back to article Foolish foodies duped into thinking Greggs salads are posh nosh

Food snobs have been tricked into saying they like Greggs after the British high-street pasty biz went undercover at a London festival. Visitors to the Foodies Festival were fooled into thinking "Gregory And Gregory" was the latest purveyor of gourmet salads by posh signage and smart aprons, complete with geometric leaf logo …

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  1. GreggS

    My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

    I just roll with it.

    1. Velv Silver badge

      Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

      Did you order the Oasis Soup?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

      As soon as anyone mentions Greggs - I just think of a factory somewhere with an enormous Whisky sized vat, with a mixing hook the size of the titanic's rotor, stiring a pink mush with the dna of 10000 dead pigs, with blood being added until the original grey sludge is just the right shade of Gregg's pink, slowly being squeezed out through a hole, the diameter of a small child, ready to fill some pastry somewhere.

      Now if they brought that setup to a food show, I'm sure everyone like me, would immediately associate that with Greggs.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

        You think there's meat and blood in a Greggs sausage roll? How quaint.

      2. Cuddles Silver badge

        Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

        "think of a factory somewhere with an enormous Whisky sized vat, with a mixing hook the size of the titanic's rotor, stiring a pink mush with the dna of 10000 dead pigs, with blood being added until the original grey sludge is just the right shade of Gregg's pink, slowly being squeezed out through a hole, the diameter of a small child, ready to fill some pastry somewhere."

        Great, now I'm hungry.

      3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Coat

        Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

        I've heard that Greggs sausages are made out of lips and arseholes.

        But personally, I think it's just bollocks.

        Badumtish! I'm here all week!

      4. Sweep

        Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

        I worked in a cheapo sausage factory (not producing snags for Greggs but for several supermarket "Value" ranges) during one of my holidays from uni. It's not blood that adds the pink colouring- that comes from the tub of food colouring and additives that's chucked into the big vat full of bones, gristle and fat.

  2. Andrew Moore Silver badge

    In fairness, none of the food served would be typical of Greggs so I don't really understand how the punters were duped.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I think it was, they just renamed it.

      1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

        Like an Acura is just a Honda with lockwashers, then...

    2. Velv Silver badge
      FAIL

      I’d suggest you watch again. The last few seconds confirm it is the new Summer menu at Greggs “(sausage rolls also available)”

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Taste is very largely about smell (ask any wine buff about the importance of a big glass which you only half fill).

      And the greasy smell of a pie shop sets the tone, even if some of the food itself might be entirely different if taken out of that context.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Not a big glass.

        Rather a tulip shaped one that you can comfortably cup in your hand, with an opening that's big enough to get your nose into while you sip. And you don't fill it half full, that's far too much. Just an ounce or so is all you need when tasting wine. Of course if your objective is drinking, rather than tasting, follow your bliss. I hear from usually reliable sources that pint beer glasses, coffee mugs and tea cups work in a pinch :-)

        1. Kane Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: Not a big glass.

          "I hear from usually reliable sources that pint beer glasses, coffee mugs and tea cups work in a pinch :-)"

          Sippy cups.

          1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

            Re: Not a big glass.

            No. If you're worried about spilling it, then a straw stuck in the bottle will do fine. Brown paper bag, optional.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Would sir like to try the slow roasted and pulled beef in a succulent jus made from a time honoured northern English recipe wrapped in hand made pasty presented with geometrical patterns?

    I present the Steak Bake.

    People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      I ordered "beef en croute" in a small town in Scotland once - and got a Findus crispy pancake

      1. defiler Silver badge

        in a small town in Scotland

        Was it deep fried? If not, it was probably an Englishman in the kitchen. I once watched somebody deep fry and eat a lettuce. Us Scots deep fry everything - even ice cream.

        ... Suddenly I want to watch Comfort and Joy...

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          It was a small hotel with perhaps delusions of grandeur (or in this case delusions of adequacy) - but it was the only place to eat in town.

        2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          I once watched somebody deep fry and eat a lettuce.

          In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza! No, I never tried: frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            "In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza! No, I never tried: frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam"

            You condone the punishement of deep frying for spammers?

            Whilst it might seem overly harsh, I have to admit there would be few repeat offenders

          2. Tinslave_the_Barelegged Silver badge
            IT Angle

            > In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza!

            I recently flew from Glasgow (we're well north in Scotland) and while waiting for the flight ordered a panini. The waiter asked "Do yer want chips or salad wi' yer panini there?" Now here's the top tip - please learn from my mistake - NEVER ask for the salad. Some vaguely green curly strips and a wrinkled red thing that was once a tomato fill the space where nature obviously intended chips to be.

            (IT angle obvious)

            1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

              NEVER ask for the salad

              My lifelong philosophy

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            "In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza!"

            Probably most chippies in the Edinburgh area in the 1970s did deep fried mini pizzas. IIRC they started off frozen - and when served you had to wring them out like a cloth to remove excess frying oil.

          4. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

            Frying in batter is strictly for fish, and spam? You have clearly never tried deep-fried icecream - truly a thing of beauty. Assuming it's not cooked in the same oil as the fish of course.

            1. BoldMan

              Deep fried curly-wurly - a thing of beauty to experience! Far better than a Mars bar!

              1. juice Bronze badge

                I tried a deep fried mars bar in Edinburgh while wandering down the Royal mile, but neither my friend nor I were particularly impressed - it tasted like cardboard.

                A chippy in Buxton does deep fried Cadburys Creme Eggs at Easter. Which is pretty much as gloriously disgusting as you might expect, especially since the egg comes out covered in a gnarled knot of batter - it looks like something you'd stumble across in a Alien film...

              2. defiler Silver badge

                Deep fried curly-wurly

                I can see that working. Last I spoke at length on the subject it was deep fried Maltesers, which sound surprisingly amazing!

          5. Fungus Bob Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            "frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam!"

            Spam is best enjoyed raw.

          6. juice Bronze badge

            A local chippy does deep fried rolls of kebab meat. I bought one once as an experiment; I think my heart stuttered just from looking at it!

          7. d3vy Silver badge

            "In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza!"

            It's called pizza crunch and you can get it practically anywhere that has a fryer

            1. Mycho Silver badge

              I thought a pizza crunch had to have batter?

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          @defiler

          Now I want to try deep fried lettuce.

          or

          Romaine lettuce encased in a thin dough cooked in tempura style.

        4. JohnFen Silver badge

          Scots have that right, then. There is nothing that can't be made tastier by deep frying it.

      2. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

        Food resembleing other food

        I was in an a chain Italian restaurant, and ordered the veal (I know, it was one of those "I've got to try it once" moments overriding any ethical thoughts), and I was very disappointment to get a plate containing something that looked and tasted like a Bernard Mathews turkey steak with half a tin of Heinz Spaghetti in tomato sauce and a quarter of a bag of Florette small-leaf salad.

        Maybe it was, and I was just duped!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Food resembleing other food

          "I was in an a chain Italian restaurant, and ordered the veal [...]"

          Many years ago at dinner with a girlfriend in a relatively posh Edinburgh Italian restaurant. I ordered the veal schnitzel. When the waitress served us she said "whose is the fish?".

        2. Cursorkeys

          Re: Food resembleing other food

          >veal (I know, it was one of those "I've got to try it once" moments overriding any ethical thoughts)

          Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK. we've outlawed the cruel production practices for at least a decade, overseas is variable especially once you get out of the EU.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

              You're confusing vegetarian and vegan.

              1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

                Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

                You're confusing vegetarian and vegan.

                Vegetarian veal is OK, veal made from vegans is a bit tasteless

                1. jake Silver badge

                  Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

                  So a vegetarian could eat a vegan in a pinch, but not vice versa?

            2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

              "I know a vegetarian who refuses to wear leather but eats cheese and drinks milk."

              As someone else said, you may be confusing vegans and vegetarians and conflating two sets of beliefs in a confused way. On the other hand, a vegetarian might be happy to eat or use the products of an animal where said product doesn't involve killing the animal. So milk and cheese is fine, wool is fine, but leather is not.

          2. Terry 6 Silver badge

            Re: Food resembleing other food

            And to add to cursokeys comment, if you drink milk then there have to be calves (i.e. veals) produced. A fact of life. Better to eat them than they being used for dog food.

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: Food resembleing other food

              My cows don't produce veal They produce proto-steaks or heifers. I leave the veal production to my neighbor, he's set up for it. Thankfully, the fine art of bartering isn't dead, in spite of the infernal revenuers.

          3. Mark 85 Silver badge

            Re: Food resembleing other food

            Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK. we've outlawed the cruel production practices for at least a decade, overseas is variable especially once you get out of the EU.

            Here in that States, anything thing that's a patty, breaded, and labeled "veal" is mystery meat. I suspect that many of the un-breaded, non-patty veal isn't actual veal either. If you want veal, find a butcher's shop.

        3. jake Silver badge

          Re: Food resembleing other food

          "a chain Italian restaurant"

          Well, there's your problem.

      3. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. defiler Silver badge

      rustlers microwave burgers

      The disappointment of the drop in performance (0-tasty time went from 60 to 70 seconds) is only exceeded by the disappointment of the flavour...

    3. tony72

      People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

      Okay, I will step up and defend microwave burgers. You do have to make them right; no matter what the instructions say, toast the bun separately, do not under any circumstances put it in the microwave. Fold a paper towel around the meat patty when you cook it, it will soak up the excess moisture released during heating. In the case of Rustlers burgers, throw away the Rustlers sauce, it's disgusting, and apply your proper condiments of choice instead. If we're talking cheeseburger, an extra slice of cheese does not hurt, as the one slice provided is generally lacking in flavour, as well as quantity.

      None of this will make it into a gourmet experience, don't get me wrong. But it is actually a passable snack if done right, and in my case, significantly superior to the burgers available from the eastern European guy around the corner, whose food safety standards are distinctly questionable.

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