back to article Swedish school pumps up volume to ease toilet trauma

Rather than forcing kids to suffer the embarrassment of composing their own wind sections in the toilets at schools, one solution proposed in northern Europe is to pipe in sweet music to drown out any anal-based arias. Swedish local councillor Cecilia Cato, based in the town of Tingsryd, devised the plan amid concern that some …

Stage Fright is real

Happens to the best of us

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Shitfun – Autopsy

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Butthole Surfers?

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Flame

Queen

Don't stop me now or I want to break free !

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Wind beneath my ring.

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One or two edits to one of Van Halen's most famous songs would be suitably encouraging and optimistic. 'Might as well dump...DUMP!....Go ahead and dump'

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When I was a lad ....

.... , we were never embarassed by toilet functions or noises. We used to have contests to see who could make the highest splash mark on the wall. Any noises were a source of pride and boasting and strenuous effort to do better. Why are kids nowadays so delicate?

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Re: When I was a lad ....

But when you were a lad, all this were fields.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

I feel sorry for all the young chaps who’ve only been going to the pub since the smoking ban. Before the smoking ban, we had great fun trying to fill the little metal ashtrays which were thoughtfully screwed to the wall above the urinal.

Actually, I feel sorry for the ladies too - they’ve never had the pleasure either.

Sigh. Happy days.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

Exactly! Embarrased? Oh HELL no!

I'll sit there singing "Sixteen Tons" & accompanying the wet wind section with a selection of armpit farts, wet slobbery zrbts into the elbow, honks, & a drum-roll tappity on the floor with my feet.

Don't be embarrassed, be entertaining! =-D

*Cough*

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Re: When I was a lad ....

It's a shame! They don't know what they're missing. You'll still hear an exhortation to "Pull my finger" in my group of peers.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: When I was a lad ....

>Why are kids nowadays so delicate?<

Because they were brought up by feminist pedagogues and not by their parents!

This also relates to many other problems in our society, stemming from the feminized western male.

It must be solved, if our race and culture is to survive!

(vision: white naked male on beach chewing a ham sandwich while holding AR15)

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Re: When I was a lad ....

"We used to have contests to see who could make the highest splash mark on the wall"

I remember my dad telling me of an acquaintance in primary school who (after holding it for a day) was capable of (and proud of) hitting the ceiling.

I never used the toilets at school - not because of embarrassing noises - but because they were vile hellholes - seldom cleaned, seldom flushed, inadequately supplied with paper, etc. etc.

(Also, if I was in charge of the school in Sweden, I'd just have the sound system permanently playing a loop of farting/splashing/grunting noises.)

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Re: When I was a lad ....

"I never used the toilets at school - not because of embarrassing noises - but because they were vile hellholes - seldom cleaned, seldom flushed, inadequately supplied with paper, etc. etc."

In my school we had no stall doors and there was no soap. Needless to say it had to be a pretty severe emergency to get me to use one. Especially since there was always some kid ready to smack me into the wall or throw water on me.

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Mushroom

Re: When I was a lad ....

Many the time me and my mates would have "postern blast" competitions to see who could make the loudest noise! Something about my diet and motions meant I could easily be heard 75 yards away! Ha ha!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: When I was a lad ....

My internal feminist (forcibly installed during the 1970's) would dearly love to disagree with this, but unfortunately there's more than a grain of truth to it. In Japan it's gone so far now that many men will sit down to urinate rather than stand because it makes less noise. And this is even in the land of the Toilet Queen.

(And before you ask, a Toilet Queen is a little box you fix to the wall of the toilet that emits white noise or other sound-blanking noises)

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Holmes

Re: When I was a lad ....

(Also, if I was in charge of the school in Sweden, I'd just have the sound system permanently playing a loop of farting/splashing/grunting noises.)

Screamin' Jay Hawkins - Constipation Blues.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

"Also, if I was in charge of the school in Sweden, I'd just have the sound system permanently playing a loop of farting/splashing/grunting noises."

If you're going to be worried about this, that is really the best solution.

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@FuzzyWuzzys, re being heard...

Heard 75 yards away? BAH! Come back when they register on the Richter Scale! =-D

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Childcatcher

Re: "Why are kids nowadays so delicate?"

Probably for the same reason that they're a bunch of hypochondriacs with fictional "disorders", because the prevailing loony trend of political correctness encouraged them to be.

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Devil

Re: When I was a lad ....

(Also, if I was in charge of the school in Sweden, I'd just have the sound system permanently playing a loop of farting/splashing/grunting noises.)

'Pervers Pépère' (a comic strip character by Marcel Gotlib) takes, as one gag, a tape recorder past a water spewer, a weight lifter and a jackhammer operator, then pinches a little girl and finally kicks a large stone into a canal, recording it all. He then goes into a public toilet, rewinds the tape and plays back the succession of noises, to the (rapidly increasing) horror of the loo lady outside the stalls.

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Coat

Re: When I was a lad ....

Japan came to my mind too, so I had to look her up, as Cato doesn't "sound" very Swedish.

Here she is, political ambitions perhaps. Named and shamed?.

https://tingsryd.se/fortroendeman/cato-cecilia-c/

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Re: When I was a lad ....

Agreed, the solution is to play sufficient recorded plops, splashes, gurgles and guffs that the ones that you make yourselves go unnoticed.

Years ago wasn't there a new thing in Japanese electronic toileting, of playing the sound of a waterfall, likewise as covering noise rather than encouragement although it works for that as well.

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Anonymous Coward

@AC with the homoerotic fantasies about naked white males

Pretty sure society would be better off if we figured out how to eliminate racist morons like you from the gene pool, rather than worry about the 'feminization' of western males.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

In my school we had no stall doors and there was no soap. Needless to say it had to be a pretty severe emergency to get me to use one. Especially since there was always some kid ready to smack me into the wall or throw water on me.

You had water? Luxury! In my school, if you wanted water, you had to wait for a nerd to come in and smack him into the wall until he cried!

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Re: When I was a lad ....

In my school we had no stall doors and there was no soap. Needless to say it had to be a pretty severe emergency to get me to use one. Especially since there was always some kid ready to smack me into the wall or throw water on me.

Ah, grade school/high school. Nothing says "welcome to our fucking society" like spending almost one's entire childhood in a place designed to resemble a prison.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: When I was a lad ....

"I remember my dad telling me of an acquaintance in primary school who (after holding it for a day) was capable of (and proud of) hitting the ceiling."

We didn't have ceilings in the school urinals - just open air above our heads.

The Australians in the 1990s had a very non-PC approach to such matters in their children's TV programme series "Round The Twist". It even reached the BBC - and apparently appealed to kids' sense of outraging adult sensitivities.

Here's a sample relevant to the quoted comment Little Squirt. See 21m37s denouement if you don't have time to get the full story.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

"Round The Twist" - recently got the DVD box set, to happily remember one of the craziest shows of my (late) childhood.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

My memory of the school toilets is the gutter with loo cakes in them at the bottom of a porcelain wall that used to be everywhere before things started to get more private. Still some of those in old unrenovated pubs.

Standing there one day, 6 or seven in a line, one lad looking down had his glasses fell off into the gutter and instantly all streams converged on them, pushing them along the gutter toward the drain....

But generally the loos in schools being out of sight from staff were not places to hang around unless you wanted a beating or something more humiliating.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

Perhaps the MP3 files from this project might be useful:

http://triggur.org/robodump/

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Re: When I was a lad ....

I sit down to piss simply because god attached a garden sprinkler to the end of my winkle.

By doing so I ameliorate the noise made by my SOH when she walks into a lake of piss on the loo seat.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

The secondary school I was "allocated" to (SE London, 1969) was known for its roughness, with plenty of stories of older pupils causing physical injury and suffering to the 1st year intake.

So, having one's head pushed down into the (used) toilet bowl and it being flushed, being forcibly circumcised and of having razor blades dragged across one's chest - all "initiation rites" performed by these older male pupils.

As an 11 yr old, I wasn't expecting to see the 2nd year :-(

About 2 years later a new head, (who was ex-army) was installed and the school improved dramatically and the nasty elements were removed.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: When I was a lad ....

In Victorian times, people hummed and sang to mask the sounds of discharge. It is hardly new...

As far as sitting down to pee, you can chuckle over this http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-30937492 but if you had to clean the urine off of the floor or walls, you would demand men sit. For women, there is always GoGirl.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

Nah, outside toilets at First School (Primary nowadays), who can pee over the wall so that it went onto the teacher's cars parked the other side. The whole thing was pretty much Victorian, a ceramic glazed trough like a gutter about 15 feet long, painted walls and quarry tiles.

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Re: When I was a lad ....

"I remember my dad telling me of an acquaintance in primary school who (after holding it for a day) was capable of (and proud of) hitting the ceiling."

Might have been one of my former(1) classmates from when I was in primary school, several decades ago. (Hint: 1975 is included in that period of my life.)

(1) And no, I'm not in the least bit disappointed that these people are *former* classmates. I regret somewhat having them as former *classmates*, or even former *countrymen*(2), but there you are.

(2) I've spent a third of my life living outside my native country...

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Re: When I was a lad ....

I sit down to piss simply because god attached a garden sprinkler to the end of my winkle.

The physics of one stream of liquid falling nearly a meter and entering a pool of liquid are such that no matter how good your aim or well-formed your nozzle, there's gonna be splashback. I have nothing to prove to anyone in my household, so I'll take sitting to piss over scrubbing pee mist off the wall any day. It also greatly reduces the dexterity requirements when it's early in the morning and I haven't had my coffee yet.

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Why do you think Tchaikovsky composed the 1812 Overture?

Apparently Napoleon had fearsome farts and loved shooting his cannons to cover them up. He really wasn't belligerent at all.

Same for Bach and his canons......

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Mushroom

Re: Why do you think Tchaikovsky composed the 1812 Overture?

From farts to Tchaikovsky, not bad for a Monday and has helped me to stop laughing after the election.

For those of you, unfamiliar with "1812" try this, especially if you think "old" music is boring.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGiz_qbViE0

And the longer one here, one of the best you can find on Youtube.

Tchaikovsky Overture 1812 - Seiji Ozawa

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DFsF_0tfiM

And then there is the Wiki for your further information.

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Several decades later

A class action against the school for hearing loss.

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Happy

Re: Several decades later

I don't think they have "class actions" in Sweden (yet).

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jzl

Big Log

by Robert Plant

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Joke

Every piss you take...

I'll be watching you...

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Facepalm

Re: Every piss you take...

With that title, you really expect me to click on that link?

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Alert

Re: Every piss you take...

Somewhere in the readership is one brave soul who will click on it.... and hopefully report back.

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Re: Every piss you take...

I did. It's a video by Police. Boring as arse.

A much better vid is on Handleoclast's post further down.

Cheers… Ishy

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Dump Truck by Blind Melon

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Coat

4'33" by John Cage

I think it would be better to change people's attitudes than further encourage them to believe sounds we all make are something to be ashamed of, are evil or wrong, and need to be covered up.

It is a perpetuating harm which affects an incredible number of people. Let's start by figuring out who is indoctrinating people into believing what's entirely natural isn't acceptable.

Mine's the one with the "Loud and Proud" badge ...

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Re: 4'33" by John Cage

I think it would be better to change people's attitudes than further encourage them to believe sounds we all make are something to be ashamed of, are evil or wrong, and need to be covered up.

Judging from conversation threads I've seen, whether it's ever OK to fart in public is apparently highly controversial among women. Also controversial: Whether it's OK to fart in front of your husband. It's crazy how repressed our social norms still are, especially for women.

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Re: 4'33" by John Cage

"It's crazy how repressed our social norms still are, especially for women."
Never stopped my mother, but then we were working class. Her refrain:

"Where e'er you be on land or sea

Always let your wind blow free."

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Nothing compares to poo - Sinead O'Colon

Jumping Jack Flash (It's a gas gas gas)

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