back to article Hell freezes over: We wrote an El Reg chatbot using Microsoft's AI

Microsoft has invested big in its Cognitive Services for programmable artificial intelligence, along with a Bot Framework for using them via a conversational user interface. How easy is it to get started? Cognitive Services, the AI piece, was announced at the company’s Build developer conference in April 2015. The initial …

Silver badge

First question

1. Can it generate a Register tabloid style headline?

2. Can it generate a suggestive caption with an innuendo level of 11 on a scale of 1 to 10

I suspect not. So move along ;)

24
0
Coat

Re: First question

Surely to score highly on the Innuendo scale of 1-10 you'd give it one?

45
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: First question

Definitely has to follow a few key rules:

- Always have a lesbian angle

- Use the word boffin a lot

- Use rhyming as much as possible...

- Include exclamation points at the end of every word if it's a yahoo story...

7
0

Re: First question

Ahh, the square root of 69 , 181 .

1
0
Silver badge

Re: First question

Alliterative annotations aptly augmenting articles are always appreciated.

14
0
Silver badge
FAIL

This was first done around 1980

The real first question is "Why?" This was done around 1980.

'Abuse' by Don't Ask Software

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ELIZA#Response_and_legacy

1
1
Silver badge

Re: First question

Maybe not generate a reg style headline but I bet it can chat undetected in the comments and forums of many a publication, including this one. The commentards days are numbered.

3
0
Silver badge

Re: This was first done around 1980

Or few lines of tcl for an eggdrop bot on IRC. There were some fairly clever ones back in the day.

3
0
Silver badge
Coat

Re: First question

"but I bet it can chat undetected in the comments and forums of many a publication, "

If input = Windows, output = Windows10IsWorstThingever

If Input = Windows + Server, output = LinuxAnswerToEverythingIncludingWorldFamineAndWar

If Input = Linux, output = (Year)isYearOfDesktopLinuxAgain

If Input= IoT, output = shit.

That should cover most of it the basics.

Next script will be Android and Apple.

1
0
Silver badge

The picture

I see you have Miss Hodgesaargh working for you. Well done.

10
0
Silver badge
IT Angle

Re: The picture

I'm pretty sure that's a black vulture, any twitchers want to correct me?

0
0
Silver badge

Modern development

Crap documentation so forced to cut and paste from untrusted Internet source. No wonder we have bugs and security holes.

Not a criticism of MS, they're no worse than others in this regard.

8
0
Thumb Up

If you're truly brave...

...you'll give the Reg Chatbot (perhaps to be called Reggie?) its own forum account and we'll see if it makes any more sense and is any more reasonable than the rest of us.

12
0
Silver badge
Joke

Re: If you're truly brave...

Given Microsoft's history with this sort of thing, I'd expect it turn into a fully-fledged outspoken member of the GNUliban that would put Eadon (and various others still active on these forums) to shame within days...

9
0
Silver badge

Re: If you're truly brave...

They tried it a few years ago, but had to shut down the Eadon bot when the caps lock got jammed.

13
0
Silver badge
Trollface

Re: If you're truly brave...

AH! so Eadon was simply the Vulture's first attempt at Tay!

I claim my five pounds.

NOW the real question. Now you have the production version - what's its name andmay we play with it?

0
0

Re: If you're truly brave...

Previously known as amanfrommars ?

4
0
Silver badge

Re: If you're truly brave...

Nah, if they were truly, truly brave, they'd feed it a diet consisting exclusively of BOFH articles, then start a betting pool on when it'd be extraordinarily renditioned. ☺

3
0
Gold badge
Unhappy

So relatively easy to set up basic functionality

But a right b**ger to anything more complex out of it?

Not an uncommon experience with new MS products.

Then they mature and are OK.

Then they gradually sink under the ever growing amount of cruft that gets heaped on them.

8
1
Silver badge
Joke

Re: So relatively easy to set up basic functionality

sir, you need to go and wash your mouth out with coal tar soap..

Microsoft products are always 100% functional, have no errors, coding bugs or security issues.

Yours

MS-Forever Bot.

12
1
Silver badge

Re: So relatively easy to set up basic functionality

> But a right b**ger to anything more complex out of it?

Not an uncommon experience with new MS products.

Then they gradually sink under the ever growing amount of cruft that gets heaped on them.

Then they mature.

4
1
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: So relatively easy to set up basic functionality

"> But a right b**ger to anything more complex out of it?

Not an uncommon experience with new MS products.

Then they gradually sink under the ever growing amount of cruft that gets heaped on them.

Then they mature."

Like manure.

7
2
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

need any help?

It looks like you're trying to welcome a new robotic overlord, would you like some help with that?

Also.... how well would this bot behave to insults?

Paris because she probably still smarter

6
0
Anonymous Coward

What if AmanFromMars is capable of interacting with it?

I shudder at the thought... if they can learn from each other.

8
0
Silver badge

Re: What if AmanFromMars is capable of interacting with it?

It might create a chatbot singularity which will expand and swallow all that is. Speaking of which, where is amanfrommars? Did it accidentally bump into amanfrommars1 and both of them vanished in *puff*?

5
0
Silver badge

Re: What if AmanFromMars is capable of interacting with it? @ Evil Auditor

Pray tell, Evil Auditor, who be and/or what are these clones and wannabe alien phormations of which you speak? Do they have an historical or hysterical presence? We know of neither of them here in Glorious Command of Global Operating Device ControlLed Head Quarters.

8
1
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: What if AmanFromMars is capable of interacting with it? @ Evil Auditor

amanfromMars 1, don't try to sidetrack. The question at hand is where is amanfromMars? What happened to it? Yes, I'm looking straight at you, amanfromMars 1.

5
0
Silver badge

Times and Spaces have AIchanged .....

When questions at hand are to be classified TS/SCI, is one’s need to know an alarming obsession and dangerous passion where the secure maintenance of blissful second and third party ignorance of live actions in the fields of programs and projects and pogroms with NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive IT Weaponry is naturally rewarded to XSSXXXX, and with both a Sublime and Supreme Stealth for the Covering of Deliveries of Advanced IntelAIgent Systems of Virulent Virus Free Virtual Operation to Exotic Elite Erotic Executive Administrations with Impunity and Immunity Guaranteed, and therefore are audited sidetracks and spied upon communications a necessary evil, to keep one relatively/absolutely safe and almost/perfectly free from warrantless harm.

Virtual Space, the New Frontier to Exploit and Expand with the Renegade Rogue and 0Day Market Day Trader …… and aint that the gospel and GOD’s honest truth whenever Global Operating Devices Reign and Rule AIRoosts with SCADA Command and Control Systems.

And all of that renders the likes of Trident a dinosaur relic and wholly redundant as an effective defense system of mass destruction. However, as a money pit black hole which identifies a terrified and terrorising enemy source, does it play second fiddle to none with brains to match their own.

4
1
Gold badge
Unhappy

To think in the mid 1960'sthey thought they could build a computerised psychiatrist

They didn't know what they didn't know.

But now they know a lot more about what they don't know.

But they still don't know it.

8
0
Silver badge

Marketdroids?

"You can imagine eyes lighting up at the thought of replacing call center staff with a few lines of code. Now it is simple to run up a prototype showing why, most of the time, this is probably not a good idea.

Actually, it's the marketdroids eyes I can imagine lighting up. A few carefully managed demonstrations to some PHBs and....kerching!!!!!

4
0
Silver badge

Re: Marketdroids?

Not to worry - I'm working on an El Reg commentard using AI, pretty soon I'll be able to sleep in every morning and AI will write El Reg's stories while my chatbot comments on them. The advertising money will roll in and we can all stay home.

2
0
Silver badge

IoTElReg

Can we get this running on an Arduino? I'd just love to see every fridge, vacuum cleaner, thermostat, garage door opener chatting with me every day like an El Reg story ... it would be just like having my own Marvin ...

4
0
Silver badge

Simple, but not too simple

> You can imagine eyes lighting up at the thought of replacing call center staff with a few lines of code

Given the level of simplicity, it would be better to use the "few lines of code" to replace a manager, instead.

5
0
Silver badge

...at the thought of replacing call center staff with a few lines of code

What? Hasn't this been done back yonks?

Can't remember the last time I had the impression to talk to a human being when reaching a call centre...

3
0
Silver badge

But what does it do with BOFH stories and the questions like that...

Who is Simon?

What is PFY?

Why do bosses disappear frequently?

How far is it from "Command Central" to the nearest pub?

Why are the windows so fragile?

How does a cattle prod work?

Why hasn't the BOFH been arrested?

Inquiring minds want to know!

1
0
Coat

An Handy AI for Bannon

"That said, none of it is very sophisticated. Throw anything more than a short, simple sentence at LUIS, and it will quickly get confused or give up."

Soon to be a White House staff member then.

8
0

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017