back to article Trump's self-imposed cybersecurity deadline is up: What we got?

On January 6, president-elect Donald Trump had a meeting with the heads of the intelligence services and came out with one action point: cybersecurity. "Whether it is our government, organizations, associations or businesses we need to aggressively combat and stop cyberattacks," an official statement read. "I will appoint a …

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Joke

STOP THE PRESSES!!!

"Quick clue: President Snowflake is a compulsive liar"

Shock front page news: A Politician Lies!

Film at 11:00.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

Quick clue: President Snowflake is a compulsive liar

As in:

"If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep it"

- President Snowflake

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

As in:

Read my lips, no new taxes. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. There's no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction.

That's the last 30 years covered. Is everybody happy now?

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

Not me. I can't quite figure out why Kieren keeps referring to a hard case like Trump as a "snowflake," a term reserved for young people who never learned about the harsh realities of life. Can't Kieren call him names that are at least comprehensible, like "Orange monkey" or "Drumpf, as the real snowflakes do?"

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

"Marmalade Mandarin" is my favourite so far.

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(Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

Re: Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

We call him Pres Snowflake because he can't take a single word of criticism or humor without a meltdown or throwing a strop.

It's ironic that Team Trump refer to liberals as snowflakes when it's Donald blowing up on Twitter whenever he doesn't get his own way.

C.

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

"Marmalade Mandarin" is my favourite so far.

Good one sure, but I still prefer "Tweeting Tangerine".

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Thumb Up

"We call him Pres Snowflake because he can't take a single word of criticism..without a meltdown"

I wondered about that. Melting like a snowflake.

Makes perfect sense now.

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

"Tweeting Tangerine"

Wasn't that an Ubuntu release? (or will Google use it for Android?)

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

> "We call him Pres Snowflake because he can't take a single word of criticism or humor without a meltdown or throwing a strop."

Strange that you should refer to unsupported Russian collusion charges and faked up polling as "criticism."

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

Let me add a few years. "I am not a crook".

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Snowflakes

It's ironic that Team Trump refer to liberals as snowflakes when it's Donald blowing up on Twitter whenever he doesn't get his own way.

No. A "snowflake" is slang for someone who means well, but is naive and/or very inexperienced. I'm a Kennedy Liberal and I'm not a snowflake.

An example of a snowflake is someone who thinks if there are starving people in a country that just sending them food solves the problem. That's well-meaning, but false. Sending a country free food to feed starving people creates more starving people. That's because the influx of free food drives down market prices of food, which depresses the economy, which drives up unemployment, which creates more hungry people.

A snowflake thinks that people who come to the USA illegally are well-meaning families that want to eat. For the vast majority of them, that's not true. Anyone who can get into the USA legally, can do that. Many illegals are people that don't pass the border checks, so they some to the USA illegally. My personal experience with illegals in the USA have all been criminals - one lawsuit and one court case, in both cases illegals taking advantage of technicalities that hurt U.S. citizens and benefit themselves. I sat on a jury trial where a woman here illegally tried to avoid deportation by making false claims of rape, which got her a temporary green card. She had been doing this for years, and never tried to become a U.S. citizen. We the jury found out women here illegally do this all the time. There are other legal loopholes illegals take advantage of that hurt U.S. citizens, meanwhile they have no intention of becoming U.S. citizens because the loopholes give them benefits.

Sanctuary cities are where illegals are basically used as slave labor, paid sub-minimum wage, taking jobs away from lower- to middle-class people. This is why sanctuary city governments don't want these illegals to become citizens, once they are citizens they can operate above-board and have the protection of the law.

A snowflake is someone who draws naive conclusions about people they have never met.

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

Excellent point; but, you have to admit Marmalade Mandarin, Orange Monkey, and Tweeting Tangerine are all pretty good.

This bumbling buffoon simply lends himself to so many monikers though:

Pumpkin Puss, Limp Lump, Misogynist Mutt, Tweeting Twerp, Callow Creep, Pompous Prat, Odious Oaf, Narcissistic Ninny, Little man with little hands, Fascist Fool, Pouty Face, Egomaniacal Eel, Ignominious Imbecile, Puny Punk, Cheating Chump, etc, etc.

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Coat

I see you "I am not a crook".

And raise you "There is no White wash in the White House."

"Point Break," what a movie.

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Joke

Re: I see you "I am not a crook".

"I did not have sex with that woman"

Which reminds me of a joke that was timely in the 1990's:

Hillary: "Are you having sex with your boyfriend?"

Chelsea: "Not according to daddy!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

Pumpkin Puss, Limp Lump, Misogynist Mutt, Tweeting Twerp, Callow Creep, Pompous Prat, Odious Oaf, Narcissistic Ninny, Little man with little hands, Fascist Fool, Pouty Face, Egomaniacal Eel, Ignominious Imbecile, Puny Punk, Cheating Chump, etc, etc.

Ah, yes, Bill Clinton. You forgot Cheater-In-Chief, Liar-In-Chief, Arkansas Asshole, Redfaced Redneck.

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

Slick Willie, the Sink Emperor. And don't forget the one for Obama, "Magic Negro," as applied by a liberal black LA Times columnist.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

Dunno, do the royals lie too? I'd hate for our UK brethren to feel left out.

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

"The NHS is safe in my hands."

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Pirate

Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

yes, if you look at who the "snowflakes" *REALLY* are, they're not Trump - they're those whiny college students that have to do primal scream therapy because Mrs. Clinton lost an election.

And OBAKA as well.

Actually, I'd venture to guess that Trump has been very very busy, having gotten MORE done in the first 90 days or so than pretty much any other president. "Oh, you FOUND one thing!" Congrats. *yawn*

I'm still looking forward to the end of OBAKA-"care", some well needed tax breaks for EVERYBODY, and a reasonable analysis of cybersecurity that's not just a "Harumph harumph our sorry jobs are on the line, we gotta DO something" kind of response.

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Re: STOP THE PRESSES!!!

Only the Clinton one there was a confirmed lie. As for the other two, they're not lies if the speaker thought they were true at the time they were spoken.

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Did you check for...

alternate facts. They show something completely different.

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Re: Did you check for...

You want alternative facts? I'll give you alternative facts...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORLomtdXlDQ

A catchy tune (the music kicks in at 18s) ripping the piss out of Trump and co. using their own words (mostly). Uses a DSP app to turn speech into singing, so it's a good idea to turn on closed captions (especially if your hearing is a bit iffy or you have problems with Merkin accents).

Contains a couple of NSFW words. But the extra-NSFW one isn't really audible so you have only the captions to worry about if you're at work.

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Easily explained...

Security through obscurity. Because.. what could go wrong? ;)

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Quick clue: President Snowflake is a compulsive liar

That is not news. However, I would suggest not to call it lies. Call it post-truth.

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Anonymous Coward

Siber Sekurytie!

Giuliani warned that "I have no idea what I'm doing. So, I'm in good company in this administration. Furthermore, I know about security. I cheated on my wife, sometimes right in front of her, and got clean away, so trust me, I know about security. Siber? Yeah, that's what I do now, at least that's what my personal assistant told me earlier."

The administration further mentioned some new policy decisions designed to get right to the bottom of all cyber security issues; "We're hiring a licensed Soothseer/Seeker to search for evil sibor-doers, and a team of highly trained divining rod searcher guys that can find hackers dudes using specially designed "searchy sticks." There's also a guy who says he's a wizard, can't be bad, and another team this one made entirely of raccoons, and you KNOW those little dudes are more cleverer than hackers and whatnot. We are ready for anything! Including hostile alien invasion where the aliens might have a suitable USB 2.0 upload port for us to download our Stuxnorb virus. We are on target to hit those hacker aliens right in the bulls-eye, and then those dominoes are gonna fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."

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Re: Siber Sekurytie!

The aliens are now using a wireless tech similar to Blue Tooth called Green Finger, named after that "Phone Home" dude, so the USB 2 attack is already outdated. It all depends on if that wizard dude is Potter or Dresden, and whether the aliens have some really tasty garbage in their cans, coz that will distract team raccoon and we are all f!@#$%^&

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If hackers get into private companies which then get into government, surely the government connections need strengthened as well - why trust a private company to be safe if you let them access your network?

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why trust a private company to be safe if you let them access your network?

Because when you try to make them secure their systems, they complain to their bought-and-paid-for elected officials. Said officials then quash the new "job-killing" security rules, because they "stifle innovation."

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Cybersecurity is a problem for Trump

If he talks about it, inevitably the press will mention the whole Russian hacking into the election thing, which he desperately wants to avoid talking about. So better to distract us with gigantic bombs and lies about "armadas" being sent towards Korea.

No administration has done much about cybersecurity except talk about it, so if Trump's doesn't talk about it I don't think things will be all that different in the end. Actually fixing things would require someone who knows what they are doing (i.e. not an idiot like Guliani) and the willingness to spend money (which the republican led House doesn't have, unless it is on "real" defense, not "cyber" defense)

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Re: Cybersecurity is a problem for Trump

FWIW other countries are not quite so lax. A few years ago in Germany it became a requirement for companies in "strategic" industries (banking, insurance, etc.) to report any attacks to the state prosecutor's office (LKA). That in itself doesn't guarantee anything but, of course, failing to do so could void any insurance claims and this will inevitably spread along the side chains and to suppliers.

So, slowly awareness about cybersecurity and the willingness to do something about it is growing. Not without the usual pointless PR ops such as Ursula von der Leyen's "cyber army" stunt. In summary, it's easy to get the ball rolling on this without lots of reports.

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Re: Cybersecurity is a problem for Trump

Put DARPA in charge of cybersecurity (afterall they invented this tinternets thing, they can fix it)

DARPA are part of DoD so more defence budget, that the GOP will approve

Problem solved

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A compulsive liar...

... and an utter noob.

The next four years* are going to be interesting, indeed.

* A second term seems out of the question, either because anyone who voted for him and has an IQ greater than eighty will never vote for him again, or because Global Armageddon. Place your bets! ;^)

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Gimp

Re: A compulsive liar...

Surely armageddon would take care of the toxin Agent Orange, but otherwise don't bet against the utter idiocy of American public.

But I think your Pestilence-otus is getting bored because he can't play by his rules.

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"So where is the cybersecurity team and plan?"

"Can't talk about that."

"Why not?"

"Security."

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Doesn't matter

Most politicians are elected by masses of people who can't hold a thought long enough see the outcome of promises made. You can check the web site... Gotta go - Somebody just yelled, "Cake!"

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Did anyone ever bother to consult with businesses with regards to cyber security? You know the the ones that employ the "experts"?

Probably not... so much for the business-government partnership.

Because the first thing they would tell them is to encrypt everything (as a starting point) and that's not what the politicians want to hear.

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Flame

President Snowflake

Melting faster than Frosty vacationing on Mercury...

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Bah!

Oh, the British can laugh, but we here in the USA are living the dream first described in Yes, Prime Minister. Trump is our louder, more vulgar over-promoted twit Jim Hacker and masterfully undermining him and his ill-formed plans we have our Sir Humphrey Appleby in ... oh bugger.

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Re: Bah!

We have our own wannabee Trump. Corbyns big talking point today was how he is going to win against the rigged system. Sound familiar?

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I wonder if Mr. Trump has bitten off more than he can chew now that he has the thing he thought he wanted.

He seems like a fairly typical child of inherited money, I am sure he has never been told "no" in his life, and up until now that really hasn't mattered much.

Aside from the difficulty any president has with herding all the various cats together in an attempt to get his programme through all the legislative hoops built into the US system, with cyber security he will also smash his face into the brick wall of reality as there are plenty of things he would like to do that either won't work or be illegal or won't be in the interests of the private companies that own most of the infrastructure.

My guess is that when he finds some aspect of the presidency hard, he will just ignore it.

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My guess is that when he finds some aspect of the presidency hard, he will just ignore it.

What, like diplomacy?

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My guess is that when he finds some aspect of the presidency hard, he will just ignore it.

He's already done this many times. Just not quite enough yet to start impeachment proceedings, which is possibly why he's holding on so tightly to those tax returns.

What we're now seeing, however, is a bit like the Reagan years with policy being handed over to the generals and the VP with Trump interrupting his golf games every now and then to give a rousing speech to the base.

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FAIL

It's when things don't go there way when you find out how good a team is.

Good team.

1)Has a plan in case things go wrong (may be sketchy but at least an idea of the first thing to do next)

2)Starts to collect information.

3)Works out what is possible and how to do it.

4)Does it.

Bad team

1)Runs round like headless f**king chicken.

2)There is no 2.

If the D never really expected to win he has a team that's likely mostly window dressing and in way way over their heads.

And is it my imagination or does Steve Bannon think he's channeling Henry Kissinger (without the prodigious academic and intellectual skills)?

Might be time to see if that Doomsday Clock has crept a bit closer to Midnight.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: It's when things don't go there way when you find out how good a team is.

You missed incompetent team

1). Runs around like headless chickens

2). Calls an election in the hope that it will distract attention from #1

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Coat

"2). Calls an election in the hope that it will distract attention from #1"

Hmm.

Whoever can you be thinking of?

That sounds more like Teresa May (or then again, she may not, as she said she wouldn't, about 11 times)

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Mushroom

Re: "2). Calls an election in the hope that it will distract attention from #1"

And we are off - PM changes mind so obviously doesn't have a clue - running around like a headless chicken. Sack her, sack the government, sack everybody, the world is about to end. AAAAaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Truth is that it perhaps wasn't the smartest idea to keep saying she wouldn't have an election, but the election should be a good idea. Why?

1) If the SNP lose seats - they have effectively reduced their mandate for a referendum that Sturgeon has as the sole central point in her life and won't shut up about.

2) Conservatives increase their majority - this gives the PM the mandate to proceed with Brexit without all the stupid little delays from opposition and the Lords

3) We have a bit of stability whilst the process occurs

4) If the Tories lose or reduce their majority it arguably signals that the country has thought again about leaving the EU

5) If the SNP gain the last few seats they didn't get in the last election they can then sod off and take Scotland out the UK and try to stay in Europe (this is by no means a given) if they can win a referendum that this result would indicate Scotland want.

6) If 5 happens we can stop all the arguments about how much money goes in which direction between Scotland and the rest of the UK. Sturgeon can keep her nose out of English affairs as she will no longer be able to extend and argument further and further until she can justify how it impacts on Scotland and Scottish MP's have a right to vote, although she adamantly refuses to let the reverse happen.

I could go on but you get the idea.

Disclaimer: I should point out that I am not anti-Scottish but I am anti-Sturgeon who has broken the once in a generation promise she and Salmond made and will use any excuse to justify another Scottish referendum. Additionally my wife is Scottish, and Iive very close to the border so theoretically could get extra benefits from exchange rates by jumping across it to get goods more cheaply.

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Re: "2). Calls an election in the hope that it will distract attention from #1"

So, it's acceptable for May to change her mind about an election? I agree. I think "u-turn" is one of the most toxic terms in politics. We should welcome politicians who are prepared to change their minds and respond to evolving circumstances.

But then, I'm afraid, I can't see how you can object to Sturgeon saying the very different circumstances that now prevail mean that the previous "once-in-a-generation" promise also has to be revisited.

Or are only politicians you like allowed to change their minds?

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Personally, I like the entry

"Version poo-point-zero"

Gives real meaning to everything.

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