back to article Chilly willies: Swedish nudie nightclub opens in -11°C to disgust of locals

A nightclub that spiritually stimulates dance zealots to peel off their clothes and shake their booty was branded a "breeding ground for broken souls" by a totally different sort of radical. Klubb Naket, based on the island of Södermalm near Stockholm, Sweden, hosted its first event on Saturday eve, clearly undeterred by the …

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  1. David Webb
    IT Angle

    IT?

    Tried to find the IT relevance, decided that with an article like this I really don't care that there isn't one.

    Wait I found the IT angle, Bluetooth comes from Sweden, when you go to a dance you go to a ball, when a person gets cold they go a bit blue, so now we have Swedes giving us BlueBalls! #logic.

    1. malle-herbert Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: IT?

      I think it must be the "breeding ground for broken souls" part that refers to IT in general...

      1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
        Happy

        "Klubb Naket"

        Just loooks like a spelling mistake in English.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: "Klubb Naket"

          Of course! A lot of English is a Swedish spelling mistake.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Klubb Naket"

          It's a pair of drawers with flapps according to ikea.

    2. MrRimmerSIR!
      Coat

      Re: IT?

      I think the IT angle is that even in this situation, you're bound to find a gaggle of geeks in a corner cooing over their latest gadgets, completely oblivious to the bacchanalian activities going on around them.

      Mine's the one with the Gemini in the pocket (left in the cloakroom, obviously).

      1. DavCrav Silver badge

        Re: IT?

        "I think the IT angle is that even in this situation, you're bound to find a gaggle of geeks in a corner cooing over their latest gadgets, completely oblivious to the bacchanalian activities going on around them."

        Erm, they are naked. Where would they store them? Wait, don't answer that.

        1. earl grey Silver badge
          Angel

          Re: IT?

          Where would they store them?

          Nature's pocket. Where would you expect?

        2. Sleep deprived

          Re: IT?

          No need to store them, they keep them in their hand all the time. But they need somewhere to hide them when crossing the entrance gate...

    3. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: IT?

      Bootnote !!

      Maybe the reg needs to highlight these article headers clearer, people seem not to notice the small category text top left of title.

      Maybe some flashing....erm..

    4. jake Silver badge

      Re: IT?

      David, you've been here about as long as I have, and yet you haven't noticed Bootnotes? Bootnotes covers all sins. All work & no play makes ElReg a dull vulture.

      1. David Webb

        Re: IT?

        Bootnotes covers all sins.

        Not sure much of anything was covered in this article.........

        Pun aside, I honestly have never read which section any article is in (except BOFH), but my "where is the IT angle" wasn't a serious question though, it was just a way to put "I don't care there isn't one, naked Swedes please!"

        1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: IT?

          You want undressed root vegetables?!

          Weirdo.....

        2. tiggity Silver badge

          Re: IT?

          I have lots of naked Swedes (assuming they survive the snow blanketing the garden) but I personally prefer a turnip

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: IT?

            @tiggity; "I have lots of naked Swedes but I personally prefer a turnip"

            ...that is exactly the same shape... as a thingy?!

    5. Mike Moyle Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: IT?

      "The make-out room should rather be seen as an open lounge."

      ...and, in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, Julian Assange is reconsidering returning to Sweden.

      There's your IT angle.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IT?

      "there are areas where guests can "do what you feel right now and then""

      Sounds like the data centre/server room out of office hours to me.

      1. Alistair Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: IT?

        "there are areas where guests can "do what you feel right now and then"

        That would be the IT angle, all those MMORPG'ers playing in the nude and chair dancing!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: IT?

        "Sounds like the data centre/server room out of office hours to me."

        Behind the mainframe tape decks in the 1960s - when there were pretty much equal numbers of men and women employed as programmers. The company only employed men as computer operators - as there were official restrictions on women working three shift systems. The women programmers however were allowed to be present to see their jobs run on the evening/night shifts.

        Only the good-looking operator shift leaders got to play though.

    7. Jos V

      Re: IT?

      "Come naked. Come as you are. Do whatever you want. Everything stays here," the club promo stated. Apparently, there are areas where guests can "do what you feel right now and then".

      Sounds like the your typical night-shift in a data center to me. Even the part where you freeze your nuts off because it's so darn cold...

      Edit: Someone beat me to it already. We really have cool jobs, don't we?

      1. onefang Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: IT?

        "Sounds like the your typical night-shift in a data center to me. Even the part where you freeze your nuts off because it's so darn cold...

        "Edit: Someone beat me to it already. We really have cool jobs, don't we?"

        Freezing your nuts off is well beyond cool.

        I'll get my coat, I like keeping my nuts warm.

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IT?

      >Wait I found the IT angle, Bluetooth comes from Sweden,

      Nah, he was Danish.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brings a whole new meaning to a stiffie.

    1. Scroticus Canis Silver badge
      Devil

      Brings a whole new meaning to a stiffie.

      Yep. At -11ºC three and a half inches is all you can reasonably expect.

      Not much use with an eight inch slot though.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe they could rename the town Sodomymalm.

    Also, how do you breed depression and broken souls? I'm pretty sure it's not with dance music, nakedness and rampant sex.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Also, how do you breed depression and broken souls? I'm pretty sure it's not with dance music, nakedness and rampant sex.

      I daresay the naked ravers will be pilled up to their eyeballs, and that'll do the job, just like it does for fully clothed pill freaks?

      Although on a point of detail, I'd legalise all drugs, since they're going to be "done" anyway. Might as well squeeze the criminals out of the supply chain, and improve the quality.

      1. nijam Silver badge

        > how do you breed depression and broken souls?

        Religion.

        1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

          --->Religion.

          "Prisons are built with stones of the Law, brothels with bricks of religion."

          William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

      2. Lars Silver badge
        Pint

        "Might as well squeeze the criminals out of the supply chain".

        I would add some of Pharma criminals to the list, although it's not my piece of cake.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      how do you breed depression and broken souls

      At -11oC I guess the average person's manhood is likely to be diminished, not to say depressed...

      1. chivo243 Silver badge

        The ol' STS Scared Turtle Syndrome...

      2. The Oncoming Scorn
        Mushroom

        Working Away From Home

        Having walked out of a nice warm bedroom (+19), to discover my Landladies habit of leaving windows in the communual areas open over night & with a -30 wind chill wafting in through, diminished isn't the word I would use.

        The words I did use on experiencing the temperature differential got me into trouble, as she didn''t like that sort of language.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "[...] how do you breed depression [...]"

      Working on a project in Stockholm in the 1970s we took a youngster with us whose tasks only required him to work a 9-5 day. Back in England he had heard about a particular Stockholm disco where it was said that the women asked you to dance - and took you home with them afterwards.

      He went a few times - and vouched for the veracity of the situation. Poor lad - he was never even asked for a dance.

      In many northern countries - it is the long dark winters and alcohol that often fuel depression.

      1. Nicko

        Northern winter habits...

        Ah. I had some Icelandic colleagues, one, now sadly deceased (*), had a face that was best described as "a cake that's been left out in the rain". He was only 35 and looked like the nastiest Viking you could image - gentle soul, though.

        He could drink a bottle of vodka with no visible effect - I once asked him how he could do that and he replied: "there are only two things to do in the winter, and one of them is drink".

        He once woke up in a hotel wardrobe - he'd gone in there thinking it was a toilet, had a pee and fallen asleep...

        (*) RIP Gunnlaugur - he knew he'd die young - all the males in his family died from cancer - the Icelandic gene pool is/was limited and there are a lot of families with genetic propensity to certain diseases.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Northern winter habits...

          @Nicko; 'a face that was best described as "a cake that's been left out in the rain"'

          And hair that looked like sweet green icing flowing down?

          (I guess the problem is that he was melting in the dark during the winter up there...)

          1. Nicko

            Re: Northern winter habits...

            @Nicko; 'a face that was best described as "a cake that's been left out in the rain"'

            @AC And hair that looked like sweet green icing flowing down?

            I wan't referring to MacArthur Park & Richard Harris (1968), it was originally a W. H. Auden quote from 1963 (said to René Bouché, an artist who sketched him):

            "My face looks like a wedding-cake left out in the rain"

            https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/w_h_auden_148305 and many other places.

    4. onefang Silver badge
      Coat

      "Also, how do you breed depression and broken souls? I'm pretty sure it's not with dance music, nakedness and rampant sex."

      You breed depression and broken souls by creating a prudish religion, and telling people they will go to hell for indulging in dance music, nakedness, and rampant sex. Though that probably depends on the style of music, and the distance between the dancers.

      I'm not getting my coat, I'm taking it off, and the rest of my clothes. Though I can't dance, so I better have sex instead.

      1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

        "You breed depression and broken souls by creating a prudish religion, and telling people they will go to hell for indulging in dance music, nakedness, and rampant sex"

        Remember, Protestants disapprove of sex because it might lead to dancing. Catholics are rather keen on both. That's how you tell them apart.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "Catholics are rather keen on both."

          Also apparently S&M if one looks at their educational art and their saints' writings.

          They appear to believe that only through pain can they reach heaven. That apparently is why Mother Teresa only gave terminally ill patients nothing stronger than aspirin.

          Their venerated paintings of the deaths of martyrs show people with great ecstasy on their faces while their flesh is being ripped with hot pincers - or being barbequed on a spit.

          St Jerome preached it was better for a young woman to die than to have sex. Saint Paul allowed that marriage might be excusable for those so weak as to want sex. Saint Augustine sowed his wild oats - then presumably told everyone else they couldn't with his formulation of the doctrine of original sin. His attributed quote apparently sums up a large number of the Church's clerics fairly well - "Lord - give me chastity and continence, but not yet"

          1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

            "Also apparently S&M if one looks at their educational art and their saints' writings."

            I think most of us know about things like Catholic guilt and I've had my fill of the Church Fathers and Saul of Tarsus, a thoroughly repulsive little man who got lucky. However, the Catholics of Ireland (and Kilburn where I once lived) were pretty good at both knees-ups and reproduction. It's OK being an atheist so long as it's the Catholic God you don't believe in, not the Protestant one.

            Catholicism has inflicted six Rees-Mogg offspring on the world so far, you don't need to try to tell me it has a lot to answer for.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              "Catholicism has inflicted six Rees-Mogg offspring on the world so far, you don't need to try to tell me it has a lot to answer for."

              Is he going for an Octavian for his political dynasty?

        2. Lars Silver badge
          Happy

          @Voyna i Mor

          Well there was this "Protestant/Lutheran" priest who said this - "We believe in sexual purity and that sexuality needs to be protected through marriage,".

          The only way to add a Catholic priest to this would be to assume he was addressed with such wisdom by the Lutheran priest (to no avail).

          The subtitle surprised me until I remembered that we actually have heating inside during the winter here up in the north.

          Stockholm is a fairly friendly town according to a Brit I met. If you get awfully drunk it happens that nice and helpful Swedes might offer you a bed at their hotel for the night, and in the morning they might even offer you some money.

          And that happened to you, I asked - "oh no" he said, to my sister.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "[...] and the distance between the dancers."

        In the 1970s the strict Protestant NGK in South Africa was a controlling factor in politics - in some parts of the country more than others.

        Apparently some of the more conservative, even large, towns still had an enforced bye-law that men and women in the public swimming pool had to be at least 18 inches (50cm) apart in the water.

        These towns died after about 17:30 - it felt like tumble weed blowing. A colleague who had grown up in one of them assured me that it was what happened behind the closed doors that was interesting. Cue "Riotous Assembly" and "Indecent Exposure" by Tom Sharpe - not quite the OTT satires they might appear.

        At the same time - on the beach at Durban (think Blackpool) - the bikinis apparently consisted of a few pieces of string.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        " [...] indulging in dance music, nakedness, and rampant sex."

        indulging in dance music, nakedness, and enjoying rampant sex.

  4. wolfetone Silver badge

    Reminds me of a place my old manager told me about that he used to frequent on gay nights. There'd be a room and the lights would be off, it'd be pitch black, and only men were allowed in it.

    He wasn't sure how clean the room was, but he knew it was only open another time during the week. And that was for the Indie nights on a Friday where someone managed to find the light switch and put it on for that particular night.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      So-called "dark rooms" for anonymous sex, beloved in the high-energy gay scene in the early 1980s. Without wishing to pass judgement: amphetamines and dark rooms correlate well with STDs. "Faggots" is the book to read if you're interested.

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        Pretty much what he called it. He also said he never had the balls to go in to it, although an ex-partner of his used to do it all the time. Hence why he was an ex.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Swedish Winter..

    As a description of Sweden in the winter, I have some sympathy for it being described as: "a breeding ground for depression and broken souls".

    But it'd not so bad in the summer..

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Swedish Winter..

      A man once asked an Inuit what they did in summer when the days were 24 hours long - "we go fishing and make love to our women" was the reply. The man then asked about the winter when the nights were 24 hours long and the Innuit answered "well, we don't go fishing" (I've seen this joke in several places but I first heard it many years ago told by the Anglican Bishop of the Arctic!)

      1. Lars Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Swedish Winter..

        "when the nights were 24 hours long ".

        With absolutely no intention of becoming serious I remember a situation when I was trying to start a conversation with a guy from north of the pole circle. I went for the "how hard life must have been in old times in all that long darkness". He gave a sort of "oh dear, not again, weary, smile" and asked me if I might have forgotten that they actually have quite a lot of sunshine* during the winter and that the snow is actually very white and moving on the hard snow is fast and easy, and hunting and fishing is very fun, and fishing using fire is very very fun and just give me a call and I take you fishing.

        And I was hit hard in the head by "reality" and that people have actually lived there for a very long time, and that people who die because of the cold probably live in the southern part of Europe.

        *the moon

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