back to article Zuck to meet Euro MPs for ‘please explain’ session

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg will visit Brussels in the next week or two to meet with representatives of the European Parliament including “the leaders of the political groups and the Chair and the Rapporteur of the Committee for Civil Liberties, Justice and Home Affairs.” That quote comes from Antonio Tajani, the European …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about...?

    Questioner: Mr Zuckerberg, thanks for coming here today. I am very pleased to tell you that as of the moment this session began, all access to Facebook from the EU has been blocked and will remain blocked until you answer our questions honestly and truthfully and none of this 'I didn't know crap'. Do you understand this Mr Zuckerberg?

    1. ratfox Silver badge

      Re: How about...?

      Do it. Chicken!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Nice, but Zuk knows the EU isn't that organized

      Another approach maybe is to play-on Americans blindness for sarcasm / cynicism.... EU: 'We're all Advertisers and Investors here, not Politicians... Now, tell us everything you can give us?'

  2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Could we arrange for his flight to be diverted into LHR and met by a party lead by the Sergeant at Arms?

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Even Zuck knows we're too busy with our long national nightmare to matter anymore.

      It'd be fun if he has to change in the UK and were taken aside for a quiet word though.

    2. katrinab Silver badge

      They could issue a European Arrest Warrant. It will be valid for the next 10 months at least.

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      That is in the realm of possibility. Unlikely though as there isn't a couple of years to set it up by the government. It would be easy.... "Attention folks. We have an engine problem and will be landing in <any UK airport> to have things checked out. Please stay in your seats, except for Mr. Zuck who is asked to follow the flight attendant to the exclusive executive waiting area. Drinks are on us, sir.".

      Edit: I see Dan55 beat me to it.

  3. Warm Braw Silver badge

    Web giants must be responsible for the content

    They got to be "web giants" precisely because they could claim not to be responsible for the content. The streams of indeterminate consciousness that pour from the vapid and the vile are not only cheap to produce, but they're popular. Once you clamp down on that, Facebook et al don't really have a viable business model. While they may deserve little sympathy, they're not going to give up such a large source of easy money without a considerable fight.

    1. Ole Juul Silver badge

      Re: Web giants must be responsible for the content

      Clamping down on what people say does not sit well with me. My solution is to not pay attention to the "vapid and the vile". Anybody who feels obliged to read that crap either likes it or is plain stupid. Mass censorship is not an acceptable solution.

  4. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    Do not be so flippant

    good luck with that, folks!

    Do not cast all MEPs into Farage (and other British MEPs) image. I think we've already been there with the infamous facepalm at the earn an honest penny speech.

    The difference between the MEPs and the Congresscritters is that there is a significant number of technically literate people there. A quick scan through that committee shows a number of people with dual CS (or other telecoms/tech) and Law degrees from proper universities like Berlin Humboldt Uni as well as some proper ex-techies. A lot of them are at positions on data collection and surveillance which will make Shrem loook like a pansy moderate.

    So in theory, they can grill him properly. In any case it will be more productive than a show in Westminster. Let's wait and see.

  5. Chris G Silver badge

    To be or not to be

    In the Union that is.

    Whether to have the strength of half a billion or, to go it alone.

    “I welcome Mark Zuckerberg’s decision to appear in person before the representatives of 500 million Europeans."

    I think Zuck knows where his priorities lie and bigger markets and legislations carry more weight.

  6. Jemma Silver badge

    So in theory, they can grill him properly

    So 6 hours at gas mark 5 on a slow spit, basting regularly?

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: So in theory, they can grill him properly

      And it will still taste rancid.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I think this is one friend request he can't ignore.

  8. nevstah

    bit late

    the story is cold, facebook have got their facts straight and everything is buried/forgotten that needs to be

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We need a "European Great Firewall", to promote local competition and avoid global monopolies

    Instead of Google and Facebook monopolies that we suffer in Europe, we should look how China and Russia solved it. China and Russia slow down the foreign internet and shut off certain services like Google and Facebook. Instead of Facebook they have Weibo, QQ and WeChat in China and VK and ICQ in Russia. Instead of Google web search they have Baidu in China and Yandex in Russia.

    In Europe their were plans to fund and form European competitors. The EU paid the development of a Google web search competitor that went live in 2009 called Exalead: (still works, but sold off cheap to French defence contractor in 2012). And there were local Facebook-competitors like StudiVZ with millions of users until 2010.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: We need a "European Great Firewall", to promote local competition and avoid global monopolies

      One of the problems is the language barrier. Countries like France (and to a lesser extend Germany, Benelux, ...) still live in their own bubble, and try to avoid English. France just recently found their way to the Web. They used their state-owned Teletext based BBS service Minitel even in the 2000s, instead of the Internet.

      The EU paid millions of tax money over decades to improve the SYSTRAN translation software, that has been in development since the 1960s. SYSTRAN software powered Google Translation and Yahoo Translation services for many years. Though the software is still closed source, and barely any work has been made since Google and Microsoft created their own software to replace SYSTRAN. Millions of tax money wasted, despite being initially a good idea to help local businesses to auto-translate the text articles to other European languages.

      1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        Re: We need a "European Great Firewall", to promote local competition and avoid global monopolies

        Google and Microsoft created their own software to replace SYSTRAN

        Another great service google provide - for free.

        and yet they get nothing but hate in return ?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: We need a "European Great Firewall", to promote local competition and avoid global monopolies

          As you sow, so shall you reap - and that's one enormous great Fel Harvester coming their way.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: We need a "European Great Firewall", to promote local competition and avoid global monopolies

        Er, EFTA, for example, uses English as its primary language of operation, despite it not being the native language of any of its member nations. And as for Minitel, the reason the French ran it for so long is that it actually worked, and French people actually used it - 10 million users at peak, compared to Prestel's ninety thousand.

  10. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    "but another unconvincing performance could make things interesting"

    Another? from what I heard he ran rings round the crustys in Congress who were ill equipped intellectually to interrogate him beyond "Please explain the information superhighway and what you do there".

  11. anothercynic Silver badge

    Hmmm, someone could...

    ... Pop over to Brussels and serve him with the summons...

    And just for extra banter, send a Brexiteer who really dislikes the Europeans. :-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hmmm, someone could...

      ... Pop over to Brussels and serve him with the summons...

      Just order the private jet down while he is traversing UK airspace. Shoot it if it does not comply and give the pilot of the intercepting Tornado the Victoria Cross. He will be doing the world a favour.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It'll probably go something like this

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Could have been funny in someone else's hands

      Instead it was quite sad to watch, just like the real thing.

      On the other hand, this 'real clip' feels more satisfying:

  13. Tikimon Silver badge

    Merely "flailing", nothing to see here

    I use "Flailing" to describe fight scenes in movies that have no real bearing on anything but the effects budget. The Bad Guy will NOT be stopped, the Good Guy will NOT be killed, since the movie isn't over yet. You know the fight is just a noisy dance scene, so you don't feel suspense or worry. They may as well be sparring at the gym. Maybe an unimportant minor character will die off, but nothing really changes.

    The hearings, the replies, it's all just flailing to give the appearance that something is happening. The Bad Guy will NOT be reined in and fined into oblivion, the Good Gals/Guys will NOT be protected from unrestrained surveillance and the sale of our personal lives.

    Call me when... IF something actually happens.

  14. Adam 52 Silver badge

    In other news, Dominic Cummins has also refused to appear before the Digital, Culture, Media and Sport Committee accusing them of "grandstanding PR, not truth-seeking" according to the BBC.

    It seems that people don't want the committee to do the same hatchet job that it did on Sir Bradley, Sir David and James Murdoch.

    It would appear that the committee is intent on punishing anyone who is in any way successful in the fields of culture, media or sport.

    1. Felonmarmer

      Only if they are successful by breaking the law.

  15. jwa

    British government, can you please appear before us? Mark Zuckerberg, **** off. EU. Apear before us. Mark Zuckerberg, I'm on the next plane. Says it all about the relevant power. God help us when we try and negotiate with the USA.

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