back to article The Register Opera Company presents: The Pirates of Penzance, Sysadmin edition

Why look at that, it’s 07:00 GMT Friday, the slot when The Register usually runs “On-Call”, our tales of tech support woes. But this Friday is Good Friday, so much of the Reg-reading world has the day off. We therefore decided to deviate a little from the On-Call template with this contribution from reader “Patrick”, who is …

Pronunuciation of superfic'ial

To make the rhyming work you have to pronounce superficial and artificial with the stress on the last 'i' :-)

Superfic-eeal, artific-eeal....

Btw, where I am we don't get Good Friday off.

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OK, that was....

Different...

Is it April 1st yet ?

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Re: OK, that was....

Is it April 1st yet ?

Not yet.

But it will soon be Easter Day. The ideal opportunity to nail yourself to a cross and shout "I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!"

Note: it only works if you do it before midday.

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Re: OK, that was....

Note: it only works if you do it before midday.
Which is actually at 13:00 in 7the Northern hemisphere, due to daylight saving: the Sun has not noticed we're pretending it's an hour later than it really is.

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Re: OK, that was....

Which is actually at 13:00

You've forgotten about the equation of time. There's an extra (approx) 2 minutes 40 second difference between solar noon and clock time at this time of year.

Oh, but if you're working to solar time there's an even bigger correction for longitude that has to be made to compensate between clock time and local solar time.

To be honest, I think most people just go by clock time. But that's cheating. :)

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Ooh, tempting

I've done a lot of filks in my time. Currently the only thing I have in my head is Adele threatening to stick wires in your brain, but I'll use the long weekend productively, then try to come up with a song at work next week.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

"come up with a song at work next week."

Can you make it Easterish with frollicking lambs and cuddly bunnies?

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Happy tree friends style? I'll have to see.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Easterish with frollicking lambs

My Easter lamb has done with frollicking, and will be celebrating the event with roast potatoes and a nice rosemary gravy.

The bunnies, I expect, will be chocolate.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Nope. The easter bunnies are harvested the day after the easter lambs. Not my favorite job, but somebody's got to feed the people who don't know where food comes from.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

"Can you make it Easterish with frollicking lambs and cuddly bunnies?"

Unlike BBC Radio 4 who at the end of this morning's programme played a song about someone being nailed to a cross. Reminds me of my primary school days. When we had to spend the morning in church singing such bloody songs - before we were officially allowed to start enjoying the end of term two week holiday.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb

Full of fun and frollicks

It jumped up

Into the air

And landed on it's......

A pity I can't upvote the ditty.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb

with mashed potatoes, proper gravy and peas&carrots.

Mint sauce on the side (thankfully).

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb,

She tied it to a pylon,

Ten thousand volts went up its bum,

And turned its wool to nylon.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb,

She also had a duck,

She put them in a cardboard box,

To see if they would ... get along well together.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb.

The doctors were surprised.

When Old MacDonald had a farm,

They couldn't believe their eyes.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb.

A spokesperson for the hospital said mother and baby were doing well, but the doctor and midwife were under heavy sedation.

Merry Christmas all!

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Wasn't it Bang Bang Susie who had a little duck? And wasn't it a table, not a cardboard box? Too much spilt milk under the ol' bridge ...

(Do kids learn this kind of pseudo-rude nonsense song (cadence?) anymore? Or has the entire concept been swept under the table as being politically incorrect?)

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb

Her appetites were funny

We never, ever did find out

Where she stuffed the bunny

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb

She thought it tasted yummy

The mashed potatoes weren't so good

They turned out rather gummy

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Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb

And it was always grunting

She tied it to a five bar gate

And kicked its little head in.

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Re: Ooh, tempting

I will need to dig out my rework of "When I'm cleaning windows", appropriately named "When I'm cleaning Windows".

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That was good

A virtual pint to Patrick.

What would be good now is a song about someone in high office who's been appointed beyond their level of competence, ability, experience and suitability. Is there anybody who fits that description?

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Re: That was good

PHB from Dilbert me thinks.

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Re: That was good

"Is there anybody who fits that description?"

"I've got a little list"

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Re: That was good

He's making a list,

checking it's right,

scoping out future

accident sites...

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Re: That was good

A list of names that were made known to the Secretary of State?

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Re: That was good

" Is there anybody who fits that description?"

Spoilt for choice. A significant proportion of the Westminster Cabinet?

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Re: That was good

Ah ha! You'll be looking for Peter.

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Bravo!

I do have a baritone voice (though, until I get rid of this lingering cold, more a basso) and a friend who is an opera soprano. I wonder... with some coaching by her... and the appropriate "uniform" (short sleeve shirt with pocket protector and a tie, natch)...

Of course, I will now be humming this for the next month or so.

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12 Bugs of Christmas

A bit out of season and I cannot claim ownership, but a surprisingly useful way of handling bugs.

http://www.davedoyle.com/prof/pastProjects/Nerd/humor/xmas/bugsofxmas.html

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For the Analytical Chemists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGM-wSKFBpo

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Re: For the Analytical Chemists

Mandatory upvote for Tom Lehrer

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From an earlier On-Call...

I'm reminded of a time when our former CTO wanted everything in VMware, and there were various factions doing distributed computing in different ways...

To the tune of "Every Sperm iIs Sacred", from Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life"... TAke it away, Eric the Orchestra Leader !

Every Hertz is sacred

Every Hertz is great

If a Hertz is wasted

God gets quite irate

Let the Griddies spill theirs

On the dusty ground

God shall make them pay

For every Hertz that can't be found

Every Hertz is wanted

Every Hertz is good

Every Hertz is needed

In your neighbourhood

Windows, Linux, MacOS

Spill theirs just anywhere

But God loves those who share their

Hertz on VMware

Every Hertz is sacred

Every Hertz is great

If a Hertz is wasted

God gets quite irate

Every Hertz is sacred

Every Hertz is good

Every Hertz is needed

In your neighbourhood

Every Hertz is useful

Every Hertz is fine

God needs everybody's

Mine And mine And mine

Let the Griddies spill theirs

O'er mountain, hill and plain

God shall strike them down for

Every Hertz that's spilt in vain

Every Hertz is sacred

Every Hertz is good

Every Hertz is needed

In your neighbourhood

Every Hertz is sacred

Every Hertz is great

If a Hertz is wasted

God gets quite irate

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I Had an IBM job

And then I lost my job

And heaven knows

I'm miserable now

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Made me think of this. Appropriate for this time of year.

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Anyone know how to do single line breaks in these comments?

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Anonymous Coward

Would be nice. Any line return, or multiples thereof, always formats as a paragraph single blank line in the posted version. I have tried the <PRE> tag but it has no effect.

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Nope.

Folks have been asking for proper text formatting since commentarding began. Apparently, ElReg has more important things to do.

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Anyone know how to do single line breaks in these comments?

  • The only way I know how is to use an unordered list (ul) but you end up with
  • an indent
  • and a bullet
  • and you have to write it all on one line
  • and not forget both the (li) and (/li) tags

There are also (blockquote), (code) and (pre) tags available

but they're no better

Even trying to fake it using (sub)

and (sup) tags doesn't work.

M.

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So let's just test whether this works...

Disclaimer: This filk may take severe liberties with the cyber conversion process, or may actually be more realistic than the one portrayed in Dr Who. Tradmarks included should be considered to be abused wantonly, I am not Adele and nor am I a Dell.

  • I let it fall, the dark
  • as evening came my senses sharpened.
  • Heard your heart, and you were breathing,
  • Then you passed by me, and I saw you.
  • Your arms were strong, but your skin was far too weak
  • It broke down in my grasp as I pulled you from your feet.
  • Cause there's a side to me that you never knew, never knew,
  • All the things you thought they were never true, never true.
  • It's a game to me and I'll always win, always win!
  • So I stuck wires in your brain
  • nanites crawling up through your veins
  • Well it hurt and you tried
  • but they stopped you screaming out in pain, such pain.
  • When I work on you, place electrodes
  • on your eyes. Blurring thoughts together,
  • Changing you forever everything's better.
  • 'cause there's a side to me that you never knew, never knew,
  • These new thoughts of yours they were never true, never true,
  • I'll rewrite your brain and I'll always win, always win!
  • 'cause I stuck wires in your brain,
  • watched you writhe as they pierced your face,
  • well it burned in your mind,
  • but I stopped you screaming out in pain, such pain.
  • I stuck wires into you brain
  • and pumped sugru into your veins
  • You weren't well, would have died,
  • but it worked out better than last time, than last time.
  • Some days there's something in your face,
  • The mind you had must be somewhere inside you.
  • Even now you've left the human race,
  • Somehow your still searching to find "you".
  • 'cause I stuck wires in your brain,
  • watched you writhe as they pierced your face,
  • well it burned in your mind,
  • but I stopped you screaming out in pain, such pain.
  • I stuck wires into you brain
  • Dr Pepper coating your veins
  • You weren't well, would have died,
  • but it worked out better than last time, than last time.
  • Oh, no,
  • Cyberman, oh
  • Cyberman,
  • Cyberman...

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Damn....

fine effort

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Anonymous Coward

I wonder how many of the millennials would recognise G&S songs? In the 1960s they were commonplace. Boys schools could do musical productions which only required a couple of significant women characters.

One of our VIth Form boys was an avid G&S fan. He used to sing his Geology litany to "Modern Major General" as an aid to memory.

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I know this is from Pirates in Mens' Pants, and I'm technically a millenial.

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Anonymous Coward

G+S

Didn't he sing about Claire, back in the olde days?

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Gilbert reckoned that "The Gondoliers" would last throughout the twentieth century, and in "The Pirates of Penzance", the plot device expires in 1940. (And Japan copped it in 1945.) But a modern young audience has any amount of new silly songs to choose from.

CBeebies (BBC for toddlers) is putting on "The Tempest" today. From looking in, they cut away frequently to William Shakespeare explaining the action to one of his Kickstarters, they get through it in about an hour, and I'm nearly sure that Sir John Gielgud in the buff won't be involved. If you'd prefer to see the Clangers, I don't disagree. :-)

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A colleague once wrote a song to the tune of Downtown by Petula Clark.

It was called Downtime.

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And then there's the Backup Song, the tune should be obvious:

http://altlasten.lutz.donnerhacke.de/mitarb/lutz/usenet/yesterday.html

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Anonymous Coward

RS232 Interface Lead

Lets not forget the spendid efforts of Spitting Image and their joyful ode to the ubuiquitous RS232 interface lead. I'm sure it must be on you-tube but can't be bothered to look for it.

Or Lennon+McCartney et al......

Yesterday.....

All those backups seemed a waste of pay.

Suddenly....

All my files have gone away.

Oh how I yearn for yesterday.

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