back to article It's Pablo Pic-arsehole: Turner Prize wannabe hits rock bottom

A giant sculpture of a human arse, £20,000 in one-pence coins, and an off-the-shelf model train are some of the exhibits competing for this year's Turner Prize. The giant polystyrene posterior, by Anthea Hamilton, is based on a 1970s design for an entrance into a New York block of flats. Unveiling 2016 #TurnerPrize! @ …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    £20.000 in 1p coins ?

    So that's a legal tender then.

    1. Spudley

      Re: £20.000 in 1p coins ?

      > So that's a legal tender then.

      Technically only if you didn't try to spend them all at once. There is an upper limit to the number of pennies you can use to pay for something; over that limit and the vendor is not obliged to accept them (although they can if they wish).

      I can't remember exactly what the limit is (and I can't be bothered to google it), but it's certainly a couple of orders of magnitude lower than twenty grand.

    2. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

      "£20,000 in one-pence coins"

      I'm going to submit a totally different exhibit next year, using one-penny coins.

  2. cantankerous swineherd Silver badge

    artists: winding people up since the year dot.

    1. Mage Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Artists or poseurs?

      Turner is pointless.

      Some artists are just egocentric attention whores. I know real artists.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Artists or poseurs?

        "Turner is pointless."

        Yeah, Seurat got pissed one night, had a row with him and banned him from the club. A bit rich really considering they let Van Gogh in!

  3. JustNiz

    It comes to something when you can't tell if something is meant to be an art piece or is actually just some equipment left lying around by one of the maintenance guys.

    1. Magani

      I do believe that's already happened at MONA in Hobart last year.

      A collection of ladders, a roller platform, some brooms and a few buckets in a seemingly discussed corner were being 'critically discussed' by a couple of Pearls-and-Twin-Set matrons when three workers came in and started using them to clean the area, presumably in preparation for a new exhibit.

      Nearly wet myself.

      1. theModge

        The inverse has happened as well: there's been a couple of cases in tate modern of exhibits being taken away by the cleaners!

    2. Velv Silver badge

      That Sinking Feeling (1979) directed by Bill Forsyth. A random pile of stainless steel sinks are bought by gallery owner Richard Demarco.

      Great little film

  4. Sir Barry

    Next year

    I'll be entering finger paintings by my 3 year old niece.

    £40,000 will come in handy....

    1. Tromos

      Re: Next year

      "£40,000 will come in handy...."

      You'll need a couple of trucks. More than half the prize money will be in 1p coins.

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

        Re: Next year

        It'll be severely challenged by my entry - I propose to enter the absurd concept of art by installing an idea for the post-modern world.

        Or to put it another way, just by leaving a completely empty display there full of even more hot air than currently exists around the topic. Meanwhile I'll be down the pub with a few pints of real workmanship...

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Next year

      Just remember, anything can win if you can spout the correct bollocks the judges want to hear.

      I would suggest studying the judges and their accomplishments and make sure that each of them are alluded to in your description of the work.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Look at him

    Spraying that bloody red stuff on his hand against the cave wall, nobody cares.

  6. Unep Eurobats


    I hear the sound of El Reg's trusty modern-art dog whistle.

    Don't hold back, commentards. Remember, ignorance is no barrier.

    1. AndyS

      Re: Pheeep

      Dog whistle is meant to be more subtle. Like, for example, a US idiot Republican stating "Barak Obama isn't like us," when he means "He's black."

      This is just straight out mockery. Much simpler stuff.

    2. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Pheeep

      Don't hold back, commentards. Remember, ignorance is no barrier.

      Having submitted work* for competition before, I feel fully qualified to point and laugh.

      *No, I'm not going to tell you. Yes, I am vaguely embarrassed.

    3. Champ

      Re: Pheeep

      Just what I was thinking - while I usually enjoy the commentards pov, this thread is as reactionary as the Daily Mail comments section.

      For reference guys, the era known as "Modern Art" is generally judged to have stopped around 1970. So at least stop railing against something that hasn't been made for over 40 years.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Pheeep

        Okey-Dokey. All post-modern art is bollocks. Hmmm. OK. Let's be fair, most post-modern art is bollocks.

        I did betake myself to Tate Modern a few years ago, with a friend. We decided that our opinion of this stuff was probably coloured by the unfavourable press it gets, so went for a long look round to see what we could see.

        I got to see a large amount of tat, some of it accompanied by excellent punning titles, and very little work that actually took some skill to create. Probably even less that seemed to be saying anything original or interesting. I then heard a man after my own heart opine that, "this is all complete bollocks!" Looked round to see where he was, only to find others doing the same, and looking towards me. I then realised that it was my voice. My unconscious mind had taken control, in a desperate attempt to save my brain from turning to mush. And I was forced to beat a hasty retreat to the cafe, for an excellent cuppa and a very large (and delicious) piece of cake.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward



    Especially cunty bollocks with 20k in settee change to highlight the "poor" family.

  8. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

    My first thought...


    Shirley I can't have been the only one thinking that...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: My first thought...

      A clear case of Prior Art

  9. Dr Scrum Master

    Spend a penny

    one-pence coins

    You mean, one-penny coins?

  10. 's water music Silver badge

    I don;t know much about arse...

    ...but I know what I like.

    (with apologies to Private Eye and Gilbert & George)

    1. Warm Braw Silver badge

      Re: I don;t know much about arse...

      Have you ever referred to it as the "Tradesman’s entrance", though? Prurient minds want to know.

      1. TitterYeNot

        Re: I don;t know much about arse...

        "Have you ever referred to it as the "Tradesman’s entrance", though?"

        Hasn't been referred to as the 'Tradesman's Entrance' ever since I took the missus up the OXO Tower...


  11. Bloodbeastterror

    Tracey Emin...

    ...woke up on the morning of the 1999 Turner Prize and thought "Sh1t! I was supposed to have done something for the Turner! What the hell am I going to do...?"

    And now the stupid piece of pretentious crap is worth (I hear) more than a million quid? You seriously couldn't make it up. Except these narcissistic talentless no-hopers keep getting away with it.

    1. tony2heads

      Re: Tracey Emin...

      Art is 'worth' what somebody will pay for it.

      Personally I like the train set, but getting it from the manufacturer has a better guarantee than that from the artist.

      No sign of 'art for art's sake' with this lot.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Tracey Emin...

        "No sign of 'art for art's sake' with this lot."

        But there is money for gods sake.

      2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Tracey Emin...

        What about art for arse's sake?

  12. Roger Kynaston

    What will they make of this in Victoria

  13. Jan 0

    You don't undertand?

    Vic Reeves made it all very clear last Wednesday: BBC 4 "Gaga for Dada"

  14. Alien8n Silver badge


    Modern art is full of pretentiousness. One of the most successful artists of the C20th is villified by the Establishment due to being "self taught". I mean, how dare he have genuine natural talent when everyone else makes millions from selling utter rubbish (sometimes literally) because the Establishment tells them it must be art because we know the artists personally and go to the same cocktail parties as them.

    Art to me is something genuine, it's concious thought about what the artist wants to convey. It's Picasso, Matisse, Rembrandt, Rodin. It's paintings, sculpture (real sculpture, not a cast made of some pregnant woman), a cleverly framed photograph. There's more art on my lether jacket than in the Tate (it may not be good art, but it's art, it took me 3 days to paint that jacket).

  15. dvd


    You're too late with your aeroplane idea - the Tate has already had a Harrier and Tornado on display with the paint stripped off.

    I got into trouble from a guard for touching the Tornado. It'f a ***ing war plane FFS! It's been to war! I'm not going to hurt it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. A. Coatsworth

      Re: Aeroplane

      Never mind!

      A half scale Vulcan should be the winner *every* year.

      1. Thrudd

        Re: Aeroplane

        Go one better and put a full scale Gerry Anderson craft on display each and every year. Maybe start with a UFO and work back to fireball x-15

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Aeroplane

      I got shouted at for climbing on a tank at the Imperial War Museum. I was 6 at the time. If the armour of your tank is incapable of handling the weight of a 6 year old, you're not doing a very good job...

      At the Musee Militaire in Brussels the kids play seesaw on some of the cannon at the front. And they let you climb into the cockpits of some of the planes. Now I know why 1950s fighter pilots were small...

  16. andy gibson

    Prankster puts glasses on gallery floor - and visitors mistake them for art:

  17. MJI Silver badge

    The winner is

    Peter Abbots for his shed.

    Now Peter do some decent locos now rather than imports.

  18. jake Silver badge

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    Art is whatever useless crap that you can convince somebody to pay for. And sometimes, you don't have to convince them, they volunteer.

    I managed to forget about a 100 pound bag of fence-post mix in a wheelbarrow once. I discovered the mistake the next morning when I went to empty the barrow after an early morning downpour. I pitched it out down by the pond & figured I'd find something to do with it once it cured. Somewhat surprisingly, the bag didn't split when it hit the ground. My daughter (age about 10 at the time) stuck an old Schwinn bicycle seat into it, post first. I asked "why", she said so she had a place to sit when fishing. She used it once, but it was too low to be comfy. So it sat. Five years later, a visitor to the Ranch offered me $100 for it. I demurred, saying it was an original, made by my daughter. He asked her, and she said "no!" ... The idiot persisted, and eventually bid himself up to $750, which she "reluctantly" accepted.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I might enter next year with a slab of rock and some primitive drawings of 21st century buildings and call it interpretations of the modern caveman.

    Where do I claim my 40k pretentious art award?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      I was thinking along similar lines but I was planning on holding up an iPhone, a Samsung Galaxy and maybe and old Nokia and blowing red paint through a straw around them to represent the artists personal communication of modern life to the smart gallery visitor. Naturally dumb gallery visitors won't "get it"

      1. ecofeco Silver badge

        That's actually brilliant JB.

        1. Alien8n Silver badge

          Careful, that's coming very dangerously close to being actual art, it sounds like the sort of thing Banksy would do.

  20. JimC Silver badge

    Turner Prize Quality Art is not Simple

    You guys seem to think this Turner prize art is easy. Well its not. Do you have any idea how hard it is and how much work it is to get accepted by the art establishment so they take you seriously in this sort of competition? Its not about the objects, its about the context...

    1. Alien8n Silver badge

      Re: Turner Prize Quality Art is not Simple

      I think you'll find it's about the connection, not the context. Anyone could come up with some of this stuff, the only reason this is accepted as art is because the "artists" all went to Establishment art schools and know each other. If Cezanne, or Monet, was around today they wouldn't get anywhere near the Turner Prize for the simple fact they were all anti-Establishment artists. And yet they are recognised today as the artistic geniuses that they were. I have yet to see anything entered for the Turner Prize that I can connect to on any emotional level except disdain. There are street artists painting pictures of the Eiffel Tower for 20 Euros a time with more talent in their little fingers than any Turner Prize entrant. It wouldn't surprise me if the Turner Prize was created so the Establishment could give a hand-out to their artistic chums who can't shift their latest rubbish.

  21. You aint sin me, roit

    I like the idea of £20,436 in one-pence coins, but...

    The problem is that just looking at a pile of coins is meaningless. It has to be seen in the context of the UK Government's decision that £20,437 is the poverty limit for a family of four and as this is one less then it indicates poverty.

    None of that is apparent from looking at a pile of coins: you don't know how many are there; you don't know that it's one less than an arbitrary sum dreamt up by the government; you don't know that it is supposed to apply to a family of four.

    The problem with this piece of "art" is that it doesn't make you think about poverty, it's the explanation of the piece that makes you think about poverty.

    Besides, it should have been a pile of used, unmarked tenners...

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