back to article A robot kitchen? Whatever. Are you stupid enough to fall for this?

Are you the sort of gullible idiot with millions of pounds or dollars to splurge on a “robot kitchen”? No, us neither. Hey, when you have a vaporware “startup” offering something like this, what's reality got to do with it? Moley – for that is this startup's name – is punting a robotic kitchen, which it claims can rival …

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£100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

Ah, but where's the Marmite?

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

Doubt the robot comes with Marmite either. On a serious note though, Unilever trying to hike prices by 10% when a significant number of their products are made in the UK, from materials sourced here, should be treated with outrage. For once I agree with Tesco.

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

No Marmite. No deal.

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IT Angle

Marmite vs Tesco

It is amazing that we're all united in favour of Tesco!

for the record, Marmite is 100% British, made in Burton from brewing waste.

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

welllllllll, bear in mind...

tesco's notorious reputation for screwing suppliers down to minuscule overall margins or even into loss, dairy farmers are quite outspoken on the subject

plus the supermarket industry's appetite for rebates//bungs/ransoms/whatever you call them, exacted from suppliers to place product in more favoured positions

...and it's possible that just a few % cost increase pushes unilever underwater

tesco is playing the pr game to paint itself as the defender of consumers, but without knowing the facts rather than the spin, i'd treat anything either side says with a heavy dose of scepticism

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

welllllllll, bear in mind...

Actually we do have as near to facts as we're ever likely to. The Ombudsman has reported on Tescos treatment of suppliers, and was on the Today programme just a few days ago reporting that the era of sharp practice is indeed behind them.

As for dairy farmers, that's deeply misleading media spin. Several supermarkets were fined for overpaying them in response to that campaign.

And in any case, Unilever is far too big to be bullied by Tescos.

I wonder if the fact that Tescos current CEO was recruited from Unilever has any bearing on it?

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

Tesco and Unilever are big enough to look after themselves, and I'm sure they will find some settlement that leaves a reasonable margin for both parties. It's the small suppliers that are going to feel the squeeze.

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Alert

Re: Marmite vs Tesco

Having checked the Daily Fail's list of 200 brands now absent from Tesco's shelves, I was quite amazed to discover that I don't use any of them.

I realise I'm a bit of a fringe shopper, but this surprised even me.

More worrying is the fact that apparently sterling is now worth less than a used Tesco Everyday Value bog roll.

Under the circumstances, the prospect of a thirty-grand-a-year "robot kitchen", or anything else, seems even more laughable.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

You missed off Mayonnaise because as a country we don't produce any eggs and have to import them from Europe.

Nice timing though to coincide with the high court challenge, anyone would think it was a setup.

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

Harry, if you look carefully at your keyboard you'll find a key labelled with "shift" or an arrow or something which, when carefully applied will convert tesco into Tesco and enable you to start sentences with capital letters.

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Re: Marmite vs Tesco

"I was quite amazed to discover that I don't use any of them."

Use them? I don't even recognise most of them.

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

I'll assume you missed out "/sarcasm" but I'll leave this here anyway...

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/543489/eggs-statsnotice-04aug2016.pdf

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Re: Marmite vs Tesco

@Oh Homer

Having checked the Daily Fail's list of 200 brands now absent from Tesco's shelves, I was quite amazed to discover that I don't use any of them.

You don't buy Marmite? You must be some seriously warped, unpatriotic sicko!

And I'm tempted to give you a downvote for luring me to the Daily Fail website - OMG! it's worse than I remembered - won't someone think of the children (and people with working brains)?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Marmite vs Tesco

"for the record, Marmite is 100% British, made in Burton from brewing waste."

Huh?! You mean it's not made from rat dropings? You learn something every day...

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Trollface

Re: Marmite

@Pen-y-gore: At the risk of starting another Marmite flame war...

I tried to like Marmite, I really did, but ultimately the closest I came to nearly tolerating it was when I tried to use it as the bouillon base for a gravy, with predictably tragic consequences. Seriously, I couldn't think of anything else it might be appropriate for, at least in terms of human consumption.

Perhaps it has some useful medical application, say as an alternative for electric-shock therapy, or maybe in the pest control industry, but voluntarily eating for pleasure, something that looks and smells like it may have been used in the construction of the M25, just doesn't seem feasible.

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

as a country we don't produce any eggs and have to import them from Europe.

Really?

https://www.egginfo.co.uk/british-lion-eggs/about/british-lion-code-practice

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FAIL

Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

> as a country we don't produce any eggs

Really? So all those eggs I see with the British LionMark on them are figments of my imagination?

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

"Unilever trying to hike prices by 10% when a significant number of their products are made in the UK"

Yes, but the BBC article quotes the drop in the Pound's value as 16%, so maybe they've factored the UK production into the 10% rise?

The details are unclear about what exact products Unilever wants to increase the price of (is it everything) but, given the complexity of the pricing (cross charging, volume discounts and promotional charges etc.) maybe the simplest thing was for Unilever to ask for a 10% increase on all products?

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Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

Really? So all those eggs I see with the British LionMark on them are figments of my imagination?

I think sarcasm is a figment of your imagination.

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Re: Marmite

Can I just say that I'm fairly indifferent to Marmite. Don't love it, don't hate it. Where did the idea that the whole world is polarised on the subject of the stuff come from?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: £100 a week for a year with Tesco's delivery service comes in at about £26,000 cheaper

I think everyone missed the memo on sarcasm in the comments on this site, of course we produce eggs. I will also say that what a fine day that was to introduce the indyref2 for Scotland and I said "anyone would think it was a setup."

Thanks for the down votes but it seems I was indeed right but wrong story.

Next time you see some brexit story think of buses, they always come in three's.

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Re: Marmite

Some clever marketing wonk. By doing this you encourage lots of people to try it and see where they fall, and potentially get new long-term customers.

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Anonymous Coward

For this amount of money you can hire a cook

For this amount of money you can hire a granny from one of the less affluent European Countries to do the cooking and have Tesco/Sainsbury/Ocado/Morrisons deliver the supplies for her to your door.

It will taste significantly better than robot cooking too. You will have to stick a the badge on your door to signify that your house is not Ju^H^HEuropenFrei as per StandartenFuhrer Rudd new Purity guidelines though.

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Re: For this amount of money you can hire a cook

Not for long you can't - and not just because the granny is on Rudd's untermensch list.

Wait until that dollar priced fuel starts reflecting the approaching parity and see if you can afford enough to get free home delivery.

Of course we'll be ok just as soon as we start exporting more cheese and milk - Andrea "two brain cells" Leadsom has verified that Liz Truss was quite correct in identifying lactic exports as the future of the new Britain.

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"Moley Robotics has created what we feel is the world's first fully-automated and integrated intelligent cooking robot.,

Stopped reading right there. "... feel is ..."! Huh?

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Ultrahouse

Just can't help thinking of the Simpsons Ultrahouse 3000, Treehouse of Horror XII

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Joke

Re: Ultrahouse

No, it's wholly Moley.

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Re: Ultrahouse

"No, it's wholly Moley."

El Reg's standards are slipping. This shouldn't have been left to a commentard.

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Re: Ultrahouse

I see your Ultrahouse and raise you one Autochef from Wallace & Gromit.

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Mark Oleynik is a Ph.D. mathematician

Maths Genealogy project has no mention of him. Pics of his thesis or GTFO.

On an unrelated note, I heard that many foods come in different sizes, so when the robot observes the human with a carrot, it might not be exactly the same size as the next one the robot has. How do they deal with this little problem?

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Re: How do they deal with this little problem?

They don't and they never will.

This whole thing is a scam and the CEO is going to disappear with all the money as soon as he's met his personal target of however many millions he wants to bilk.

The company started three weeks ago, and it give it nine more before it folds. Any more than that, and the scam risks becoming too blatant even for the gullible.

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Holmes

Re: How do they deal with this little problem?

Quite. I suppose the Reg would not keep an eye out on it's lifetime would they? Not sure about the nine, obviously this is an exist when adequate cash raised strategy, so the dynamics of that might be difficult to predict (although I agree with their probable end goal)

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Re: How do they deal with this little problem?

"The company started three weeks ago, and it give it nine more before it folds. Any more than that, and the scam risks becoming too blatant even for the gullible."

And yet a quick Google search yields this BBC article from April 2015:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-32282131

where apparently the tech was being demonstrated later in the year... Something doesn't add up here.

Edit: they have a video of the robot arms working there. Yeah, that's not going to work in real life.

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Re: Mark Oleynik is a Ph.D. mathematician

Surely just weigh rather than measure the carrot.

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Joke

Re: Mark Oleynik is a Ph.D. mathematician

How do they deal with this little problem?

Never mind that, what about the recipes that say "add salt & pepper to taste" ?

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Facepalm

Re: Mark Oleynik is a Ph.D. mathematician

How do they deal with this little problem?

By rightsizing the carrot first. The other option is that the robot will only work on pre-selected ingredients of the exact right size, supplied under contract by Moley.

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Paris Hilton

Just trying to work out

Whether it's cheaper to buy this system, or just eat at Michellin starred restaurants on a full time basis?

Not that I'd do either; I'm one of those old fashioned people that prefer the food un-deconstructed, un-in-a-small-pile-on-an-interesting-plate, and most particularly, in quantities large enough to provide nourishment. With chips.

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Re: Just trying to work out

"Not that I'd do either; I'm one of those old fashioned people that prefer the food un-deconstructed, un-in-a-small-pile-on-an-interesting-plate, and most particularly, in quantities large enough to provide nourishment. With chips."

You won't get chips, and it might be in a pile on an interesting plate, but you are absolutely full after a 9 course tasting menu. And drunk too, if you went for wine with each course.

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Re: Just trying to work out

"I'm one of those old fashioned people that prefer the food un-deconstructed, un-in-a-small-pile-on-an-interesting-plate"

Thank you very much indeed. I think we should have a proper beer with the meal. Cheers!

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Re: Just trying to work out

@DaveCrav

I would hope you would get chips anyway - albeit triple cooked in goose fat.

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Re: Just trying to work out @ Neil Barnes

Does sir prefer the chips in a pile or Jenga'd?

(I think I can guess to be honest)

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Re: Just trying to work out

"un-in-a-small-pile-on-an-interesting-plate"

That's a generous assessment, if my experience of such restaurants is anything to go by. I recall the one time I spent $50 at one of these places, and was served 3 evenly-spaced peas, a carefully sculpted quarter of a potato, a teaspoon of spinach and a rump steak that might have been cut from the hindquarters of a fieldmouse, with a perfectly Spirographed drizzle of sauce, precisely centred on a huge, dazzlingly white plate the size of a semitrailer hubcap.

Which necessitated a further $10 trip to the local fish and chippery afterwards for something resembling an actual meal, instead of something you'd expect to see hanging on the wall in an art gallery.

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Snacky

" world's first fully-automated and integrated intelligent cooking robot"

I hope it looks like "snacky" from last weeks "Red Dwarf"

http://images.lmgtfy.com/?q=snacky+red+dwarf

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Re: Snacky

Probably more like the other robot in that episode, and you'll wake up minus your kidneys, which will be served to you for breakfast with bacon and sausages.

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Re: Snacky

http://images.lmgtfy.com/?q=snacky+red+dwarf

Did anyone else get the robotic typing and the sarcastic button underneath saying "Was that so hard?"...?

Pwned by a machine... the shame...

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Re:robotic typing and the sarcastic button

that was because I couldnt find a url that wasnt a million characters long and looked dodgy , so i went thought the "Let me Google That For you" site to get a shorter one, albeit with unwarranted sarcasm in this case (thats the lmgtfy bit of the url.

Good site to know though - next time the office 'Captain of the Bleedin Obvious' asks a stupid question - reply with lmgtfy link :)

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Anonymous Coward

proven trailblazer

Cool, I like that! It's so... innovative and disruptive and stuff. Yeah, I'll sign up cause it's like... cool and innovative and disruptive. Oh, I've said that, never mind. What's that honey? Oh, sorry, gotta go...

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Facepalm

It's all bullshit

And this line right here is what shows that: “The basic concept of the invention is that the machine records the motions of a human chef, then recreates them. So the robot will only do what a human chef did.” Because everyone with an ounce of knowledge about process automation and machine learning know that recreating human motions for a variable process is inefficient at best and usually just plain doesn't work. That sentence shows there are NO engineers involved in the project, only people who though: "How hard can it be? We'll just throw some money at an engineer and he'll fix it". Any engineer I know (and I work in a large company surrounded by mechatronics, mechanical, electrical and every other flavour of engineer you could wish for) would probably politely decline the job. Even though this project would be right up "my" companies alley.

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Re: It's all bullshit

Strange, that's how they tech robots in things like car manufacturering. See how the human does it and then repeat.

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