back to article German IKEA trip fracas assembles over trolley right of way

Weekend shoppers can now add trolley rage to the list of reasons to avoid their local IKEA store after an altercation in southeastern Germany ended up with a visit to hospital. The fracas in Eching, on the outskirts of Munich, reported in Bavarian local papers Echinger Zeitung and Merkur began with an argument over which …

Anonymous Coward

For my sins in life the Devil will sentence me to an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea.

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> an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea.

I'm sure the devil can do better.

Perhaps an eternity of knowing there is a way out if only you just reach it in time. But you never do. And items keep falling off your trolley.

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Eternal sentence

My fear is that I will have to spend the afterlife in a bog-standard chain-decorated coffee shop packed full of vacuous jabbering idiots, using a flaky 1993 laptop to connect to a shoddy wi-fi hotspot and forced to read YouTube comments forever.

After ten minutes of that I will be begging for the red-hot trident. I can't stand the smell of coffee.

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"For my sins in life the Devil will sentence me to an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea."

And an eternity assembling things, only to find a key component is missing...

(Hjell is their new range of flat-packed flaming pits)

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Just to be utterly and pointlessly pedantic, shouldn't that actually be Hel not Hjell? Hel being the Scandinavian goddess who somehow gave her name to the fiery pits of Christian mythology.

However, I do get your point and I can imagine the flaming pits of whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it being ablaze with flat-packed bookcases and other quality MDF items.

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Def
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Coat

Hel being the Scandinavian goddess...

And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?

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LDS
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Paris Hilton

And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?

Maybe she's too hot, I mean, really too hot, something alike 2500+ °K?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Eternal sentence

is the laptop is running Windows ME/Vista that it clearly wasn't designed for and you have to find the drivers on said crappy wi-fi before you can begin reading the you tube comments?

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Re: And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?

Ah, no. The Scandinavian Hel is Cold, ice Cold. :)

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Trollface

Re: And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?

"Maybe she's too hot, I mean, really too hot, something alike 2500+ °K?"

Would that count as going out with a bang?

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Re: Wandering around Ikea

For my sins in life the Devil will sentence me to an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea.

Think of it the easy way out. The hard way would be to spend an eternity trapped inside an Amazon Warehouse.

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Re: The Scandinavian Hel is Cold, ice Cold

No, the beer is ice cold in Alex.

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Re: Eternal sentence

I could cope with the idiots. I could cope with the flakey WiFi (when I was young, V.23 was a thing). As a tea drinker, I could even cope with bad coffee.

But this...

"forced to read YouTube comments forever"

...is beyond cruel.

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Ice cold in Alex

Classic film. Probably the best beer ad in the world.

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In the modern version of Dante's Divine Comedy, one of the circles of Hell is an Ikea car park on a Sunday afternoon.

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Facepalm

"quality MDF items"

unpossible.

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Happy

"And an eternity assembling things, only to find a key component is missing..."

Oddly, that was part of the plot of a Big Finish Dr Who audio book I just listened to last week. Mel and the Doctor had to recover a number of "treasures", one of which was the "perfect" self assembly shelf which Mel and her pal had to assemble, but the parts kept slipping in and out of an alternate dimension, even after being assembled.

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Trollface

"And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?"

Because of her fiery pit...

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WTF?

German shoppers can get quite aggressive. In my local Aldi if there is a long queue the customers start shouting "open another checkout" which is not very polite if you aren't used to it.

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Anonymous Coward

Long queues are a feature of my local Aldi. Perhaps we should all shout "open another checkout".

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Perhaps Aldi are trying to cut yet more corners by encouraging shoppers to step forward and man more checkouts themselves.

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Don't have the Aldi rice pudding

There are several near me (and about as many Asda),

Why anyone would suffer long queues in Aldi if there's an alternative is beyond me, especially after trying the rice pudding *

* label scarily close to the label of a quality tinned custard product, but is actually filled with a milky substance with about a half handful of rice - should actually be labelled 'milky soup'.

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Re: "Open another queue"

Good lord! We don't get that sort of behaviour in Baden; they're a friendly lot here. Bavaria on the other hand ...

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Re: "Open another queue"

Baden is special. Very special. ;-)

Niemand versteht euch.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "Open another queue"

"Baden is special"

... not really, they named New York twice as well.

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Re: "Open another queue"

>>> Perhaps Aldi are trying to cut yet more corners by encouraging shoppers to step forward and man more checkouts themselves.

Aldi is behind the times -- many Safeway grocery stores in our area have "self-checkouts" where you get to scan the items yourself and then wait several minutes for a store clerk to come over to reset the terminal when something goes wrong, as happens in about half the cases....

Ahh, progess!

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Did one of the combatants say

"For you, ze shopping trip is over..." ?

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Cooler, 3 veeks.

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Anonymous Coward

Don't mention the war(drobe)!

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Go

>Cooler, 3 veeks.

Ikealag 17, vere zere is no possibility of escape......

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I think I'll be able to fashion a wooden exercise horse out of the flat packs.

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http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3008

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Anonymous Coward

re: www.scp-wiki.net

Interesting site ........ worth a peruse later !!!

From quick glance some sort of spin-off from a game ???

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Smiles in the aisles

Two of the most tedious "sports" in the world are cycling and motor racing. Watching the competitors going round ..... and round ....... and round ..... and round a circuit. Sometimes for hours on end.

However if IKEA was ever given the commission to design the routes, then these "sports¹ " might actually provide some entertainment.

[1] the quote marks are meant to indicate that they aren't really sports, since so much of the result of the race is determined by the technology employed (and by extension: the amount of money spent). IMHO a proper sport would pit person against person or team against team, where the only differentiators were their individual/group skills and their level of physical fitness. That isn't to deny that these competitors have physical fitness and skill - just to point out that these attributes alone are only small factors in determining who wins.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Smiles in the aisles

So watching a bunch of overpaid prima donna's push a pig's bladder round a patch of grass is considered sport then?

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Re: Smiles in the aisles

Don't understand the down votes.

Real sport should go back to the original olympics, when all competitors were naked (no women allowed to watch). Just Man against Man, testing natural ability.

Although I'm not too sure about naked Sumo. Mind-bleach time.

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Re: Smiles in the aisles

@Pete 2, well, at least they're *races*, not *games*.

*says the one who prefers races over games*

;-)

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LDS
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Re: Smiles in the aisles

AFAIK, only *married* women were not allowed to attend... and there were competitions for women as well (not naked, AFAIK again).

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Smiles in the aisles

"Don't understand the down votes."

Well last time I looked, things like the Tour de France or the World Rally championships, didn't go round and round and round and round.

Ahh by "Cycling" and "Motorsport" you mean velodrome events and the likes of F1.

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Anonymous Coward

"things like the Tour de France"

Ehm, do you know what "Tour", "Giro", "Vuelta" mean?

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Re: Smiles in the aisles

Well last time I looked, things like the Tour de France or the World Rally championships, didn't go round and round and round and round.

Actually, the Tour de France did, initially. Just one lap, but they ended where they started.

One participant in the Iron Butt Rally, a motorcycle endurance event over eleven days and involving checkpoints roughly at the four corners of the continental US, asked on finishing "How many laps was this thing again?"

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DJO
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Re: Smiles in the aisles

For all those who think F1 is easy and say "anybody could win in the Merc".

Around the UK there are a few F1 simulators open to the public for "racing" sessions. While they might not replicate the experience 100% they are pretty close*.

Have a go on one of them and then tell me driving a F1 car is easy.

* Much much easier, no 200 settings on the steering wheel, automatic gears (optional), no tyre wear, etc, etc...

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Holmes

Re: Smiles in the aisles

So watching a bunch of overpaid prima donna's push a plastic pig's bladder round a patch of artificial grass is considered sport then?

FIFY.

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Trollface

Re: "Don't understand the down votes."

Ahh by "Cycling" and "Motorsport" you mean velodrome events and the likes of F1.

Look on the bright side. At least that keeps them and the spectators from blocking up the roads and footways / verges.

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Boring spectator sports

"Watching the competitors going round ..... and round ....... and round ..... and round a circuit."

Ice speed skating.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Smiles in the aisles

”[1] the quote marks are meant to indicate that they aren't really sports, since so much of the result of the race is determined by the technology”

Undoubtedly, you have never tried neither of the sports you mention, let alone practiced them. Still, you boldly comment on them knowingly and intentionally insult people training hard to accomplish something far beyond your aptitude.

Well done, sir!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Smiles in the aisles

"So watching a bunch of overpaid prima donna's push a pig's bladder round a patch of grass is considered sport then?"

That I might watch if it was real 'Prima Donna's' and a real 'Pig's Bladder' !!!!

Its 'Football' that I generally cannot stand :)

More and more the team with the most money wins.

Most sports seem to be heading that way.

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Anonymous Coward

I had the pleasure of installing a Telecom system into their contact centre in Peterborough. They'd given us a test login to their phone system and I sat there testing next to all the other workers. The phone screen kept flashing so I kept hitting the hang up button, little did I know that they'd forgotten to take off the inbound call skill for customer calls and I was cutting of people phoning in.

Only reason I did know was that I answered a call thinking it was a test call and found a customer on the other end. Managed to get them transferred to an agent and then logged out rapidly. I've no idea how many people I hung up on..

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FAIL

"Only reason I did know was that I answered a call thinking it was a test call and found a customer on the other end. Managed to get them transferred to an agent and then logged out rapidly. I've no idea how many people I hung up on.."

Not nearly enough. Have you no conscience?

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Mushroom

Probably not something you'd want

At my "local" IKEA (±2 hours away), they will already do the 'picking' for you: $98 for a $12 folding chair. Imagine if you had to pay for your portion of the AI tech on top of that! And then, if you want it shipped to you...

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