back to article Foolish foodies duped into thinking Greggs salads are posh nosh

Food snobs have been tricked into saying they like Greggs after the British high-street pasty biz went undercover at a London festival. Visitors to the Foodies Festival were fooled into thinking "Gregory And Gregory" was the latest purveyor of gourmet salads by posh signage and smart aprons, complete with geometric leaf logo …

My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

I just roll with it.

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Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

Did you order the Oasis Soup?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

As soon as anyone mentions Greggs - I just think of a factory somewhere with an enormous Whisky sized vat, with a mixing hook the size of the titanic's rotor, stiring a pink mush with the dna of 10000 dead pigs, with blood being added until the original grey sludge is just the right shade of Gregg's pink, slowly being squeezed out through a hole, the diameter of a small child, ready to fill some pastry somewhere.

Now if they brought that setup to a food show, I'm sure everyone like me, would immediately associate that with Greggs.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

You think there's meat and blood in a Greggs sausage roll? How quaint.

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Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

"think of a factory somewhere with an enormous Whisky sized vat, with a mixing hook the size of the titanic's rotor, stiring a pink mush with the dna of 10000 dead pigs, with blood being added until the original grey sludge is just the right shade of Gregg's pink, slowly being squeezed out through a hole, the diameter of a small child, ready to fill some pastry somewhere."

Great, now I'm hungry.

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Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

I've heard that Greggs sausages are made out of lips and arseholes.

But personally, I think it's just bollocks.

Badumtish! I'm here all week!

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Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

I worked in a cheapo sausage factory (not producing snags for Greggs but for several supermarket "Value" ranges) during one of my holidays from uni. It's not blood that adds the pink colouring- that comes from the tub of food colouring and additives that's chucked into the big vat full of bones, gristle and fat.

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In fairness, none of the food served would be typical of Greggs so I don't really understand how the punters were duped.

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Anonymous Coward

I think it was, they just renamed it.

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Like an Acura is just a Honda with lockwashers, then...

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FAIL

I’d suggest you watch again. The last few seconds confirm it is the new Summer menu at Greggs “(sausage rolls also available)”

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Taste is very largely about smell (ask any wine buff about the importance of a big glass which you only half fill).

And the greasy smell of a pie shop sets the tone, even if some of the food itself might be entirely different if taken out of that context.

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Not a big glass.

Rather a tulip shaped one that you can comfortably cup in your hand, with an opening that's big enough to get your nose into while you sip. And you don't fill it half full, that's far too much. Just an ounce or so is all you need when tasting wine. Of course if your objective is drinking, rather than tasting, follow your bliss. I hear from usually reliable sources that pint beer glasses, coffee mugs and tea cups work in a pinch :-)

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Pint

Re: Not a big glass.

"I hear from usually reliable sources that pint beer glasses, coffee mugs and tea cups work in a pinch :-)"

Sippy cups.

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Re: Not a big glass.

No. If you're worried about spilling it, then a straw stuck in the bottle will do fine. Brown paper bag, optional.

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Anonymous Coward

Would sir like to try the slow roasted and pulled beef in a succulent jus made from a time honoured northern English recipe wrapped in hand made pasty presented with geometrical patterns?

I present the Steak Bake.

People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

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I ordered "beef en croute" in a small town in Scotland once - and got a Findus crispy pancake

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rustlers microwave burgers

The disappointment of the drop in performance (0-tasty time went from 60 to 70 seconds) is only exceeded by the disappointment of the flavour...

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in a small town in Scotland

Was it deep fried? If not, it was probably an Englishman in the kitchen. I once watched somebody deep fry and eat a lettuce. Us Scots deep fry everything - even ice cream.

... Suddenly I want to watch Comfort and Joy...

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It was a small hotel with perhaps delusions of grandeur (or in this case delusions of adequacy) - but it was the only place to eat in town.

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I once watched somebody deep fry and eat a lettuce.

In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza! No, I never tried: frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam!

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Anonymous Coward

@defiler

Now I want to try deep fried lettuce.

or

Romaine lettuce encased in a thin dough cooked in tempura style.

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Food resembleing other food

I was in an a chain Italian restaurant, and ordered the veal (I know, it was one of those "I've got to try it once" moments overriding any ethical thoughts), and I was very disappointment to get a plate containing something that looked and tasted like a Bernard Mathews turkey steak with half a tin of Heinz Spaghetti in tomato sauce and a quarter of a bag of Florette small-leaf salad.

Maybe it was, and I was just duped!

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Anonymous Coward

"In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza! No, I never tried: frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam"

You condone the punishement of deep frying for spammers?

Whilst it might seem overly harsh, I have to admit there would be few repeat offenders

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Scots have that right, then. There is nothing that can't be made tastier by deep frying it.

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IT Angle

> In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza!

I recently flew from Glasgow (we're well north in Scotland) and while waiting for the flight ordered a panini. The waiter asked "Do yer want chips or salad wi' yer panini there?" Now here's the top tip - please learn from my mistake - NEVER ask for the salad. Some vaguely green curly strips and a wrinkled red thing that was once a tomato fill the space where nature obviously intended chips to be.

(IT angle obvious)

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Anonymous Coward

"In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza!"

Probably most chippies in the Edinburgh area in the 1970s did deep fried mini pizzas. IIRC they started off frozen - and when served you had to wring them out like a cloth to remove excess frying oil.

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Frying in batter is strictly for fish, and spam? You have clearly never tried deep-fried icecream - truly a thing of beauty. Assuming it's not cooked in the same oil as the fish of course.

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Re: Food resembleing other food

"I was in an a chain Italian restaurant, and ordered the veal [...]"

Many years ago at dinner with a girlfriend in a relatively posh Edinburgh Italian restaurant. I ordered the veal schnitzel. When the waitress served us she said "whose is the fish?".

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Deep fried curly-wurly - a thing of beauty to experience! Far better than a Mars bar!

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People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

Okay, I will step up and defend microwave burgers. You do have to make them right; no matter what the instructions say, toast the bun separately, do not under any circumstances put it in the microwave. Fold a paper towel around the meat patty when you cook it, it will soak up the excess moisture released during heating. In the case of Rustlers burgers, throw away the Rustlers sauce, it's disgusting, and apply your proper condiments of choice instead. If we're talking cheeseburger, an extra slice of cheese does not hurt, as the one slice provided is generally lacking in flavour, as well as quantity.

None of this will make it into a gourmet experience, don't get me wrong. But it is actually a passable snack if done right, and in my case, significantly superior to the burgers available from the eastern European guy around the corner, whose food safety standards are distinctly questionable.

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So you basically don't microwave, or you throw away, everything other than the patty - which you wrap up and zap, or in other words you're essentially steaming it. Not much of a defence of the concept of a "microwave burger", is it?

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Re: Food resembleing other food

>veal (I know, it was one of those "I've got to try it once" moments overriding any ethical thoughts)

Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK. we've outlawed the cruel production practices for at least a decade, overseas is variable especially once you get out of the EU.

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@Credas - It's a somewhat edible hot burger in 2 minutes without going further than the kitchen, I say my defence stands up. Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.

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People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

I quite like Rustler's, pack of 8, cook-in-the-oven burgers. But I wouldn't eat one of their bun things which rotates in a microwave if you tried to pay me.

I'm eagerly waiting to see what 'shit in a sarnie' we will get thanks to our trade deal with America. I'm sure Greggs will embrace Grits and Gumbo with a Spray Cheese topping and a side of Chicken Feet.

Mine's the one with the sick-bag in the pocket.

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Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.

I have tried it, actually - who couldn't be curious enough to give it a go? I agree it wasn't as bad as I was expecting, but I'd still sooner spend the full 5 minutes with a hot griddle and have something far better.

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"East European guy round the corner"

You mean Cut me own throat Kowalski? He sells named meat but nobody can pronounce it.

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I thought it was Khlav Kalash?

https://frinkiac.com/img/S09E01/729211.jpg

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Re: Food resembleing other food

And to add to cursokeys comment, if you drink milk then there have to be calves (i.e. veals) produced. A fact of life. Better to eat them than they being used for dog food.

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"frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam!"

Spam is best enjoyed raw.

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At the A/C, re: people eat any old shit.

You're CMOT Dibbler aren't you? I claim my money! =-D

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Re: Food resembleing other food

"a chain Italian restaurant"

Well, there's your problem.

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Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

You're confusing vegetarian and vegan.

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"So you basically don't microwave, or you throw away, everything other than the patty - which you wrap up and zap, or in other words you're essentially steaming it. Not much of a defence of the concept of a "microwave burger", is it?"

I was thinkig pretty much the same. If your putting the grill on anyway (you don't toast burger buns in a pop-up toaster, you only toast the one side) then you might as well grill the burger too and be done with it. It's not going to take much longer.

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Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

"I know a vegetarian who refuses to wear leather but eats cheese and drinks milk."

As someone else said, you may be confusing vegans and vegetarians and conflating two sets of beliefs in a confused way. On the other hand, a vegetarian might be happy to eat or use the products of an animal where said product doesn't involve killing the animal. So milk and cheese is fine, wool is fine, but leather is not.

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Re: At the A/C, re: people eat any old shit.

You're CMOT Dibbler aren't you? I claim my money! =-D

Sorry, no refunds!

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Re: Food resembleing other food

My cows don't produce veal They produce proto-steaks or heifers. I leave the veal production to my neighbor, he's set up for it. Thankfully, the fine art of bartering isn't dead, in spite of the infernal revenuers.

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Re: Food resembleing other food

Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK. we've outlawed the cruel production practices for at least a decade, overseas is variable especially once you get out of the EU.

Here in that States, anything thing that's a patty, breaded, and labeled "veal" is mystery meat. I suspect that many of the un-breaded, non-patty veal isn't actual veal either. If you want veal, find a butcher's shop.

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