back to article Ten new tech terms I learnt this summer: Do you know them all?

I'll never forget the day I found my children looking at Spam for the first time. My son was particularly perplexed, asking: "Is that what I think it is?" It was my own fault. I had left the tin on the kitchen counter. Even in his tender years, my tech-friendly tweenager was perfectly familiar with spam. But not Spam. He'd …

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  1. Chronos Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    T|N>K

    How can you discuss policy with a minister whose only means of expression is to scream at you "Eeeeeeeeeeeee-oooooooo buh-doyngg buh-doyngg eeeeee-AAAAAAHHH!" before promptly hanging himself?

    Absolute bloody genius. I'm assuming, since he does the gain adjustment bit, that he's a v.92 modem?

    1. Missing Semicolon Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: T|N>K

      @Chronos.

      You, sir, win nerd-of-the-week award.

  2. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Fortunately

    I drained my cup of tea before reading this. Otherwise, my keyboard would have been in for another barrage of hot Keemun Congou tea ...

    yet again

    Great Friday read!!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "weaved"

    Is that the trendy new term for "woven"?

    1. Steve the Cynic Silver badge

      Re: "weaved"

      "weaved" might also be a mis-grammaticisation of "wove". 'I wove a fabric of lies", rather than "I weaved a fabric of lies". But when it's a past participle, yeah, "woven". "I have woven a fabric of lies". And of course, you can use a past participle as an adjective: "Felt is not a woven fabric." (This happens to be true...)

      But there's also the people who say "I have went". That makes my teeth itch.

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: "weaved"

        I have went

        I assume that you live in Wiltshire. That seems the standard grammar round these parts.

      2. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
        Trollface

        "I have went"

        "I have went"

        I was sat over there when I read that.

        Teeth itching now?

        1. dqon

          Re: "I have went"

          Active or Passive ?

      3. earl grey Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: "weaved"

        "But there's also the people who say "I have went"."

        Everyone knows it's I done gone.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "weaved"

          "Everyone knows it's I done gone."

          Not in the one-tense Bristollian dialect where "I goes ..." could refer to an action in the past, present or future

      4. Blitheringeejit
        Headmaster

        @Steve the Cynic

        Since it appears to be National Pedantry day...

        "There ARE also the people..."

        FTFY, albeit with my own teeth afire.

      5. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        Re: "weaved"

        "I have went"

        If the pedants will look away long enough for me to say "It's not very irregular.", then I will. (If they won't, then would the rest of you be so good as to skip the rest of this post. Otherwise we'll get logical paradoxes.)

        I think "went" is to "wend" what "spent" is to "spend" and so "I have went" is about as irregular as "I have spent" and therefore rather more regular than "I have gone". It should, of course, be "I have goed" but I imagine it is too late to insist on that now.

        Quite how the verbs to go and to wend (as in, "wend their merry way back from the pub") ever became entangled remains as mysterious as ever, of course, but most western European languages seem to have one or two stupendously irregular verbs with different persons and tenses taken from different root verbs in older languages. I think it is some kind of competition.

        1. Michael Thibault

          Re: "weaved"

          I was wanting to say exactly that.

      6. Captain Badmouth
        Headmaster

        Re: "weaved"

        "I have went"

        There was a young man of Gwent

        Whose pr**k was exceedingly bent

        To save himself trouble

        He stuffed it in double

        And instead of coming

        He went.

    2. Graham Dawson

      Re: "weaved"

      That's an example of the constant regularisation of irregular verbs.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "weaved"

        In my feeling of usage (but don't ask me why):

        He wove a pack of lies. He weaved his way through the crowds.

        1. m0rt Silver badge

          Re: "weaved"

          Did he have one of those new NetWeaving machines that fit in a large pocket? Modern tech is wonderful.

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: "weaved"

          He wove a pack of lies. He weaved his way through the crowds.

          One is (I think), past-perfect (ie a complete past action) and the other is continuous historic.

          Hopefully, someone who remembers more about English grammar will be along shortly to tell you all how wrong I was.

          1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

            Re: "weaved"

            "One is (I think), past-perfect (ie a complete past action) and the other is continuous historic.

            "

            Parce que nous sommes tous francais(es). Или русский.

            The application of Latinate grammar to English is something I find irritating. It makes me want to boldly split infinitives, just because I can. And because it's Friday, sacred to Freya, and not vendredi, sacred to Venus.

            1. Phil Endecott Silver badge

              Re: "weaved"

              > Friday, sacred to Freya

              No, Friday is Frig's day.

              Frig is the wife of Odin, whose day is Wednesday.

              1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

                Re: "weaved" - No, Friday is Frig's day.

                I found this

                "In a world that knows too many details about unimportant matters, one would think that our collective expertise could be certain about something as essential as the days of the week. There is, however, a scholarly debate regarding which goddess of love in Norse mythology is the namesake of “Friday.” To complicate matters, it may be that Frigg (or Frigga) and Freyja were at one point one goddess, or at least stemmed from the same one. It’s a headache."

    3. David Roberts Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: "weaved"

      Useage: I weaved it cos i din like it

    4. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: "weaved"

      Bloody hell, did I write that? The shame.

      PS: no one likes a smart arse.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "weaved"

        "Bloody hell, did I write that? "

        There was some research a few years ago that said the brain makes a regular conjugation immediately. It takes a little longer for it to be overridden by the correct irregular form. So if the second process gets delayed too much - then we just use the regular form.

  4. Khaptain Silver badge

    DabbSmithing

    "DabbSmithing" : Verb

    The art of publically criticising anything that appears worthy of a critic on a Friday. Often appreciated by technophiles, trolls and a variety of other non P-Book readerships.

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: DabbSmithing

      Dabbsing?

      1. psychonaut

        Re: DabbSmithing

        dibdabbing? although i think that already has an urban dictionary entry which isnt pleasant

      2. Ugotta B. Kiddingme

        Re: Dabbsing?

        how about simply Dabbling? Use of the capital D will allow those of us who understand to grin knowingly at each other whilst the plebs wonder what we are on about.

  5. Gasp!

    Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

    Are these not tropical diseases?

    1. TheOldGuy

      Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

      I thought they were Prog Rock bands.....

      1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

        Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

        Hear Alistair Scream At Technology Peeps.

      2. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

        I'm certain Gaseous Elbow is a German avant garde band. They record and playback cushion smashing and strangled stag beetles.

        1. Rosie Davies

          Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

          I was impressed at the self-restraint that prevented Gaseous Arse not being used instead.

          Rosie

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

            I was impressed at the self-restraint that prevented Gaseous Arse not being used instead.

            Possibly rejected for being too close to home..

          2. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

            Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

            I misread it as "Gaseous Below"

            1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
              Trollface

              Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

              I always thought liquid voice was another synonym for a technicolour yawn or pavement pizza delivery...

          3. Captain DaFt

            Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

            I was impressed at the self-restraint that prevented Gaseous Arse not being used instead.

            Of course, if one doesn't know their arse from their elbow... ☺

      3. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

        Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

        I wish they were Prog Rock bands.

      4. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

        I thought they were Prog Rock bands.....

        I don't think so. Although, Liquid Voice would be a fine band name, if only so that you can use the noise of Dabbsy gnashing his teeth as a suitable rhythm section..

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: Sublimated Ear and Gaseous Elbow.

          Although, Liquid Voice would be a fine band name, if only so that you can use the noise of Dabbsy gnashing his teeth as a suitable rhythm section..

          You could retro the name to the '50's.... "Liquid and the Voices".

  6. Admiral Grace Hopper

    Don't dis the innovative

    Our future lies in innovative jams and marmalades. It's the way forward.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Don't dis the innovative

      "[...] and marmalades."

      What sort of music is that?

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Don't dis the innovative

        "[...] and marmalades."

        What sort of music is that?

        It's a mashup between a madrigal and a carronade.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fibre

    I still maintain this is the easiest way to distinguish the service for the general public. Granted, lots of us know it's not actually fibre all the way to your house, but at the end of the day the bulk of slow internet connections is caused by the bottleneck at the cabinet, and fibre helps resolve this issue. There are those who suffer being miles from the cabinet but still, keep it simple for average Joe.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Fibre / POTS

      Also:

      POTS is analogue duplex voice frequency over copper / steel. i.e. DIAL-UP. We've all heard of that.

      Broadband from the exchange uses ADSL/ADSL2/ADSL2+. Lots and lots of people have heard of that.

      3G/4G. Internet for mobiles. Everyone has heard of it.

      Fibre-to-the-cabinet uses VDSL/VDSL2. No bugger outside the telecomms industry has ever heard of it.

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Fibre / POTS

        I still think the even older definition of fibre is more appropriate.

        After all, given the amount of shit some of these companies produce, they must be consuming enough fibre to fill several breakfast bowls...

        Bran flake anyone?

        1. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Re: Fibre / POTS

          Bran flake anyone?

          So that's how BT get broadband - force-feeding of bran flakes then burying said produced 'cable' -

          - Explains the shit service....

    2. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: Fibre

      Just call it by the technology used. People will catch on soon enough (if they even care)

      Dial-up -> ADSL -> ADSL2(+) -> VDSL (or FTTC if you must) -> FTTP

      Calling something something that it isn't is just going to confuse people in the long run. How many people still think that their desktop background picture is a "screensaver" FFS?!?!?! When FTTP gets widely deployed (currently scheduled for the 57th of Novemruary), they won't know what to call it because some bugger has made people associate fibre optics with this pitiful excuse that's copper from the cabinet.

      By the way, even when using dial-up, it was fibre from the exchange so the components haven't changed. Copper/Aluminium from me to someplace over there and glass from there onwards.

      1. GregC

        Re: Fibre

        How many people still think that their desktop background picture is a "screensaver"

        Or that their entire PC is a "hard drive"....

        1. really_adf

          Re: Fibre

          How many people still think that their desktop background picture is a "screensaver"

          Or that their entire PC is a "hard drive"....

          ...or "the CPU". Although there is at least some obvious logic to that.

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