back to article Trump cybersecurity order morphs into 2,200-plus-word extravaganza

The latest draft of a cybersecurity executive order to be signed by President Trump has become an unusually precise, report-ordering extravaganza. Executive orders – even those signed by Trump – tend to be relatively short and quite vague, with general policy goals listed and expected to be interpreted by others. The new …

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Facepalm

six of which will go direct to the President

Or rather, his son. Who is 10 years old. He has computers. He is so good with these computers, it's unbelievable.

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Facepalm

Oh wos!

We have now reached the intersectionality of justified Obamashit pusback and Pointy Haired Boss with Nukes.

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Spinning this

Trump will claim his executive orders are over 4x more efficient than Obama's, needing only 2200/10 = 220 words per report versus Obama's at 3000/3 = 1000 words per report!

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Devil

Re: Spinning this

You forgot the "this will also make him more popular than Jesus."

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Thumb Up

Sounds great

I'm no fan of Trump, but all those orders look reasonable to me and if this results in better cybersecurity I'm all for it.

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Re: Sounds great

I think you're right - the best way to get things done in IT is to produce lots of lengthy reports. It never fails. The more reports, the more work gets done. Simples.

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Re: Sounds great - A project managers document

This project kickoff document outlines who does what on the macro-governmental scale. Each department will produce documents of what each systems vulnerabilites are and how they are going to be remediated. Given that President Trump does have expertise in dealing with the interlocking dependencies of the construction of large buildings, he is identifying issues and tasking individuals and departments with producing project plans that will guide the way forward.

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Re: Expertise

You forgot the joke icon...

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Re: Sounds great

It won't change a thing.

The "reports" are just window dressing as NONE of the participants know anything about computers.

And if the reports are as I expect then each one will be some 500-1000 pages each.

Sent to the President? and to one that doesn't read....

Nope. It is obviously just window dressing.

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Re: Sounds great - A project managers document

Right.... "dependencies of the construction of large buildings"... "identifying issues"...

Like PAYING BILLS?

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Re: Sounds great

Sent to the President? and to one that doesn't read....

That's OK, they'll be summarised for him in a verbal presentation by his Chief Information Security Officer, Cory...oh.

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Re: Sounds great

I agree reports are mostly useless, but requiring section 9 companies to expose their risk management policies is worth putting up with some of the less meaningful reports.

A big part of cybersecurity risk today is that no one is shining a light on crap risk management practices - you know, like trading profits on the back of someone else's risk. Make them do it publicly, so when they do get hacked and lose all of OUR data, they can't claim they were unaware of the residual risk.

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Re: I'm no fan of Trump but

Yes, but this is a man who said he wouldn't attend the morning security breifing because blither drool etc.

Now he needs two trillion words on his desk each morning?

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Go

Re: Sounds great

I think you're right - the best way to get things done in IT is to produce lots of lengthy reports. It never fails. The more reports, the more work gets done. Simples.

Don't forget about the all important committees, review boards, blue-ribbon panels, commissions, independent investigators, task forces, advisory groups, consultants, etc.

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Re: Sounds great

I agree that it is not a valid concept for the IT worker in the trenches. However, he is issuing orders to the heads of departments and multiple levels of management above those IT workers to whom reports would be stifling. You know. Those bosses that are rarely seen or even heard from. I understand the intent, but how dare he order those bosses to actually work. There could well be a coup if this order interferes with golf schedules.

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Trump did promise to put America back to work - writing reports.

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“the order calls for the production of no fewer than 10 reports, six of which will go direct to the President (and Putin), on a range of aspects of cybersecurity.”

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Orv
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Yes, but Trump has also demanded that reports sent to him be no longer than one page, with no more than nine bullet points per page, so we're talking about maybe 20 minutes of reading tops.

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Anonymous Coward

"A report to the President through the DNS"

I love that protocol!

Here are some other reports that are coming in a batch scheduled to be received prior to this last list:

Report on What is a Cyber?

Report on What is Security, I mean really, what are you saying with that one? I don't get it.

Report on What is for Lunch on Friday

Report on the state of the Report List Report

Report on the Report of the List

General Report on Reports

What is a Report?

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Delegation

Should have handed the list to someone and said "This seems redundant; whittle this down to 5 reports and get it back to me this afternoon." But, based on who he asked for input, maybe this has already happened and this *is* the collapsed list.

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LOL.

'One of Louie's duties was managing the security of the tweet-happy president's mobile devices, apparently.'

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WTF? Coherent and even sensible...

Wow.

Props to the team that wrote it.*

It's far from perfect, but it's a solid start.

If you haven't, it's worth a read.

*Clearly not POTUS or TheFormerMayorOfNYC!

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He better read them quick

Odds on impeachment are shortening

10 Days ago

11/4 first term, 6/1 first six months

Now come in to 2/1 and 4/1

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Black Helicopters

Cyberattack on the nation's electricity grid...

Seriously Mr Trump? go read Paul Parfomak's 2014 report "Physical Security of the U.S. Power Grid: High-Voltage Transformer Substations", digital shenanigans are the least of your worries it seems.

Since 2003 at least six transformers are known to have been destroyed by rounds from a common relatively small calibre hunting rifle, the FBI can tell you how many other incidents have not been made public for security reasons.

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Re: Cyberattack on the nation's electricity grid...

All Putin has to do is get a few dozen of his undercover Facebookers to fake a new craze of transformer shootings for shits and giggles, and America's armed youth will do his work for him.

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Re: Cyberattack on the nation's electricity grid...

@Black Rat

"the FBI can tell you how many other incidents have not been made public for security reasons."

Did you mean "the FBI can't tell you..."; otherwise they would be able to tell us???? Or do you mean they can tell you the number but not the specifics of the incidents.

Phil.

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Trollface

Who'll think of the trees?

My reports are yuge, yuge I say, very big. Yuge!

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Re: Who'll think of the trees?

You forgot "The best!!!"

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Coat

Whatever you say ...

This "President Trump reportedly ordered that all new executive orders go through an expanded process that sought broader input from more government departments." is a rare show of common sense, from which others could learn. I'm shocked.

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Re: is a rare show of common sense, from which others could learn

For most of us common sense isn't the last resort....

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Re: Whatever you say ...

from which others could learn

Are you suggesting that this never occurred to any previous President? If so, your memory can't stretch back more than three weeks.

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Re: Whatever you say ...

Actually, I was looking at the other side of the pond ...

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Paperwork will save the World!

Or not.

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Joke

Re: Paperwork will save the World!

Pile it high enough and long enough and he'll get his wall. It might be around DC but I don't that would be an issue for most of us.

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Good faith

We really need to stop doing this. Why is this a story about a "2,200-plus-word extravaganza" when Obama's was 3,000 words and that seemed reasonable? Trump is an idiot in general but when he does something well, we need to recognise and applaud that rather than automatically attacking everything he does.

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Re: Good faith

Why is this a story about a "2,200-plus-word extravaganza" when Obama's was 3,000 words and that seemed reasonable?

Because it's such a complete reversal from his previous EOs. Just look at the chaos he's created with the travel ban, which wasn't consulted upon. You don't applaud someone for suddenly starting to do something which was standard procedure before he took office.

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Re: Good faith

Sure, complain about the travel ban. The travel ban is nuts.

But if you complain about this EO (which was reasonable) then you start to look like someone who just hates the man. Then when you complain about the travel ban EO, no one is listening because they know that you always complain whatever he does.

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Joke

Re: Good faith

"Trump is an idiot in general but when he does something well, we need to recognise and applaud that rather than automatically attacking everything he does."

Where's the fun in that?

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the amount of paper this will generate across Washington, someone is gonna have to find some more trees!

also, most of this information Should have been in his cybersecurity briefings and shouldn't need this, but then again, he still hasn't appointed someone qualified to give one of those....

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"someone is gonna have to find some more trees!"

Don't worry all reports have to be delivered by twitter.

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"the amount of paper this will generate across Washington, someone is gonna have to find some more trees!"

We Brits will have power cuts if this carries on! We import huge amounts of wood chips from the USA for our "green" power stations. If there paper demand rises then wood chip exports will fall. No one ever considers the unintended consequences.

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Anonymous Coward

I've done number 7 already Mr Trump:

"7. An assessment to the President's counterterrorism advisor, within 90 days, on the risks of a cyberattack on the nation's electricity grid."

www.cybersquirrel1.com

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It'll never work ....

Needs more (fr)Agile and DevOps ...

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size

Executive orders – even those signed by Trump – tend to be relatively short and quite vague

I thought that these days they had to be no more than 140 characters?

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Happy

Want to make some money?

With all this "Report to be passed" I'd buy shares in all the major temping agencies and clean up as the US Gov has to hire more typists and admins to handle all this extra paperwork!!

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A name for his tweets ...

In future, in line with rapidly established policy, all pertinent (or derogatory) information derived from reports or preachings for the people to worship will be tweeted (in line with all cybersecurity report findings) by His Majesty The President ...

Henceforth Presidential statements shall be known as "Trump's Information Tweets" (TITS). Phrases such as 'Look at that TIT!', 'Oh no, TIT alert!' and 'Have you read what that TIT said?' should all be used liberally.

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Happy

Obligatory musical reference

Louie, Louie oh babe we gotta go....

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At over 2,200 words ...

"At over 2,200 words it is very long."

I think the technical term is "bigly".

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Re: At over 2,200 words ...

I believe "embiggen" is the approved El Reg verb.

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Happy

Ah yes, humour.

You guys are nuts. Thanks for the laughs, much appreciated!

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