back to article What if tech moguls brewed real ale?

The fine people at CAMRA are also fans of The Register, and are giving away both free and discount tickets for possibly one of the greatest shows on Earth: the incredible Great British Beer Festival at Olympia next month. To get in free, you must enter the competition below. Free entry will go to the five readers (and two of …

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  1. chronicdashedgehog

    ...it would probably taste like Daz or fizzy grapefruit

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Daz, don't knock it until you've tried it. Gets your insides whiter than white. I normally take mine with a meths chaser. Mmmm!

    2. Lusty Silver badge

      Not sure they count as moguls but Risuale is quite tasty from Risual!

  2. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    Head Crash, 8% ABV

    You start off floating whilst everything spins, but end up invoking disaster recovery procedures.

    Head Crash Premier has helium bubbles, for a lighter taste.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Head Crash, 8% ABV

      Static head slap. 9%

      Unexpected and devastating yet with a fresh flavour that causes a rebuild to the palette.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shoreditch Hipsters Nipple

    A fruity buzzword brew that's all mouth and no action. Best served through a beard.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Hipsters Nipple

      Comes with a free bingo card.

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Hipsters Nipple

        BOTTOMS UP TITSUP

        1. The Original Steve

          “Vulture’s Teat”

          See title

        2. Ben Bonsall

          Re: Hipsters Nipple

          Total Inability To Support Upended Pint.

  4. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Pint

    Spectre (Dark)

    Goes straight to your core and soon has you blabbing your most intimate secrets. In spite of later treatment you find you keep having flashbacks and reveal even more embarrassing information.

  5. OGShakes

    CryptoLager

    Looks and tastes like most mass produced lagers, think fosters, but it leaves you totally unable to access any of your memories from the night before....

  6. ARGO

    Hop count exceeded

    An American style IPA, obviously.

  7. Sykowasp

    Ales:

    "Continuous Drinkegration" - 5% IPA

    "Wobbly Vector" - 6% extra strong ale

    "Java 8" - 8% Coffee Porter

    Ciders:

    "Agile Scrumpy" - 7% Cider (or maybe "Scrumpy Master" is a better name)

    "Quad (apple/pear) Core" - 4% Session Cider/Perry

  8. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Brainfuck - 9% tramp juice.

  9. rmason Silver badge

    BeerAsAService

    CLOUD I.P.A

    when you open it, it's actually belongs to someone else. A random american turns up and drinks it.

    6.5%, but only to the guy called "Chad" who snatches it and drinks it all.

  10. Snivelling Wretch

    Daily Stand-Up

    An alcohol-free brew to ensure the drinker remains upright. Served in small measures only. Once opened, consume with 15 minutes. Best enjoyed on a full bladder.

    1. Giovani Tapini
      Coat

      Re: Daily Stand-Up

      Surely that should be called the "SCRUM half" instead...

      1. The Original Steve

        Re: Daily Stand-Up

        That’ll be the alcohol free cider, Shirley?

  11. Giovani Tapini

    Works like Magic

    A cloudy, weak ale that fails to deliver against its hype.

  12. lord_alan

    Virtual Musk

    Full bodied hoppy taste with overtones of Electric Daisies.

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
  13. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  14. Andytug

    BOFH Special IPA

    ABV 6.5%

    A strong yet smooth ale, apart from the sudden shock at first sip as the undertones of halon, quicklime and carpet become apparent. Best on a Friday afternoon. Should not be drunk next to any open windows or lift shafts in case of potential accidents. If drunk by management types may result in constant muscle spasms such as head nodding.

  15. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Pint

    Hmmm. Our lunchtime round.

    Afternoon barman. I'll have an IPv6A please, a complex brew with fruity notes and a very, very long finish. A pint of Apple ciDer - oh and a microSoft drink for the driver. What was that you wanted, a rootkit beer? OK. And for myself? Hmmm.

    I'll have a systemd stout please. Nutty, with strong dark notes, conflicting with a bitter aftertaste.

  16. Ben Bonsall

    ArgumentNotFound 0.2%

    Self explanatory.

    3 ó (that should be an Atari st bomb symbol but close enough) 14%

    Thick, golden and heavy, you'll find the reason for the name of this barley wine when you get into the taxi at the end of the night.

  17. OGShakes

    ITIL IPA

    ABV 3.5%

    A standardised IPA recipe that has an over complicated flavour that no one really likes.

  18. bofh1961

    Old Tekkie's Champale 11% ABV

    For celebrating the successful completion of a project that even the IT management thought was impossible. Erases all memories of the last few months...

  19. Unep Eurobats
    Windows

    Small-batch Micro(soft)brew

    Low in alcohol, subtly hopped with the Nadella variety, becoming cloudier after increased storage, allowing the flavours to develop! develop!!!! develop!!!!1111!1. (Warning: trying to remove the pump may cause the whole bar to stop working.)

  20. Donk

    Blue Screen of Death

    A malty pint of mild would be the ultimate diversion while you turn your kit off and on again

  21. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Something to do with Bitcoins or other cryptocurrency...

    Where you lose your memories rather than your bitcoins in a remote exchange heist.

  22. Unep Eurobats
    Gimp

    Apple cider

    Only £9.99 a pint. The glass must be held right and includes a Notch at the rim to keep your hipster moustache free of froth. Other brands offering their alcoholic beverages in cyclindrical receptacles will be sued.

    Made from water in a mysterious process by master brewer S Jobs.

    Tasting notes: distinct flavour of rainbows with a subtle hint of unicorn.

    1. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

      Re: Apple cider

      Apple don't make cider. They only make iPA.

  23. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

    DevOps

    Old slops served up as new.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    TITSUP

    Total Inability To Stand, er, Up

  25. BitterLemming

    Memory Leaks

    A superbly damp hop experience.

  26. BitterLemming

    You're Holding It wrong

    Bitter apples in a glass

  27. One trick pony

    A few for con-cideration

    "Sea Sharp" - Salty tang with whiff of rotten fish.

    "Pearl Rejects" - Complex notes, not easily digested.

    "Big O" - When you are in for a long session.

    "Tiptoe Though the Tuples" - A mixture of many beers and/or wine (normally consumed quickly at the end of an evening from multiple glasses in the Student Union bar).

    "Dup Swap Drop" - 0 percent for those wanting to drink but accomplish nothing.

    "Guido's Snake Soup" - Strong but mostly incomprehensible - especially for those not wearing braces.

  28. Matt Oldred

    Segmentation Malt

    Hoppy, nutty, foamy, with a surprisingly fruity note that lingers on the tongue.

  29. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Happy

    Fail Whale Pale Ale

    What Twitter's network engineers were drinking right before they did whatever they did that caused the service to go TITSUP again.

  30. Matt Oldred

    RaspberryPint

    Like Bacchus Framboise but only expected to sell around 10,000 units.

  31. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

    Modula-Brew

    Enjoyed with PIMs chasers and known to loosen up those geeks who refuse to engage in Smalltalk.

  32. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Pint

    Vulture's Nuts

    Fruit and Nut overtones

  33. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Tim's Tipple

    Cider. Trace ABV

  34. Matt Oldred

    Double Precision

    Used to toast the launch of your latest Ariane rocket, or commiserate if your guidance system tries to convert it into a 16-bit signed integer.

  35. SVV Silver badge
    Pint

    NullPinterException

    Cheers!

  36. Outski
    Pint

    x86 Shilling

    For the discerning Scottish BOFH

  37. ElRodders
    Pint

    SQAle

    A select beer everyone should order, good till the last drop...

    1. SVV Silver badge

      Re: SQAle

      This gets my vote, although the barperson giving you your pint of beery goodness would then be known as as an SQAle Server.

    2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re:A select beer everyone should order, good till the last drop...

      Very good.

      Can we join you at your table? Sampling all combinations will no doubt lead to a complete lack of cartesian coordination though.

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