back to article Royal Navy's newest ship formally named in Glasgow yard

The Royal Navy’s newest warship, offshore patrol vessel HMS Forth, has been formally named in a ceremony held in Scotland. The 90-metre craft was christened by Rachel Johnstone-Burt, who broke the traditional bottle of alcohol across Forth's bows – in this case, a bottle of whisky to reflect the ship's Scotstoun, Glasgow …

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Obligatory Star Wars

May the Forth be with you.

My coat with the light saber in the pocket!

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Pint

Re: Obligatory Star Wars

Congratulations, as you were also the Firth to post :)

(Gets me waterproof coat.... Mars bars)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Obligatory Star Wars

Don't tell me, you're a LITHP programmer, right?

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HMS Forth

Looks very C-worthy

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Re: HMS Forth

Functional surly...

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Re: HMS Forth

Looks like someone repossessed an oligarch's yacht, stuck a cannon on it, painted it RN grey and extended the helipad to take a Merlin.

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Re: HMS Forth

Alternatively it could be hurridly repainted, the onyx bath taps installed and the gun removed (or not - depending on the oligarch) and sold if the next budget looks tight

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Pirate

Re: HMS Forth

Or perhaps some sort of PFI initiative where the RN will pay for offshore patrol missions as required. But the oligarch will own, manage and maintain the vessel and also provide training facilities and some personnel. They will also be able to earn extra revenue by using vessel for commercial operations when not required by the RN.

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Re: HMS Forth

> Looks like someone repossessed an oligarch's yacht, stuck a cannon on it, painted it RN grey and extended the helipad to take a Merlin.

That would have been cheaper.

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Re: HMS Forth

"But the oligarch will own, manage and maintain the vessel and also provide training facilities and some personnel. "

Available to the RN when not cruising off Sevastopol, no doubt.

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Trollface

Re: HMS Forth

> Available to the RN when not cruising off Sevastopol, no doubt.

I do think Weyland-Yutani would berate the minister in charge fiercely if that ever happened.

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Vic
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Re: HMS Forth

Looks very C-worthy

Words fail me...

Vic.

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'Atlantic Patrol Task (North), which involves cruising round the Caribbean looking for drug smugglers and generally flying the flag in the Commonwealth states near that part of the world.'

And the non-Commonwealth states, to be honest pretty much anywhere that'll serve a decent rum. Honestly it's a hellish deployment, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...

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Flame

A mate on the Subs came back from a trip to Andros Island with some white rum that had a flame arrestor in the bottle - feckin' lethal stuff!!!

I think most of the time he spent there was ashore organising piss-ups.

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Anonymous Coward

Just Like the Bridge

"HMS Forth, like the bridge"

One hopes she will not develop a structural crack in a rather inaccessible place.

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MJI
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Re: Just Like the Bridge

Been open since 1890

So it should have a long life

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Re: Just Like the Bridge

And hopefully won't be in port being continuously repainted.

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Re: Just Like the Bridge

> One hopes she will not develop a structural crack in a rather inaccessible place.

Yeah, about that... inaccessible won't be your problem, maintenance will be.

-- A Minnesotan, home of the bridge that fell into the drink due to incompetence.

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Re: Just Like the Bridge

And hopefully won't be in port being continuously repainted.

Wife's dad used to be in charge of the British Rail viaducts, bridges and station platforms for the south-west (he was a stonemason by trade originally). She remembers being taken through the tubes over the top of the Tamar rail bridge one Sunday.

That's another bridge that was (almost) permanently being painted. He used to get gyp from the workmen because he made them rub the rust back to metal rather than just painting over it - unsurprisingly the paintwork lasted a whole lot longer where that had been done.

Sadly, I never got to meet him since he died in 1977 - at which point I was 12..

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Anonymous Coward

i wonder...

i wonder if they even bothered to research the modern usage of this archaic word?

Go Forth and Multiply = "F...k off"

will it be called HMS F...k by sailors?

ROFLMAO

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Re: i wonder...

I was thinking HMS Forth should have sister ships in the same class named HMS Go and HMS Multiply.

Perfect for diplomatic visits to less favoured ports, obviously sailing in in the correct order.

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Re: i wonder...

I was thinking that clearly because she's the first of the class, there was scope for multiplication.

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Joke

"The 90-metre craft was christened by Rachel Johnstone-Burt, who broke the traditional bottle of alcohol across Forth's bows – in this case, a bottle of whisky to reflect the ship's Scotstoun, Glasgow origins.

"She is due to enter service with the RN in 2018, and will spend the time between now and then on final fit-out and sea trials."

Who's she? The boat or Rachel Johnston-Burt? Or both?

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Dear God, couldn't they have done better than that? The author of "The Complete Book Of Funeral Planning: Readings & Music: How To Plan And Organise The Funeral Your Loved Ones Would Most Appreciate ". Not very Senior Service appropriate methinks.

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I suspect she's actually the daughter of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Johnstone-Burt

Who's a top bloke by all accounts although I have yet to meet him myself.

Edit, tell a lie, it sounds like she's his wife.

http://en.mercopress.com/2006/12/20/helicopter-veteran-of-the-falkland-s-war-becomes-scotland-s-new-admiral

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The author of "The Complete Book Of Funeral Planning

I can't help thinking Miranda Hart would have been more appropriate had she been available. Her father had a distinguished career in the RN, and given the humorous possibility of carriers without aircraft and submarines that don't go to sea very much, she might have been a more realistic choice.

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Given it was built by BAE I can only assume Ms Johnston-Burt is entering service in 2018.

May God bless her and all who sail in her.

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Re: The author of "The Complete Book Of Funeral Planning

Miranda Hart would have been more appropriate had she been available. Her father had a distinguished career in the RN, and given the humorous possibility of carriers without aircraft and submarines that don't go to sea very much, she might have been a more realistic choice.

And could have livened up the ceremony with some suitably-timed pratfalls.

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Anonymous Coward

Break the hoose juice?

"...broke the traditional bottle of alcohol across Forth's bows – in this case, a bottle of whisky to reflect the ship's Scotstoun, Glasgow origins."

Buckfast would have been more apt surely.

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Re: Break the hoose juice?

"Buckfast would have been more apt surely."

Nah, the Neds only drink the Buckie. It's made in a Abbey in Devon.

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Re: Break the hoose juice?

A bottle, what a waste of good whisky. Should have only used a wee dram

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30mm gun

Seems a bit small for a naval ship. Though I guess it'll be effective against a RIB or dinghy.

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Re: 30mm gun

Given the Navy's track record of failing to have weapons for our ships, it's good that it will have a gun. But does the budget run to any bullets?

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Re: 30mm gun

Tune in next week to find out more amazing facts about the armed forces, such as:

1. Not all Air Force aircraft carry missiles,

2. The Army has vehicles that don't mount tank cannons,

3. Your taxes pay some soldiers to not carry rifles while conducting their duties.

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Re: 30mm gun

"Bang! Two! Three" was good enough for Captain Mainwaring!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: 30mm gun

"Your taxes pay some soldiers to not carry rifles while conducting their duties."

Many moons ago, a mate who was in the RAF based at St Athan was involved in an excercise to "defend" the base against an attack. Unfortunately, they didn't have enough weapons to go around. Those without were told to just say "bang! bang! you're dead!" if they encountered an "attacker"...

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Re: 30mm gun

"bang! bang! you're dead!" if they encountered an "attacker"...

.. rumble! rumble! I'm a tank

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Re: 30mm gun

Many moons ago I was a professional cloud sniper. We would quit happily spin up Bllndfire and shout 'that's a hit!' while our pristine unfired Rapier missiles sat on the rails never to be launched, until a few years later when they all got fired off in the South Atlantic .. well those that didn't get blown up with Atlantic Conveyor.

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Re: 30mm gun

The bigger the ship, teh bigger a deathtrap it is if there's ever a proper war.

http://exiledonline.com/the-war-nerd-this-is-how-the-carriers-will-die/all/1/

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How about..

.. taking a leaf from Ian M Banks and calling our warships something a bit more meaningful. Seeing as it comes from Glasgow how about "HMS Shut your geggie"?

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Re: How about..

HMS See you...

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Coat

Re: How about..

HMS Get Tae ...

HMS Can ye mother sew?

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Re: How about..

There is two already in the culture books apprently; ROU Heavy Messing (Excession) & GCU Pure Big Mad Boat Man (Matter).

Although "HMS Stitch That" might do.

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Happy

"GCU Pure Big Mad Boat Man"

Or as I like to think of them, the Crew.

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WTF?

Re: How about..

RE: Seeing as it comes from Glasgow how about why wasn't it HMS Clyde or better, built in Rosyth? PP

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Re: How about..

"HMS Yer Talk Shite Hen"

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What..

Not "Shooty McBoatFace" part of the McBoatFace family

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TRT
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Re: What..

It'll happily be joined by HMS Cobol and HMS Algol soon.

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Re: What..

Whisky McWhiskFace!

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OMFG

You mean BAe Systems has actually delivered a naval vessel on time?

I'm feeling a bit light headed and will have to lay down for a while.

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