back to article No sh*t, Sherlock! Bloke suspected of swallowing drug stash keeps colon schtum for 22 DAYS

A suspected drug dealer accused of swallowing his stash has become internet famous – after refusing to take a dump, and thus provide the cops their evidence, for 22 DAYS and counting. The 24-year-old fella was arrested by Essex police on January 17 in Harlow, England. He is believed to have wolfed down several packages of …

Anonymous Coward

I'm sure they'll get to the bottom of it in the end.

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Anonymous Coward

It's a bit of a shit deal though.

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If he goes will he be cleared of all chargers?

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Go

Obligatory 1942 movie clip.

The fun starts about the 4 minute mark...

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Coat

If the authorities force its passage, will it be the Enema of the State?

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Anonymous Coward

If it carries on for too long I fear he will be flushing his reputation down the toilet.

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TRT
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Simples...

Shove a peanut up his arse... it'll come out a treat.

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Anonymous Coward

I wonder if they'll catch the person he deals for or if they'll be happy with the number two.

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But he wishes he runs away now...

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"I'm sure they'll get to the bottom of it in the end."

They'll give you a ring when the do

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The police will go through the motions, at least.

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As they say ... sh*t happens, sooner or later.

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They're waiting for him to log in.

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Holmes

Suitable Icon

Log out would be more appropriate.

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The Assagne option

Self-inflicted punishment. He should realise it's going to be harder in the end.

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Re: The Assagne option

it's going to be harder in the end

*snigger*

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The Assagne option

especially when push comes to shove.

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Thumb Up

Re: The Assagne option

He has also been refusing food

Have they offered him Ferrero Rocher?

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Re: The Assagne option

Have they offered him Ferrero Rocher?

Yes, every police station in the UK has some ready just in case some ex-Aussie info peddler with an addiction problem drops in. You can't be too careful with dietary requirements these days...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The Assagne option

They don't want to s(p)oil him.

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Re: The Assagne option

"Have they offered him Ferrero Rocher?"

Or perhaps disguise some of THESE as Ferrero Rocher

I once heard a rumor of someone getting hot chocolate made from that stuff, as a bad prank/retaliation. It's why you don't anger the people who prepare your food.

(grabbing coat)

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...Upon finding the defendent guilty the judge further decides the defendent must clean up his own shit.

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@ BrownishMonstr

Your handle seems strangely appropriate for this thread.

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@Doctor Syntax,@BrownishMonstr

Your handle seems strangely appropriate for this thread.

Operation Raptor

Operation Big Job

Operation Big Wait

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Alien

Operation Can't believe I'm being paid for this shit

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Anonymous Coward

I've just realised I'm evil.

I would cook lots of bacon outside his cell for about half an hour then pass him a bacon butty with brown sauce on toasted white bread. The bacon would be cooked with the fatty bits being slightly crispy with a golden colour. The sandwich itself would be served open so you could see that layer of bacon juice left on the slices. I would then offer a pint of lager to wash it down should he eat it.

Muhahahaha.

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That's evil and it sounds like a like delight but I wouldn't want to go jail to get one.

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Sadly I think some vague clause in the Geneva Convention would consider that a form of torture and therefore illegal :(

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This isn't war. But it sure must be hell in there...

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The Geneva Convention only covers combatants in war - which is why tear gas can be used legally on your own citizens but not on enemy soldiers. Indeed, tear far and similar substances are originally developed for warfare, but after the Convention the manufacturers had to lobby for a new market: "Crowd Control".

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Been done on TV: Ashes to Ashes

Gene Hunt once ate a large portion of fish and chips, with plenty of salt and vinegar, in the cell of a hunger-striking prisoner .....

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Anonymous Coward

Don’t forget the eggs

I swear by eggs when visiting certain customers where using the toilet would be undesirable*. I get up nice and early, have plenty of bacon and eggs and let the eggs go through me before I leave the hotel.

* Customers in Africa, where one particularly memorable (and actually very modern) office was still under construction, and the toilet was a shared bucket. One colleague had a worse experience, in Angola, where they guaranteed the route to the bucket (outside) had been cleared of mines.

Anon, because employer probably thinks it reflects badly on them when I discuss some of my site experiences.

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I was with you until you mentioned toasted bread, brown sauce and lager! You also forgot the real butter; otherwise irresistible with a pint of black sheep or Tim Taylors Landlord

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Yes. For some reason I find that toast doesn't work as well for bacon butties. Though it's great with a fry-up. Fresh, soft white rolls, lightly buttered, and bacon that's been cooked so the fat has crisped up but the bacon hasn't. Personally I don't really want beer with it. A big mug of tea that's just dropped to perfect "guzzling temperature" is all-important, maybe with a glass of orange juice on the side.

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Re: Don’t forget the eggs

Did you mean 'shite experiences'?

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I've just realised I'm evil

Welcome to the Monastery^W UKRM^W El Reg.

toasted white bread

*Toasted* white bread! Heretic! Not one jot or tittle of that evil abomination would pass my lips!

Oh look! A Squirrel!

Bacon sarnie? What bacon sarnie?

(Chewing noises off stage)

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Re: Don’t forget the eggs

I discuss some of my site experiences

You seem to have misplaced an 'h'..

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A big mug of tea that's just dropped to perfect "guzzling temperature" is all-important, maybe with a glass of orange juice on the side

Followed by several pints of proper scrumpy, sitting in the sun in a nice garden.

Hungry now.

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Happy

CrazyOldCatMan,

What is this sun you speak of? I know it not.

Also, I live in a flat. So what is this garden you speak of?

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Trollface

Hashtag

Very good.

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Not sure why this is news, it happens all the time. These people make themselves very ill. And have to be watched 24 hours a day because they will swallow if they can, and then one of the bags may rupture inside. So that's one of the places your tax is going.

If he dies from his self-inflicted injuries there will be an automatic IPCC (whatever they're called now) investigation and you can bet somewhere a minor paperwork issue (there are 30 forms a day need authorising to keep him in custody) will lead to someone getting in trouble. Remember this next time you see death in custody statistics and are tempted to a knee jerk response.

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and then one of the bags may rupture inside

It is pretty much guaranteed to do so after 24 days. Dunno what he swallowed, but at this point this is starting to look like cops are violating the law which prohibits assisting suicide.

They should have gotten a slightly different court order long ago. A more invasive one.

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On the other hand...

Even if he's completely innocent and passes no classified substances out of his pooper, the police could still do him for aiding and abetting the supply of illegally obtained cryptocurrency.

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"Dunno what he swallowed"

See below, probably nothing.

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"He is believed to have wolfed down several packages of drugs"

That would be unusual. It's very risky and needs careful packaging. More likely they would have been inserted via the anus, which is standard procedure for a dealer concerned about being searched.

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Reminds me of an Ali G quiz on what you do in a stop n search situation:

"... or B, do you stick it up the police officer's bottom?"

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"or otherwise inserted the gear into himself"

Presumably this bit indicates using the back door approach.

That said, it seems pretty shady to hold someone so long on a mere "belief" of the plods. Do they have anyone who witnessed his either eating or inserting? If not that's one hell of a low standard of proof to confine someone for over three weeks.

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"That would be unusual. It's very risky and needs careful packaging. More likely they would have been inserted via the anus, which is standard procedure for a dealer concerned about being searched."

Having watched a number of Police fly-on-wall documentaries over the years, no, I'd say it's not that unusual for crims to swallow drugs. Some will shove it up their arses but since they are likely to get a full strip search anyway if the cops suspect that situation and the drugs will be recovered pretty quickly, it seems some thick dealers will use the swallow method in the hope they will be released before it passes through. I doubt they are thinking things through properly and have no consideration for the possible consequences if the bags burst. They are only thinking of the here and now and have vague recollections of urban legends about swallowing or transporting drugs internally. Remember, these are not the sharpest tools in the toolbox. They're just dull tools.

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"That said, it seems pretty shady to hold someone so long on a mere "belief" of the plods. Do they have anyone who witnessed his either eating or inserting? If not that's one hell of a low standard of proof to confine someone for over three weeks."

These days, it's quite probable that they have video evidence that is at least highly suggestive that he was ramming stuff down his throat. I doubt it's just a suspicion, although you never can tell these days, depending on which force it is.

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