back to article The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

A turf war has broken out among the scribes at Vulture Towers North over the fried delicacies that should and should not be included in the world famous Full English gut buster Breakfast. Based as El Reg is, in deepest hipster central - East London - we've witnessed people starting their day in local coffee shops, consuming …

  1. Your alien overlord - fear me

    You posh nounces what with your plates. Everything should be wedged inside a couple of slices of bread.

  2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Slices of bread aren't suitably large. You want an Oven Bottom ( a massive barmcake ).

  3. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    WTF is a barmcake?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oi, it's a muffin.

    Here we go...

  5. Stanislaw
    Boffin

    This is no time for breads

    Barmcake?

    I think you mean a bap (West Midlands) or a cob (East Midlands).

    However I'd go for a Staffordshire oatcake every time.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: This is no time for breads

    Sorry but in this case it's an oven bottom muffin

    http://www.ovenbottommuffins.co.uk/

    http://www.warburtons.co.uk/products/rolls/white/4-oven-bottom-muffins

  7. Richard Gray 1
    Boffin

    Bread?? Stottie

    There is the option of the full breakfast "in a bun", or actually a Stottie.

    A Stottie is a type of large bread-bun-esk loaf around the size of a small dinner plate or a large side palte, and is about an inch and a half thick.

    It has a very dense crumb, making ideal to be cut in half (2 semi circles) the sliced carefully to make a pocket to allow your full fried breakfast (bacon,sausage,fried eggs, beans if you wish) of choice to be inserted and eaten on the go.

    Ideally with runny fried eggs so the yolk drips down your chin, or "kept for later if you have a beard"

    Oh for a time machine to visit that particular Van in Team Valley about 30 years ago!!!!

  8. Mycho Silver badge

    Re: Bread?? Stottie

    Some of us have to settle for a pizza base.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A barmcake? Its the banjo bit in the phrase "bacon banjo"

    Obviously.

  10. Alister Silver badge

    Re: This is no time for breads

    The chief place for bread products in an English Breakfast are as toast, with lots of butter (just in case there's still some gaps in your arteries) and loads of Marmalade, either Orange or Three-Fruits.

    The injection of the citrus element acts as a degreaser to help break down the truly life-threatening amounts of fat you have just consumed.

  11. peterm3
    Pint

    Re: Bread?? Stottie

    There's a scene in Withnail and I featuring a full English and I think yolk dribbling. That film is fairly snobbish I think.

  12. ritey

    i cannot wedge whiskey in bread

  13. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Barmcake

    In theory barmcake is a white bread leavened with barm - that's the vigorous froth seen on the top of a beer brew going at full tilt. This gives is extra flavours of malt and hops. Haven't had one for 30 years but still remember them as being 'lush' in modern termibollockly. I'd be worried about a modern version that isnt made the proper way - or possibly worse from a craft brewery using citrusy hops - the only citrus allowed near a full english is in the bloody mary used to pad out the ketchup.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You're not trying hard enough!

  15. Frederic Bloggs

    Re: This is no time for breads

    Marmite!

  16. TheVogon Silver badge

    I note that the edges of those eggs look burnt / brown. Amateur job...

    The egg white should be white. The yolk should be runny and yellow with the white over the top just cooked enough so that there is no slime...splashing a bit of hot fat across the top is the usual method.

  17. Chemical Bob Bronze badge

    "i cannot wedge whiskey in bread"

    You're holding it wrong.

  18. macjules Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Re: This is no time for breads

    Exactly. Cold plain bread is the last resort of them that can not either toast nor fry their bread.

    The best breakfast I have ever tasted was at a B&B in Padstow, but sadly they went out of business several years ago. Baked beans made with a dash of L&P and tomato relish mixed in. That delicate combination of (slightly) runny egg yolk and crisp fried bread plus properly smoked back bacon, home-made black pudding, genuine pork sausages with none of that 'organic', 'farm-reared', 'slaughterhouse friendly' BS that we get with London 'Wholefoods' stores. Supplement that with toast, tea and Tiptree 'Tawny' Marmalade and if I am going to perish from heart disease then I am sure as hell will go with a smile on my face after that.

    There is definitely a craft to doing a good English Sunday morning fry-up.

  19. Triggerfish

    Re: Bread?? Stottie

    I'll go for that, as a student the local meat supplier for the butchers was round the corner and they used to have a sandwich shop attached. One of those Stotties as a loaded with bacon, sausages. egg, black pud, eggs, beans, tomatoes, mushrooms the full works. Cost next to nothing, and would feed a couple of hungry students and you'd not want lunch there was that much.

    Also bread, friend in Bacon fat, give your arteries a work out.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "You want an Oven Bottom"

    Erm, what do the Kardashians have to do with English Breakfast? (wafflebutt, perhaps?)

    Pommes for the poms?

  21. malle-herbert Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Runny eggs ?

    No thanks !

  22. Dave 126 Silver badge

    Re: Runny eggs ?

    Runny yolk, yes please. Runny white, no thanks - unless I'm in France eating a galette crepe complete, in which case I 'do as the Romans'.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Runny eggs ?

    Forget Brexit? It’s not possible. Remainers just want to eat yancy nancy croissant and just pretend they like a good full English breakfast.

  24. SniperPenguin

    Re: Runny eggs ?

    "Forget Brexit? It’s not possible. Remainers just want to eat yancy nancy croissant and just pretend they like a good full English breakfast."

    Whilst Brexiteers want a greasy "Full English" (oddly, not British..., funny that ;-) ) with a copy of the Sun....

    Ironically cooked by an immigrant, but he's alright, because he cooks full English breakfasts :)

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Runny eggs ?

    @SniperPenguin; "Whilst Brexiteers want a greasy "Full English" (oddly, not British..., funny that ;-) ) with a copy of the Sun...."

    I note the article itself says "Let's come together and unite the British nation by selecting [title: "The ultimate full English breakfast"]"

    Oddly, as a Scot, someone conflating Britishness and Englishness tends to make me *less* inclined to unite with the British "nation".

    Except possibly being dragged out of the EU by England and Wales, having been on the end of a scaremongering Unionist campaign that Scotland's place in the EU would be threatened by independence.

    Yeah, but not as much as by remaining hitched to the whims of a bunch of Little Englanders, right? Talking of which...

    "Forget Brexit."

    No- you take *your* Brexit and shove it so hard you'll *never* forget about it. You lot voted for it, now you've got it.

  26. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    Re: Runny eggs ?

    "oddly, not British..., funny that ;-)"

    I've seen "Full Sottish" on the menu in Scotland. Never seen a Full Welsh though and not been to Norn Iron!

  27. BongoJoe Silver badge

    Re: Runny eggs ?

    Welsh Breakfasts do exist. Especially in the Welsh speaking heartlands of North Wales and the Llŷn.

  28. x 7 Silver badge

    Re: Runny eggs ?

    "Welsh Breakfasts do exist. Especially in the Welsh speaking heartlands of North Wales and the Llŷn."

    Doesn't a Welsh breakfast involve fried seaweed / laverbread?

  29. TheVogon Silver badge
    Trollface

    Re: Runny eggs ?

    "Ironically cooked by an immigrant, but he's alright, because he cooks full English breakfasts :)"

    Well, it does keep them away from begging and screaming drunken Celtic slogans from outside London railway stations ...

  30. TheBishop

    Proper Full English

    It is of course a matter of personal taste, but for me:

    Bacon - don't mind what type but it must be nice and crispy

    Fried egg, yolk must be runny (to dip your sausage and fried bread in)

    Fried bread - has to be white bread, not too thick and properly fried all the way through

    Sausage - a nice Cumberland or similar

    Tomatoes - real tomatoes halved and fried in the pan. Need to be good quality ones

    Baked beans - good quality, and not cooked to death and then left under a heat lamp for hours either

    Tomato ketchup - a generous dollop on the plate, not on any of the ingredients. How can a mere chef possibly know where I want to put it?

    And, of course, the meal must be accompanied by a generous mug of proper British tea (I believe this one was already settled by the Reg a while ago) and, if possible, a couple of slices of buttered toast

    What's not to like?

  31. Lusty Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    "British tea"

    It's called English Breakfast Tea actually. It's literally designed and named for this purpose.

  32. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    You are quite simply, demonstrably wrong.

    Unsmoked bacon

    Fried eggs, runny yolk

    Fried white bread

    Cumberland sausage ( with you so far )

    Mushrooms

    Tinned plumb tomatoes

    Brown sauce

    Black pudding

    Either English breakfast tea or if you're feeling exotic, a mug of coffee.

  33. Len Goddard

    Re: Proper Full English

    I mostly agree but ...

    bacon should be smoked back bacon, dry cured by hand (none of this water-injected crap or spray-on smoke), and not cooked until hard.

    I'd like some black pudding

    Beans must NOT be Heinz - they have a distinctive aftertaste I despise

    Side of toast? Depends on how generous the provision of fried bread.

  34. Vinyl-Junkie
    Coat

    Re: Proper Full English

    Plumb tomatoes? I prefer my breakfast unleaded thanks!

  35. Dave 126 Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    I'm with TheBishop all the way here. If someone put a touch of cheese and butter into the baked beans during cooking I wouldn't object, though.

  36. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    "What's not to like?"

    The fried tomato. I just can't do the fried tomato. I was on a course with a colleague many years ago, having breakfast, and he told me this story;

    A few weeks previous him and some mates had gone to the seaside for the weekend, and stayed in a guest house. The landlady was apparently smoking while cooking their breakfast, and they could hear her hacking and coughing, which alarmed them quite a bit. When their breakfasts arrived, one of them looked quizzically at the plate, and said "is that a fried tomato, or has the old dear brought up a blood clot?"

  37. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    Southern ponce. Up north we eat lead for breakfast.

    ( Obviously I meant plum, dunno where I got plumb from - perhaps full english cravings clouding my judgement )

  38. phuzz Silver badge
    Megaphone

    Re: Proper Full English

    "English Breakfast Tea"

    That's the sort of nonsense they drink in America. No, a proper fry-up should include a constant supply of builders tea. Not "a cup", but either a bloody great pot of tea, gradually stewing over the course of breakfast, or the kettle on almost permanently for top-ups.

    There's a time and a place for Earl Grey, or Assam or whatnot, but a fry-up requires a beverage with no subtlety or nuance, just a mug full of tannins.

  39. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    Bacon - yes to nice and crispy but not burnt to a frazzle like them Yanks.

    Sausages - A nice Lincolnshire (with extra seasoning) is perfect for a full english.

    The problem is getting a really good one. Thankfully my local butcher is a prize winner when it comes to Sausages but even his aren't a touch on what I used to get as a child from Reynolds Butchers shop in Chatteris. (mid 1960's). They were really special.

  40. bombastic bob Silver badge
    Happy

    Re: Proper Full English

    "It's called English Breakfast Tea actually. It's literally designed and named for this purpose."

    I can get that over here across the pond (Twinings) at any grocery store, along with Bigelow's 'English Teatime' (very similar, strong black tea). Makes for good iced tea, too. 4 bags per 5 quarts, on the stove for 10 minutes, cool down (inside the pot) in a sink of water, then into a 5 quart pitcher in the fridge (with 2.5 cups of fake sugar). Keeps me going for a day.

    I had an "English Breakfast" when I was in Hong Kong in the 80's. It seemed to be the only thing on the breakfast menu that was close to something I am used to. The only thing unusual (to me) is that they cut the bread crust off of the toast. Other than that, same kind of thing they serve every morning in diners across the USA (like Denney's, IHOP, etc.).

  41. Alister Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    It's called English Breakfast Tea actually. It's literally designed and named for this purpose.

    Only in America, perhaps. Here in Britain, it's a choice between Tetleys, PG Tips, or supermarket own brand, well boiled, and three sugars... Builder's Tea, that's what you need.

  42. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    Not Yorkshire tea?

  43. Dave 126 Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    If you can't get proper tea to drink with your full English breakfast then engine degreaser makes an acceptable substitute. And vice versa.

    Sadly, the best 'English' breakfasts are in Cardiff at Tuck-Ins. They used to open at 3am to serve bin-men and taxi drivers, and the occasional international rugby team after a post-match drinking session. You could feel your arteries fur over as you ate, the bacon was that good.

  44. VinceH Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    "Bacon - don't mind what type but it must be nice and crispy"

    Ditto.

    "Fried egg, yolk must be runny (to dip your sausage and fried bread in)"

    I tend to go for scrambled, but sometimes I'll opt for fried instead - in which case, yes, definitely a runny yolk.

    "Fried bread - has to be white bread, not too thick and properly fried all the way through

    Sausage - a nice Cumberland or similar"

    Ditto to these.

    "Tomatoes - real tomatoes halved and fried in the pan. Need to be good quality ones"

    And that's where it's gone horribly wrong - I really don't like fried tomatoes.

    "Baked beans - good quality, and not cooked to death and then left under a heat lamp for hours either"

    And now we're on the right track again.

    "Tomato ketchup - a generous dollop on the plate, not on any of the ingredients. How can a mere chef possibly know where I want to put it?"

    Don't even put it on the plate - let ME do that!

    "And, of course, the meal must be accompanied by a generous mug of proper British tea (I believe this one was already settled by the Reg a while ago)"

    When I'm away from home (the only time I have a full English), I don't drink tea. At all. No bugger seems to make it to my taste! It's coffee, always, because I'm a lot less fussy with that.

    "and, if possible, a couple of slices of buttered toast"

    And why not?

  45. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Re: Proper Full English

    Twinings do Assam or English Breakfast. Both excellent - I prefer the Assam.

    It's basically builders tea but made with the actual tea leaves - not the twigs.

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  48. Lith

    Re: Proper Full English

    Creature, I name thee Troll!

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Proper Full English

    "What's not to like?"

    Your glaring omission of black pudding and mushrooms fried in butter is what.

    A Bury pud, steamed, split in't middle and slathered w'mustard.

    Thats proper scran right there. Reg Northerners, you know what I mean.

    If you need an international twang, throw in 'ash brown or two.

    Also, who the fuck has ketchup. HP all the way.

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Proper Full English

    @len goddard

    "Side of toast?"

    In Britain we call it a "round of toast". Well the proper parts of Britain do.

    Source: I'm a common Manc.

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