back to article A dog DNA database? You must be barking

Police have revealed plans to take the lead on tracking down hounds that attack livestock - a dog DNA database. The National Police Chiefs’ Council’s working group on livestock worrying has issued a report (PDF) saying that 1,928 animals were killed and 1,614 injured by dogs between 2013 and 2017 in five English areas. The …

Anonymous Coward

I see the puns and congratulate you on a superb article but I raise you one.

A dog DNA database would be rough justice.

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Coat

Would they use the database to vet them?

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Coat

Are we lurchering towards a surveillance state?

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Coat

Would the database finally reveal who's a good boy?

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Coat

I don't know, but hopefully they'll be able to collar some criminals

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Coat

They're barking up the wrong B-tree...

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Anonymous Coward

"A dog DNA database would be rough justice."

A dog DNA database would be ruff justice.

FTFY (but someone else used it recently in another thread)

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"A dog DNA database would be ruff justice. FTFY (but someone else used it recently in another thread)"

I think the original poster assumed that everyone would get the joke without your help.

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These criminal mutts are going to be hounded by the police.

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Anonymous Coward

And to quote Wallace (from "a close shave") - once their DNA has been matched they'll be "hunted down like ... well a dog"

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Anonymous Coward

Fuck livestock

if it means we can catch the anti social scrotes that let their blessed dog shit all over my lawn and path (wife is blind so it's more fun when it gets on her wheelchair) then I will die a happy man.

Bring it on.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

Have you considered building a fence?

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Re: Fuck livestock

His wife has no choice about her disability. The dog owners have a choice as to whether or not they own a dog, where they allow it to foul and also if they clean it up.

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Anonymous Coward

and make the dogs pay for it!

a great fence!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

You aren't Welsh by any chance? I ask because of the subject line.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

@korev

Really? Don't be a dumb fuck and read his comment.

"blessed dog shit all over my lawn and path"

I'm anti dog shit as well but come on, don't you recognise trolling anymore?

He's also anonymous, why do that? I do it because I don't want my opinion or requests for opinion to be tainted.

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Re: Fuck livestock

if it means we can catch the anti social scrotes that let their blessed dog shit

Concur. Especially NOT over your lawn. Your lawn you can cover with CCTV if need be. Public parks, paths, etc - not so much.

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Re: Fuck livestock

Perhaps you'd be interesting in testing out my new lawn-defense laser. It incinerates trespassers of all sorts after a 60 second warning countdown. Note: no warranty against ED209 incidents.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

I'm going to let rip now.

You really are dumb fucks.

Blind and in a wheelchair getting dog poo on the wheels.

Let that sink in. who the fuck is pushing the wheelchair? Are they blind too? Don't be so fucking stupid. Downvote all you want I really don't care.

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Re: Fuck livestock

Mr/s Coward (may I call you that?), I have a friend who is blind and confined to a wheelchair. She gets around quite nicely without any help, thank you very much. Just because YOU would be left in a vegetative state if you were suddenly in a similar situation doesn't mean that those who live with it day in and day out have to give up on life.

And yes, getting shit[0] on her wheels frustrates the hell out of her. Seriously people, is it really all that hard to pick up after yourselves and/or your dawgs?

[0] Literally shit, but also fag ends, spilled sugar-drinks, bits of fast-food, and anything else that stinks and/or is sticky ...

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Re: Fuck livestock

"Have you considered building a fence?"

Just think of all those 60s/70s housing estates where the architects thought the place looked wonderful without fences or hedges so there are covenants in the deeds or leases against putting any up.

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Re: Fuck livestock

@A/C

Whilst I have every sympathy with your wife that's no reason for you to consider that worrying of livestock isn't a problem.

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Re: Fuck livestock

"Just think of all those 60s/70s housing estates where the architects thought the place looked wonderful without fences or hedges so there are covenants in the deeds or leases against putting any up."

I had a house with a similar covenant.

Fortunately the ban was on permanent fencing, so when a neighbour's baby turned into a toddler, everyone agreed that the fence her father erected was indeed "temporary" :-)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

I'm done, I give up.

Please enjoy your gardens and front lawns without any borders or gates where mythical dogs just happen to shit on the path and not the garden, because they love to shit on paths rather than gardens.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

@Jake

Please tell me how she gets shit on her wheels at home and how many times that has ever happened? Does she have a fenced off garden or not?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

@jake

Could you please give a bit more information?

As both hands are being used to push the wheelchair how does the user get haptic feedback on their surroundings?

I get the feeling that all these posts are just bullshit so if you could explain my simple request then I will change my mind. Thanks.

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Re: Fuck livestock

Have you ever wheeled yourself around in a wheelchair? Try it for 20 minutes or half an hour, including indoors and out. Report back. I won't insist on a blindfold.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

So which hand do you hold the stick or dog with? I'm genuinely curious and yes I have used a wheelchair.

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Meh

Re: Fuck livestock

Can we do this for cats too. Bloody fed up of them crapping in my driveway. My dogs take care of the back garden, both crapping in and keeping clear of cats. PP

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WTF?

Re; Discarded sticky stuff on wheelchair wheels.

@Jake. As a smoker and a dog owner, I concur completely. But don't leave out the chewing gum muppets. They are a pest to all sighted or otherwise. PP

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

"Perhaps you'd be interesting in testing out my new lawn-defense laser. It incinerates trespassers of all sorts after a 60 second warning countdown. Note: no warranty against ED209 incidents.

"

over the hedge reference

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNDFjILsM-A

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Re: Fuck livestock

I some places of the country that's a good Saturday night out!

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Re: Fuck livestock

in lieu of a fence, have you considered a wildlife camera?

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Re: Fuck livestock

I know it's a troll, but....

Cats tend not to crap in open spaces. Being small and subject to aerial predation(*) they usually try prefer cover and as ambush predators themselves they usually try to bury it afterwards.

The worst offenders for crapping on driveways/paths/doorways are humans - and dogshit isn't nearly as noxious as monkeyshit.

(*) Young cats are a similar size/weight to rabbits and equally attractive to hawks/falcons. They're also vulnerable to foxes. I've seen them taken by both (it's kinda obvious when the "rabbit" is black with a long tail and has a red collar with a bell on it)

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Re: Fuck livestock

as ambush predators themselves they usually try to bury it afterwards

Not entirely true. The dominant cats on each territory *won't* bury it since it's part of their territory marking (just like spraying is for both males and females[1]..).

Non-dominant cats (both male and female) will bury it as a sign that they acknowledge the dominant cat has possession.

(PS: A fox might indeed take a kitten, but anything over 3 months old it going to cause enough damage that the fox (particularly an urban fox that used to cats) is going to be very, very wary. I've seen our dominant female chase a much larger dog fox off her territory a number of times).

[1] Yes - female cats spray to mark their territory as well. Males and females tend to have parallel lines of dominance and a tom cat is usually very wary of taking on a female in their own territory. Females don't fight fair :-)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fuck livestock

Make a stink at the council.

Get CCTV images and take samples which are then submitted to the council for DNA testing. Should be enough evidence for anyone.

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Coat

Would they read them their rights?

You have the right to remain silent, if you give up that right, anything you bark may be used as evidence against you.

Mine is the one with Milkbones in the pocket.

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vir
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Barking Up The Wrong Tree

They're going to have a ruff time trying to get their paws on doggy DNA; I'm willing to wag-er that many of these malicious mutts are the "natural" kind, hardly the type to lie down and roll over for a national database.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Barking Up The Wrong Tree

I would also suspect that most of the dogs in question belong to a protected species of caravan dwellers and so can't be tested anyway.

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Coat

Re: Barking Up The Wrong Tree

The whole idea sounds about two stops short of Dogenham.

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I'm pretty sure for 50,000 pounds a year in damage, it's cheaper to pay off the claims than analyze DNA and store it.

(History lesson -- when dog licenses were first adopted in New England, the fees were used to pay off any damage by dogs to sheep if the offending dog was unknown. The towns' incentive to have good dog wardens was they got to keep any surplus funds.)

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I'm pretty sure for 50,000 pounds a year in damage, it's cheaper to pay off the claims than analyze DNA and store it.

The 50K damage are not the target. The millions (literally) of fines to owners who do not clean up after their mutt are the target here.

It would have been nice if the police was honest for once. They may actually get public support on this one.

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I have dogs, and not all of the excrement I come across when walking my dog, is from dogs. On a couple of occasions, I've found a pile of poop and soiled garments, which has made me wonder how many times I've seen lone piles of poop, and assumed a dog was to blame, when the perpetrator perhaps had some tissues and didn't need to use their grundies.

So maybe we need a human poop DNA database too? : -)

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Anonymous Coward

It might help identify EU migrants

sneaking in without a pet passport after Brexit...French poodles, German shepherds etc.

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Re: It might help identify EU migrants

And, after ScotExit, Scottie Terriers. Though they tend to be self-identifying.

[exits, to the sound of pipes playing "Cock o' the North" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYAcPTQR0zE]

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Re: It might help identify EU migrants

Don't worry, there'll be no pet passport scheme after Brexit.

Which is a shame as pet passports are blue.

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Joke

Choice of database engine?

Will they use MongrelDB?

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Waste of money.

The three 'S'es of country living: Shoot, Shovel, Shutup.

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Re: Waste of money.

That wasn't how Warren Zevon put it...

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Re: Waste of money.

Well, Zevon was a city boy, so ...

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