back to article There is no perceived IT generation gap: Young people really are thick

Blank faces abound. No, not all are blank: some are horrified, revolted even. What did I say? Security is swiftly called. The usual routine, I think, as a pair of uniformed bouncers slip unhurriedly into the open-plan office, fire doors swinging gently behind them. But no – they come to a halt several paces in front of me and …

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  1. Dan 55 Silver badge

    That takes me back

    For anyone over the age of 40, these doughnuts look just like the crumbly bleached dog turds you’d see decorating every pavement curb corner.

    It's a shame there's not a white one in that photo.

    Let's have a commentard age census, upvote if you understand, downvote if you don't.

    1. Noonoot

      Re: That takes me back

      "like the crumbly bleached dog turds you’d see decorating every pavement curb corner. " - do these still sit on curbs or have dogs moved on as well and become cultural start-up freaks?!

      Geez, even shit moves on in the world!

      And what has become of the English language - it too evolves itself sprouting unusual innuendos. What do we expect as we all sit here, young and old, choosing emojis instead of writing "hey that's shit".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: That takes me back

        "Geez, even shit moves on in the world!"

        "hey that's poo" - doesn't seem to have quite the same impact. Possibly because it doesn't have a hard sounding consonant at the end?

        1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: That takes me back

          "hey that's poo" - doesn't seem to have quite the same impact. Possibly because it doesn't have a hard sounding consonant at the end?

          How about 'sphincter bile'? Too long?

          1. Muscleguy Silver badge
            Boffin

            Re: That takes me back

            Excreted Faeces to us scientists. Has to be excreted you see since it is still faeces when it is in the bowel and the rectum.

            Why yes, I have spent not an inconsiderable time taking out mouse digestive tracts from duodenum to rectum, slitting them lengthways and removing the contents*. Why do you ask?

            *under saline and I was breathing through my mouth. Mouse lab chow is VERY fibrous and largely looks like sawdust until the latter stages.

        2. ridley

          Swearing in the South

          I have long held the view that if you want to hear someone swear don't ask a southerner. They just don't have the right intonation for many swear words. Bastard said by a southerner sounds almost polite, by a northerner it is rightly agressive. Same with many of the others.

          1. Lee D Silver badge

            Re: Swearing in the South

            My era is defined by:

            "Re-record, not fade away, re-record, not fade away"

            "I'll be your dog!".

            "There's somebody at the door!"

            "Happiness... is a cigar called..."

            1. Aqua Marina Silver badge

              Re: Swearing in the South

              I’ve been try’na give it up’a but it’s one of those nights...

              1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
                Pint

                Re: Swearing in the South

                The infamous 'Secret Lemonade Drinker' jingle was written and sang by Ross McManus - The father of Elvis Costello (Who provided backing vocals).

            2. P. Lee Silver badge

              Re: Swearing in the South

              Harry's hover mower, just look ....

      2. LucreLout Silver badge

        Re: That takes me back

        What do we expect as we all sit here, young and old, choosing emojis instead of writing "hey that's shit".

        Don't get me started on Emoji's!!!

        Shopping last weekend, and in return for an extra shot in my latte (that's not a euphamism), I had to drag our 4 year old around some tat bazar the Mrs wished to browse.

        Mini-mrs runs off to find toys to look at, and returns hugging a giant emoji turd. She's grinning ear to ear as she dances about asking if I'll buy it for her. The staff are doubled up laughing as clearly she has no idea what it is she's hugging, it just has big eyes and a large smile.

        "Go ask your mam if you can have it."

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: That takes me back

          "The staff are doubled up laughing as clearly she has no idea what it is she's hugging, it just has big eyes and a large smile."

          It's entirely possible she did know, my youngest *insisted* on a poo emoji chocolate cake for her birthday party,,, her friends loved it.

        2. FuzzyWuzzys Silver badge

          Re: That takes me back

          "Don't get me started on Emoji's!!!"

          Oh dear Lord, yes! Just because you put a fecking smiley face on the end of your obnoxious request to have your database restored don't mean I'm gonna do it any fecking quicker, OK Mr or Miss Hipster?

          I'm not a 9 year old girl, I don't need a happy face to soften the blow of a request. I'm a grumpy, fat, balding middle aged IT contractor! We're both grown ups, we can both be civil and adult about the fact that you deleted the wrong data or loaded the wrong code through the change request, we can agree on the fix and the paperwork, then we can both get it done without resorting to the sort of silly messages that my daughter her mates probably send each other!

      3. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: That takes me back

        "have dogs moved on as well and become cultural start-up freaks?!"

        No, they've simply trained the human race to pick up their crap for them.

        1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: That takes me back

          No, they've simply trained the human race to pick up their crap for them.

          Cats did that decades ago , and without resorting to all that fawning and sucking up.

        2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

          Re: That takes me back

          "have dogs moved on as well and become cultural start-up freaks?!"

          No, they've simply trained the human race to pick up their crap for them.

          Mrs Slocombe's Pussy wonders what took them so long

        3. pyroweasel

          Re: That takes me back

          "have dogs moved on as well and become cultural start-up freaks?!"

          No, they've simply trained the human race to pick up their crap for them.

          which said humans then put in little bags, to decorate the countyside better...

    2. Rusty 1

      Re: That takes me back

      To spot the youngsters (and OK, people who didn't live in the UK way back), ask them: "Clunk click - how often?"

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: That takes me back

        Did you do everything Jimmy Saville asked you to when you were young?

      2. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        Re: That takes me back

        @Rusrty1

        or

        --?-- --?-- - made to make your mouth water!

        1. Arthur the cat Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: That takes me back

          --?-- --?-- - made to make your mouth water!

          Once upon a time a finger of fudge was all you needed to give a child a treat. Try that nowadays and a mob of tabloid readers will have lynched you before you can say "it's confectionery".

          1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
            Alien

            Re: That takes me back

            Anyone remember Cadburys (Mars bar knockoff) Aztec bars?

        2. HarryCoh

          Re: That takes me back

          Easy - O---- F-----

          What about "Its the four minute smile, the longest lasting ----- --- in the world"?

          1. Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip

            Re: That takes me back

            Easy

            Its the four minute smile, the longest lasting B--- J-- in the world"?

        3. J.G.Harston Silver badge

          Re: That takes me back

          EM AYE ARE AYE TEE AITCH OH EN....!

      3. Krack73

        Re: That takes me back

        On every trip.

    3. Spacedinvader
      Happy

      Re: That takes me back

      I'm not 40 and as soon as I saw that pic I thought "if there was a white one..."

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: That takes me back

      I don't think you have to be older than 40 to know what mouldering dog shit looks like.

    5. WallMeerkat Bronze badge

      Re: That takes me back

      Have I stumbled into a Peter Kay routine by accident

    6. StargateSg7 Bronze badge

      Re: That takes me back

      Look closer --- face it! YOUR GETTING OLD! Your not in our demographic anymore...all you have to look forward to is showing off your fat tush in lime green leotards thinking about how you used to watch Spandau Ballet "music videos" (Remember THEM?) ripped off from pirate Czech satellite operators which your dad said was the best thing since watching Liam Ghallager getting truncheoned by a boatload of bobbies after an Oasis concert! You DO KNOW who your business partner is don't you?

      They Speak English in What? So you understand what I am saying....What does OLD AGE Look Like?

      Does it look like a B(*&^

      YOU ARE NOT RELEVANT! The STATE has no use for you! You Are Obsolete! Obsolete! Obsolete!

      Your life has no meaning!

      Eeeeewwwwww Old People! Exterminate! Exterminate Exterminate!

      Go Hide under you're cache of Simon Lebon posters and PRETEND that you are younger than Ed Sheeran's Mom and Dad!

      You're Just an OLD FOGIE NOW!!!!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ahaahahahah ah ahah ah ah ah a

      You had Pentiums in your day! I worked on Zilog Z80 and 6502's and even VAX-780's !!!

      Welcome to Grandpahood ya Adult Depends-wearing spittle-drooling now-axed from IBM DB administrator wannabe!

      YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY OLD OLD OLD !!!!

      1. Martin
        FAIL

        Re: That takes me back

        You're getting old. Not YOUR. And you know that, because you used "you're" later on, correctly.

        If you're going to do a sarcastic rant, do it right. Have a downvote.

    7. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

      Re: That takes me back

      Apparently the reason white dog turds aren't been seen any more is because dog food no longer contains bonemeal..

      Pretty certain you could reduce that age to 35, though. Yes, I am over 40 but reckon it'd extend a little beyond that..

    8. Mark 65 Silver badge

      Re: That takes me back

      For anyone over the age of 40, these doughnuts look just like the crumbly bleached dog turds you’d see decorating every pavement curb corner.

      White moulder.

  2. fluffybunnyuk
    Coat

    My solution to youngsters is to wave my dime bar in front of their face slowly saying D....I....M.....E BAR.

    Do you remember your first dime?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Stockholm 1978 - branded as the same-sounding "Daim" there. Thought it was exclusively a Swedish confectionery until Poundland in England started selling them.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge
      2. okand

        From what I've heard Daim/Dime was the main reason Kraft/Mondelez wanted to buy Marabou.

        1. Noonoot

          And subsquently ruined every choc bar.

          Curly Wurly included

      3. big_D Silver badge

        DAIM Bar

        They are still DAIM over here, in Germany.

        And I can still remember when Marathon bars got renamed...

        "Do you 'ave zee Snickers?"

        "No, it's the way I walk!"

        1. Franco Silver badge

          Re: DAIM Bar

          This is likely to spark a riot. Before long we will have people reminiscing about Opal Fruits and when Salt and Vinegar crisps were in a blue bag and cheese and onion were green.

          Oh, and a Star Bar was a Peanut Boost. Slightly rippled with a flat underside!

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qm_DkuxtmfE

          1. Zimmer
            Go

            Re: DAIM Bar and crisps!

            ...Salt and Shake (Salt your Own) were just Smith's Crisps...and the salt came in a twisted piece of blue paper... and that was the ONLY flavour available.. and kids were not allowed in the pub....(gosh, I feel old today..) RIOT!....

            1. DJO Silver badge

              Re: DAIM Bar and crisps!

              kids were not allowed in the pub

              Conversely proof of age was never required so if you could (at a pinch) pass for 18+ you'd get served.

              Some pubs didn't seem to care, my school had a different uniform for the sixth form so anybody in the ordinary one was definitely under 18 so the fifth form had to use a pub a good 20 minute walk from school.

              A drink and some exercise, what better way to prepare for a afternoon of study and diligent work (as if).

              1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

                Re: DAIM Bar and crisps!

                My sixth form pub, was a really grotty pub that nobody else would drink in, with a horrible grumpy landlord. Right between the school gate and the bus stop.

                It's since become a Michelin star restaurant run by a guy who's now become a TV chef.

                I tried to book dinner there a couple of years ago, and there was a 14 month waiting list for a weekend dinner. So it's literally harder to get into than when I was 16!

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: DAIM Bar and crisps!

                  "My sixth form pub, was a really grotty pub that nobody else would drink in [...]"

                  After the Prize Day evening in a local hall the headmaster would take the dignitaries to a pub. A member of staff - probably the Deputy Head - would tip off the rest of the staff and the VIth Form as to which of two nearby pubs it would be. The staff and VIth Form then went to the other pub - staff in the Lounge Bar - VIth Form in the Public Bar. The serving counters were between the two bars - so the staff tacitly ignored the under-age pupils that they could see.

              2. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: DAIM Bar and crisps!

                "Conversely proof of age was never required so if you could (at a pinch) pass for 18+ you'd get served."

                In the 1950s the off-licence attached to our local pub (England) happily served pre-teens with draught beer - or at Xmas sherry "from the wood". Your parents sent you on the errand with a suitable sized jug or bottle.

              3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
                Pint

                Re: DAIM Bar and crisps!

                At my school, some pupils were in the bar in full sight of the teaching staff, each pretending not to notice the other.

            2. Teiwaz Silver badge

              Re: DAIM Bar and crisps!

              .. and kids were not allowed in the pub....

              A curiously english rule.

              Scotland, I seem to remember used to be a little more lax - but in Ireland, especially in the south and certainly up to the mid to late nineties kids ran as much amuck as adults, usually high on the sugar from something like McDaids Football Special for most of opening time.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: DAIM Bar

            "Salt and Vinegar crisps were in a blue bag [...]"

            Nah - the only crisps were plain, made by Smiths, and the salt was in a little twist of blue paper. Sometimes there was more than one salt twist. Some poor sod was reported to have opened a bag to find it full of salt twists - and no crisps.

            If you were really lucky - you could sit on the steps of the pub and your dad would pass you a bottle of Dan dare Cherryade as well as the crisps.

        2. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Re: DAIM Bar

          And I can still remember when Marathon bars got renamed...

          I do, a Free Presbyterian threatened me with a snooker cue over my amusing patois at an amusement arcade.

      4. NLCSGRV

        They were pretty much limited to Scandinavia up to a point. I think IKEA were the first to start selling them in the UK back in the late 1980s.

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