back to article Queen Lizzie awarded good behaviour medal

Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second has been awarded the Long Service and Good Conduct medal for 65 years' military service without a criminal record. The news of Her Maj's gong, along with a similar one for her hubby Prince Philip, was rolled out in a government statement. Previously awarded to non-commissioned …

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  1. wolfetone Silver badge
    Joke

    Is there anything this woman can't do?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Dissolve parliament when government wants to act Undemocratically, apparently.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Dissolve parliament when government wants to act Undemocratically, apparently."

        IIRC - technically she can - and it would precipitate a constitutional crisis.

        1. S4qFBxkFFg
          Go

          "precipitate a constitutional crisis"

          Excellent things, constitutional crises - they make for amusing new articles as the hacks get flustered over things that will affect them little, and their readers even less. Also, it keeps MPs and Lords busy instead of them trying to fill their time by passing unwanted and unnecessary legislation.

          1. AndyS

            Actually I suspect a constitutional crisis consisting of the monarch attempting to sack the government would, in fact, impact our daily lives quite significantly. Who knows how - most likely there would be a very severe recession (perhaps even making the pending Brexit mess look like a cake walk). It would certainly be more, uh, entertaining than "Does the media have a right to see Prince Charles' letters," for example.

            1. Dan 55 Silver badge

              Belgium and Spain seem to have survived.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Constitutional crises? When did they replace the Billiard's table in the officer's mess with a Pool table?

            1. Pompous Git Silver badge

              When did they replace the Billiard's table in the officer's mess with a Pool table?

              There will never be a grocer's apostrophe allowed in the Officers' mess thank you very much.

      2. Crazy Operations Guy

        "Dissolve parliament when government wants to act Undemocratically, apparently."

        She dissolved Australia's Parliament back in '75 to get them to stop acting like petulant children[*].

        Technically it was the Governor-General, but he did so under advice from Her Maj.

        [*] Well, she tried...

        1. Pompous Git Silver badge

          Technically it was the Governor-General, but he did so under advice from Her Maj.

          Her Maj is not the CIA!

          On 11 November 1975* Whitlam intended to inform parliament about the CIA's undermining his government. He was summoned by Sir John Kerr who used his vice-regal “reserve powers” to sack Australia's democratically elected prime minister. The USA's “Whitlam problem” was solved. Australian politics never recovered, nor have we regained our independence. (Hence the link to the drover's dog song the other day).

          John Pilger

          NB I am fully aware that Pilger appears congenitally unable to say or write anything positive about the USA, but that does not mean everything he writes is wrong.

          * Remembrance Day. Whitlam exhorted us to never forget. Some of us haven't.

    2. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Happy

      Is there anything this woman can't do?

      Spend 15 minutes in the same room as Donald Trump?

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Oh.. did he try to grab her privates? Whether he did or not is irrelevant I supposed as many of us can't stand him.

        Disclaimer: I wouldn't tolerate being the same room with either candidate. Equal opportunity cranky old-man, I am.

  2. Afernie

    Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

    I remember well her first engagement as a scared young rookie in Korea, stalking silently on patrol through the jungle during the Malayan Emergency, hitting Argentine positions around Stanley in her Harrier.

    Aww. It turns out that was just the alternative version in my head...

    1. graeme leggett

      Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

      I think you might be on to something there. We will need an illustrator for the comic version.

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

        @graeme leggett

        We will need an illustrator for the comic version.

        Celebrity Deathmatch - MTV

        HM Queen v Putin

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

          HM Queen v Putin

          She'd make mincement of him. In French. Smiling all the way.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

      don't we have laws that forbid and punish plebs mocking Our Royal Overseers yet?!

      1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

        laws that forbid mocking Our Royal Overseers

        We have plenty of laws against free speech, especially on the internet, as we were recently reminded by TheRegister. If anyone can read May's web site without throwing up, it would be interesting to check if it fits the crown persecution service's guidelines for hate speech.

        IIRC, there was a law against insulting the Prince of Wales' girlfriend that came with a death sentence, but I can longer find any evidence of it. For the time being, you can still commit arson in the royal dockyards and soldiers can mutiny in time of war without getting hanged or beheaded or shot.

        Various laws removed the death sentence from the UK, including the 6th and 13 protocol of the European Convention on Human Rights and the Human Rights Act 1998. Theresa may has said "The Human Rights Acts needs to go". Shortly afterwards I am sure the Motion Picture Ass of America will bring back the death sentence for piracy.

        (On a lighter note, I am looking forward to Liz 10.)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Pint

          Pint of clarification

          Is that "Theresa may have said" or "Theresa May has said"?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

        don't we have laws that forbid and punish plebs mocking Our Royal Overseers yet?!

        1 - you clearly haven't yet caught on to the British sense of humour

        2 - she is rumoured to be far more capable than you can imagine

        3 - if you were really overdoing it, I think it is unlikely they would drag your plebish rear end into court. Instead, you'd probably get a visit from a couple of very fit people with a preference for dark clothes..

      3. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

        But we are not mocking.

        1. Afernie

          Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

          "But we are not mocking."

          Or if we are, it's affectionate. I'm abolitionist by political view (in the long term), but it's not personal; she is a pretty remarkable lady.

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

      To be fair Philip probably had enough frontline action for both of them.

      But you don't know that the Queen isn't secretly in the SAS - and that's why they had to put that bit in the Olympic opening ceremony, as part of the cover story. Hiding it in plain sight.

    4. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

      Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

      I think she actually would have been tough enough to do all that, and then some.

      1. Ripper38

        Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

        Re: all that, and then some... Oh yes. After 65 years of LS&GC me thinks HM knows a thing or two that would shame even the wiliest of ex(?) KGB officers.

    5. PatientOne

      Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

      You might want to check out what she did during WWII.

      "After months of begging her father to let his heir pitch in, Elizabeth—then an 18-year-old princess—joined the Women’s Auxiliary Territorial Service during World War II. Known as Second Subaltern Elizabeth Windsor, she donned a pair of coveralls and trained in London as a mechanic and military truck driver. The queen remains the only female member of the royal family to have entered the armed forces and is the only living head of state who served in World War II."

      So she wasn't really a rookie by the time the Korian conflict came around. But she clearly had you fooled :p

      1. Dan Wilkie

        Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

        Was going to say the exact same thing.

        Also for the most part, Officers aren't known for their high number of confirmed kills. If they're going round slotting something they're not busy doing officer-y type things. Which I presume are cocktail parties, or Kayak-Flaregun-Duels or whatever it is that they do.

        1. W4YBO

          Re: Kayak-Flaregun-Duels

          Had to Google that phrase, but what a great payoff!

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

      "I remember well her first engagement as a scared young rookie in Korea, [...]"

      The chronology is off by several years. She served in the Territorial Army in WW2 as a driver and car mechanic.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2grMaRttws

      1. Afernie
        Coat

        Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

        "The chronology is off by several years. She served in the Territorial Army in WW2 as a driver and car mechanic."

        Ah, yes but she wasn't the QUEEN back then, now was she? Anyway, we're saving all that stuff for the Prequel. Celebrity carpool greasemonkey by day, SOE triggerwoman by night.

        Few are aware that after the Battle of the Hook, when the 1st Bat. (Duke of Wellington's Regiment) fired red white and blue smoke at Chinese lines to mark the Coronation, it was actually Lizzie herself behind the gunsights. That lassie in the ermine? Actor. Didn't even look like her. True fact.

    7. You aint sin me, roit
      Pirate

      Re: Ah yes. More confirmed kills than anyone else

      Orb and sceptre combo... lethal in close combat.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm guessing Charlie boy didn't get any due to his riding a motorcycle down the corridor are Dartmouth and bouncing a plane off the end of a runway....

    1. You aint sin me, roit
      Trollface

      Charlie?

      And shagging a horse...

      1. wolfetone Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Charlie?

        And offering to be a tampon...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I thought the motorcycle was in a Paris tunnel?

    3. Adam 52 Silver badge

      Charles wasn't charged following the Port Ellen crash.

  4. frank ly Silver badge

    Fascinating fact

    The Queen can't get a criminal record. She would have been able to get one before her coronation but she was well behaved, apparently.

  5. TheProf
    WTF?

    Me me me!

    Can I have a medal please? I've done f*** all for the past 15 years.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Queen Lizzie"?

    I did a double take reading that, thought for a moment the surviving members of Queen were somehow teaming up with Thin Lizzy. The boys back in town indeed!

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "Queen Lizzie"?

        Seven Seas of Rhye Whiskey in the Jar?

        The Good Old Fashioned Lover Boys are Back in Town?

        etc etc....

    2. Dave Harris

      Re: "Queen Lizzie"?

      "thought for a moment the surviving members of Queen were somehow teaming up with Thin Lizzy"

      That actually happened in 1977: http://www.queenonline.com/en/the-band/interviews/queen-1/queen-thin-lizzy/

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wellington quote

    I think he had more than a long service medal.

    Field punishment, inc flogging. And the commanders seem to think it worked except for a few hard cases

    http://www.napoleon-series.org/military/organization/Britain/Miscellaneous/c_militaryjusticeinquiry.html

    That Nosey quote in full

    "The French system of conscription brings together a fair sample of all classes; ours is composed of the scum of the Earth—the mere scum of the Earth. It is only wonderful that we should be able to make so much out of them afterward. The English soldiers are fellows who have enlisted for drink—that is the plain fact—they have all enlisted for drink."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Wellington quote

      His other quote about the army.

      "I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they frighten me."

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Wellington quote

      When the daily ration was a third of a pint of rum a day, wouldn't you want to join the army?

  8. wyatt
    Devil

    Naff all with being good, all to do with not getting caught.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      I bet she hasn't got receipts for all those crowns! Philip does the safes, while she smuggles the stones. What we need to find out is who their fence is.

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Coat

        @I ain't Spartacus

        What we need to find out is who their fence is.

        What about that bloke who once owned a store in Knightsbridge that had a Royal Warrant?. I think he fell out with them, especially Philip

    2. Vincent Ballard

      Not getting caught

      Or if you get caught, knowing the regulations well. My grandad's war memoir includes an episode from 1946, in the British Army of Occupation on the Rhine, where as acting captain his duties included judging courts martial one week a month. I quote:

      One of the few Army offences we heard concerned a Company Serjeant Major. He was charged with being improperly dressed.

      The Prosecuting Officer outlining the case said - The CSM had been seen chasing an ATS Private across camp. The CSM and the ATS were both stark naked.

      The CSM pleaded NOT GUILTY, - He agreed with the Prosecutor's statement of events, and submitted that "He had been dressed in accordance with KRR (King's Rules & Regulations) No 2352 of 1942 - Dress Sports for the Use Of - which says - "All ranks shall be appropriately dressed for the Sport in which they are engaged".

      The case was dismissed.

  9. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Bravo

    I've away my copy, but I believe that in Goodbye to All That Robert Graves quoted a common saying that this medal was awarded for "fifteen years of undetected crime".

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