back to article Dudes. Blockchain. In a phone. It's gonna smash the 'commoditization of humanity' or something

So it wasn't a joke. HTC today vowed to launch its "Blockchain Phone", which it calls an "agent of decentralization". HTC confirmed overnight that the Exodus smartphone will ship in its third quarter – meaning some time before the end of September – without releasing specifications. Or even what advantages it promises for the …

Anonymous Coward

Blockchain. AI. Cloud. Cures Cancer!

There, have I helped boost the Registers share price/click through/relevance now?

I thought I'd take the hit in the comments section, to avoid The Reg from having to float their own ideas. Should we all post these nonsense buzzwords in our posts, it will help keep the site legitimate for now. Once the money stops coming in though, I guess even this site will be forced to use the spam of cloud hosted solid state server based articles to generate revenue... oh.

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Re: Blockchain. AI. Cloud. Cures Cancer!

You missed Devops

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Re: Blockchain. AI. Cloud. Cures Cancer!

I pity HTC's developers. They've had to implement some requirements which are nothing more than a collection of bullshit bingo words.

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Re: Blockchain. AI. Cloud. Cures Cancer!

its more ludicrous than a BOFH installment. In fact didnt we already get a blockchain episode - almost identical to this story?

(Apart from Simon told the boss the get F***ked and not be so stupid , nobody seems to have done that at HTC)

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"All in all, Chen and HTC have set a very high bar for Strategy Boutique entries – it is hard to imagine this combination being surpassed."

Shouldn't that be Boutique Strategy? BS for short?

BINGO!!!!

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Anonymous Coward

Nope, it's a Strategy Boutique where the emperor can obtain his new apparel.

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Like many Reg readers I've been around a while and have seen my fair share of hype cycles, but the one surrounding blockchain is the biggest and the worst yet. Never in the field of tech has so much bollocks been spouted by so many. I have it on good authority that things ending in gasm are supposed to get smaller with time, but hypegasms just seem to get bigger and bigger.

PS Mildly bitter as I seem to have managed to miss my ride on the gravy train of pretty much every single tech hype cycle.

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Tosh. You can't've been paying attention 20 years ago when a shiny new trainspotters' or philatelists' .com website was going to make millions.

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" I have it on good authority that things ending in gasm are supposed to get smaller with time"

You're holding it wrong.

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@Nick Kew

The original web hypegasm had supposed valuations about a hundred times lower than the latest ones. There's even hyperinflation of hyperinflation. At this rate, if there's one every twenty years or so, the 2100 one will need wheelbarrows full of ones and zeroes just to write down the supposed market caps.

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Anonymous Coward

That's nothing, for those that haven't seen it I present the Hdac advert on itv during the world cup in all it's complete and utter b*llocks glory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xu57ZNlLjk

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You mean your washing machine doesn't have 'the blockchain solution'?

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"That's nothing, for those that haven't seen it I present the Hdac advert on itv during the world cup in all it's complete and utter b*llocks glory."

I've now seen it several times and still haven't worked out what exactly it is supposed to be about. In this brave new world do your home appliances have access to your bank account and pay for their own energy use on an hourly basis using Bitcoin? This can't possibly go wrong.

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Techradar didn't understand it either, so they asked Hdac who didn't answer.

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Maybe it's like Magic Leap.

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Sounds like IoT meets blockchain, now what could possibly go wrong there ??

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There's something to be said for this decentralisation stuff. If I rely on credit cards to finance transactions from a centralised bank they only work if everything in the entire payment chain doesn't have a TITSUP - card network, bank, everything. The possibility of that ideal state of affairs these days seems to be getting more remote. So, my lords, ladies and gentlemen I present my own, novel solution: Compensation Asymmetrically Serverless Hosted.

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Hold on a second, hasn't Pied Piper already launched their decentralised internet?

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Along with a good analysis of the problems of anonymous and decentralised infrastructure: you won't know it's been subverted until it's too late.

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"Chen's LinkedIn profile reveals he has a Master of Divinity (MDiv) degree in postmodern philosophy from Fuller Theological Seminary."

Sooo, he's full of crap then?

Calling anything post modern, immediately demonstrates the fact that it is pretentious rubbish.

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Anybody who has an MDiv is full of shit. A VC with one is a hypocrite that's full of shit. Unless, of course, they've since become apostates.

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Like a teenage libertarian having his first few bottles of Thunderbird...

This phrase didn't give anything away, then?

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Anybody who has an MDiv is full of shit

Of course, especially if the granting body is a "seminary".

There are some real universities that have real theological departments that award real degrees in how people delude themselves*, but their products don't tend to become VCs because they went into it to understand things like moral imperatives, and that is something VCs can't afford to have.

*P D James mentions in one of her books that a degree in theology is potentially useful to a detective. Certainly reading some of the more convoluted attempts at self-deception is a good background for understanding some program libraries.

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Sounds like Gavin Belson's spiritual advisor.

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Blockchain

Something Dynorod should get into?

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Wild phone claims --

-- especially that tagline -- only serve to remind me of xkcd:

http://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/Category:xkcd_Phones

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Go

rename TheRegister TheBlockChainRegister

The value will rise 289% like it did for for "Long Island Iced Tea Corp." after renaming to "Long Blockchain Corp."

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Re: rename TheRegister TheBlockChainRegister

We have a blockchain in the washing machine. Weighs near a ton (that's tonelada if you're of the other persuasion). Hoping there'll be a practical blockchain for bicycles soon.

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Obligatory Dilbert

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Joke

And another. :)

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First Coin Suported ADA (Cardano)

Which is written in Haskell, like speaking Georgian (East Europe) is that way so few understand what a con it is.

So basically a phone with hackable API bridges, you get some idiots with Social Science and Divinity Degrees..

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Re: First Coin Suported ADA (Cardano)

Is this going to be running on Cardano for its blockchain? Didn't see that reported anywhere else?

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Paris Hilton

I can't tell if this is marketing for a phone or a series of Silicon Valley. This was the plot last series and they seem to be trying to make it into a product?

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Windows

FTFA: "l...likely to cost around £1,000..."

I probably won't be buying one, then. I get the wife's hand-me-down iPhones. I'm rockin' a 5S now!

I can make calls, send SMS, even run a few apps. Frankly, I don't have the patience to wait for the damn thing to bring up a web page, so I don't do too much browsing with it. It's worth what I paid for it ($75 - had to have the battery replaced).

/ why, yes, I am a cheap old guy, why do you ask?

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Facepalm

"We want to get into the premium phone band. Do we make a $1000 phone, or just turn this over to Marketing?"

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I get the wife's hand-me-down iPhones.

I hate the iPhone, personally, but after a few rounds of buying unused overstock previous-generation grey-market phones, in the hope they might last a few years each, I've switched to buying used Android phones. New or used, they're all crap, as far as I can tell, so why pay any significant amount of money?

Currently I have a Galaxy S6, which is shit (Samsung beats Lenovo and ASUS at making Android worse), but it was cheap and basically works.

I'd just go back to feature phones but my family insist on texting rather than calling, and I hate T9, so I need something with some sort of qwerty keyboard. I'd like a physical one but cheap phones with physical qwerty keyboards have become hard to find.

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What?

I admit I'm not a tech expert but this sounds like utter bollocks.

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Re: What?

I am a tech expert and having 'run the tech numbers' can happily confirm that, from a tech perspective, your "utter bollocks" hypothesis is entirely correct.

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Mushroom

Cor

My bullshitometer just exploded!

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IP

Are they intending to patent and monopolize this so-called liberation of humanity?

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Facepalm

*Reads the title*

Hopes go thorugh the roof: "Is Steve Bong back at El Reg??"

*Reads actual article*

Damn, Reality is much, much stupider than fiction

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Joke

You're Lord Bong, and I claim my 5 quid!

I think we now know where Steve Bong wound up after he left the U.K., now living under the assumed name Phil Chen.

Will the new phones feature "Thinkfluence Design," also?

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Of all places to start

Social media, email, app hosting, and file hosting need to be decentralized. Those centralized services are advertising and personal information siphons that no longer have any technical reason to exist. Money transfers need a bit more refinement.

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Re: Of all places to start

Email has, if anything, become more centralized. There are a couple reasons for this:

1. Spam. ISPs have found it necessary to block direct SMTP from their users to limit spam, so everything has to go through a central smarthost anyway. Filtering *incoming* spam is also a difficult and time-consuming job and one of the reasons I stopped running my own private mail server.

2. Convenience. People want to be able to access their mail from their desktop, their laptop, and their phone. That requires some kind of central repository. No one particularly wants to go back to the old days when you POP'd your mail down to your desktop machine, and that was it, it was trapped there.

There are already decentralized file-sharing services, but uptake has been slow. Not a lot of people are eager to share their disk space with others, especially when you never know if someone's going to upload kiddie porn and get you arrested.

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Anonymous Coward

helping to combat the commoditization of humanity

I wish they blockchained themselves to a chunk of concrete and made a leap of faith, preferably over a Baikonur launchpad, or Mariana trench, I bet they'd make a splash. Preferably everybody from the level of mid-management up (the level where humanity ends). Including the AI, of course. Yes, Mark Z, you too sir...

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Rub some bacon blockchain on it.

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Phil Chen?

I thought that was Rod Stewart's bass player. Met him once. Sterling chap.

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FAIL

Smell that?

Desperation.

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So if I drop the thing and it shatters...

...then I've lost all my bitcoin and my ID?

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Seize the means of bitcoin production, comrades!

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