back to article The Register Opera Company presents: The Pirates of Penzance, Sysadmin edition

Why look at that, it’s 07:00 GMT Friday, the slot when The Register usually runs “On-Call”, our tales of tech support woes. But this Friday is Good Friday, so much of the Reg-reading world has the day off. We therefore decided to deviate a little from the On-Call template with this contribution from reader “Patrick”, who is …

  1. Noonoot

    Pronunuciation of superfic'ial

    To make the rhyming work you have to pronounce superficial and artificial with the stress on the last 'i' :-)

    Superfic-eeal, artific-eeal....

    Btw, where I am we don't get Good Friday off.

  2. malle-herbert Silver badge
    Coat

    OK, that was....

    Different...

    Is it April 1st yet ?

  3. handleoclast Silver badge
    Coat

    Re: OK, that was....

    Is it April 1st yet ?

    Not yet.

    But it will soon be Easter Day. The ideal opportunity to nail yourself to a cross and shout "I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!"

    Note: it only works if you do it before midday.

  4. JulieM Bronze badge

    Re: OK, that was....

    Note: it only works if you do it before midday.
    Which is actually at 13:00 in 7the Northern hemisphere, due to daylight saving: the Sun has not noticed we're pretending it's an hour later than it really is.

  5. handleoclast Silver badge

    Re: OK, that was....

    Which is actually at 13:00

    You've forgotten about the equation of time. There's an extra (approx) 2 minutes 40 second difference between solar noon and clock time at this time of year.

    Oh, but if you're working to solar time there's an even bigger correction for longitude that has to be made to compensate between clock time and local solar time.

    To be honest, I think most people just go by clock time. But that's cheating. :)

  6. Mycho Silver badge

    Ooh, tempting

    I've done a lot of filks in my time. Currently the only thing I have in my head is Adele threatening to stick wires in your brain, but I'll use the long weekend productively, then try to come up with a song at work next week.

  7. Noonoot

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    "come up with a song at work next week."

    Can you make it Easterish with frollicking lambs and cuddly bunnies?

  8. Mycho Silver badge

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Happy tree friends style? I'll have to see.

  9. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Easterish with frollicking lambs

    My Easter lamb has done with frollicking, and will be celebrating the event with roast potatoes and a nice rosemary gravy.

    The bunnies, I expect, will be chocolate.

  10. jake Silver badge

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Nope. The easter bunnies are harvested the day after the easter lambs. Not my favorite job, but somebody's got to feed the people who don't know where food comes from.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    "Can you make it Easterish with frollicking lambs and cuddly bunnies?"

    Unlike BBC Radio 4 who at the end of this morning's programme played a song about someone being nailed to a cross. Reminds me of my primary school days. When we had to spend the morning in church singing such bloody songs - before we were officially allowed to start enjoying the end of term two week holiday.

  12. Chris G Silver badge

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb

    Full of fun and frollicks

    It jumped up

    Into the air

    And landed on it's......

    A pity I can't upvote the ditty.

  13. jake Silver badge

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb

    with mashed potatoes, proper gravy and peas&carrots.

    Mint sauce on the side (thankfully).

  14. Dr. G. Freeman

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb,

    She tied it to a pylon,

    Ten thousand volts went up its bum,

    And turned its wool to nylon.

  15. Stumpy

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb,

    She also had a duck,

    She put them in a cardboard box,

    To see if they would ... get along well together.

  16. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
    Coat

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb.

    The doctors were surprised.

    When Old MacDonald had a farm,

    They couldn't believe their eyes.

  17. Yet Another Hierachial Anonynmous Coward

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb.

    A spokesperson for the hospital said mother and baby were doing well, but the doctor and midwife were under heavy sedation.

    Merry Christmas all!

  18. jake Silver badge

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Wasn't it Bang Bang Susie who had a little duck? And wasn't it a table, not a cardboard box? Too much spilt milk under the ol' bridge ...

    (Do kids learn this kind of pseudo-rude nonsense song (cadence?) anymore? Or has the entire concept been swept under the table as being politically incorrect?)

  19. Chemical Bob Bronze badge
    Devil

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb

    Her appetites were funny

    We never, ever did find out

    Where she stuffed the bunny

  20. Fungus Bob Silver badge

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb

    She thought it tasted yummy

    The mashed potatoes weren't so good

    They turned out rather gummy

  21. sad_loser

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    Mary had a little lamb

    And it was always grunting

    She tied it to a five bar gate

    And kicked its little head in.

  22. Soruk

    Re: Ooh, tempting

    I will need to dig out my rework of "When I'm cleaning windows", appropriately named "When I'm cleaning Windows".

  23. frank ly Silver badge
    Pint

    That was good

    A virtual pint to Patrick.

    What would be good now is a song about someone in high office who's been appointed beyond their level of competence, ability, experience and suitability. Is there anybody who fits that description?

  24. Blockchain commentard

    Re: That was good

    PHB from Dilbert me thinks.

  25. Christoph Silver badge

    Re: That was good

    "Is there anybody who fits that description?"

    "I've got a little list"

  26. Mycho Silver badge

    Re: That was good

    He's making a list,

    checking it's right,

    scoping out future

    accident sites...

  27. jake Silver badge

    Re: That was good

    A list of names that were made known to the Secretary of State?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: That was good

    " Is there anybody who fits that description?"

    Spoilt for choice. A significant proportion of the Westminster Cabinet?

  29. Rusty 1

    Re: That was good

    Ah ha! You'll be looking for Peter.

  30. Michael Hoffmann
    Thumb Up

    Bravo!

    I do have a baritone voice (though, until I get rid of this lingering cold, more a basso) and a friend who is an opera soprano. I wonder... with some coaching by her... and the appropriate "uniform" (short sleeve shirt with pocket protector and a tie, natch)...

    Of course, I will now be humming this for the next month or so.

  31. David Robinson 1

    12 Bugs of Christmas

    A bit out of season and I cannot claim ownership, but a surprisingly useful way of handling bugs.

    http://www.davedoyle.com/prof/pastProjects/Nerd/humor/xmas/bugsofxmas.html

  32. john.w

    For the Analytical Chemists

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGM-wSKFBpo

  33. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Re: For the Analytical Chemists

    Mandatory upvote for Tom Lehrer

  34. Chris King Silver badge

    From an earlier On-Call...

    I'm reminded of a time when our former CTO wanted everything in VMware, and there were various factions doing distributed computing in different ways...

    To the tune of "Every Sperm iIs Sacred", from Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life"... TAke it away, Eric the Orchestra Leader !

    Every Hertz is sacred

    Every Hertz is great

    If a Hertz is wasted

    God gets quite irate

    Let the Griddies spill theirs

    On the dusty ground

    God shall make them pay

    For every Hertz that can't be found

    Every Hertz is wanted

    Every Hertz is good

    Every Hertz is needed

    In your neighbourhood

    Windows, Linux, MacOS

    Spill theirs just anywhere

    But God loves those who share their

    Hertz on VMware

    Every Hertz is sacred

    Every Hertz is great

    If a Hertz is wasted

    God gets quite irate

    Every Hertz is sacred

    Every Hertz is good

    Every Hertz is needed

    In your neighbourhood

    Every Hertz is useful

    Every Hertz is fine

    God needs everybody's

    Mine And mine And mine

    Let the Griddies spill theirs

    O'er mountain, hill and plain

    God shall strike them down for

    Every Hertz that's spilt in vain

    Every Hertz is sacred

    Every Hertz is good

    Every Hertz is needed

    In your neighbourhood

    Every Hertz is sacred

    Every Hertz is great

    If a Hertz is wasted

    God gets quite irate

  35. Aqua Marina Silver badge

    I Had an IBM job

    And then I lost my job

    And heaven knows

    I'm miserable now

  36. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    Made me think of this. Appropriate for this time of year.

  37. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge
  38. Mycho Silver badge

    Anyone know how to do single line breaks in these comments?

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Would be nice. Any line return, or multiples thereof, always formats as a paragraph single blank line in the posted version. I have tried the <PRE> tag but it has no effect.

  40. jake Silver badge

    Nope.

    Folks have been asking for proper text formatting since commentarding began. Apparently, ElReg has more important things to do.

  41. Martin an gof Silver badge

    Anyone know how to do single line breaks in these comments?

    • The only way I know how is to use an unordered list (ul) but you end up with
    • an indent
    • and a bullet
    • and you have to write it all on one line
    • and not forget both the (li) and (/li) tags

    There are also (blockquote), (code) and (pre) tags available

    but they're no better

    Even trying to fake it using (sub)

    and (sup) tags doesn't work.

    M.

  42. Mycho Silver badge

    So let's just test whether this works...

    Disclaimer: This filk may take severe liberties with the cyber conversion process, or may actually be more realistic than the one portrayed in Dr Who. Tradmarks included should be considered to be abused wantonly, I am not Adele and nor am I a Dell.

    • I let it fall, the dark
    • as evening came my senses sharpened.
    • Heard your heart, and you were breathing,
    • Then you passed by me, and I saw you.
    • Your arms were strong, but your skin was far too weak
    • It broke down in my grasp as I pulled you from your feet.
    • Cause there's a side to me that you never knew, never knew,
    • All the things you thought they were never true, never true.
    • It's a game to me and I'll always win, always win!
    • So I stuck wires in your brain
    • nanites crawling up through your veins
    • Well it hurt and you tried
    • but they stopped you screaming out in pain, such pain.
    • When I work on you, place electrodes
    • on your eyes. Blurring thoughts together,
    • Changing you forever everything's better.
    • 'cause there's a side to me that you never knew, never knew,
    • These new thoughts of yours they were never true, never true,
    • I'll rewrite your brain and I'll always win, always win!
    • 'cause I stuck wires in your brain,
    • watched you writhe as they pierced your face,
    • well it burned in your mind,
    • but I stopped you screaming out in pain, such pain.
    • I stuck wires into you brain
    • and pumped sugru into your veins
    • You weren't well, would have died,
    • but it worked out better than last time, than last time.
    • Some days there's something in your face,
    • The mind you had must be somewhere inside you.
    • Even now you've left the human race,
    • Somehow your still searching to find "you".
    • 'cause I stuck wires in your brain,
    • watched you writhe as they pierced your face,
    • well it burned in your mind,
    • but I stopped you screaming out in pain, such pain.
    • I stuck wires into you brain
    • Dr Pepper coating your veins
    • You weren't well, would have died,
    • but it worked out better than last time, than last time.
    • Oh, no,
    • Cyberman, oh
    • Cyberman,
    • Cyberman...

  43. John Crisp

    Damn....

    fine effort

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder how many of the millennials would recognise G&S songs? In the 1960s they were commonplace. Boys schools could do musical productions which only required a couple of significant women characters.

    One of our VIth Form boys was an avid G&S fan. He used to sing his Geology litany to "Modern Major General" as an aid to memory.

  45. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    I know this is from Pirates in Mens' Pants, and I'm technically a millenial.

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    G+S

    Didn't he sing about Claire, back in the olde days?

  47. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    Gilbert reckoned that "The Gondoliers" would last throughout the twentieth century, and in "The Pirates of Penzance", the plot device expires in 1940. (And Japan copped it in 1945.) But a modern young audience has any amount of new silly songs to choose from.

    CBeebies (BBC for toddlers) is putting on "The Tempest" today. From looking in, they cut away frequently to William Shakespeare explaining the action to one of his Kickstarters, they get through it in about an hour, and I'm nearly sure that Sir John Gielgud in the buff won't be involved. If you'd prefer to see the Clangers, I don't disagree. :-)

  48. Mr Dogshit Silver badge

    A colleague once wrote a song to the tune of Downtown by Petula Clark.

    It was called Downtime.

  49. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    And then there's the Backup Song, the tune should be obvious:

    http://altlasten.lutz.donnerhacke.de/mitarb/lutz/usenet/yesterday.html

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    RS232 Interface Lead

    Lets not forget the spendid efforts of Spitting Image and their joyful ode to the ubuiquitous RS232 interface lead. I'm sure it must be on you-tube but can't be bothered to look for it.

    Or Lennon+McCartney et al......

    Yesterday.....

    All those backups seemed a waste of pay.

    Suddenly....

    All my files have gone away.

    Oh how I yearn for yesterday.

Page:

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018