back to article What do we want? Consensual fun times. How do we get it? Via an app with blockchain...

"Don't ruin the moment. Asking to sign a contract to have sex can be awkward." Of course the simple answer here should be, you're right – I won't. I'll have a respectful conversation with my partner, and if at any point they say no, we'll stop. But it's 2018 now, so obviously that's not what happens next. Instead we get …

Anonymous Coward

I've seen some stupid ideas in my time but that's ridiculous and wrong on so many levels it'll probably be a success.

Curiously though how many options is the thing going to have? I can think of about 20 off the top of my head that one can engage in with a partner. An*l in the garden shed while being watched by a neighbour is one that springs to mind.

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This is indeed stupid, but then so is so much of the "obtain explicit consent" stuff being promulgated now. How many people in real life really ask questions such as (to take the example in the video) "do you want to have sex with me?", or "may I touch xxx?". In reality things aren't that neat & tidy, and both parties mainly rely on non-verbal communication, which is wide open to misinterpretation.

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Anonymous Coward

I've given up with all that crap. Too much miss-interpretation.

Self pollution has 100% consent, and no pulling out, as it were.

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I've seen some stupid ideas in my time but that's ridiculous and wrong on so many levels it'll probably be a success.

I couldn't agree more, but enough about FaceBook ........

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"Self pollution has 100% consent, and no pulling out, as it were."

Plus there's the added bonus of having sex with someone you love. Or at least like. Most of the time.

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Unhappy

Shed

How can you think of such a thing! Sheds are places where a man can contemplate life (while pretending to work on something) without any interruptions of any sort

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Anonymous Coward

What One Desires.....

I want a 100% monogamous sexual relationship, with all the wining and dining aspects too - with a woman who has her own place, as i have mine, and they do not want anything more.

Is this possible - and it would be good if there was an app allowing people to contact one another for this.

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Re: What One Desires.....

I want a 100% monogamous sexual relationship, with all the wining and dining aspects too - with a woman who has her own place, as i have mine, and they do not want anything more.

Is this possible - and it would be good if there was an app allowing people to contact one another for this.

You betcha. I have had that exact arrangement for the past 6 years. It is fantastic. You just need to be open and honest about what you are looking for going in.

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Re: What One Desires.....

I want a 100% monogamous sexual relationship, ... Is this possible

.....

You betcha. I have had that exact arrangement for the past 6 years.

If your consent to this sexual relationship is predicated on the "100% monogamy" clause then should your partner have an affair without your knowledge, that renders any subsequent sex with you non-consensual and therefore "rape" under current "zero critical thinking tolerance" criteria.

In fact, it's rape on two grounds (fraud and by proxy) as well as reckless endangerment while owing a duty of care, which is a pretty profitable area of tort. Lawyers in the bedroom - lovely.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: What One Desires.....

If one person breaks the agreement, then the agreement is over. Nothing about consent etc comes into it.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: What One Desires.....

Don't give up! I'm over 50 and for the last year have been in an awesome relationship with someone who like me is self sufficient, independent and generally awesome. That came out the blue after 18 years of being single. It can happen!

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Re: What One Desires.....

> Lawyers in the bedroom - lovely.

Scene: Two lawyers eating their lunch in the park whilst a pulchritudinous jogger goes by.

Lawyer 1: I'd really like to screw her!

Lawyer 2: Oh yeah? Out of what?

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Coat

Re: What One Desires.....

If your consent to this sexual relationship is predicated on the "100% monogamy" clause then should your partner have an affair without your knowledge...

I trust her not to break our agreement. If the day ever comes that I no longer have this trust, that is the day I leave, and sue for visitation with her dogs.

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Re: What One Desires.....

Thank you for that word. I had not come across it before. No pun intended..

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Re: What One Desires.....

Lawyers in the bedroom - lovely.

Along with two witnesses to the document signing and a Notary Public to make it "official". And...possibly several witnesses to verify that the contract isn't broken.

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Gimp

Oh great..

First it was bit coins, next it's going to be legal documents for getting laid that are going to bring the fall of civilisation...

On the plus side at least you could say it brought about the f**king apocalypse in a very literal sense.

Gimp because how deep does the options go?

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Black Mirror has once again foretold the future

Not the simulation bit, not yet anyway, but the consent-o-app bit in Hang the DJ.

I just hope Brooker got Metalhead wrong.

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Re: Black Mirror has once again foretold the future

I just hate C4 kicking Brooker to Netflix and leaving us with Electric Dreams.

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Re: Black Mirror has once again foretold the future

Yeah maybe, but Channel 4 have done far, far worse. Such as broadcasting the Simpsons and cutting out some jokes for length but not saying that they do, and only broadcasting the Daily Show once a week yet asking Comedy Central to make the other episodes unavailable to UK viewers on the Comedy Central website.

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Re: broadcasting the Simpsons and cutting out some jokes for length

It's not for length. I noticed this when episodes were broadcast more than once per week, at different times of day. What struck me about jokes in evening shows which were missing from afternoon shows was that the subject matter was always either sexual or drug related. FWIW, I hate it too.

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Re: broadcasting the Simpsons and cutting out some jokes for length

I've noticed the scene when Homer asks his family to guess where he got the money - and they all reply 'drugs'- has been cut from Channel 4's evening showings. It's noticeable because later in the episode the cut scene is referred yo when Lisa exclaims 'I almost wish it was drugs!' - which makes no sense with no context.

'The last bastion of the true spirit of rock and roll' was how Frank Zappa described the Simpsons. Oh well. Fuck you Channel 4, you used to be cool.

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Joke

Rather have a cup of tea

Looks like Boy George was strangely prophetic after all.

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Typical, now my future sexual partners will have a real excuse to be using their phone during sex rather than the usual "wow, bored, might as well check facebook."

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Anonymous Coward

"[...] now my future sexual partners will have a real excuse to be using their phone during sex [...]"

Assuming they can get a signal in the middle of a cornfield***.

Back in the 1970s a couple of friends tried all sorts of unusual locations that proved less idyllic than expected. Corn stubble is painful; hot sun burns buttocks; the sea washes away natural lubrication; sand gets everywhere.

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re al fresco

Insects are also a problem, especially the areas they seem to get attracted to in those situations.

Top tip - avoid woods in Summer when insect numbers can be very high

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Top tip - avoid wood in Anne Summers

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Stop the planet

Seriously, I want to get off.

I'm utterly fed up of this amusement park design by lawyers and run by acountants.

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Re: Stop the planet

Add to that.. Tweeting everything minor thing. And now... taking your mobile the bed and checking it during the ensuing events to ensure that nothing has changed, legally.

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Coat

Re: Stop the planet

"Seriously, I want to get off."

That's exactly what this app is for!

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Anonymous Coward

A problem with human nature is that people are influenced by what other people think after the event. Therefore youthful indiscretions that they initiated with an open mind may later on be denied when a new partner or social group disapproves. At worst they transfer the blame for the activity onto their previous partner.

Twenty years ago married friends could get very proscriptive when they thought their kids were possibly doing something sexual. When reminded about what they as a couple had done at the same age the reply was often "Yes - and that's why they aren't going to get the chance".

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What kind of sick f**k

Doesn't want tea?

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Re: What kind of sick f**k

I can't stand tea. Or coffee.

I'm drinking beer right now.

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Re: What kind of sick f**k

Doesn't want tea? - Do you put the milk in before or after? Potential relationships have foundered on less.

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Re: What kind of sick f**k

They physics is absolutely sound. The question devolves to: do you like the taste of scorched milk, or not? or don't care?

Adding a cold liquid to a very hot liquid will risk scorching the cold liquid. You may remember from Chemistry labs about the dangers of adding cold acids to boiling liquids? Similar.

I drink tea and coffee black, I actively dislike milk in tea, however added, but if I'm having cream in my coffee I add it first. BTW cappuccino works because you heat the milk to froth it. So scorching does not apply.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: What kind of sick f**k

As the Hell's Grannies graffiti said - "make tea not love"

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Anonymous Coward

If anyone thinks I'm going to spend half an hour filling in a consent request for the foreplay they can think again.

Regards,

Gigolo

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Devil

That's the whole point of the app! That "half hour" can be reduced to 30 seconds of frantically fondling your phone - and let's be honest, that part won't be a new experience for either of you...

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Andrea Dworkin called for this in the 1990s.

I remember because at the time it was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. Still high on the list.

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Facepalm

Hasn't this been around for a while?

Didn't it used to be called "Marriage"?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Hasn't this been around for a while?

In many jurisdictions even inside marriage consent has to be negotiated every time. Conjugal rights are are no longer the male divine prerogative that they once were considered to be.

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Romance isn't dead!

"How does it work? Well, it's your classic love story, really. Boy meets girl, girl fancies boy, boy whips out phone and pings a consent request to girl via a message, girl sets preferences. These might be "use condom", "STD free" or agreeing to taking kinky photos or videos."

I mean, this is meant for a first date, right? No woman I know would think that someone who pulled out a phone and used an app like this is anything other than a complete arsehole. 'STD free' as an option? I mean.... I know Americans can get a bit weird when it comes to dating, but really! Hopefully everyone with any sense would walk away rapidly before even getting to the point of selecting that.....

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Re: Romance isn't dead!

But its designed by "tech bros" who know things. Um... maybe not people though but computers and tech stuff. So all is good. <sarc off>

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Anonymous Coward

The other month, after a nightclub, I arrived at a lady friend's house to find some of her well meaning female friends had escorted her home against her will. 'Now is not a good time' one of these strange people told me, but the lady of the house told them to shut up and invited me in warmly. What my lady friend and I knew was that we'd been seeing each other for a few weeks, but out of consideration for small-town gossip we hadn't made it public - so her friends thought I was just a random man from the club who had followed her home. These women, despite my lady friend telling them to go away, insisted on taking a photograph of me. I consented to them doing so, since I had no interest in anything non-consensual (indeed, I don't merely need consent, I need enthusiasm... but then I've never been married). Thankfully the uninvited women then left.

A few weeks later, my lady friend and I bumped into the protective woman on the street, and the woman apologised to me for taking my photo, saying she did it for 'the sisterhood'. I told her not to worry because I understood her actions came from a good place.

Life is nuanced.

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> ...the woman apologised to me for taking my photo, saying she did it for 'the sisterhood'...

OK until the comma, but the subsequent clause completely devalues the "apology", if you think about it.

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Anonymous Coward

The town is home to a lot of very different people. The photo-taking woman I roughly categorised with others I know of similar sensibilities, some of whom I've come to know well (platonically) through regular pub use. For example, I have a rough sense of where their sense of 'right on' might not agree with my sense of humour and avoid it... these avoided areas are usually socio/political in nature. I've not known anyone in the pub to object to sexual humour per se as long as it's not directed at anyone - let's face it, sex is essentially ridiculous and everyone can laugh at willy jokes and double entendres in the right context. Often it's the women who lead the jokes in the lewd direction, and through laughing and self-deprecating confessions we all get to understand each other, fears and desires, warts and all. It's an understanding thankfully unfiltered by twits on Twitter. It's great actually - as long as everybody is happy you can say anything you want - what a relief from the feeling you have to watch what you say.

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Childcatcher

Hmm ...

I think the late Victoria Wood could have made a whole routine out of this app.

Something along the lines of "The Ballad of Barry and Freda" perhaps.

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Objective Measurement

Receiving consent is required before engaging is sexual activity by another.

This is enforced by law and evaluated in the courts.

At this point in time, as far as I am aware, there is no generally agreed upon standard for objectively measuring or determining consent prior to engaging in sexual activity with another.

Therefore, as far as I can see, any sexual activity between two or more people must be defined as suspect until a legally binding statement has been recorded by all participants that they did indeed consent to the sexual activity.

This is insufficient.

Consent has a very complex definition and it is getting more complex all the time.

It includes any one or any combination of:

State of mind of any of the participants, before during and after

State of mind of others, before during and after

Age of any participants

Information available to any of the participants

Information provided by any of the participants

Differing local statutes

The list goes on ...

I for one do not like an environment where the appropriateness of my sexual activities with others simply cannot be defined before or during the event and can sometimes only be guessed at after.

You might dislike the solution presented in this article.

If so, present a better solution to this problem.

Romance, love and tenderness are all fine and dandy but they are a pile of crap in a court of law.

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Anonymous Coward

bias

The bias in this article is ridiculous.

On the surface of it, this app is solving a semi real world problem.

Why the hate?

You can't have a normal romantic conversation any more, in a world where lawyers have been unchained to analyse semantics and verbal contracts. It is already ruined. Why hate an app that addresses it?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: bias

Exactly, as someone who was put through hell for a year because someone I was seeing for 3 months decided to change their mind after the events of 6 weeks of bedroom activity, I'm all for people trying to come up with a solution. We live in a world where criminals exist. To put your fingers in your ears everytime someone points that out is just plain stupid. What does the author suggest people do to protect themselves from criminal activity? She seems to be suggesting that people simply play nice. What an incredibly naive view of the criminal world we live in.

Come on Rebecca, suggest a workable solution.

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Re: bias

A more workable solution would be for people to spend more time socialising face to face and

not through Twitter/Tinder etc, thus learning how to read cues in others. This app doesn't solve anything because a girl can change her mind at any point (including after the form is signed) and that should be respected.

So, as a start, beer duty should be reduced to encourage mixed socialising in pubs.

If you really want a technological 'solution' then maybe some kind of encrypted and escrowed audio recording of the whole night, which can only be accessed in the case of a dispute. (I'm just thinking out loud here)

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