back to article BOFH: Honourable misconduct

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns I’m on high alert in Mission Control. It’s 11:30am, I’ve not seen the PFY all morning and there’s a cold, half eaten chicken kebab sitting on the PFY’s keyboard. There’s a faint beeping noise from his desktop machine as the password field of his login is overflowing with H characters, …

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  1. chivo243 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    I think I even have a script for that.

    Awesome! simply divine!

    Simon, have you ever thought of a series or film?

    1. steelpillow Silver badge
      Angel

      Re: I think I even have a script for that.

      You stole my post!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I think I even have a script for that.

      That way I would not have to lose pay for being on strike! AC as we are not supposed to tell manglement till after the event.

    3. K Silver badge

      Re: I think I even have a script for that.

      Can see the presentation to the Channel 4 board... "Its IT Crowd on steroids and beer, whilst carrying a Cattle Prod. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you BoFH!"

      But who would play BOFH and PFY?

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        Fred West?

      2. Phil W

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        BOFH - Peter Capaldi

        PFY - Mackenzie Crook

      3. chivo243 Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        I was thinking more of a Young Ones meets IT Crowd... Viv as the PFY anybody?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I think I even have a script for that.

          Viv as the PFY anybody?

          Trouble is, at age 61, he not all that Y anymore.

        2. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble? Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: I think I even have a script for that.

          "I was thinking more of a Young Ones meets IT Crowd... Viv as the PFY anybody?"

          Indeed, as has been mentioned, Viv may well be a bit a lot to old for the Y, however in the style of Edward from bottom, he'd make a good BoFH. Beer, violence and IT, the character is almost two thirds of the way there already!

      4. Chemical Bob Bronze badge

        Re: who would play BOFH and PFY?

        BOFH: Richard Grant

        PFY: Bruce Langley (plays Technical Boy on 'American Gods')

        Boss: Stephen Fry

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: who would play BOFH and PFY?

          Sadly, I don’t think Richard E Grant is quite “scruffy” enough these days to quite be the BOFH (back in the Withnail days, perhaps so, but a little too young then). Sadly, I think Peter Capaldi is just very slightly too old for this role now. I could see Simon Pegg as the BOFH, however?

          Mackenzie Crook is very much the obvious (too obvious, typecast?) person to be the PFY, indeed.

          Stephen Fry would definitely be ideal as the boss (but may be unamused by previous references to him in The Register!), or maybe Chris Barrie?

          1. Marshalltown

            Re: who would play BOFH and PFY?

            "...(too obvious, typecast?) With characters named BoFH, PFY, BOSS, HR droid, surely you jest.

        2. Ray Merrall

          Re: who would play BOFH and PFY?

          Plus numerous well known guests, who in acting the parts of various HR goons, finance ac*nts, management, sales guys, etc., demonstrate the practical uses of carpet, lime and a map of nearby forests, or how windows on second floors and above need proper locking mechanisms, or the use of over powered electric cattle prods on parts of the body.

          You know guests like Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, Nigel Farage, members of the Cabinet and government (How is she still PM TMay, BoJo the Clown, Precious JRM, Twinkletoes Fox, Hunt the C*nt, and many others) who wish to resurrect their political careers if, unfortunately, not in person.......

        3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: who would play BOFH and PFY?

          "Boss: Stephen Fry"

          Given the rate at which Bosses are introduced to rolls of carpet and quicklime this would need to be a series of guest appearances.

          1. dlc.usa
            Thumb Up

            Re: who would play BOFH and PFY?

            "Given the rate at which Bosses are introduced to rolls of carpet and quicklime this would need to be a series of guest appearances."

            Indeed. They are the equivalent of original Star Trek Red Shirts...

            1. Mike Moyle Silver badge

              Re: who would play BOFH and PFY?

              I always saw bosses more as this week's Number 2, myself.

              Auditors and security bods may justifiably be considered redshirts.

          2. Chemical Bob Bronze badge

            Re: who would play BOFH and PFY?

            No, no, no, no, no - the Boss is always played by Stephen Fry. Every time the Boss is killed off, his replacement is identical. Sort of like South Park in which Kenny gets killed in every episode.

    4. Laura Kerr
      Devil

      Re: I think I even have a script for that.

      I've been trying to sell a TV series based on the BOFH for ages now - after getting the OK from Simon to draw on his stuff, I completed seven scripts and tried to get production companies interested. I even managed to get a couple of celebrity endorsements, including one from the actor who would be the ideal Simon.

      And after spending a fortune on postage I ended up with enough rejection letters to wallpaper my lavatory. I did get a couple of nibbles along the way but no bites. I got the impression that commissioning suits didn't like the idea of a series where manglement were the butt of the jokes.

      About that time, a few life issues intervened and I put it on the back burner. But I'm thinking that I should try again. I've got enough material and ideas for about 24 episodes, plus a Christmas special.

      1. earl grey Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        Time to submit those to Netflix to see if they'll make the series. They seem to go for more non-stock programs these days.

        1. Laura Kerr

          Re: I think I even have a script for that.

          Good thinking! I'll see what their Ts and Cs are like.

          EDIT:

          No unsolicited scripts. What a surprise.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

          2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: I think I even have a script for that.

            "No unsolicited scripts. What a surprise."

            Now think what the BOFH would do in that situation. He'd tell a Brit commissioning editor that Netflix were interested but taking their time and there was a small window of opportunity if the editor could make up their mind before the pubs open.

      2. steelpillow Silver badge

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        "I've been trying to sell a TV series based on the BOFH for ages now"

        Indiegogo.

        Has a section devoted to film media. You'll need to recruit a Director and Producer and stuff, though.

        1. I3N
          Pint

          Re: I think I even have a script for that.

          Oh don't ...

          let a crew in for 'credits' and still haven't had the time to replace the load bearing wall that the set guy from LA said wasn't! [temp support only a year later when son pointed out the sag]

          Producer/writer found out only so much good will out there when crowd-sourced financing maybe covered half of costs ....

          Why did I expect that the cast/crew would be any better than government contractors ...

          Damn sign painter stole my nice, big, golf umbrella to boot ... imagine her walking for the 'cause' under the Callaway logo ...

        2. theN8

          Re: I think I even have a script for that.

          Isn't that how Mel Brook's "The Producers" started?!

      3. Busby

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        Try Netflix they will give a full season order to anything at the moment.

      4. Blitheringeejit
        Go

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        Please try to land it in the in-tray in the League of Gentlemen production office. A marriage made in the 13th circle of hell...

        1. Laura Kerr

          Re: I think I even have a script for that.

          I've twice been told to 'coff by the BBC. I'm thinking about one more round of the UK prodcos, and then trying Amazon Prime.

      5. Nick Kew Silver badge

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        I've been trying to sell a TV series based on the BOFH for ages now - after getting the OK from Simon to draw on his stuff, I completed seven scripts and tried to get production companies interested

        Ooh! Good luck with that. I wonder what level of cliqueiness you're up against with the production companies that have the ear of telly commissioners?

        For me to make suggestions is probably a case of teaching granny to suck eggs, but ... have you tried thinking through your customer's mindset? For example, making Simon's alter ego a female would tick a huge box with the BBC in terms of representing women in central roles, without seriously impacting on the story lines. Just wondering!

        1. I3N
          Coat

          Re: I think I even have a script for that.

          Yeah, good luck ...

          Ask for funds to support the local film commission tithe and city permits!

        2. Laura Kerr

          Re: I think I even have a script for that.

          "For example, making Simon's alter ego a female would tick a huge box with the BBC in terms of representing women in central roles, without seriously impacting on the story lines."

          Very true, but - I spent a long time trying that out, and it just didn't work; as Steven is subordinate to Simon, it was difficult to get anywhere without overtones of sexism and bullying creeping in. Same with the KZEEEERT - the stories worked better with that strictly rationed. There are other outbreaks of violence to compensate, though :-)

          There is a female central role, and she's on the same level as Simon. Similar attitude to corporate silliness too, which makes for a good relationship. She's just as intimidating as Simon, but in a different way.

      6. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I think I even have a script for that.

        Just a thought, have you considered adapting it for radio?

        I think it would be great?

  2. Only me!
    Coat

    Script for Leave

    Must get a copy to compare with the one I am currently using.....just to see if I can make efficiency improvements. The management are always asking for efficiency improvements.

    Mines the one with the beer in the pocket!

    1. Chloe Cresswell

      Re: Script for Leave

      I'm worried about how you are transporting and containing beer.. :)

      1. Only me!
        Pint

        Re: Script for Leave

        Waterproof (beerproof) pockets and a long straw for siphoning it off sir.

        1. Peter Ford

          Re: Script for Leave

          When I was a student I had a jacket with pockets capable of carrying up to four bottles of Newcastle Brown, even if they were opened at the bar to avoid carry-outs...

      2. Spacedinvader
        Pint

        Re: Script for Leave

        Last orders is two pints, one for inside jacket for the road home.

        Pint tumbler fits in my inside suit pocket quite nicely although I'd recommend drinking about 1/4 of it first...

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Script for Leave

          Doesn't your local do carry-out packs? For shame, sir. You need access to a better class of publican.

  3. TRT Silver badge

    I can't help but feel...

    That somewhere there's some scope for the BOFH making use of the adjacent story, "Fancy owning a two-seat Second World War Messerschmitt fighter?"

    Baaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrnnnn! Dakka-dakka-dakka.

    1. Geekpride

      Re: I can't help but feel...

      Yes! Maybe in response to some ill-conceived management decision to embrace drone technology. Have the BOFH fit it with remote control & cameras, then demonstrate its capabilities.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: I can't help but feel...

        Yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for using the word Fokker in his presentation to the board.

        1. Uk_Gadget

          Re: I can't help but feel...

          Yeah but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts

          1. Mark 85 Silver badge

            Re: I can't help but feel...

            Yeah but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts

            Only after they hit the ground in an uncontrolled fashion.*

            *I heard an old radio from the War, the smooth British presenter intones solemnly: "And there after crashing into the ground was a Messerchmit." Followed by loud laughter from the crew.

        2. ma1010 Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: I can't help but feel...

          @TRT

          Yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for using the word Fokker in his presentation to the board.

          Reminds me of an old joke with a radio interview of a WW II fighter ace nicknamed "Swede."

          ANNOUNCER: So tell us about the day you became an ace, Swede.

          SWEDE: Well,I was flying patrol, and I saw this Fokker coming at me from the right and above, so I turned toward him, and just then saw another Fokker coming up from below, so...

          ANNOUNCER: Swede, just let me interrupt and let the audience know that a Fokker is a type of German airplane, right?

          SWEDE: Well, ya, but these Fokkers were flying Messerschmits.

    2. Jemma Silver badge

      Re: I can't help but feel...

      "You can teach *managers* to fly better than that..."

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: I can't help but feel...

        Fly... or fall with style?

        1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

          Re: I can't help but feel...

          They can fall with style, but I'm not putting any bets on them getting 10 points for the landing!

          1. WonkoTheSane

            Re: I can't help but feel...

            "They can fall with style, but I'm not putting any bets on them getting 10 points for the landing!"

            Depends on what style of fencing (if any) surrounds the building.

            1. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge
              Happy

              Re: I can't help but feel...

              Does bouncing count?

              1. bpfh

                Re: I can't help but feel...

                You don’t bounce after being pushed out of a window into a skip full of CRT’s. Apparently. From what I’ve been told.

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