back to article Tired of despairing of Trump and Brexit? Why not despair about YouTube stars instead?

It's a reality of life that some people have a lot of money and some very little. But sometimes that disparity feels less like an unfortunate but ultimately inconsequential side effect of capitalism and more like a tasteless joke inflicted on society by some omnipotent prankster. The existence of YouTube stars and their …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    Oooowwwww my balls!

    Once again Mike Judge got there first.

  2. Black Rat
    Devil

    Re: Oooowwwww my balls!

    Bring back Climbing For Dollars!

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  5. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    WTF?

    "Once again Mike Judge got there first."

    Hehehehehehehehehe.

    Coool.

  6. Starace
    Flame

    Re: Oooowwwww my balls!

    I'd pay to watch that show if some of the YouTubers were on it getting kicked hard.

    Or just that obnoxious arse 'Shmee' getting kicked would be enough.

    Feel free to substitute something else unpleasant happening to Tim, it'd still be worth a channel subscription for whoever put it up. He really is an arsehole, and actually worse than his crappy videos could ever imply.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Oooowwwww my balls!

    Ironically, el-reg featured story (and most commented) is about the YouTube cretin that got his head stuck in a microwave. Essentially EL-REG are no better than YouTube stars, just peddling crap stories like that and bullshite android FUD...

    Same shite different medium, but its all about ad clicks at the end of the day.

  8. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

    Occasionally..

    I too want to scream incoherently into the void, I just feel self consious enough to not want to film it.

    On the plus side. This means ganam style had crashed out and cat videos ain't pulling the numbers they used to. Silver linings and all that.

  9. Haku Silver badge

    Re: Occasionally..

    Gangnam Style got close to making YouTube throw a wobbly, they had to upgrade it to 64bit to cope with the viewcount.

    A shame really, I'd have liked to have seen what happens when the viewcount goes over 2,147,483,647 views on a 32bit counting system.

  10. ShelLuser

    @Haku

    "A shame really, I'd have liked to have seen what happens when the viewcount goes over 2,147,483,647 views on a 32bit counting system."

    Simple: when properly programmed: absolutely nothing. You can easily try this for yourself by firing up Excel 2010 (32bit), entering this number and then adding =A1+1 into B1, and the result shown will be 2147483648. On a 32bit environment, how amazing (not) :P

  11. the Jim bloke Bronze badge

    Re: @Haku

    Can we get a youtube of this ?

  12. LeeE Silver badge

    I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    Trouble is, those screams are misdirected.

    Whilst I have some sympathy with Kieran's point of view, I think he's badly missed the most important point: whilst, on the face of it, Kieren is complaining about individuals who offend his sensibilities, what he's really complaining about, without quite realising it, is Human Nature, as expressed via that proportion of the Human Race who like what those individuals do - if a lot of people didn't like what those individuals do then we wouldn't even know about them.

    Ultimately, there is no absolute Right or Wrong; there's just consensus and, historically, consensus has proved to be rather unreliable.

    A bit like Democracy though, consensus will have to serve until we evolve into a more rational species.

  13. ecofeco Silver badge

    Re: I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    If one cannot discriminate about and against mindless crap, one should not be telling others how to think.

    Shit by another name is still fucking shit.

    These very wealthy nobodies produce and contribute artless nothing. The are literally wankers.

  14. Hans 1 Silver badge

    Re: I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    These very wealthy nobodies produce and contribute artless nothing. The are literally wankers.

    The thing is, there hundreds of thousands of youtubers out there, some that do great stuff, others, the vast majority, do garbage. the best at doing garbage somehow climb the ranks ... They must have something to attract all the viewers, like a face, a voice, a style ... no I, for one, am not jealous of them ... they get away with trash, good for them ... ;-) It is not like "you HAVE to watch" ...

  15. Kiwi Silver badge

    Re: I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    These very wealthy nobodies produce and contribute artless nothing.

    So that's where I've been going wrong!

    Here I am trying to contribute stuff of value to society any way I can, and I have nothing to show for it.

    These guys contribute nothing of value, and yet they're bloody rich! Any one of them is better off than all of my family, my friends, and my friend's families combined!

    Mebbe I should stop contributing value and start filming a lump of shit in the toilet or something. Or is even that too artsy?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    A colleague and myself joked a few years ago about starting a site "Instadump - Pictures of poo what I have done". Starting to think we should have done it for real.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    Here I am trying to contribute stuff of value to society any way I can, and I have nothing to show for it.

    Ditto. You had your chance society , you didnt want my help with Engineering , and later with I.T so fuck you . Next chance I get to suck large amounts of money out of the system whilst contributing nothing , I'm taking it. Might open a payday loan shop , or a casino. .... with blackjack and hookers ...

  18. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

    Re: I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    That's been done already... (search YouTube for How2basic you'll be both horrified and bemused in equal measure... then possibly really, really creeped out).

  19. Simon Harris Silver badge
    Coat

    Re: I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    "Instadump"

    Surely PooTube.

    Mine's the one with the Domestos in the pocket ---->

  20. Kiwi Silver badge
    Trollface

    Re: I too want to scream incoherently into the void...

    A colleague and myself joked a few years ago about starting a site "Instadump - Pictures of poo what I have done". Starting to think we should have done it for real.

    Well, if farcebork didn't go ya for some sort of copyright/patent etc, I'm quite sure crApple would've claimed that jobs invented defecating when he was thinking of the next icopyphone, and they would've been suing you for copying their look and feel. (can you imagine challenging their lawyers to prove that they actually did check for "feel"? )

  21. gr00001000
    WTF?

    Nathan Barley. Idiocracy.

    Teenagers taking out loans to invest in bitcoin.

    Idiots bragging materialistic slap stick brainless twaddle on Youtube.

    These things will pass.

  22. Kiwi Silver badge
    Headmaster

    These things will pass.

    However, like severe constipation, not soon enough and perhaps with far more pain than you'd like.

    -->He looks like he's full of....

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "These things will pass."

    Well - there was "Tulip Mania" in 1637 - and the "South Sea Bubble" in 1720 - possibly UK railways in the 19th century - and latterly the "DotCom Bubble" circa 2001. Not to mention the various "Ponzi" schemes.

    Someone will always promote a lazy "get rich" scheme - and gullible people will buy into it. The only people who win will ride the bubble and get out before the crash - usually the promoters of the scheme.

  24. ecofeco Silver badge

    The various Madoffs.

    Ponzi is so last century.

  25. Codysydney

    Some day Doctorish Matt from Demolition Ranch will be up there!!

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you think that is stupid

    Go to You Tube and look up...

    binaural ASMR whisper

  27. frank ly Silver badge

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    Oh my, that is weird.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    No don't. Just ignore it. I have never seen anything by the "stars" in the article so I'm most pleaded that I have contributed nothing to their earnings.

  29. handleoclast Silver badge

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    ASMR isn't quite as stupid as you make out.

    Technically, ASMR refers to the shivers you feel in the back of your neck and/or spine when you hear certain sounds. Some people find that pleasurable.

    These days ASMR videos seem to be mainly about inducing a mild hypnotic state (although most of them don't really know what they're doing, so do it badly). Some people find that pleasurable.

    I found the first few I watched mildly interesting, but rapidly became bored with it. But if you find ASMR enjoyable then go for it.

    What really astounded me is that makeup/beauty tutorials were not in the top 10. Just about anything I search for on youtube gets at least one makeup/beauty tutorial in the first 10 results.

  30. LDS Silver badge

    "'m most pleaded that I have contributed nothing to their earnings"

    Poll:

    How many readers watched those videos?

    I understand El Reg pointing out how you can make a lot of money today out of plain stupidity - just remember they are planning to introduce video games at Olympic Games... just because of the money involved.

    But why not let finding the videos as an exercise to the reader? Linking will just risk to let them make even more money.

    Soon people won't say "you're not clever enough to become rich" - they'll say "you're not stupid enough to become rich!" <G>

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    Good ASMR can help if you have trouble sleeping. More sensible then some of the other rubbish.

  32. Chris G Silver badge

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    Without having read all of the (Currently 85) comments, I think it's clear that in an effort to simultaneously improve the 'Tubes quality and make some money at the same time, El Reg needs to begin Vlogging.

    Of course you may have to dumb it down a bit and show the Reg journos doing stupid things in the office but think of the money.

    I was thinking of making some videos to upload, showing me screaming at and insulting different vegetables each day ( I don't like veg'). The videos would finish with me murdering vegetables with a hammer.

    Do you think it could catch on?

  33. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    about inducing a mild hypnotic state .....I found the first few I watched mildly interesting

    Anyone know the code word that will cause all these millions of youtube viewers to kill the president ?

  34. bombastic bob Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    "Of course you may have to dumb it down a bit and show the Reg journos doing stupid things in the office but think of the money."

    I think this sort of thing was tried with 'Salmon Days' - which (unfortunately) wasn't funny enough to survive. I still like the BOFH vs Clippy, uh, "clip". There are lots of other examples (not just 'Salmon Days') of what COULD have been uproariously gut-busting laugh-a-second material, which ended up being *yawn* *lame* .

    (it's also why I don't watch sit-coms)

    Anyway, GOOD humor/satire is based on truth. 'pander to the perception' stuff is lame. Too much of the latter these days. And it seems youtube has too many people trying to be 'Gumbies' (and doing it wrong) and getting money for it, anyway.

    /me plays 'Money for Nothing' by Dire Straits

    icon, because, facepalm

  35. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    The code word is "Queen of Diamonds"

  36. Kiwi Silver badge
    Coat

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    about inducing a mild hypnotic state .....I found the first few I watched mildly interesting

    Anyone know the code word that will cause all these millions of youtube viewers to kill the president ?

    You might have to be a bit more specific about that.

    Unless of course you don't care which president...

  37. P. Lee Silver badge
    Big Brother

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    >Unless of course you don't care which president...

    Of course not dude, I'm with Antifa. Bring on the revolution and lets party like its 100 years ago! We'll keep the Red (and Black) flag flying here!

    I despair less over Trump than I do over the opposition politics which made him seem attractive.

    Brexit? In shock news, sovereign nation keeps sovereignty! How dare they indeed! Give your legislative capability over to the so much more efficient Germans, French, Greeks and Italians right now!

  38. Mark 85 Silver badge

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    The videos would finish with me murdering vegetables with a hammer.

    Do you think it could catch on?

    Been done.... look up Gallagher.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    "I was thinking of making some videos to upload, showing me screaming at and insulting different vegetables each day ( I don't like veg'). The videos would finish with me murdering vegetables with a hammer. Do you think it could catch on?"

    Someone already thought of that. Behold "Annoying Orange." Too bad you didn't think of it first -- you could have gotten your own TV show on Cartoon Network.

  40. Swarthy Silver badge
    Terminator

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    The code word is "Queen of Diamonds"

    There are three flowers in a vase....

  41. B*stardTintedGlasses

    Re: If you think that is stupid

    Have an upvote for the Dollhouse reference. :D

  42. Haku Silver badge

    Yes, it's mad mad world.

    About 5 years ago I uploaded 5 minute video to YouTube of a larger than normal sized balloon being filled with water in a bath, and its inevitble pop which caused a big enough wave to splash some out over the side.

    View count to date: over 900,000.

    As for the comments, it's funny reading the arguments they get into as too many of them have brains with a self preservation mode; it switches off as soon as they visit YouTube.

  43. Kiwi Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Re: Yes, it's mad mad world.

    As for the comments, it's funny reading the arguments they get into as too many of them have brains with a self preservation mode; it switches off as soon as they visit YouTube.

    I've seen and experienced some terrible stuff in life. I've made mistakes that have me cringing at their memory over 30 years later (some before I was even 10 years old).

    I don't think any of them tops reading a thread on Youtube. I've seen more stupidity in a single thread on YT than I've seen anywhere else in my life (except maybe on TV)

  44. To Mars in Man Bras!
    Facepalm

    Re: Yes, it's mad mad world.

    >>I've seen more stupidity in a single thread on YT than I've seen anywhere else in my life...

    For a long time, I was of the same opinion. But, believe it or not, the comments on news items on rt.com are even more moronic.

  45. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

    Re: Yes, it's mad mad world.

    View count to date: over 900,000.

    I can understand that. People often idly wonder "what would happen if...?", knowing it's likely going to get messy, see someone has done it, go check it out, to save them from having to do it themselves.

    I can even understand people watching idiots put firecrackers up their backsides and the like -- we can imagine, but might as well see it, tell all our mates about what idiots are out there.

    I would like a multi-million dollar income, I enjoy my occasional 15 minutes of fame as much as the next man, but I'd rather retain some dignity than have the money. But, if people are happy to give it up, who am I to say they are wrong?

    I just let others watch them, and get on with my own life. There are better things to get annoyed about.

  46. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    Re: Yes, it's mad mad world.

    View count to date: over 900,000.

    I've got a (rather shaky[1]) video of a Morris Minor odometer going over 99,999 and back to 00000 again - I wonder if I should post it and become the next YooToobe millionaire?

    [1] You try keeping a phone steady in a Morris Minor doing (roughly) 40mph! The engine vibration alone makes it blurry, let alone the agricultural suspension..

  47. Kiwi Silver badge

    Re: Yes, it's mad mad world.

    I've got a (rather shaky[1]) video of a Morris Minor odometer going over 99,999 and back to 00000 again - I wonder if I should post it and become the next YooToobe millionaire?

    I have a few of those, and one coming up soon.

    Perhaps we can both put them up.

    Then find someone takes them, combines them into a pile of other clips, and makes money where we don't. (like much of the cat vids and crash vids and whatever else gets put into such things, I doubt the original posters get anything)

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    'If you are still with us'

    ...."and haven't passed out from banging your head repeatedly against a desk or wall, we have two left of the top ten."....

    The things you've witnessed as a journalist Kieran, no human should ever have to endure. Its just cruel! If a God or deity does exist, its probably Deist.

  49. AJ MacLeod

    Re: 'If you are still with us'

    "..."and haven't passed out from banging your head repeatedly against a desk or wall..."

    I've cemented mine into a microwave oven, I saw it done somewhere and thought it would be a good way to avoid having to watch idiots doing idiotic things on youtube...

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Despair over Brexit and Trump?

    Might be the prevailing sentiment of El Reg staff or Situation Publishing, but trust me, many of us think they are the two best things to have happened in 2016.

    Handy tip: less snarky opining about politics that you disagree with, and more tech stuff on a tech blog. Granted, sometimes the two overlap, but usually like in this case, it does not.

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