back to article Damian Green: Not only my workstation – mystery pr0n all over Parliamentary PCs

Under-fire Cabinet Office minister Damian Green has reportedly told an internal UK government inquiry that he has proof he was not the one who downloaded porn onto his Parliamentary computer. The minister has forwarded to investigators an email from Eleanor Laing, deputy speaker of the House of Commons, detailing how one of …

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  1. unwarranted triumphalism

    Poor excuse for a politician

    And a poor excuse offered for his disgusting and immoral actions.

    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      Re: Poor excuse for a politician

      Wow, comment matches the handle...

      1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

        Re: Poor excuse for a politician

        Wow, comment matches the handle...

        Nominative determinism, gets you every time.

        1. Martin Summers Silver badge

          Re: Poor excuse for a politician

          "Nominative determinism, gets you every time."

          I dare not ask what's involved in your job then ;-)

          1. SuccessCase

            Re: Poor excuse for a politician

            Fluffing... pillows?

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Poor excuse for a politician

            He should be thankful he's not Damian Green's right hand...

      2. unwarranted triumphalism

        Re: Poor excuse for a politician

        I suppose you think his sickening perversions should be tolerated. In my day we had ways of dealing with his kind.

        1. Martin Summers Silver badge

          Re: Poor excuse for a politician

          "I suppose you think his sickening perversions should be tolerated. In my day we had ways of dealing with his kind."

          Well I know how I'd deal with trolls.

          1. unwarranted triumphalism

            Re: Poor excuse for a politician

            Why don't you share your wisdom with us then? As soon as you're done cleaning that sticky stuff off your keyboard.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Poor excuse for a politician

              > Why don't you share your wisdom with us then? As soon as you're done cleaning that sticky stuff off your keyboard.

              It wasn't his sticky stuff, it was mine. Let us tidy up a bit and we'll be with you.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Poor excuse for a politician

                "It wasn't his sticky stuff, it was mine"

                Is that you, Voland?

          2. adnim Silver badge

            Re: Poor excuse for a politician

            I sincerely hope that it is a troll post and unwarranted t (good name for a rapper but I digress) does not really think that way...I don't care enough to trawl through his/her past posts and psychoanalyse.

            The alternative is, it wasn't a troll post and unwarranted t (that really is a good name for a rapper) sincerely believes in what he/she wrote. Now in 2017 that is more scary than any trolling.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Poor excuse for a politician

              They should follow Trump's example and get their lawyers to say that they (the Lawyers) did it.

              Is Nadine Doris the new Babs Streisand?

              1. Dave 126 Silver badge

                Re: Poor excuse for a politician

                Just ignore UT, if you quickly check his posting history you'll see why.

          3. ibmalone Silver badge

            Re: Poor excuse for a politician

            Blacklist and/or ignore them?

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          In my day we had ways of dealing with his kind.

          And there was me thinking Victorian morality finished after the Victorian age.

          Did you give them a good whipping or a stint in the stocks? or worse still a visit to the "Houses of Correction".

          Abstinence good sir, that's they key, that's whats with society these days old chap.

          I would ask your opinion on same sex marriage but you would probably blow a blood vessel.

          1. unwarranted triumphalism

            Re: In my day we had ways of dealing with his kind.

            I supported the legalisation of same-sex marriage. How's that strawman of yours doing?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: In my day we had ways of dealing with his kind.

              What strawman?

              You clearly have Victorian morals or are very adverse to pornography at all. The MP in question is only in the wrong if he accessed it at work and it was policy that he shouldn't, other than that he hasn't done anything wrong.

              The same-sex question was to determine if you really were full on Victorian or just semi for their morals.

        3. dan1980

          Re: Poor excuse for a politician

          @unwarranted triumphalism

          "I suppose you think his sickening perversions should be tolerated. In my day we had ways of dealing with his kind."

          For me, I think personal revulsion (whether right or wrong) shouldn't overwhelm skepticism and the presumption of innocence*. Your way of 'dealing with his kind' sounds a bit like a kangaroo court to me.

          There is enough in this case that is just plain odd and suspect to warrant holding off judgement and I think a little healthy caution is a good thing before bounding (like . . . what's that animal?) to a conclusion.

        4. Flywheel Silver badge

          Re: Poor excuse for a politician

          In my day we had ways of dealing with his kind

          Promoted to a higher position? Like Profumo?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Blackmail?

      "Green was accused by ex-senior cop Bob Quick"

      Was Bob Quick trying to make a Quick Bob?

    3. Winkypop Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Poor excuse for a politician

      I'm ready to be outraged and disgusted too!

      Anyone got the link....?

      (rain coat)

  2. J J Carter Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    It's jail time!

    Hope Lewis enjoys sharing a cell with 'Bubba' up at the penitentiary

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All these accusations about him looking at pron...

    ...but will it stand up in court?

    1. x 7 Silver badge

      Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

      be a damned stiff one to proove

      1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

        Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

        The prosecution will be looking for some hard evidence

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

          I'm sure they'll come up with something.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

        The reason the porn allegations won't get to court is that no crime has been committed - the only thing we've specifically been told about the pornography in question is that it was legal. The question has always been over how it got there, who was responsible for it, and whether any of parliament's policies have been broken by anyone. If there's any action to be taken at all it would be for whatever passes as an HR department for MPs and the other staff of parliament.

        I'm not usually minded to defend tories against accusations of wrongdoing, but this seems surprisingly weak. This is office gossip material, it shouldn't be news.

        1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

          Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

          As far as I'm concerned the only aspect of this I care about is whether or not he was beating off during work hours, which the public purse pays for.

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

            "As far as I'm concerned the only aspect of this I care about is whether or not he was beating off during work hours, which the public purse pays for."

            Even "work hours" is difficult to define. MPs draw a salary and claim expenses. Just being in the office doesn't definitively mean it's "work hours". Some MPs put in a lot of hours, some far fewer. It's not a 9 to 5 job. Looked at one way, an MP is always "on duty", especially ministers and sometimes are in the House debating Bills etc well in the wee small hours.

        2. Seajay#

          Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

          whatever passes as an HR department for MPs

          That’s exactly the problem. Ordinarily this would be "No crime committed. HR investigate and sack if necessary" but there is no HR equivalent, MPs are self policing. With the assumption that they will get voted out if necessary. So for MPs (and only MPs) trial by tabloid is the constitutionally correct course of action.

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

            They do have an HR equivalent in the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards, overseen by The Committee on Standards

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

          I don't think his proof is anything of the sort. The issue isn't really the Porn its the possibility that he's lying about it. The details given by the forensics guy would suggest that he is. But without the computer or a call to GCHQ/NSA we'll probably never know.....

    3. DNTP

      Re: All these accusations about him looking at pron...

      His lawyer states he is "determined to erect a turgid defense".

  4. Charlie Clark Silver badge

    Much whataboutery about nothing

    That it is possible to sneak compromising images into a browser's cache without the user being aware was demonstrated a few years ago when the politicians were trying to give the police the job of enforcing access to obscene publications. Didn't seem to worry the law and order brigade then or when they were draughting and the overreach nightmare that is RIPA.

    So why the fuss now? That an MP was browsing porn on his computer isn't news and isn't a crime.

    1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

      Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

      For most employees, it is a sackable offence though - unless I guess you work for one of the online pron vendors or CEOPS

      1. AMBxx Silver badge

        Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

        He's not an employee. He's a representative of this constituents and a Member of Parliament. I think that what he's done is inappropriate, but don't think employment legislation is relevant.

        I'd be interested in where he was when it was downloaded - if connected to parliamentary networks, I'd have hoped that this stuff would have been blocked for security.

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

          I'd have hoped that this stuff would have been blocked for security.

          I'm sure the category was explicitly excluded from any blocking system, since it would be necessary for research. After all, MPs really need to know what to oblige the rest of us to prove our age for.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

      That an MP was browsing porn on his computer isn't news and isn't a crime.

      BBBBBut sir... Conservative MP and straight, legal adult porn? What has this country come up to. What a spectacular collapse of the standards of public life.

      1. BeakUpBottom

        Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

        I challenge you to dredge murky depths of Jacob Rees-Smug's browser cache. I'll be prepared to bet that would hold some eye-watering stuff.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

          "I challenge you to dredge murky depths of Jacob Rees-Smug's browser cache"

          Steamporn?

        2. JimboSmith Silver badge

          Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

          I challenge you to dredge murky depths of Jacob Rees-Smug's browser cache. I'll be prepared to bet that would hold some eye-watering stuff.

          You're telling me he has a computer?!?

          Coal-fired I would imagine with the butler acting as stoker.

    3. JimboSmith Silver badge

      Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

      Years ago I've worked on someones computer where they most certainly did not knowingly download any dirty images. This was a little old lady who lived on her own and only she used the computer. However there certainly were some naughty images on the computer. She said she'd clicked on a link to what she thought was her old school. It had turned out to have been a dormant domain that a porn purveyor had taken over. When she came back from getting a cup of tea there were a load of 'websites' open on the screen. She'd closed the browser and all of the pop up windows as quickly as she could. A week later visiting another supposedly legitimate site she'd had more "nakedness" thrust upon her screen.

      Despite her speed at closing things a few weeks later she'd discovered the images on her computer, when doing a search for pictures of the church flowers. She was horrified that these smutty pictures were there and worried that someone might see them and what they might think. I said that they were in a place on the computer where she was unlikely to stumble across them. I said I'd delete them and do a virus scan which proved negative but there were about a thousand images on the machine that certainly weren't SFWI (Safe For the Women's Institute). She was most concerned the vicar might see them! There wasn't anything illegal (as far as I know) but there was a lot of it.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

        "[...] but there were about a thousand images on the machine that certainly weren't SFWI (Safe For the Women's Institute). "

        WI members are as human as everyone else. There was a time when they perhaps had to appear to portray middle class Christian morality - as did the vicars. The Calendar Girls probably blew that away as far as many people were concerned.

        Talking of vicars reminds me of a cousin's wedding many years ago. The groom was a newly ordained young vicar - so the guests included his fellow seminarians and a particularly honoured middle-aged vicar. At the reception they formed a cluster - to which the vicar began telling very blue jokes in a loud voice. My mother and my aunt were horrified - definitely a case of "not in front of the children" .

        A very elderly neighbour used to like my company on winter's evenings for a chat to pass the time. As a a school governor and a member of a legal office she was a veritable pillar of society - and knew where many local skeletons were buried. She would also regale me with tales of her extramarital love life - her lovers ranging from schoolboys to wartime bomber pilots.

        She kept a daily diary in her own variant of shorthand. After her death her daughter decided to transcribe it. Apparently the "immoral" assignations were coded entries.

        1. JimboSmith Silver badge

          Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

          WI members are as human as everyone else.

          Whilst I agree that everyone is human [insert Piers Morgan Joke here] I don't think she thought many in her branch of over 50's WI would have been impressed with images of the beast with two backs etc. On the flipside I know someone who is well into their retirement who has no problems at all with anything like that. "It's all natural"

      2. Charlie Clark Silver badge
        Black Helicopters

        Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

        Years ago I've worked on someones computer where they most certainly did not knowingly download any dirty images.

        This seems to be the line that Green's team is pursuing that of an innocent victim: firstly, of some kind of dodgy website infection; and secondly that some dastardly copper with a grudge kept notes and has now published them.

        Sorry, I don't buy this. If there was nothing to hide then why all the smoke? Make it a three-day wonder by admitting to having been unwise but having done nothing illegal.

        Sharing login details is far more worrying and likely to exclude someone from a government job. Well, except for BoJo, who seems unsackable despite being patently not fit for pupose.

        So, again, why throw this up? Sorry to sound conspiratorial but what is Green really trying to hide? I suspec the BBC team have reason for thinking this as well.

        1. Blotto Bronze badge

          Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

          @Charlie Clark

          Sorry, I don't buy this. If there was nothing to hide then why all the smoke? Make it a three-day wonder by admitting to having been unwise but having done nothing illegal.

          but what if he is telling the truth. How do you know he caused those images to be there. Its more than likely that even if he had sole access to those PC's (it doesn't say if he had sole use or if other accounts where also on it even if those pics where only in Green's profile)

          the example of the little old lady is valid. My dad barely knows how to use his laptop but it has all kinds of crap in his cache from links in emails people send him that he then clicks on. he doesn't know what the sites are or that the sites download a load of garbage.

          Remember those stupid search bars from a couple of years ago that teenagers used to install that would alter the default search engine and dns & then load other crap despite you wanting to just go to bbc news?

          If a teenager of a few years back went on a pc for 10 mins there would be all kinds of rubbish on it that neither the teenager or pc owner would have a clue about.

          I'm sure an inspection of David Blauketts PC at the time would have thousands of porn thumbnails on it despite him not being able to even see them.

          take Green's name out of the equation and pretend that this is a story about an elderly female relative who would have absolutely no want to peruse such sites, does the evidence as presented prove that porn was intentionally surfed by that relative?

          1. Dave 126 Silver badge

            Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

            > For most employees, it is a sackable offence though

            He's a representative of his constituents, not an employee. If 75% of his constituents approved of hardcore unicorn BDSM (for example, obviously), why the hell should their elected representative be sacked? And sacked by whom? Where would the power of the sacker come from? Shieeet, and here was me thinking that IT folk could examine systems usefully...

          2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

            Re: Much whataboutery about nothing

            but what if he is telling the truth.

            He isn't, this is classic misdirection: look at the naughty copper.

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