back to article El Reg is hiring an intern. Here's the lowdown...

Are you pondering a career in technology journalism? We've got good news for you in that case – El Reg is hiring an intern to work on our London newsdesk. Our official advertisement, as approved by the finest minds in Vulture Central, is as follows... The Register, one of Europe’s largest tech publications, is hiring an …

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Is there any chance that the successful applicant could proofread an article or two, as part of their duties?

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Anonymous Coward

successful applicant could proofread and decode a man from mars 1 post.

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Cruel and unusual punishment, that!

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What , if you can decode a man from mars you can handle any task El reg tosses out you. Could be worse. The interim could be forced to moderate post. Think Eadon

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If you can decode amanfromMars 1's posts you have a golden ticket for a job at GCHQ, NSA, or any security company you care to name. Decryption at that level is a skill highly in demand!

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Anonymous Coward

I've been told those are encrypted messages for mossad agents.

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the chance to read BOFH before we publish it

Sign me up now!

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Coat

Re: the chance to read BOFH before we publish it

Oh, does that mean we might actually get another BOFH story this side of Christmas? </snark>

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Anonymous Coward

cheese and biscuits

Just so we are clear is this what you mean?

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03216/cheese-and-biscuit_3216951b.jpg

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Happy

Re: cheese and biscuits

Why are they offering beer, if they're also offering cheese and biccies?

Surely the correct drink with those is port.

Unless they aren't using "the odd pint" in the normal colloquial sense, but actually mean "pint of port". In which case, I highly approve! This should be made a new Reg Standard immediately!

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The odd pint

So that will be Old Peculier then,

Dam it if I was 30 years younger I'd still be to old for this.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The odd pint

Dam it if I was 30 years younger I'd still be to old for this.

Apply, and if you're not offered it, sue for discrimination on the grounds of age.

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The Spectator magazine ran a "blind recruitment" exercise for their recent internship which resulted in a 47 year-old mother of three getting the position who when interviewed on Radio 4 sounded like a pretty damn good recruit (and as a bonus, the Spectator got plenty of free, positive, publicity). Any chance of you guys doing something similar? Or are you just looking for a young 'un, and damn the Equality Act 2010? ;-)

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It probably counts as cruelty to subject an enthusiastic PFY to the cynical, curmudgeonly gloom of Register Towers. It might even be worth joining Facebook to see the pictures before and after...

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Anonymous Coward

> The Spectator magazine ran a "blind recruitment" exercise for their recent internship

We're not recruiting interns yet but when we do it will actually be blind recruiting. Our online form does not even ask your name and encourages you to use a disposable email address. I insist that we do not need or want to know anything that is irrelevant to the job itself, plus it really simplifies data protection compliance since we have no idea who you are anyway. :-)

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Pint

Is there Fondue?

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Anonymous Coward

Is there Fondue?

Very apt. Considering the only ones applying will have to have that respectable bank account of 'Mom and Dad' on hand to aid their credit reference agency status, even just in terms of getting to work on £9.15 an hour, let alone finding somewhere to live.

I'm assuming a Chelsea bedsit isn't included.

So it's more a sleeping bag and El Reg thick fleece, in terms of freebies, to make do this Winter, aka. Theresa May's non-existent heart strings, in terms of style.

A Comp-Sci degree and you're paying £9.15 an hour?

Essential Requirements.

"Chelsea Flower Show" types, rather than "Notting Hill Carnival". (even though they'd probably understand the ramifications of targeted Facial Recognition Cameras used by the MET being pointed at them far better, first hand)

Posh accent with a Fondue set at home, preferred.

FFS El Reg, please respect your readers too.

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Re: Is there Fondue?

"A Comp-Sci degree and you're paying £9.15 an hour?"

They did also say an English degree would do, so as long as they're offering more than McDonald's they're probably ahead of the competition.

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Re: Is there Fondue?

""A Comp-Sci degree and you're paying £9.15 an hour?"

Yes, it's an internship, typically used by the inexperienced to gain real world working experience in an industry before moving into better paid employment later.

Long gone are the days where a degree automatically got you a well paid job... Proven industry experience is way more valuable.

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Re: Is there Fondue?

They're offering some £9.15 an hour more than most of the media competition.....

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Is there Fondue?

"A Comp-Sci degree and you're paying £9.15 an hour?"

Given how crap most Comp-Sci graduates are nowadays, £9.15 is around £6 too much.

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Anonymous Coward

Duties will also involve calming down Kieren McCarthy when he gets triggered.

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Happy

De-clunkify

Thank you, this has embiggened my list of cromulent neologisms.

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Thumb Up

Re: De-clunkify

Well done, you've got the job!

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I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

Yo bae intern!

Yo! Whatsup!

Yo! Here at El Reg, a sick site in black and white for the kidz!

We be hiring!

Yo! Bring it down! We be hiring a sick intern. She be man, or he be woman. Or it be trans-gendah!

Bish bosh don't worry about the dosh...

You'll get paid, enough to get laid

Enough for tha drugz - but don't be a mug.

(But not enough for an iPhone X. Only Kieren can afford one of those - rich parents, trust fund, you know...)

You be good with the words, literally you'll be typing in shit,

It'll be like long tweets and instagram, LOL.

You be good with the numbers - LOL - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - capitalism is a modern day whore!

You be sick with technology; go argos! Y'know what I'm saying...?

And you be making the brew'

Brew dog, bring a log, watch the bog, bang the frog.

(Mine's two sugars and just a touch of Daylesford Organic semi-skimmed milk. Kieren drinks a wet chai infusion with two drops of organic goats essence.)

You gotz to have the sick humour. So no Jimmy Saville but lots of Victoria Wood!

Be 4 Clinton not 4 Trump. Be 4 Cook and be 4 Jobs.

An B2B duz not mean Bed 2 Bed! We ain't no shagging air BnB shit, you gotzzz ta know what it means. And html tags! Yo bold, italian, <blink>182!</blink> and the rest of the hot tag mess.

Get down bae intern <3.

Get down! :-)

GET DOWN! ;-(

Oooooow! \o/

The internship will start in October. After all the festivals finish, and mum's cleared the mud of your wellies.

Peace and rollin'

And for God's sake polish your shoes, and wear a tie. And don't bring your parents. Jesus.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

Americans.....

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Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

Yo?

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Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

All I can glean from that is I'm definitely not the intended audience.

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Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

" <blink>182!</blink>"

A Blink 182 reference? Blink 182!? lol, wtf, are they still alive?

Stop trying to talk like a teenager, grandpa. It's hella embarrassing.

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Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

"Stop trying to talk like a teenager, grandpa. It's hella embarrassing"

Yeah, you should prolly stop too.

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If I were 30yrs younger

I'd probably apply in a shot.

But you don't want an old codger with a lifelong interest in technology and in recent years, renewables and has the temerity to drive a mostly electric car now do you?

But you don't want someone who does not suffer fools gladly (Government and opposition Mouthpieces especially)

But you don't want someone who isn't afraid to express an opinion especially after a pint or three.

So you don't want me.

Anyway, I'm off for a ride on the bike (pedal powered) and a pint of Harveys (Lewes) Best at lunchtime.

Yours

Grumpy old man.

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Re: If I were 30yrs younger

But surely if you have sufficient experience and skills, you could just apply for a real job with them?

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Re: you could just apply for a real job with them?

I have worked almost continuiously since '69. 3 years off for Eng BSc and 1 year with the big 'C'.

So at the 'Beatles age' (64) I have hung up my coding sheet and debugger because no one really wants an old codger who speaks the truth and will be gone in a year (if the job does not go to India before then like my last one did).

Would you hire me?

I thought not.

and no, even though McD's is building a new obesity outlet almost at the end of my street, I won't even go there let alone want to work there.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: you could just apply for a real job with them?

"[...] no one really wants an old codger who speaks the truth and will be gone in a year [...]"

You don't have to retire at 65 now - unless you want to have the IT fun without PHBs breathing down your neck wanting a quick bodge. Being your own boss without any paying customers is a nice way to spend your dotage.

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Go

Re: you could just apply for a real job with them?

"I thought not."

It might be worth giving it a shot. For one, I would be interested to read tech articles written by an old curmudgeon like yourself. "Old is new again" etc, that might be not only entertaining but also enlightening.

Go for it, and who knows?

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Re: you could just apply for a real job with them?

"1 year with the big 'C'."

Chlamydia?

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Headmaster

"access to our watercooler (when there's water in it)"

So does that mean you don't get access to the watercooler if there is no water? Is this just a workplace policy, or is there a physical access control in place?

"... our ingenious sub-editors will de-clunkify your prose..."

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Windows

So does that mean you don't get access to the watercooler if there is no water? Is this just a workplace policy, or is there a physical access control in place?

It's a bait-and-switch and the intern will not initially be given access to the water cooler. Everyone knows that the water coolers at El Reg are only for vodka.

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Trollface

"our ingenious sub-editors will de-clunkify your prose"

lol - missed that glaring error for a kick-off ;)

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Let me make a prediction...

... An attractive girl get the 'job'.

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Re: Let me make a prediction...

In true BOFH style.

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Re: Let me make a prediction...

She'll have to supply her own eeePC and macrame bikini.

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Want a remote one?

Live too far away, but will happily let you send me to tech events on this side of the world, it'll save you airfares. :)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Want a remote one?

Can you operate a Teasmaid?

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Re: Want a remote one?

They will send you to every apple event that they get invited to.

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Re: Want a remote one?

Can you operate a Teasmaid?

Yeah, "make the tea darling", dunno whats so tricky about that.

They will send you to every apple event that they get invited to.

Hope it's not a per piece rate then.

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Anonymous Coward

Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

The Guardian seems to have turned itself over to interns, it's become a mouthpiece for the Only way is Essex. This is a typical article:

https://www.theguardian.com/music/shortcuts/2017/sep/08/reality-star-megan-mckenna-taylor-swift-only-way-essex

We have a favour to ask you:

"Pay up or you get more of this torture from the Guardian".

I'm pretty sure that would be more effective.

Alan Rusbridger would probably cry a river, if he realised how fast the paper has managed to dismantle itself, of late.

El-Reg is the last decent place for mostly intelligent tech articles, please don't say this is the start of the end...like The Guardian. There is already enough braindead DM'shittiness in this World.

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Re: Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

The Guardian seems to have turned itself over to interns,

Never to my political tastes, but it certainly used to be a quality newspaper. But a few years ago it suddenly degenerated to become something of a mad, disorganised, rambling global hippy blog.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

Jessica Valenti's missives were always good for a laugh. Probably not her intention, mind you.

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Re: Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

"Never to my political tastes, but it certainly used to be a quality newspaper."

The problem is, recently it seems to have given up being to anyone's political tastes. Their core readership turned pretty heavily pro-Corbyn back in 2015, but the paper itself has held out against joining them for as long as possible - not through the fault of the interns, but the 90s-era writers who's every article is a sonnet to the lost days of Tony Blair.

Regardless of your feelings toward Corbyn, it's frankly no surprise that the paper has hemorrhaged readers when it insists on endlessly castigating their hero, especially after the election result made the doomsayer's predictions seem ludicrous. They might do a lot better to put paid to the tedious musings of Polly Toynbee, Nick Cohen and Suzanne Moore and use the money saved on their monstrous salaries to give the interns full time jobs.

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