back to article Peers approve Brit film board as pr0n overlords despite concerns

Peers have rubber-stamped the British Board of Film Classification as the regulator for age checks on porn websites, but voiced concerns over delays in issuing guidance. The government's Digital Economy Act requires that spank-viewing UK residents prove they are 18 or over, and it has proposed the BBFC as gatekeeper. In the …

Anonymous Coward

You will be required to produce your National ID card

to be recorded onto a Watch List if you want to view any seditious Mike Leigh or Ken Loach films.

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Facepalm

Magic which will happen will be determined at a future date

The BBFC will rate all websites on the Internet, somehow. Age verification will happen, somehow.

With such a solid foundation, how is this not going to burn down, fall over, and then sink into the swamp?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Magic which will happen will be determined at a future date

You are asking questions citizen. That is sedition. You should not be thinking, that is dangerous.

Next thing you will start thinking on why is Robert Mueller investigating certain Cambridge Analytica communications and how does this relate to the fact that they donated 3m+ of goods and services at zero value to the leave campaign. Even more dangerous - you may start thinking on why is UK media not reporting it and we end up learning about it from US senators making a hash out of talking to the media about the Nunnes storm in a teacup.

Such ability to think shall not be allowed. I suggest you introduce yourself to the location of Lark Hill. You will be relocated there shortly.

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Re: Magic which will happen will be determined at a future date

"why is Robert Mueller investigating certain Cambridge Analytica communications"

Presumably more due to their possible involvement in the US elections, rather than brexit, and the UK media has reported on them.

There's over 600 MPs who all want different things, a lot of which involve embarrassing other MPs, so talking about the government like it's one monolithic entity is rather simplifying the situation.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Magic which will happen will be determined at a future date

Presumably more due to their possible involvement in the US elections, rather than brexit, and the UK media has reported on them.

Not on the subject that they have ended up within the scope of the Russian Involvement inquiry and some of their communications are being looked into.

"why is Robert Mueller investigating certain Cambridge Analytica communications"

Correct. However, it is quite interesting that the UK media has not picked up this particular angle - the Mueller + Analitica one. In fact, prior to one of the US congressmen dropping this by mistake in the exchanges around the Nunnes memo this was not reported ANYWHERE.

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Anonymous Coward

Who are they going to employ to check all these pr0n websites?

Lets face it by the time you've gotten round to checking them all there will be more than you checked in the first place.

Is there a pop up book on how the internet works they can read?

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Re: Who are they going to employ to check all these pr0n websites?

It's a tough job, but I'd be willing to do it (in the interests of society).

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Coat

"Is there a pop up book on how the internet works they can read?"

If there is, I don't know - pop ups are blocked here.

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Who will they get to review the content?

There is an odd cyclical thinking in the BBFC reasoning.

1) Material must be reviewed and censored to prevent people from being corrupted and depraved by the material.

2) BBFC employs people to review material for content that would deprave and corrupt.

3) If this material can deprave and corrupt then the censors must be corrupted and depraved through constant watching, if not then it cannot be corrupting material.

Conclusion: The BBFC censors are all a bit pervy and they are telling us what is normal?????

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Re: Who will they get to review the content?

Not quite.

Material on the internet may tend to deprave and corrupt 'the masses' - all those ignorant little proles.

BBFC censors are either drawn from the establishment, or are working for the establishment, so they are immune...

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Easy to test ...

Someone puts their age verification credentials on line for use by children. If he gets caught the system is not anonymous.

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Anonymous Coward

But what if they avoid detection of their viewing habits by using

Peer-to-Peer networks ?

[presumably with VPN's]

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Anonymous Coward

Re: But what if they avoid detection of their viewing habits by using

Well, if I was cynic I would say that is the idea.

First think of the children: proof of identity.

Then give it one or two years.. and then ban IVPNs that do not give all the data to the government "for safety reason, think of the children..."

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anonymous age verification.

thinks.

thinks again.

interesting concept.

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Cannot be anonymous

"I'm Fred Bloggs, and I'm 42"

"OK, how do I know you're really Fred and not his 15 year old son"

"Trust me, this is Fred"

This will last about a week before age verification credentials get posted to a FacePalm page. It needs 2FA or it's pointless, which means it's not anonymous..

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How will this affect those users in Britain who use an American based VPN to view their porn?

Asking for a friend.

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Anonymous Coward

Tell your friend not to worry, they can carry on being a happy fapper.

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Anonymous Coward

Tell your friend living at Missenden Rd, Aylesbury HP17 0UZ not to worry. His secret is safe with us.

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Gimp

>The government's Digital Economy Act requires that spank-viewing UK residents prove they are 18 or over

Doubtful. That stuff's illegal here.

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Anonymous Coward

Doubtful. That stuff's illegal here.

Concur, so far BBFC has refused qualification anything and everything that has a combination of sex and violence that leaves visible traces such as bruises, etc. It is in their classification guidelines. Black on white.

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"The government has done its best..."

Riiiiiight... you mean you thought about it for a few days and then assigned it to the BBFC 'because it's easier'.

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Re: "The government has done its best..."

"Riiiiiight... you mean you put it to one side in the hope people believe you thought about it for a few days and then assigned it to the BBFC 'because it's easier'.

FTFY!

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Anonymous Coward

the arrangements should only verify age, not identity

should. How? Credit card? Well, this data goes SOMEWHERE. I bet we'll see, within the next 2 years, a "leaked report" that a database of 357 milion credit and debit card details used by the Fcukboard to verify porn age, but not identity, has been exposed (in cleartext, what else) on the fcukboard website dontlookhere.html, and the fcukboard is going to issue the following statement: "Privacy of personal data is our primary concern and as a responsible data handler, we would like to stress, we take privacy with utmost care, etc."

p.s. time to verify age for tor browser users, because, sooner than later, my kids will want to know what it's for (no no no, it's NOT for you to access all the stuff that our democratically elected leaders consider off-limits, including tits and bits, no, definitely NOT just to access all the stuff that our democratically elected leaders consider off-limits, including tits and bits.

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Re: the arrangements should only verify age, not identity

"...our democratically elected leaders.."

I think that's the bit we need to start doubting is true.

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Anonymous Coward

Just ban everything....

it's just easier.

Leave the sick, kinky, perverted, nasty stuff for the MP's to do in their (rent boys / street walkers) bedroom or the school dorm at Eton.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Just ban everything....

Or the Rough Trade they pay to thrash them.

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Should I laugh or cry?

"... Clement-Jones said he didn't think the privacy-by-design approach from the ICO would be "particularly onerous" for audiovisual providers and pornographers, in terms of requiring them to find an anonymised solution."

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Re: Should I laugh or cry?

This kind of blind optimism pervades our current government.

"Things will work because we say so. Or because we believe it's what you voted for. It's that simple."

Unicorn-poo will solve it.

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Re: Should I laugh or cry?

Look, the anonymised solution already exists.

I want to look at pr0n, I go fire up the VPN and the Great W***ing Overlords are none the wiser.

Job done. *ahem*.

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WTF?

WTF

Ashton attempted to address such concerns about privacy by stressing that the government "absolutely agree" that the arrangements should only verify age, not identity.

How the hell do you check someone's age if you don't know who they are?

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Re: WTF

Handwriting analysis and astrology.

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Re: WTF

"Are you over 18? Yes or No"

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Re: WTF

By CAPTCHA.

'Complete this sentence "'E's are good, 'E's are good..."'

'Analysis shows you are over 35'

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Boffin

Re: WTF

A better one would be showing them a picture of a cassette and a pencil and asking how they relate to each other.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: WTF

A good question would be to ask if Jabba the Hut was in the first star wars film.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: a picture of a cassette and a pencil and asking how they relate to each other.

oy, yo wrinkly, yes, you! I know like, you tyring to foolme yeah, so like, I goed to yutub and put kaset and pencil and vola! You cant foul us!

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Trollface

Re: WTF

A good question might be whether they consider society owes them anything, or whether effort is equated with reward in the workplace. You can further refine your search by asking if they have a pension, their own home, or have just took a payday loan for a night out drinking craft beers.

Also ask if they own, or know the function of, a pair of socks.

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Re: WTF

> 'Complete this sentence "'E's are good, 'E's are good..."'

I must be too far over 35. Sad but true.

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FAIL

"Ashton attempted to address such concerns about privacy by stressing that the government "absolutely agree" that the arrangements should only verify age, not identity."

And how exactly do you prove your age without also providing your identity to check it against?

If i say i'm over 18 how do you know unless you know who I am?

Sincerely: a VPN user

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1) Go into a shop with gray hair.

2) Buy a card. Shopkeeper ticks "Don't need to verify, he's got gray hair"

3) Use this card to verify online. Don't let anybody else see it because if they do ... oh, right, that.

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Pint

RE: Mycho

Seems like in the UK buying that card will require a lot of forms and checks with gov databases and fees. I'm of the mindset that I shouldn't have to do all this and pay for a special card to watch midget porn.

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Re: RE: Mycho

Nuh-uh. It's called AVSecure, look it up.

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Paris Hilton

I'm feeling a bit slow today.

Can someone outline to me if this age check has to be implemented by all prawn sites in the entire world, or just the ones being hosted in the UK?

If the former, do they then plan to block all sites in the UK that don't have a UK authorised age check?

Good luck with that. Seriously. Most people who use the internet don't really have a clue about how it works etc., some people who like to avoid regional locking have clued up and know how to bypass it, but if we wanted the *entire* wanking population of the UK to become VPN experts in as short a time as possible I can think of no better way.

Bring it on I say.

Two years after implementation GCHQ are going to go fucking nuts that 90% of all internet traffic has suddenly become opaque and they will have no-one else to blame but themselves*.

*It seems like this was predicted once before, and they complain enough about encryption already. Just wait until it's as common as email addresses twitter accounts. Hint: In 1995 I was telling my friends and family that pretty soon you wouldn't be able to do business unless you had a web site etc. - at the time they didn't even know what one was. Ok so that was ~23 years ago, but things become common knowledge when there is a common usage for something, and bypassing porn filters will create such a scenario.

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Re: I'm feeling a bit slow today.

the *entire* wanking population of the UK

98%, according to surveys. And the other 2% are lying.

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Re: I'm feeling a bit slow today.

Actually 96%, 2% were lying and 2% were no longer able to read the survey to respond.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I'm feeling a bit slow today.

Actually 2%, 2% were lying, 2% were no longer able to read the survey to respond and the other 94% were too busy happily wanking their day away.

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It doesn't need a genius to see that the future holds a...

.... 'white list'. With a fee to get on or be retained natch.

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Anonymous Coward

Easy way around IMO

Torbrowser since this sort of thing is exactly what Tor is for: getting around governmental blocks of t'interweb.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Easy way around IMO

I recommend VPN, Tor, encryption, PGP on emails etc, etc. use when possible to family & friends even though (hopefully!) they are doing nothing nefarious.

Just because it's useful in giving a bit better privacy than the default (none) as even if you think you have "nothing to hide" you don't necessarily want to wave everything around willy nilly to all and sundry - and who knows what may suddenly become "illegal / terrorist" when previously it was just free speech comment .

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"The easy question is: how is that going? Do we have any timescales?" asked Stevenson.

Am I the only one that read "testicles?"

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