back to article 'Hacker' accused of idiotic plan to defraud bank out of $1.5 million

A newly unsealed indictment has detailed accusations of what appears to be one of the most inept pieces of computer crime in recent history. Dwayne Cartouche Hans Jr, 27, from Richland, Washington, is charged with computer and wire fraud, as well as money laundering charges, and accused of stealing $134,000 from a bank and …

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  1. J. Cook Bronze badge

    Well, no one ever said crooks had to be smart...

    ... But this one might earn a 'dumbest hacker EVER' award.

    1. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

      Re: Well, no one ever said crooks had to be smart...

      He is stupid enough to a Congress critter.

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Well, no one ever said crooks had to be smart...

      Personally, I wish they were all like him. The prisons might be packed but the internet world would be a safer place.

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: Well, no one ever said crooks had to be smart...

      definitely an entry into the "dumb crook" file.

    4. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Well, no one ever said crooks had to be smart...

      "Hans was arrested on Wednesday after a month of FBI surveillance".

      So, whereas he had provided his home address, email address and even his Paypal details, doesn't that slightly show how dumb the FBI are, that it took them a month to track him?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Well, no one ever said crooks had to be smart...

        The FBI are more interested in bringing down Hillary than anything else at the moment.

        I wonder if 'The Rug' has promised them a huge increase in funding once he gets elected?

        As for this fool, he's certainly as intelligent as many of those in Congress but sadly this crime will make him ineligible to even vote let alone stand for election. More wierdness from US law makers.

        1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

          Re: FBI Hillary, Trump

          I think most of the the FBI have more sense than to trust a promise from Donald. It appears to be Comey's personal feud, and he is doing Republicans more harm then good.

      2. Swarthy Silver badge
        Black Helicopters

        Re: Well, no one ever said crooks had to be smart...

        So, whereas he had provided his home address, email address and even his Paypal details, doesn't that slightly show how dumb the FBI are, that it took them a month to track him?
        It probably took them a month to make sure it was him, and not someone who had snaffled his account info. Because you would only be that obvious if you were using Someone Else's Identity.

      3. Aodhhan Bronze badge

        Re: Well, no one ever said crooks had to be smart...

        Apparently, you're the idiot here. Showing you cannot read the article or display any common sense.

        It didn't take the FBI a month to track him. They monitored him for a month.

        This is done to BUILD A CASE, and find all tracks which can be used.

        They also want to ensure there isn't anything else he's doing.

        If you just go in and bust someone immediately, there could be other criminal acts going on, like pulling money out of YOUR bank account.

        ..and the 7 people who gave you a thumbs up, are equally unprepared for life after age 21.

  2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "The arrest sends all would-be cyber criminals a message – we will find you, and we will bring you to justice."...however dumb you are.

    1. Big John Silver badge

      And it helps a lot if you are dumb.

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Devil

        I still have to wonder...

        I still have to wonder as to whether use of REAL name/address etc. actually HELPED him get the initial $100k or so. There might've been some head-scratching over it, but apparently it wasn't scrutinized enough. Was the initial scrutiny something like "is this guy a REAL person? Well, nobody would be THAT stupid..."

    2. Thomas Whipp

      ...although it would really help if you could leave your home address as the scene of the crime! Thanks muchly, FBI

    3. tr1ck5t3r

      Trick the spooks into hacking you and then demolish their techniques.

      It takes a convincing psychological profile to get them to hack you and will span decades, as they like to observe and study. I might write a book detailing their techniques sometime if I'm in the mood, those chemical motivators are very tricky to manipulate.

  3. Andy Tunnah

    I WTF'ed out loud

    Well, it was a more whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

    But ya, a level of stupidity it actually makes an acronym valid. Congrats to him!

  4. Alister Silver badge
    Facepalm

    What nobody seems to be noticing is that although he must be one of the most inept hackers in the history of hacking, he was still successful in stealing $134,000 from J P Morgan!

    It doesn't say much for their security if an idiot like him can walk off with that much money.

    1. stanimir

      Actually that surprised me much. The article just glances over the fact that Dwayne actually shop-lifted a lump sum but did all the rest of nonsense.

      Since all that is so blindingly obvious and the 'hacker' is beyond cartoonishly dumb, it could be someone else using that noob hacker as an easy target.

      If one can breach JP, I'd assume installing backdoor into home computer and using email address is trivial.

      Of course the statement may contradict the famous: "don't assume malice when stupidity will suffice"... but the stupidity is out of the charts.

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        "The article just glances over the fact that Dwayne actually shop-lifted a lump sum but did all the rest of nonsense."

        Most criminals really are that stupid. Yes really. 99% of the prison population fit this profile.

        They may have chanced on a way to lift the money but they almost never think through how to dispose of it without drawing attention to themselves.

        Even the ones who think of "fence" and "obscuring the trail" fail on the "what if people wonder where I got all the money?" step

        Smart criminals do it in a way that people not only throw money at them, but they're glad to do so and will never press charges. If they're really good at it they'll even get a knighthood.

    2. zed666

      I find it very hard to believe that he had the ability to figure the system out but failed to even contemplate that he was leaving a rock solid breadcrumb trail behind.

      I think he had either been setup by someone using his credentials and backdoors on his computer or more likely he was given the information by pro's who would take a cut of the money in whatever untraceable form later down the line. He may have even just purchased the information from one of the many darknet marketplaces.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It doesn't say much for their security if an idiot like him can walk off with that much money.

      From two accounts - I'd say he had the account holder's info.

      Probably robbing Grandma.

  5. Sampler

    Does the word hacker even apply?

    Given it means an expert in ones field, the only field he appears to be an expert in is window licking...

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: Does the word hacker even apply?

      script kiddies think of themselves as 'hackers' but of course lack the REAL knowledge that they somehow gained from others to do their criminal acts...

  6. cantankerous swineherd Silver badge

    so the bank thought their systems were foolproof?

  7. Ole Juul Silver badge

    Cybercriminals?

    "Cybercriminals scour the internet for information they can use to steal with impunity," said US Attorney Robert Capers.

    Surely you can think of a few others who do that. Or did you intend to imply that anybody who does that is a cybercriminal?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Cybercriminals?

      I scour the Internet for information too, but none of it is intended to help anyone steal anything, with or without impunity. That is I think the key difference.

      1. Tomislav

        Re: Cybercriminals?

        I believe he meant Google and co...

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Cybercriminals?

      It's only "with impunity" if you don't get caught and convicted. You'd have thought a US attorney would have known that.

  8. TechnicalBen Silver badge
    Joke

    Did he just...

    change his name to J P Morgan, then ask for his account to have a transfer?

    1. Darryl

      Re: Did he just...

      More dastardly than that. His other email address was jpmorgan@hotmail.com so they knew he was legit

  9. xeroks

    Spoilers

    Didn't Richard Prior played this guy in Superman 3?

    If someone this idiotic can do this stuff, imagine what havoc competent people could wreak.

  10. Cardinal

    Clap Hans....

    .... In Jail.

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Clap Hans....

      say it with an "80's euro-pop" sound and it works

      1. Alien8n Silver badge

        Re: Clap Hans....

        If you're stupid and in jail clap your Hans...

  11. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    ...is being extradited to New York for trial.

    Hang on a minute. The thing we should be looking for in this story are the words "has been convicted".

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but a lawyer representing the accused could surely claim that the jury's verdict on a future trial would be influenced by tittle tattle spouted on the internet?

    Has the accused admitted he did what was said, of his own free volition? For all we know he could be the front for someone who has promised big wonga for acting as the fall guy. Something in this story makes me want to search for it on snopes.

  12. Alien Doctor 1.1

    With a name like that...

    Surely it's Cardouche not Cartouche?

  13. Magani
    Coat

    So after the trial,...

    ... will it be "Look, Ma. No Hans!"

    Mine's the one with the Cartouche engraved on the pocket

  14. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Happy

    He must have...

    ..just finished his copy of Wire Fraud for Dummies

    1. Mr_Pitiful

      Re: He must have...

      I haven't been able to find that on Amazon or Ebay!!

      Is there something you're not telling us?

  15. jasper pepper

    Just asking

    How many of those on here calling Dwayne dim could do as Dwayne did? ie "He then illegally accessed two accounts at JP Morgan that were owned by the unnamed bank and transferred $134,000 into the account."

    1. DNTP

      Re: Just asking

      A smarter person would have assumed the bank wouldn't have fallen for that trick in the first place.

      Of course, they would have been wrong…

  16. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

    Cartouche le bandit ?!?

  17. Alien Doctor 1.1

    +1 for the Jean-Paul Belmondo reference (i still love watching the french language version of "That Man From Rio", great spoof spy/thriller.)

  18. e^iπ+1=0

    What confidence?

    'undermine our confidence in the internet and in the cyber world'

    Is that supposed to be a joke?

    1. LaeMing
      Unhappy

      Re: What confidence?

      I must admit, using the term 'cyber world' undermines my confidence quite a bit!

  19. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    IT Angle

    I predict

    if he's found guilty, then the sentence will be about 399 yrs to life with the death penalty a possiblity, how dare he steal rich peoples money.

  20. petetp

    Wow. ~ Just... wow.

    And this waste of skin can breathe in and out too?

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      "And this waste of skin can breathe in and out too?"

      never underestimate the plans of the criminally minded... who will go FAR out of their way to try and do what this idiot [allegedly] did, but wouldn't lift a finger to get a REAL job...

      [I have to wonder whether this guy was ALSO 'on the dole' in addition to the criminal activity]

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      And this waste of skin can breathe in and out too?

      I am guessing that this will form the basis of his defence.

      You see it was just a nervous reflex action caused as a result of him exhaling that led to the hack. It was all just an accident that got out of control your honour ;-)

  21. Mike Shepherd
    Meh

    "They threaten to undermine our confidence in the internet and in the cyber world..."

    But surely they're outdone in that by big companies who don't take basic security precautions?

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No, No Hacker. Just a thief wanna be Hacker.

    This guy is not a "Hacker". Please don't insult real "Hackers"

    "Idiotic thief wanna be "Hacker"accused......"

    Lets keep our titles tidy, should we? : -)

    The main stream has truly destroyed the title "Hacker". I truly want the 80's back!

    ::Grumbles:::Get off my lawn already!!

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