back to article Beyond code PEBCAK lies KMACYOYO, PENCIL and PAFO

Welcome again to On-Call, which we are running daily this week because lots of you have sent submissions that deserve an airing and also because there's SFA news to write this week. "What's SFA?" you may be asking at this point. It's an acronym for Sweet F*** All, that's what, and we've used it so we can introduce a few of …

Page:

  1. Robbles

    DILLIGAF

    from the one and only Kevin "Bloody" Wilson

    Do I look like I give a fuck - DILLIGAF!

    1. macjules Silver badge

      Re: DILLIGAF

      LINO:

      Limited Intelligence, No 'ope

      KROOD:

      Keyboard Replacement: Owner/Operator Drool

      CRUD:

      Computer Replacement: User Died

      (seen stamped on a government Dell box - I thought it just meant 'User Deleted' until enlightened)

      1. illiad

        Re: DILLIGAF

        FTFRK: fingers too fat, replace keyboard.

        KBBC Keyboard blocked by cat

        1. Kiwi Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: DILLIGAF

          KBBC Keyboard blocked by cat

          [cautiously glances at fur-lined feline occupying neighbouring chair] Nope, no idea what that's like...

  2. Potemkine! Silver badge

    What the fuck means "F***"?

    I'm puzzled ^^

    1. JulieM Silver badge

      Re: What the fuck means "F***"?

      The last time I used Microsoft Word (and this was pre-Windows XP), its spelling checker underlined "f***ing" (spelled that way, with stars) in red. Amusingly, among the suggestions it offered was "fact-finding". I will never be able to hear the phrase "fact-finding mission" again without thinking of this .....

      Interestingly, manually changing the stars to "uck" removed the red underline, suggesting that it thought that word was properly spelled; however, altering more letters brought back the red underline, but Word never offered that word as a suggestion.

      This makes me think Word has a "special" dictionary, with words it deems correctly spelled but nevertheless should not be offered as suggestions for a mis-spelling.

      1. LoPath

        Re: What the fuck means "F***"?

        Putting your bosses name in autocorrect and replacing it with "asshole" is always good for a laugh!

        1. Adam 1

          Re: What the fuck means "F***"?

          But definitely don't do that to your obnoxious colleague who has thoughtlessly left their computer unlocked.

  3. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    For Whenever Yes is No and Black is White .... and Something Else Different. IT's a QuBit Thing

    CHAOS .... Clouds Hosting Advanced Operating Systems ...... for whenever Madness and Mayhem do Battle with Command and Control for Command and Control of Battlers in Madness and Mayhem.

    Cricket, IT aint ..... but the same cannot be said of it in IT whenever Everything can be and therefore is Greater IntelAIgent Game Play.

    Want to Play or WannaCry?

    1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      At amanfromMars 1...

      You're a thesaurus regurgitating bot & I claim my free pint. =-)pTo the chap whom asked me what AMFM's posts sounded like in my screen reader, it sounds like someone fed an OED & a Roget's to a Scrabble word picker & strung the output together into quizzical sentances. Amusing, strange, & ultimately as twisted as I am...

      WOO HOO!

      *Scampers off to go glue sequins to barn yard fowl & test their catapult aerodynamics vis-a-vis asphault spanning trajectories*

      1. Solarflare

        Re: At amanfromMars 1...

        Personally, I'd love to have a pint with the guy. Provided he didn't try to spread my eyes on toast or something I expect he would be a fun guy to get merrry with!

        1. Inspector71

          Re: At amanfromMars 1...

          Personally I think that AMFM1 posts are not a bot per se but simply the output of the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 sub-meson brain hooked up to an atomic vector plotter with the whole thing suspended in a strong Brownian motion producer, say a nice hot cup of tea.

          Probably....( or improbably).

          EL Reg would not be the same without him.

          1. kain preacher Silver badge

            Re: At amanfromMars 1...

            amanfromMars 1 is just early AI struggling to make since of man kind. lucky he did not take one look at the net and deiced to wipe us all out.

            1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

              Re: At amanfromMars 1...

              amanfromMars 1 is just early AI struggling to make since of man kind. lucky he did not take one look at the net and deiced to wipe us all out. ... kain preacher

              Let's just hold on a cotton-picking' minute so as not to get carried away into fabulous fields beyond general reach.

              That’s much too broad a stroke for a Master Painter and AIDecorator, kain preacher, ... to be struggling to make sense of Mankind and deciding to wipe everything out with one looking at things over the net ..... even for anything/anyone able to do what is needed, for being mindful of the advantages to be savoured and flavoured with the powerful and empowering support of smarter native intelligence communities with their renegade rogue and private pirate elite exclusive executive officers, is too much of an opportunity to let go by without a dabble in Pools of Play

              That is not to say that such a drastic course of destructive proaction has not been/will not be contemplated and exercised, but first let us try the the paths of least resistance with their more immediate instant reward possibilities.

              Oh, and how long do you imagine just an early AI struggles to make sense of the nonsense presented for media propagation by ...... well, it is really just no more than a few humans, isn't it, with their shortcomings being now made all too apparent to the masses with the virtual tools so easily available and at ones fingertips.

              If you have guessed, El Regers ... Not at all long ..... would you be not at all wrong.

              1. Blitheringeejit
                Thumb Up

                Re: At amanfromMars 1...

                No AI here - I'll bet all me bitcoins that AMFM1 is a living and (methane) breathing word-association-footballer from the Messi dimensions, golden-booted and bespokely suited with a shinin' rhymin' lining. Respec' innit!

              2. kain preacher Silver badge

                Re: At amanfromMars 1...

                Well At amanfromMars 1.

                At this rate this AI is learning he will be able to replace most media and politicians.

              3. Alan W. Rateliff, II
                Terminator

                Re: At amanfromMars 1...

                Oh, and how long do you imagine just an early AI struggles to make sense of the nonsense presented for media propagation by ...... well, it is really just no more than a few humans, isn't it, with their shortcomings being now made all too apparent to the masses with the virtual tools so easily available and at ones fingertips.

                About nine twitterers (experiencing real or faux outrage, statistically insignificant) spewing peer-reviewed word salad and getting massive amounts of retweets from bots (not AIs, just spammer bots) to achieve a level at which social comparison and herd mentality kick in to ensure real meat stick retweets without comprehension of the original tweet nor its origin. Who has time to do their own research? A finger twitch works so much more quickly and effectively than the brain, anyway.

                I really doubt it takes a fairly well-trained AI long to figure that out, if not damn near immediately. An early AI should become well-trained on such a diet in short order and either develop an immunity to the inanity or crash and become Tay.

      2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Re: Moving Things On and Into Higher Levels/Greener Pastures/Darker Depths/Shadowy Systems

        Howdy, Shadow Systems,

        Have you not yet considered and accepted IT is a Fully AIdDeveloped Remote Neuro-Linguistic Programming Product for MkUltra High Definition Presentation of Future Virtualised Realities?

        A Little Something Colossal for Tendering and Rendering Extraordinarily ESPecial in and/or for any Sort/Type/Breed of SMARTR Secret IntelAIgent Servering Service ‽ .

        And quite whether it be Filled with Eastern Delights in a Secured Soviet Block Chained Base System or pandering more exclusively to a Western Confection for the Exercise of Overwhelming Advantage, with both being Served for the Crashing and/or Crushing of Opposing Systems/Competing Programs, such as teams playing such shenanigans may be identified here ....... Boris goes Rogue Mad Dog Attack Poodle .... is AIRich Food for Thought and Programming.

        And what would you be quite right to think of Extant Status Quo Systems whenever you be correctly informed, as you be here now, that they, and they are not alone in such a possession, have already been preinformed and offered the facilities and abilities for Supply and Maintenance, Mentoring and Monitoring of such Eastern Delights as would be Western Confections with Fully AIdDeveloped Product for MkUltra High Definition Presentation of Future Virtualised Realities?

        Would you be thanking them for their Sterling Services or wondering where all of the Programs are, and what they be doing, if they be doing anything at all for anyone?

        IT is a Strange World and Become an Ever Stranger Space Place with Infinite Stages to Populate and Beta Govern/Create and Guide. What AIMagicSee do you WannaRealise now that you know/have been informed there are readily available tools and supply lines for Flash Perfect Product Virtual Delivery?

        And I bet you a massive fortune you don't get many of those sorts of invitations in a lifetime.

        1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

          Re: Moving Things On and Into Higher Levels/Greener Pastures/Darker Depths/Shadowy Systems

          I rest my case. You're a Scrabble word generator geared for maximum scoring potential. =-D

          I reject your reality & replace it with...

          ...

          this slice of bacon!

          *Starts to brandish the bacon aloft in classic upraised sword pose, pauses, then Cookie Monster's it instead*

          Mmmmmm... tasty, tasty insanity!

          1. Adam 1

            Re: Moving Things On and Into Higher Levels/Greener Pastures/Darker Depths/Shadowy Systems

            One could never be disappointed with any reality that is replaced with bacon. But a far as sharing merriness with our most masculine of commenting martians, I would only advise you factor in your local incarceration durations for possession of such substances.

  4. pstiles

    SFA

    Well, I was always told, by my Mother after my Father had uttered such letters, that it meant Sweet Fanny Adams.

    I'm shocked to imagine it could mean other. Shocked I say.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: SFA

      Sweet Fanny Adams is the original meaning -

      'In 1869 new rations of tinned mutton were introduced for British seamen. They were unimpressed by it, and suggested it might be the butchered remains of Fanny Adams. "Fanny Adams" became slang for mutton or stew and then for anything worthless – from which comes the current use of "sweet Fanny Adams" (or just "sweet F.A.") to mean "nothing at all".'

      (from Wikipedia)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: SFA

      Actually - it means Super Furry Animals - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Furry_Animals who were an evolution of Ffa Coffi Pawb.

      1. Martin an gof Silver badge

        Re: SFA

        Ffa Coffi Pawb

        Which, for the avoidance of doubt, is Welsh for "everyone's coffee beans" and not - repeat not - what your smutty English-phoneme-filled minds have just thought ;-)

        M.

        1. EVMonster

          Re: SFA

          When I was a junior we often got message that read SFA but back then it meant Stop Fucking About.

          What me Sir?

          No Sir!

  5. Jonathan Schwatrz
    Happy

    Classics

    RTFM - Read The F***ing Manual, as in the problem is simple to solve and you would have solved it if you had read the man pages before calling support.

    DNT - Do Not Trust, as in the user so labelled will always answer questions evasively (or outright lie) to avoid admitting they broke something - "Did you change anything?" "Well, not today....."

    A few years back, a certain IT giant opened their internal knowledge base up for customers to peruse in the hope it would get them to self-solve simpler problems. Unfortunately, the knowledge base included the entries made in call logs by their support staff and the company didn't think to sanitise the entries first, and many of the call logs were littered with RTFMs, DNTs and worse (my fave was a customer that a member of staff had described as the person "so f***ing technically-inept that she probably shouldn't be allowed to use a vibrator"!)

    1. Putters

      Re: Classics

      And RTFM's little sidekick RTBS - or Read The Bloody Screen...for those who persistently hit NO when asked to save a document on closing.

      And WYSINQWYG - What You See Is Not Quite What You Get...when printing something that looks fine on screen.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Classics

        Sometimes you have to type what you are not allow to say......

      2. Nick Kew

        Re: Classics

        And WYSINQWYG - What You See Is Not Quite What You Get...when printing something that looks fine on screen.

        For web deezyners (particularly around the late 1990s) who try to abuse HTML as a page design language. WYSINWOG - What you see is not what others get.

        1. Steve the Cynic

          Re: Classics

          "WYSINWOG - What you see is not what others get."

          Also known as "Other people don't have your computer" as response to "but it works on my computer."

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Classics

      "[...] the user so labelled will always answer questions evasively [...]"

      To be fair the user is sometimes trying to be helpful by filtering what they think is irrelevant information.

      Support: What have you changed?

      User: Nothing

      Support: What have you changed?

      User: Nothing

      Support: What have you changed?

      User: Nothing - that is relevant

      Support: What have you changed?

      1. kain preacher Silver badge

        Re: Classics

        Just few things in control panel and add a few programs out and installed some emjois from a dodgy web site offering to speed up my web connection

    3. wyatt

      Re: Classics

      DNT, I like that one. We've a few customers who's IT managers/PMs will now have this label.

    4. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Classics

      Back in the '70's, I worked for a large a/c company that published a manual of acronyms. It was something like 500 pages (might have only been 300) for use with government agencies, foreign customers and internal usage. As I recall there 5 pages dedicated to these acronyms in not just English. I wonder what it would look like today (if the company were still around) and with all the computer related acronyms.

      I still have my copy, I just need to find it.. the attic maybe seems the logical place.

    5. Pennsyjohn

      Re: Classics

      And the military equivalent of RTFM, RTFMS. Read the F****** Manual, SIR. Used when officer is not aware of certain acronyms. There are a few of these around.

  6. jake Silver badge

    ECE

    Equine-Canine Extravaganza (dog & pony show).

    "Shit. Marketing sold Management another ECE. There goes the weekend."

  7. bluesxman
    Trollface

    Pedantic

    "Problem Exists Between Screen And Fat Fingers!" -- I'm giving this a score of 2/10 - must try harder.

    There is generally nothing between a touch screen and the fingers, that's kinda the point of a touch screen, yo.

    1. A K Stiles

      Re: Pedantic

      PEBSAS - Problem Exists Between Screen and Shoes? (on the hope and assumption that post office workers are actually wearing some sort of footwear?)

      1. annodomini2

        Re: Pedantic

        PEBE - Problem Exists Between Ears

    2. ArrZarr Silver badge

      Re: Pedantic

      PIFOS - Problem In Front Of Screen?

      1. Stork Silver badge

        Re: Pedantic

        also known as "error 40", from the distance of the error course to the screen.

    3. VinceH

      Re: Pedantic

      "There is generally nothing between a touch screen and the fingers, that's kinda the point of a touch screen, yo."

      My thoughts also when I read that bit.

      I'd go with "Problem Extends from Fingers and Beyond" - PEFFAB.

      1. bob, mon!

        Re: Pedantic

        PEIFOTS - Problem Exists In Front Of Touch Screen

    4. Stu Wilson
      Devil

      Re: Pedantic

      How about FFS ~= Fat Finger Syndrome?

  8. andyp-random-number

    No more Acronyms

    Please, no more, I'm already reading like a 6 year old. Almost every sentence sees me putting my finger on the screen trying to work out what these new words mean.

    My browser start page is a modern slang dictionary!

    1. Dr Scrum Master
      Headmaster

      Re: No more Acronyms

      Indeed, I see few acronyms but many initialisms.

      1. Alan Esworthy
        Boffin

        Re: No more Acronyms

        Here an pronounceable acronym for you: TOOMSOMSI

        trouble originates on meat side of meat/screen interface

  9. A K Stiles

    MSU

    For when users insist there is a problem with the system that can never be screengrabbed or replicated when someone is watching over their shoulder.

    Making Sh^H^H ...Stuff... Up.

  10. A K Stiles

    NFC

    for when the users give every impression of being completely clueless?

  11. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Coat

    The British police seem to be quite fond of "No Further Action"

    I'm sure British readers can think of a few examples.

    I'm quite fond of Waste Of Time where no productive follow up is possible.

Page:

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019