back to article Meet R2-DILDO: 'Star Wars' sex toys? This is where the fun begins

Purveyor of, er, marital aids Geeky Sex Toys this month released a "Star Toys" range, a series of intimate tools for him and her brought lovingly to life in the shape of characters from the Star Wars franchise. The battery operated devices hit online shelves to coincide with the release of The Last Jedi, the latest instalment …

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Coat

At least there'll be no argument about who shot first.

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This post has been deleted by its author

Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

"Get in there you big furry oaf. I don't care what you smell"

"You're got something jammed in here real good"

"She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid"

"Control! Control! You must learn control!"

And obviously: "Look at the size of that thing!"

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

"That's no moon"

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

You missed this one,

"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural"

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Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

"Almost there... almost there..."

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Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

Plenty more to choose from:

"...don't get cocky!"

"Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"

"Aren't you a little short for a Storm Trooper?"

"Put that thing away before you get us all killed."

"Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"

" I can see the tower, but I can't see the exhaust port"

"You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!"

"Possible he came in through the south entrance."

"Hurry up, golden-rod..."

"I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"

"I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."

"Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"

"Rise, my friend."

"Open the back door!"

"Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"

"I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"

"Get clear Wedge, you can't do any more good back there!"

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Pint

"Get in there you big furry oaf. I don't care what you smell"

Magnificent sir, have an upvote and pint.

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Pint

Re: "Get in there you big furry oaf. I don't care what you smell"

I do believe that all the commentards and the author deserve a pint or two!

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Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

Don't forget "It's a small exhaust port, right below the main port" and (right after it) "The shaft leads directly to the reactor system."

And didn't Obi Wan tell Luke that he'd have to "learn to use the force if you want to come"?*

* There may have been a reference to Alderaan at the end of that sentence, which I'm ignoring.

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RE: "Possible he came in through the south entrance."

That sums it all up.

"3PO, you tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, he'll get no such pleasure from us."

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

Sad, to think the perfect character has been left out. Given the ears he's basically perfect as a stand-in for a jack rabbit vibe.

"Mesa called Jar Jar Binks, mesa your humble servant!"

"Oh, maxi big da Force"

"Dissen gonna be bery messy!"

"Icky, icky goo!"

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Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

I can't believe nobody has mentioned this one...

Darth Vader: Don't be too proud of this techno terror you've constructed.

or

Darth Vader: Impressive... Most. Impressive.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?

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@Rameses

Quotes from the movie?

I can think of one now when you're shopping with your kids (who want Star Wars toys): "Come on kids, those aren't the toys we're looking for!".

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Joke

Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

"Sad, to think the perfect character has been left out. Given the ears he's basically perfect as a stand-in for a jack rabbit vibe."

Whilst I agree with you, I have downvoted you, because you brought that fucking travesty of a character into an entertaining star wars discussion. How many years have we spent trying to ignore him?

Plus, I will never be able to look at my wife's sex toys again without thinking about him. That's going to put a crimp on my Xmas break.

Bastard.

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Devil

Re: Calls in to question all sorts of quotes from the films, doesn't it?

"Get in there you big furry oaf. I don't care what you smell"

"You're got something jammed in here real good"

"She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid"

"Control! Control! You must learn control!"

And obviously: "Look at the size of that thing!"

"...don't get cocky!"

"Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"

"Aren't you a little short for a Storm Trooper?"

"Put that thing away before you get us all killed."

"Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"

" I can see the tower, but I can't see the exhaust port"

"You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!"

"Possible he came in through the south entrance."

"Hurry up, golden-rod..."

"I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"

"I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."

"Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"

"Rise, my friend."

"Open the back door!"

"Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"

"I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"

"Get clear Wedge, you can't do any more good back there!"

I didn't realize there were so many double-entendres in Star Wars. Disney does the same thing.

Quoted them so I can easily find them for reference.

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Anonymous Coward

Cuming soon.

IV - A New Hole.

V - The Empire round the back.

VI - Return of the Jism

I - The Phanny Menace

II - Attack of the clits

III - Revenge of the slit

VII - The Fanny Awakens

VIII - The Last Jism

IX - TBC

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Pictures or it's not true...

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The Internet is teeming with pictures of what you can do with these things. Or so I'm told.

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Picture Slideshow Here

Here's Your Pictures. Just Select 'Start Slideshow'.

https://www.popsugar.com/love/Star-Wars-Sex-Toys-44335301

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Went looking for a suitable quote...

Only thing that caught my eye was comments on a quotes website....

Frederik fergusonApril 10, 2016 at 6:39 AM

Don't give in to hate. That Leeds to the dark side

Reply

Hmm, opinions......?

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Re: Went looking for a suitable quote...

"Went looking for a suitable quote..."

Went to Leeds a couple of weeks ago to watch Queen and Adam Lambert (brilliant, by the way).

On leaving the arena, half the sodding local roads were shut as was the M621. As was a chunk of the M1.

Believe me....Leeds to the dark side is about right!!!

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Re: Went looking for a suitable quote...

That Leeds to the dark side

Bloody hell. It's been almost fifty years yet people are still having a go at Don Revie.

*walks off muttering about those fookin Chelsea fans*

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Anonymous Coward

Bravo Sir, bravo!

"so you can look forward to performing bombing runs on any thermal exhaust port you like without fear."

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Yoda was a pornstar

One evening during a particularly dull pub quiz, we invented Porn Yoda.

Hmm! Force! It in you!

Take this you must!

ad infinitum (or until you get thrown out of the pub for disrupting the quiz)

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Try later

"... we're trying to get the firm on the blower ..."

They're already testing it.

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Counting down...

to when they get their first cease and desist letter from the rights-holders

10, 9, 8...

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Re: Counting down...

7... 3... 2... 1... 6... 5... 4... *boom*

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At Caffeine Addict...

I see you're still using one of the old Pentiums for all your counting needs. =-)p

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Re: At Caffeine Addict...

Whoosh!

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so many Star Wars quotes

"sorry about the mess"

"you came in that thing?, You're braver than I thought"

"And I thought they smelled bad on the outside"

"Theres an awful lot of moisture in here"

"Rise my friend"

"into the garbage shoot fly boy"

"you're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home"

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Daily Mail ran this story on 6th December. Only 3 weeks late. Keep up.

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Yeah but do you think the Mail made their author basically prank call Disney to try to get some funny reaction commentary? Fast content vs deep content.

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jrd

> Daily Mail ran this story on 6th December. Only 3 weeks late. Keep up.

I'm sure this story was unearthed by El Reg's team of hard-working and dedicated researchers, I refuse to believe they're just copying old articles from the Daily Mail (the shame of it!)

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Anonymous Coward

Embarrassing maybe but not as embarrassing as admitting you read the daily mail.

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Fast content vs deep content.

Especially the butt plug...

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Angel

RE: Daily Mail ran this story on 6th December.

Daily Mail ran the story but ElReg did the, ahem, research.

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Coat

This is not the clitoris you're looking for...

I've got nothing else.....

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Re: This is not the clitoris you're looking for...

That was not the hole you were looking for.

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Re: This is not the clitoris you're looking for...

"These aren't the 'rhoids you're looking for"

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Holmes

Suitable for Crapita?

Seems a Darth Vader electro butt plug my be a suitable pressie for the Crapita team working on the TfL network...

Why Sherlock Holmes. Because he told me to suggest this!

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Anonymous Coward

Put it in, you will.

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That's not a dildo, it's a light sabre

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Go

An elegant accessory of a more civilized age

Not as clumsy and random as a batter blaster.

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Bah!

I reckon they missed a trick by not calling the butt-plug a restraining bolt.

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Bah!

Can't believe I'm he first to point out the XKCD reference.

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Alec Guinness would be rolling his eyes...

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Alec Guinness would be rolling his eyes...Bah

Alec Guinness doesn't have any eyes.

As Norman Greenbaum sang:

"When I die and they lay me to rest, ain't gonna go around moving my chest

When I die and I don't move a lot, I'm gonna lie in a deep hole and rot".

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Does the company make a Storm Trooper butt plug?

"These aren't the 'rrhoids you're looking for."

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