back to article BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "You see!" the Boss says. "See what?" I ask. "THERE!" "Where? What are you pointing at?" "My contacts," he says, jabbing at his phone with a chubby finger. "What... about your contacts?" "Look!" he says, moving the stubby digit from his phone screen to an area of his Outlook …

Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Cheers, Simon!

...a pile of lies so high he's getting liars' vertigo.

71
0
Bronze badge
Pint

Re: Cheers, Simon!

I have added this to my "unique adages" list.

5
0
Silver badge

Re: Cheers, Simon!

I wonder if you lie as much as certain people do, whether you can actually enter the death zone like on Everest. One can only hope!

2
0
Silver badge

Lies and lying lyers.

It's always fun goading someone into a lie, and then running with it.

Ideally you should end up at the point where they have to admit to the lie in front of their boss. Oh, and keeping them guessing as to is your really know they're lying helps keep them on edge.

Salespeople are my usual marks.

20
2
Silver badge

Re: Lies and lying lyers.

Doesn't work for me. If I show up a sales guy for the lying liar he is, somehow I end up as the bad guy. I've come to the conclusion that everyone already assumes they're lying, and drawing attention to it is considered bad form.

12
0
Silver badge

Punishing liars

"I have to give the Boss a bit of respect for being able to lie on the fly like this, but he's still got to be punished."

It's great fun seeing just how far someone will dig to try and cover up for one simple, initial lie.

Great start to a Friday as always :)

20
2
Silver badge

Re: Punishing liars

Hmmm. Scenario suggestion: could the BOFH contrive to come up against The Liar himself?

0
0
Silver badge

Human deviousness

It is depressing for any real techie to read these tales of deviousness and realise how normal it all is.

31
0
Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Human deviousness

Yes but its kind of fun to hit equipment with hammers and claim you are diagnosing an issue (The baseball bat Margret got confiscated so I now have to use a hammer)

19
3
Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Human deviousness

I forgot to mention the baseball bat is foam and the hammer is an inflatable one (I'm not actually going to destroy anything those who downvoted me)

7
2
Silver badge

Re: Human deviousness

The downvotes are probably because you admitted you actually aren't destroying anything - BOFH articles attract a certain type, after all!

23
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: Human deviousness

They're downvoting you for not using a rubber mallet.

They don't leave any marks, but will destroy HDDs faster than the Monsoon in Thailand...

Proper tool for the job and all that.

25
0

Re: Human deviousness

Perhaps the downvote were for your baseball bat having a female name? I always figured they were kinda male, but I'm no sports fan, so what do I know?

0
0

Re: Human deviousness

If you think a baseball bat should have a male name, then Lucille would like to have a word with you.

8
0

rubber mallet

I used one to bang on the door of my (insert appropriate adjective here ) neighbor from south of the border when he was broadcasting his (...) music to the whole neighborhood and could not hear me knocking with my fist.Sorry it's out of context.

1
0

Re: Human deviousness

Not sure if "I'd Hit That" ever came out of a bat, even when thinking of Lucille Ball....

1
0
Silver badge

Re: Human deviousness

Oddly I didn't actually name the bats (There is a male bat called George).

My Rubber Mallet is lost somewhere under the false floor (Where once the rubber degrades the bastards who stole my server room have a collapsed floor for a meeting room), I would replace it, but I don't think they would kill SSD's very well.

2
0

Re: Human deviousness

A Rubber Mallet and a piece of silk will fry an SSD quite nicely if used properly.

2
0
Silver badge
Pint

Here's to us!

9
0

Always amazes me just how convinced people can be that they are right, even when proved completely wrong.

Those who are best at it, of course, go into politics.....

23
1
Silver badge

That's what happens when you fix "I must be right" as the primary axiom of immutable truth (a thing most people seem to be doing, even if unconsciously) and derive any and all aspects of reality suitably bent pretzel-like, as needed, to fit that. Pushed far enough, people are willing to deny the very existence of the Sun in the sky even as they are sweating its heat, if it would mean having to admit being wrong. That would be a reduction to an absurdity, implying that the assumption that the Sun exists _must_ be the false one, full stop.

The key realization here is that arguing with these folks is utterly pointless, because the point you are trying to dislodge is the fulcrum itself - anything is allowed to move except that very point, regardless of how long your intellectual lever is. You're trying to prove false something they _know_ with absolute certainty to be true; not gonna happen, and the more eloquent argument you manage to construct driving home the inescapable truth of your point the worse it ends up being for your blood pressure to see it nonetheless rejected without explanation.

18
0
Silver badge

Those who are best at it, of course, go into politics.....

And you got downvoted for this? I'm shocked. There must be a mole among us that wants us to believe that politicians are honest, hardworking, and saints in disguise.

12
1
Devil

Not politics

Those who are best at making money from it, of course, go into politics become CEOs of multinational corporations.....

It's the financially less competent liars that go into politics.

FTFY (you're welcome)

10
1

Re: There must be a mole among us

Haven't you noticed there's a phantom individual who downvotes on every forum?

Some of the most innocuous replies in a thread get a single downvote and you think to yourself "Why? What on earth could anyone have found to object to about it?"

I don't think it's anything personal; it's a compulsion, I suspect - I'd be willing to bet good money that if you found out who it was and wrote a complimentary post about them they'd jerk their knee and downvote it themself.

I'm willing to bet this reply gets one from them but, knowing the commentards here, it's just as likely to get more downvotes than any single post in the entire history of El Reg as everyone downvotes it just for a laugh, so I'll never be absolutely sure - ho hum, such is the way and the lot of the commentard.

11
8

Re: There must be a mole among us

"it's just as likely to get more downvotes than any single post in the entire history of El Reg as everyone downvotes it just for a laugh"

I've upvoted you, but if I notice lots and lots and lots of downvotes, then I reserve the right to jump on that bandwagon and change mine to a downvote. Careful what you wish for.

8
1
Happy

Re: Careful what you wish for

Thanks and be assured I won't take it amiss if you do - if I could, I'd downvote it myself just for a laugh ;-D

It'd screw up my 'stats', such as they are, but if you take the votes on El Reg seriously, you've either not been reading it long enough or you shouldn't be here in the first place - it's not that people are nasty but, if you can't take a joke, you really shouldn't have joined here.

11
1
Happy

Re: Careful what you wish for

I don't think downvotes actually count for much. Upvotes, sticking around, and posting is what earns you your badges. I'm well on track for skipping straight over the bronze badge and getting silver by Christmas. It'll be El Regs Christmas present to me.

6
0
Gimp

Re: Careful what you wish for

Badgers!?

I haven't seen a badger icon - how do I get one of those!?

I'd love a silver (or even bronze) badger icon!

Don't know what kind of post it'd be useful for but I don't really care; I haven't seen anyone use one before, so they must be really rare, and I'd just use it every time: if you've got it, flaunt it - get a load of my badger!

[Fanboi icon cos, if you squint really hard, it could be a sort of a badger - one with a (probably unfortunate) deformity]

Oh ... badges ... not badgers : (

Well, I suppose the odd girl guide or two might be entertaining of an evening, if I've no-one better to do, but it's not the same at all really, is it?

I was really looking forward to a badger too *sigh*

5
0

Re: Careful what you wish for

Maybe if you badger the vulture, you'll get your badger badge.

7
0
Pint

Re: Careful what you wish for

Nice!

[beer, for the obvious reason that you've earned it].

2
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: There must be a mole among us

It’s somewhat arrogant to think that everyone agrees with your point of view on any topic and not a single person would downvote it, especially on a comment that you might think is especially deserving of no downvotes. In fact with an attitude like that you should go into politics, you’d excel, or why not a CEO?

0
6

Re: There must be a mole among us

Your projection onto others of what I shall charitably term your 'thinking' on this matter rather gives the lie to the idea that you are, yourself, anything other than remarkably narrowminded and your need to lecture another about their thinking speaks volumes about your overweening self-regard.

It's supremely arrogant of you to suggest to someone that their being surprised at the difference of opinion about some ideas is evidence of their arrogantly assuming their own opinion on the matter to be the only valid one rather than of their simply being perplexed by others' opinions.

Not understanding another's point of view does not inexorably lead to the standpoint that others' points of view are invalid, merely to that of wondering what they might be and why.

You, however, appear unable to differentiate between incomprehension of another's point of view and self-infatuation, indicating that your are very young and/or developmentally arrested - perhaps you should offer your services to medical science; I'm sure the abnormalities in your brain structure would lead to some immensely valuable insights into neurological function.

5
1
Silver badge

Re: There must be a mole among us

"..arrogant to think that everyone agrees with your point of view on any topic.."

Ah, but that's where I unleash my secret weapon (no, I don't want to do an evil laugh now - why does everyone assume I want to do an evil laugh?). I simply ensure that I am always, and invariably, right about everything, thus making the downvoters expose their nature by attempting to contradict my awesome truthiness.

Muhahahahaha! (Ah, there you go)

7
0

Re: Careful what you wish for

If you get (17??) bagder badges, you get a mushroom badge.

Two mushroom badges, and some more badgers, and you get a snake badge.

Snake? Snake! Ooooh, it's a Snake.

9
0

Re: Careful what you wish for

Two mushroom badges, and some more badgers, and you get a snake badge

How many more though - one or sixteen?

And do I get to keep my badger badges or do I have to exchange them?

If I exchange them for.... ooooh ... a snake badge, can I earn more badger badges, or is that it and I'll see no more badgers from then on?

3
0

Re: Careful what you wish for

As promised, I changed it to a downvote.

1
0
Happy

Re: Careful what you wish for

As promised, I changed it to a downvote

Heh. Thanks for the laugh : D

2
0

Re: Careful what you wish for

Oh great. Now I too want a badger icon.

That said, has anyone else noticed how, on imdb, even the greatest movies of all times manage to land a small number of voters (among imdb's top 1000 voters) giving out a score of one?

It makes me wonder if they *always* vote like that, or if there is something else sinister going on. No wonder there is war in the world.

3
0
Silver badge
Pint

What great timing

Classic BOFH! I think I'll have an extra one of these ->

This showed up just as I was about to pop down to the pub. Incidentally, did the boss transfer from the DWP?

10
1
Silver badge
Pint

What great timing

I think I'll have an extra one of these ->

This showed up just as I was about to pop down to the pub. Incidentally, did the boss transfer from the DWP?

2
2
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: What great timing

Sorry for the spam. What was supposed to be an edit somehow turned into a second post :o

7
1
Silver badge

Re: What great timing

> What was supposed to be an edit somehow turned into a second post

Really! That’s quite worrying; it could be a bug that’s affecting other users too. Did you post from your phone, or a computer? Whichever it,was I think you’d better hand it over so we can investigate properly.

33
0

Re: What great timing

So, you're only going to have one pint?

3
0
Silver badge

It's Friday. On-Call and BOFH perused.

Luch consumed.

Now what? Pub o' clock? Too early for that... methinks it is time to have a quick shufty at the NTP controller for our domain and set it forward with a few hours... >clickety<>click<

6
0
Silver badge

I'm surprised...

That the boss's phone and desktop weren't "archived" to obtain future blackmail topics. You never know when such jucy items might be useful.

Of course, the might be, and we don't know it yet.

Life goes on.

13
0
Silver badge

Re: I'm surprised...

Given that this Boss seems to be different from the last issues, I expect this one to have the life expectancy of a mayfly... So why bother?

2
0

least beleivable storyline ever

I know BOFH likes to stretch the boundaries of believably, but an outlook sync problem that wasn't caused by crap sync software?? sorry you've lost me there.

14
2

This post has been deleted by its author

Re: least beleivable storyline ever

We routinely encounter people who accidentally add calendar entries to the calendar profile for a personal account on an iPhone and then insist the system is broken when it fails to materialise on their desktop Outlook. It's entirely believable.

8
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: least beleivable storyline ever

... and people who delete stuff on their desktop email and wonder why the deletion wasn't immediately synched over to the phone within 5 nanoseconds, among other things. (ActiveSync is a pig, but it _mostly_ works.)

4
0

Page:

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018