back to article Dori-no! PepsiCo boss says biz is planning to sell lady crisps

The boss of PepsiCo – the parent company of Doritos – has suggested women need their own lady crisps, apparently so they can keep their mouths quiet and their fingers clean. Indra Nooyi told Freakonomics Radio that "young guys" will happily lick the orange dust off their fingers and guzzle down the broken bits of crisps at the …

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  1. Paul Crawford Silver badge
    Facepalm

    My sordid imagination was profoundly disappointed to learn that "lady crisps" were not any sort of anatomical reference.

    Still, good to know that MBAs are providing value to their employers.

    1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      They might exist, but if you do find them, she's no lady. But the world's gorn mad. What next? Yorkies for women?

    2. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Lady crisps

      I thought it was a medical condition....

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
        WTF?

        Re: Lady crisps

        The French have beaten them to it, with a range of pseudo-British products including:

        http://www.regentspark.fr/nos-produits/lady-chips-legumes

        complemented also by Sir Shortbread, and others (although I'm not sure who would admit to a penchant for Lord Muffin...)

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Lady crisps

          They sell King Bacon! Sign me up immediately!

          1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

            Re: Lady crisps

            I take it back! King bacon advertises itself as perfect for the true gentleman's sunday brekkie with eggs. Which is fine.

            But then suggests putting it in a salad sandwich! Quelle horreur!

            Ban this sick filth immediately!

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Lady crisps

              But then suggests putting it in a salad sandwich! Quelle horreur!

              A BLT? Quite civilised by French standards,

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Lady crisps

              > But then suggests putting it in a salad sandwich! Quelle horreur!

              What is wrong with the salad sandwich? Just put it on top of your eggs, sausages and bacon.

              And put a steak in it, for taste.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Because girls don't like to lick their fingers or drink the crumbs"

    Or swallow. Apparently.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      laden or unladen?

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Well who wants to swallow something that has the texture of frogspawn, the aroma of household bleach and is served lukewarm?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        > Well who wants to swallow something that has the texture of frogspawn, the aroma of household bleach and is served lukewarm?

        Stop! You're making me hungry.

  3. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Because girls don't like to lick their fingers or drink the crumbs"

    Speak for yourself, I have known plenty of girls that love prawn cocktail.

  5. JohnFen Silver badge

    Why is that a "lady thing"?

    I'm a man, but I hate getting that orange crap all over my fingers too.

    1. Mycho Silver badge

      Re: Why is that a "lady thing"?

      That's how this always works.

      Identify a frailty in women.

      Don't bother to check if it exists in men too.

      Spend ages researching if this causes the gender pay gap, campaigning for special considerations for all women because they get this thing, insisting this is why women should stay in the kitchen (delete as applicable)

      Discover men get it too and you'd have known that if you spent five minutes finding out.

      Waste your life.

      Impostor Syndrome, Hysteria, Aversion to orange crap on your hands. The cycle repeats and repeats.

      Ladies, let it be known that most of the time we men hate the same shit you do. But some of us (and some of you) don't and that's fine as well.

      1. Trilkhai

        @Mycho

        "Ladies, let it be known ..."

        What makes you think women in general think that we believe we're delicate little flowers who avoid eating things like Doritos because they're crunchy?

        1. Mycho Silver badge

          Re: @Mycho

          I'm curious that you interpreted my words that way.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Why is that a "lady thing"?

      Perhaps there's Something Else you need to tell us?

    3. Tim Seventh

      Re: Why is that a "lady thing"?

      "I'm a man, but I hate getting that orange crap all over my fingers too."

      Option 1 - I'M HAVING IT ALL: Open bag of chips and pour chips into your month. Grab a bag of chips for both hand for double enjoyment.

      Option 2 - CHIPS STACK: Buy large none orange chips and use it to scoop up orange chips. The higher the stack, the better.

      Option 3 - CEREAL BUT BETTER: Open bag of chips and get a spoon to scoop up chips. The bigger the spoon, the more chips you'll get.

      Option 4 - CAN I HAZ CHIPS: Ask your partner to grab chips and feed it to you. Warning, your partner might finish all your chips before you get any.

      Option wtf - IM A DINOSAUR: Clean the table first, then put chips on the table. Rawr your way through and pickup chips with only your mouth. Warning, this may cause unintended reactions when seen by 3rd party.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why is that a "lady thing"?

        > Open bag of chips

        Bagged chips? Ack! Wouldn't they get all soggy?

    4. 45RPM Silver badge

      Re: Why is that a "lady thing"?

      @JohnFen

      You’re (probably) safe. I don’t think that Donald Trump is that into you.

      For what it’s worth, I think Melania feels the same way.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Why is that a "lady thing"?

      "I'm a man, but I hate getting that orange crap all over my fingers too."

      Say no more. Nudge nudge.

  6. Alistair Silver badge
    Windows

    Apparently

    I'm not married to a *lady*. But I'm not sure I'd want to cope with the fallout that is gonna land on this terrible comment from an execudont*.

    Wait... This is the same pepsico.......

    * i.e. How not to executive.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Apparently

      If you were (like I am, apparently) you would realise that once the doors are closed and the servants abed that 'ladies' turn into the feeding equivalent of a werewolf pack at full moon set loose in a kindergarten, plus they swear a lot (but well).

      When my wife is indulging in a large bag of crisps all I can see are her the tips of her ears and her hair. Everything else is in the nose-bag, including both hands. It's quite a spectacle I can assure you, and the noise would send a velociraptor scurrying for it's mummy.

      1. Alistair Silver badge
        Windows

        Re: Apparently

        @ Sir Runcible:

        Mine cares not where the servants are or who might be popping in the door. And in her case its not so much chips, but dear lord don't look sideways at her chocolate or you'll be needing medical attention.

  7. vir Silver badge

    Don't crunch, no flavor dust, hmm...are they just going to individually wrap pieces of sandwich bread?

    1. Not That Andrew

      As someone on Twitter said, it appears they've invented the stale crisp

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Apparently Walkers were going to do this as well but it would seem ladies also don't like bags of air.

    1. TheVogon Silver badge

      "it would seem ladies also don't like bags of air."

      Unless Bulgarian of course.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @TheVogon

        Or Boris Johnson's partners (many according to popular myth)

    2. Michael Thibault

      "bags of air"

      Any product revision broadly in the category of food ('snack' or 'convenience") is a bit of legerdemain to raise the price -- typically by changing the portion size while keeping the price constant -- which is ultimately a scheme to increase remuneration to management for the important value they bring to the company by suggesting such revisions. There's something poetic about it all.

  9. Am

    Use chopsticks

    No more orange fingers!

    It's not the orange fingers I mind - it's the forgetting my fingers are covered in the stuff and leaving orange dust forever glued on random surfaces.

    1. DougS Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Use chopsticks

      The sound of crunching is nothing compared to the sound of laughter you must hear when someone sees this.

  10. Banksy

    Not eating the bits at the bottom....

    is madness! You get all of the extra flavouring down there. Granted, I don't lick my fingers after eating crisps while I'm at work.

    1. Ledswinger Silver badge

      Re: Not eating the bits at the bottom....

      Not eating the bits at the bottom....is madness

      Let's face it, the actual tortilla chip is merely an edible spade in this context. If they sold bags of concentrated flavouring and food dye, we could cut out the corn altogether.

      Used to be the case that if you bought cheap cheesy snacks, every so often you'd find a large nugget of pure, unadulterated flavourings, salt and additives, which was bloody marvellous.

      1. MrZoolook

        Re: Not eating the bits at the bottom....

        Bacon Streaks were good for that.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Not eating the bits at the bottom....

      I don't get it. Doritos flavours are universally horrible - except for the lightly salted ones. But they are conveniently shaped like shovels. Hence their use for getting guacamole, sour cream and/or salsa into my mouth. Which conveniently then requires it to be washed through with some reviving liquid - preferably blended from 3 parts tequila, 2 parts lime juice and 1.8 parts triple sec.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    For those that have not heard it...

    Man goes to the doctors complaining that his penis is orange. The doctor looks at it and says 'Do you work with chemicals? the man replies 'no' 'Well' the doctor say 'Do you lift heavy equipment? again the man replies 'no'... 'Well, what do you do all day?' asks the doctor... the man replies 'Watch porn and eat wotsits'

  12. Hollerithevo Silver badge

    Do project managers live in the world?

    Surely the BIC pink pen debacle, along with upteen other failed products aimed at women, that seem to have either been dreamed up in some chap's head or based on a very odd sub-set of potential customers, would ahve given Pepsico pause. But no.

    But I guess suggesting that they can launch a snack that makes no sound and leaves no crumbs or dust (cheese string??) is easier than paying your female staff equal wages.

    I know, crazy!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Do project managers live in the world?

      Apologies all around, but I had to post this.

      https://www.amazon.com/Apollo-Tools-DT0773N1-Screwdriver-accessories/dp/B000GUTJRY

      (if SWMBO is reading this it'll be another cold night at the sofa!)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Do project managers live in the world?

        > https://www.amazon.com/Apollo-Tools-DT0773N1-Screwdriver-accessories/dp/B000GUTJRY

        What is amazing is "Customers who bought this item also bought...". Especially on the third page:

        https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0773NXGTK/

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Do project managers live in the world?

          What is amazing is "Customers who bought this item also bought...". Especially on the third page:

          And only a little further on we find "Best Quality Wood Screw Assortment"

        2. Allan George Dyer Silver badge

          Re: Do project managers live in the world?

          Hmm... the pink tool set is just a pink tool set, the closest they get to saying they intend it for a woman is the rather neutral, "Parents find it an empowering gift to give children as they leave the nest. " At least the tools appear to have normal functionality for a tool set. Happy Stan destroys the function of the tool by making it a joke. Then, on page 5 of the "also bought" is:

          https://www.amazon.com/TANKING-Shaped-Folding-Defense-Keychain/dp/B01NBICV9C/

          is a 2-inch pocket knife in a fake key a concealed weapon? Would anyone be stupid enough to use it in self-defence? Hopefully, the only damage will be to whatever the owner uses to carry it.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Do project managers live in the world?

          And that one is often bought together with this one...

          Makes one wonder.

          https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0091CC1OG

          Wish I could use the GIMP icon, but alas, I am a coward behind a different mask. :D

      2. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
        FAIL

        Re: Do project managers live in the world?

        In my experience, the tools in these "tool kits" usually fail the first time you attempt to use them.

        1. Mycho Silver badge

          Re: Do project managers live in the world?

          I am seriously tempted by this tool kit. I'm going to be moving in the next week or two so no long distance mail order before then but I still might.

          Also the lemur fursuit people often buy with it intrigues. I'm not usually that way inclined but lemurs are so cute.

        2. Michael Thibault

          Re: Do project managers live in the world?

          "these 'tool kits' usually fail"

          These kits are glorified security blankets; they typically include large numbers of incredibly inexpensive-to-produce fiddly bits of little value and little use in order to pump up the item count to make it seem as though there's a deal to be had. The one or two included items that ever get regular use is what the purchase price is really buying -- functionally a price gouging almost without equal. Ultimately, they're a false economy -- pink or otherwise. And, on the subject of colours: pink is a bitch to coordinate.

      3. earl grey Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Do project managers live in the world?

        Have to laugh as there's a mess of those type tools that some company donated to the Habitat Restore where I volunteer. They sell them every once in a while, but i try to convince males that it will keep other blokes from fondling their tools.

        1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

          At Earl Grey, re: pink tools.

          My dad used to dip all his tools in pink, rubber grip fluid that also made them electricly insulated from the hand that gripped them. For example a wrench that would otherwise conduct large amounts of power straight up the holder's arm instead had that path blocked by the dried, pink, rubberizing goop.

          It had the added benefit of making them incredibly hard to loan out, or at least that's how it appeared to my little kid eyes as someone would come over & ask to borrow something, see all the "!PINK!" tools, & hastily backtrack away like a scalded puppy.

          If I knew what the insulating goo was called I'd post it here for others to make use of, but a quick internet search should reveal it if it still exists.

          I remember the stuff all too vividly because I once tried to dip one of his tools to see if it worked. Unfortunately my little kid mind at the time didn't think things through. The goo had dried & had hardened into it's permanent, iron like coating before I realized I'd dipped the *head* of the wrench instead of the handle.

          *HeadDesks repeatedly in embarrassment*

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