back to article Post-silly season blues leave me bereft of autonomous robot limbs

Oh, the things I could do with a third hand! It could hold things steady while my other two hands are occupied. Hang on, I have a better idea: I could use my two existing hands to hold the things steady while my third hand gets down to work. Come on, now, you must have found yourself in circumstances that might have been …

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  1. Steve K Silver badge

    DAF

    D.A.F. - Bloody hell - there's a blast from the 1980's! Didn't they also have a song called "Sex unter wasser?"

    You could use that robot hand in the bath for that (although beware what happened to Wolowitz in Bang Theory..)

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: DAF

      I'm ashamed to say that I remember Telephone. In my defence, I only listened to one single they released, and that because it was given away free on the cover of Kerrang.

  2. Dr_N Silver badge
    Mushroom

    and Brexiter politicians fuck off abroad to check on their offshore tax evasion schemes

    INCOMING !!!

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: and Brexiter politicians fuck off abroad to check on their offshore tax evasion schemes

      Outgoing, surely?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Klaus Nomi’s rendition of Purcell’s Cold Song

    :-o

    1. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

      Re: Klaus Nomi’s rendition of Purcell’s Cold Song

      That's a few minutes of my life I won't get back

      And I was sur Le Continent* when that was allegedly a hit.

      I obviously listened to radio stations that had more taste, because I managed to avoid it completely.

      * that period completely messed up my ability in Pub Pop Quizzes on my return to Blighthy: "What year was this song a hit?" was particularly problematic, because it might have been a hit in Europe in 1982 but not in the UK until 1985, and vice versa.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Pirate

        Re: Klaus Nomi’s rendition of Purcell’s Cold Song

        "That's a few minutes of my life I won't get back"

        I'm off to listen to "Let It Go" from Frozen to cheer myself up!

        ----------> Warning! Here be danger!

  4. Giovani Tapini

    Dabsy, are you feeling Ok?

    [Put me in a lonely cubicle of wage slavery overnight to debug 10,000 lines of shitty code with nothing but a mind-controlled robotic hand for company, and I too would rig it up to pass me the Highland Spring.]

    If the highland spring is the first thing you think of in those circumstances then I think you need to get out more...

    1. Dr. G. Freeman

      Re: Dabsy, are you feeling Ok?

      Depends, if the Highland spring water has been added to fermented malted barley, distilled and left in a barrel for say, a minimum of 12 years (but 18+ is better) then yes, I could see it crossing my mind

      Think I'll go for an early lunch, and have some pass my lips too.

  5. Dan 55 Silver badge

    Today’s favourite is Foodvisor, an app that counts your calorie intake by recognising a photo of what you’re eating by using “AI algorithms”. It’s meant to “help people eat healthier” – if not write grammaticallier – and they’re calling it a “Shazam for food”.

    Judging by the results in the photo, they're calling it "Not Hotdog".

    1. Ben1892

      My first thought, am I being trolled? is this like a new version of rick-rolling where all new apps are actually Not Hotdog.

      Actually quite an interesting read on how they developed it - and you too can create you own version of not-Foodvisor https://medium.com/@timanglade/how-hbos-silicon-valley-built-not-hotdog-with-mobile-tensorflow-keras-react-native-ef03260747f3

  6. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Or you could visit your local electrical appliance shop for a new washing machine

    "This one comes with internet connectivity"

    "Ok... how do I load it with washing over the internet?"

    1. Alister Silver badge
      Joke

      Ok... how do I load it with washing over the internet

      Depends on what fabric you're using... apparently Brocade is quite fast.

      1. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge
        Joke

        "Depends on what fabric you're using... apparently Brocade is quite fast."

        Is it colour fast though?

    2. mosw

      "Ok... how do I load it with washing over the internet?"

      Actually, it is meant for laundering money. Just not yours.

  7. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

    Dear Dabbsy,

    please give my regards to Mme Dabbs.

    The gym audio CD swap is brilliant.

  8. DropBear Silver badge
    Trollface

    Eighties-ish workout music, you say?

    Suggestion:

    It's just a jump to the left

    And then a step to the right

    With your hands on your hips

    You bring your knees in tight

    But it's the pelvic thrust

    That really drives you insane

    Let's do the Time Warp again

    Let's do the Time Warp again

    ...corsets are optional.

    1. DJO Silver badge

      Re: Eighties-ish workout music, you say?

      Corsets are never "optional"

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Eighties-ish workout music, you say?

      "...corsets are optional."

      Really? Have you seen some of the lardies that turn up at the gym?

  9. Alister Silver badge

    Your sub heading made me think of Jeff Lynnes' opening lyrics for "Ticket to the Moon"...

    Remember the good old 1980's

    When things were so uncomplicated

    I wish I could go back there again

    And everything could be the same

  10. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "there are no major acts of statesmanship reported in the news"

    If that were really the case why call it the silly season? Sensible season would be a better fit.

  11. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Welcome back to forn parts, Dabbsy. We missed you and your delightful columns.

    1. Mage Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      We missed you and your delightful columns.

      I worried that you'd gone. Welcome back.

      I have to say I've not a clue who most of those pop stuff are. I'm obviously getting old. The only DAFs I know are the cars with the rubber band transmission, the trucks, the DAF91 and DAF96 (valve/tube).

      I remember my kids buying Blur, Coldplay and maybe something called Dido.

      The gym uses CDs?

  12. onefang Silver badge

    Down here in Oz "silly season" is also the holiday period in the middle of summer, only our summer isn't in the middle of the year. Our silly season is the period between Christmas and New Year, when every one goes on holiday for several weeks, gets drunk, and does silly things.

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      gets drunk, and does silly things

      Like electing the latest round of Oz politicians?

    2. Dr Scrum Master

      Time machine?

      the period between Christmas and New Year, when every one goes on holiday for several weeks

      Hold the front page! Ozzies have invented the time machine!

      1. lglethal Silver badge
        Terminator

        Re: Time machine?

        Damn, the cats out of the bag!

        Onefang get back in your time machine and delete that post asap!

        1. onefang Silver badge

          Re: Time machine?

          "Damn, the cats out of the bag!"

          But is it the live cat or the dead cat?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Time machine?

            schrodinger's cat

      2. onefang Silver badge

        Re: Time machine?

        "Hold the front page! Ozzies have invented the time machine!"

        According to our politicians, the laws of math aren't much chop. And we did recently have a "How to build a time machine" episode of Catalyst, the weekly science program broadcast on our government run TV channel.

  13. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    search now starts working for you even before you start typing with search suggestions.

    What a fucking nightmare! And not the first time the pre-emptive strategy has been tried.

    Its clippy on speed!

  14. Christoph Silver badge
    Boffin

    Mind controlled third hand? Yes please!

    Rather than wiring it to a dummy hand, use the output to directly control the mouse while I type with the other two hands. Far better and faster control over the multiple open windows, controls, etc.

    And once I've trained myself to have good control over that, the same interface can be wired to provide direct 'mouse' input to all sorts of other gadgets, machines, vehicles etc.

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Re: Mind controlled third hand? Yes please!

      "use the output to directly control the mouse while I type with the other two hands."

      There is always the foot mouse, it's a thing.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Mind controlled third hand? Yes please!

        "There is always the foot mouse, it's a thing."

        3DRudder?

        1. onefang Silver badge

          Re: Mind controlled third hand? Yes please!

          "3DRudder?"

          There's a few foot controlled mouse / key type things around. If all else fails nail a joystick, trackball, or touchpad to the floor.

  15. holmegm

    I was thinking that a mind controlled robotic arm and hand might be, er, handy for my relative who has no hands ... but I guess if there's no obvious application for a fully able bodied guy in a cubicle, then that's that then.

  16. Mr Humbug

    Telepathically controlled drone arms you say?

    Sounds a bit risky. You could lose a universe

    http://lexx.wikia.com/wiki/Mantrid_Drones

    On the positive side you could add Xev Bellringer to the thing with Rachel Weisz and Shirley Manson

    I'm going to be very careful about which carrots I buy

    http://lexx.wikia.com/wiki/Carrot_Probe

  17. Potemkine! Silver badge

    Welcome back Mr Dabbs, I was missing your weekly chronicle!

    Did PIL make any other song? Even if that one is enough for perpetual (~= 50 years) celebrity.

    I would suggest another hit from the 80s for your mixtape, a good fit for a gym session:

    Patrick Coutin - J'aime regarder les filles

    1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

      > Did PIL make any other song?

      I'm surprised you've never heard of "Rise": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vq7JSic1DtM

  18. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Sing???

    Instead, passengers must sing throughout their journey

    Reminds me of slightly uncomfortable evenings with irish co-workers who wanted everyone to sing in the pub of an evening - solo and non-karaoke.

    Renditions of 'Sit on my Face (and tell me that you love me)' or 'I like Traffic Lights' is usually a good cure for being asked to sing again.

  19. Arthur the cat Silver badge
    WTF?

    the familiar vocal squealing of some modern flat-haired, orange-faced cretin

    Your local gym works out to Donald Trump speeches???

  20. Gene Cash Silver badge

    ONE extra arm?

    You need two, to be symmetrical! Plus it helps with the heavy lifting...

  21. StuntMisanthrope Bronze badge

    You been smoking Boris's inflagration again.

    It works, sounds plausible, Ye's on it, the bloke down the watering hole, saw me coming and it's the weekend! #aliedownallround #thechatbotdidit

  22. Franco Silver badge

    Glad I'm not the only one thinking that James Gunn's "Awesome Mixes" aren't really that awesome, and giving David Hasselhoff a reprieve is almost reason enough to have him fired even before the tweet storm.

    Still could have been worse. When people say to my how much better music was in the 80s I make them listen to Vanessa Paradis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ulay2FvUEd8

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      I don't get it.

      I suppose if you were a bona fide Teen during the 80's - you would think 80's music is just the bees knees.

      There was some memorable acts/bands/albums, but equally truly awful cringing atrocities that make one itch for something to bludgeon the singer to bloody pulp yelling 'make it stop, make it stop, make it stop'.

      Ditto for the 50's, 60's and 70's (and certainly any decade before or since).

      Once people stop being teens, they stop paying attention to 'what's in' and eventually stop being receptive to new music with a once treasured music collection slowly fossilising on a shelf or in an attic somewhere, only to be pulled out in twenty years to inflict on offspring and mortally embarrass them in front of their friends.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: I don't get it.

        "Once people stop being teens, they stop paying attention to 'what's in'"

        As far as I'm concerned most music worth listening to was composed and a great deal of it recorded before I was born, let alone in my teens. It's just that I've spent my time since then discovering more of it.

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: I don't get it.

        "only to be pulled out in twenty years to inflict on offspring and mortally embarrass them in front of their friends."

        Better yet, you join in singing along because the sprogs don't realise the latest hit is yet another cover version from your own youth. That usually puts the wind up them!

        1. onefang Silver badge

          Re: I don't get it.

          "Better yet, you join in singing along because the sprogs don't realise the latest hit is yet another cover version from your own youth. That usually puts the wind up them!"

          The ones that annoy me are where they take only a couple of lines from the original, and repeat them over and over and over and over again.

  23. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
    Boffin

    Uncommon

    “A further 23% would even sacrifice one of their senses,” the report continues, failing to notice the irony that this particular sampling of millennials have evidently done so already.

    Common failed to make the option list, as it's already long gone...

    Anyway haven't any of them seen Spider-Man 2? Did Doc Oc die for nothing?

  24. This post has been deleted by its author

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