, even though I made the original purchase at their own counter. I told them they could either take it back & give me my refund, or I could place it on the hood of my sighted helper's car & plow it through their front doors in a shower of broken bodies, shattered glass, & chunks of brick. They opted to give me my refund.

        I don't know WTF they thought they were doing, it could be just issues with THAT store, but it has painted Apple with a very shitty brush & I'll *!NEVER!* do business with them again. Why anyone else would do business with them is a mystery to me, but obviously mine is one case out of millions. Still, Apple can go fuck themselves with a 21.5 inch Imac, spinning, with the keyboard & mouse tethered to the sides.

        1. caffeine addict Silver badge

          Re: Why anyone would do business with Apple is a mystery.

          I told them they could either take it back & give me my refund, or I could place it on the hood of my sighted helper's car & plow it through their front doors in a shower of broken bodies, shattered glass, & chunks of brick. They opted to give me my refund.

          Nicely done. I have a strange respect for people who know the right thing to say at the right time, and not 30 minutes later fuming in a local coffee shop.

          1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

            Re: Why anyone would do business with Apple is a mystery.

            I'm one of those odd bastards that gets *quiet & calm* when I get angry. (I was once accused of shouting at a student on the playground during one of my shifts; my son told them "My dad doesn't yell, he gets quiet. If he starts to smile, RUN!") It lets me think of creatively evil things to say/do in retaliation. I tend to deliver such lines in a tone of voice that implies that if I *DO* "snap", the person I'm speaking to will find out the hard way that there ARE worse things than death. Like still being alive after an SUV plows through a wall, parks on your chest, & leaks boiling radiator fluid all over your torn flesh. It's like salt in the wounds, only boiling & acidic. Most folks think "Psycho nut job!" & decide to run away rather than keep pushing, and I think that's the big reason they decided to give me the refund. If they have to choose between giving me back my money or paying the legal & hospital bills for a lobby full of victims that Apple could have prevented, they smartened up enough to do the refund.

            I was probably wearing my t-shirt that read "I void warranties". *Gleefull evil cackle*

        2. ridley

          Re: Why anyone would do business with Apple is a mystery.

          Why the down vote?

          I can see someone being disinterested and moving on, but a downvote?

          I have to ask Mr Downvoter, is it cold in the queue?

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Why anyone would do business with Apple is a mystery.

          "Why anyone else would do business with them is a mystery to me, but obviously mine is one case out of millions."

          A mystery to me too.

          We had a number of Macs, for some specific purposes, and IT did all the microcomputer maintenance.

          We talked to Apple about it, and arranged to send one of our senior micro techs to them for training, so we could do the same with the Apples.

          Apple happily took him for every single technician course that they had - costing us, in today's dollars, a hair under a million bucks.

          One of our machines failed. Our tech, went out, diagnosed it, decided what he needed to do, and contacted Apple for the part he needed.

          Apple refused to sell it to us, because we were not an Apple dealer.

          Three months later, the Macs were gone.

          At that point I was resolved to never, ever buy hardware from such a sleazy bunch of con artists.

          I have been very happy with that decision in the subsequent decades.

        4. ShadowDragon8685

          Re: Why anyone would do business with Apple is a mystery.

          So...

          Despite all of their awfulness, you managed to make them the *less* awful party by commiting what would be characterized as a terrorist threat in the U.S. and which I am willing to bet money on is still a crime in the UK, and they caved in to threats of murder, mayhem and destruction rather than ring the police to come and cart you off down the nick, and somehow you think this makes you a hero?

          1. m0rt Silver badge

            Re: Why anyone would do business with Apple is a mystery.

            Shite customer experience is a shite customer experience, regardless if the customer is sweetness and light or a psycho nutjob.

            What happened to equality? Or is some equality more equal than others*...?

            Pyschoist.

            *I had to read this several times over. I doubt it makes sense. Then I realised where I was.

    3. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      If I wanted one I would be disappointed not to get it on launch day. However I can't imagine queueing.

      My auntie queues similarly for tickets to Cliff Richard ( music or tennis, I'm not sure ). I wonder if the Apple fanboys know how similar they are to my auntie.

      1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        @disgustedetc

        I think the situation is different to your auntie (gawd bless 'er). A Cliff Richard 'gig' to use the modern parlance, has a strictly limited number of tickets available, and demand may well exceed supply, so queueing may be the only way to be sure of getting a ticket.

        Apple phones are not in limited supply. Demand will not exceed supply, at least in the medium term. On the day, perhaps, but who cares about a day, or a week, or a month wait? I assume they have a working phone already, so it's not as if they are cut off from the world and society. It's just wanting to be one-up to queue on day 1. Wanting a new Apple gadget may be basically reasonable (or may not, we all have views on that) as is wanting to see Cliff Richard.

        Queueing in the rain to spend sillty money just to show off is not a healthy thing. If they really like Apple just get a refurb 6+ for £250 and give the other grand to charity!

        1. Stoneshop Silver badge
          Facepalm

          but who cares about a day, or a week, or a month wait?

          True Fanbois[tm] do, that's who.

        2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
          Paris Hilton

          Wired for Sound

          @Pen-y-gors

          Wanting a new Apple gadget may be basically reasonable (or may not, we all have views on that) as is wanting to see Cliff Richard

          Fanbios with wired headphones? Perish the thought.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V57eqtN2K7E&lc=Uggez6j_t6vYgngCoAEC

          icon: Angus MacDougall's cousin Elizabeth

    4. katrinab Silver badge
      Windows

      I'm pretty sure the queues are all rent-a-crowds, given that they are all dressed like tramps, and I don't see that many tramps with iPhones any other day of the year.

      1. Scroticus Canis Silver badge
        Devil

        ...dressed like tramps...

        Trickle down economy, pay a tramp to queue for you. Who says fanbois & gals don't have a social heart?

        (damn just seen anthonyhedgedus beat me to it)

      2. Nick Kew Silver badge

        @katrinab

        Not many tramps with iphones?

        How would you know? Do you make a study of tramps' inventories? Can you tell an iphone from AN Other gadget at a distant glance, or do you peer up really close?

    5. macjules Silver badge
      Gimp

      Does anyone else find the whole 'must get latest iPhone' rush more than a little bit disturbing?

      These are the diehard fanbois you are talking about, so of course they must get the latest iPhone. I should think that many of them have been saving up their benefits and selling their food stamps for a whole year to get to this moment.

      And the joy is that it all starts again once they have the latest glass phone in their hands.

  3. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    I don't get why people are queuing up for iphones tomorrow. The whole thing about delivering to people waiting in the queue just normalises the materialistic madness of the whole thing. I for one won't be queuing up for hours just to get the new phone. I'll be paying someone to do it for me, while I drink avocado smoothies at an artisan coffee and avocado bar nearby.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Imagine a whole queue of Guatelumbian maids queuing to get the latest overpriced Apple bling for the suave bearded gentleman / pretend-18-dressed lady.

  4. malle-herbert Silver badge
    Joke

    Idea for a new company :

    Doodieroo...

    We come round, wipe your a** and change your diaper so you can stand in line all day long without having to worry about your fecal needs !

    1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      Re: Idea for a new company :

      I was going to post the idea of the delivery company having a laugh by delivering everything infused with laxatives. One can only imagine the "fun". I hear Picolax is pretty effective. *Evil giggle*

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Idea for a new company :

      Indeed, I was thinking to myself, that's the input taken care of...

      One poop removal, coming right up.

      The Number 2 Removals Company Ltd.

    3. caffeine addict Silver badge

      Re: Idea for a new company :

      Now I'm wondering what Mitchell & Webb's "Diddlidee" adverts were actually for...

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Idea for a new company :

      Doodieroo...We come round, wipe your a** and change your diaper so you can stand in line all day long without having to worry about your fecal needs !

      I'll overcut (note 1) your pricing, and offer a "total shit removal" guarantee, or money back. By using a couple of ex-night club bouncers equipped with a van-mounted pressure washer (with sandblast nozzle attachment) and a wire brush I'm not expecting to have many refunds.

      Note 1: Normal practice it to undercut a competitor by offering a cheaper service. But this is Apple customers paying a grand and a half for a commodity product. The winning strategy is offering the same thing for a much higher price.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Barnum was right ...

    in more ways than one ....

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Barnum was right ...

      You mean “No one ever made a difference by being like everyone else” or “Young men starting in life should avoid running into debt.”?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: You mean ...

        No ...

        "Nobody ever lost a dollar by underestimating the taste of the American public.”

        “There's a sucker born every minute.”

  6. Dwarf Silver badge

    How will they order

    Given that this is before they get their shiny new phone.

    Last years brick surely can't handle such a bleeding edge requirement - otherwise they wouldn't need to replace it.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Menu ?

    Starter: "Appletizer"

    Main: "Pork and Apple sauce"

    Dessert: "Apples and custard"

    1. 2+2=5 Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Menu ?

      Starter: "Appletizer"

      Main: "Pork and Apple sauce"

      Dessert: "Apples and custard"

      All top notch ingredients.

  8. TRT Silver badge
    Joke

    Given the bleeding size of these new devices...

    you could use them as dinner plates.

  9. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Most of the article is the author being a leftie communist and also being wrong.

    They aren't employees.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Most of the article is the author being ... wrong. They aren't employees."

      The word "employee" (or derrivatives) appears 0 times in the article..?

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Did you not read the bit about employment rights? That refers to them being employees, which they aren't.

    2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Windows

      > the author being a leftie communist

      Well, it IS about a Californian company, i.e. a company in a crazed goodthinker socialistic country with inequality on a level that can only please the caviar Democrat.

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