back to article Silicon Valley’s top exorcist rushed off his feet as Demons infest California

A Catholic priest has said virtually all his free time is taken up with exorcisms these days as he struggles to counter the tide of demonic possession washing up Silicon Valley and the rest of Northern California. Father Gary Thomas, together with fellow exorcist Father Vincent Lampert, has been profiled in a lengthy piece in …

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Devil

Sherlock Holmes

Apparently they are keen to prove there is a "natural" cause and most people, the over whelming proportion, contacting them are either ill, disturbed or seeking attention. So there must be a lot of Silicon Valley CEOs and Managers being turned away.

Why attribute to Satan what is just ordinary egotism and typical bad behaviour?

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Re: Sherlock Holmes

What do you think "Satan" is?

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Re: Sherlock Holmes

The mean side of God.

Lucifer is just the PFY.

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Devil

Re: Sherlock Holmes

What do you think "Satan" is?

Satan is more of a "who" than a "what". About a decade ago, my youngest son went to live with my sister and mother just outside Melbourne, Victoria. One evening, my sister phoned and informed me that my son is Satan. Our mother had told her of this rather unexpected fact. In writing.

I asked my sister "What does Satan do?" "Oh," she replied, "He does the washing up, hangs out the washing, vacuum cleans the floors and does His own ironing. All without being asked!"

So... now you know ;-)

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Re: Sherlock Holmes

Just wait for the next series of Silicon Valley. I can almost see Gavin Belson bringing in an exorcist because his dev team have told him that his search engine is possessed.

Never mind, Marc Benioff (the inspiration for Gavin Belson) will probably do this before the scriptwriters can,

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Anonymous Coward

“People could be quite functional but once they get into a sacred arena, such as a church, or participate in some element of parish, they’ll begin to manifest or they’ll begin to get sick or they’ll begin to show other kinds of signs that something is amiss...."

Well there's your problem... stay away from the church and you'll be "quite functional"... go to church and you'll "discover" something's wrong with you...

A bit like an anti-doctor's surgery or mechanic where you can never repeat the fault in front of the person who's going to fix it!

I thought it was Friday again as I read this article...

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Anonymous Coward

stay away from the church...

But that's what Satan would want you to think, if such an entity exists.

You not having experienced something isn't proof that something doesn't exist. To assume you know what exists based on your limited experience is falsehood. If you seek truth then you would not base your view on falsehood.

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Happy

Old Harry's Game

I think the best depiction of Satan has to be BBC's Old Harry's Game.

Satan pops at an Essex satanists meeting, "No, you're not my satanic followers, you're more like my stalkers! You're a bunch of fat, overweight accoutants and housewives, running around naked in the woods frightening the local wildlife!".

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So they use Latin because it's the language that demons hate the most?

Why? I would have thought Hebrew would have been a better choice...

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Surely it is all Greek to them?

(I remember a vampire movie where the vampire comments that it does sound so much better in Latin).

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skool daze

So they use Latin because it's the language that demons hate the most?

Why?

Hav you ever studie lat at skool? Chiz. I am with the demons on this wun.

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Holmes

Better in Latin

The 1977 film Count Dracula. Van Helsing is having a bit of a barney with Drac and starts intoning in Latin. Drac rejoins with "Ah yes, it always sounds so much more impressive in Latin".

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Re: Better in Latin

Thank you. It is a long time since I saw that film...

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"Why? I would have thought Hebrew would have been a better choice..."

Because it's to do with religion, so when someone at some point declared 'this because that' it was set in stone (so to speak), regardless of whether or not it would actually make any real sense at all if anyone ever asks why.

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Aramaic

I would have thought Hebrew

Aramaic, not Hebrew. It is what the bible was written on.

In any case, expecting a catholic priest to go beyond Latin and to the true roots of the Christian religion is like expecting a second coming - not something on offer.

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Re: Aramaic

"Aramaic, not Hebrew. It is what the bible was written on."

Mostly Koin Greek, actually, if you are talking the NT.

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Re: Aramaic

Depends on whether the priest is also a biblical archeologist. Aramaic, Hebrew, Greek, Latin,.... A Jesuit, naturally. I used to discuss philosophy and theology with him for a couple of years.

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Re: Aramaic

Aramaic, not Hebrew. It is what the bible was written on.

The Old Testament is mostly written in (not "on") Hebrew with only a small fraction of three books written in Aramaic. The New Testament is written in Koine Greek.

In any case, expecting a catholic priest to go beyond Latin and to the true roots of the Christian religion is like expecting a second coming - not something on offer.

That's not merely inaccurate; it's fucking rude. FWIW I'm an agnostic, but enjoy a good debate with a couple of Jesuits. They at least are thoughtful and logical, not merely spiteful.

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Bronze-age Superstitions & Medieval Fairy Stories

Or perhaps Aramaic, or Levantine Semitic, the Syro-Palestinian dialect or even early Proto-Levantine Arabic?

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Re: Bronze-age Superstitions & Medieval Fairy Stories

Or perhaps Aramaic, or Levantine Semitic, the Syro-Palestinian dialect or even early Proto-Levantine Arabic?

You appear to be attempting to tell us that these languages are bronze-age superstitions and medieval fairy stories. Don't give up your day job. You are neither a linguist or historian.

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They should try speaking to them in Pascal. That'd really do their heads in

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Devil

If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood,

Who Ya Gonna Call?

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Re: If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood,

Father Mayii?

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Re: If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood,

Bob Howard

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From the article:

"But there is still no central database for the number of exorcisms performed."

What are they suggesting, a vatican postgres running in daemon mode?

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Obligatory

"do these people know it's 2016?"

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Devil

"Demons infest California"

I would have thought it far more likely to be evil daemons, such as systemd.

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Re: "Demons infest California"

The power of UNIX compels you! The power of UNIX compels you!

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Linux

Re: "Demons infest California"

The power of Linus compels you!

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Cross training is needed

“If they have no Christian ground...we can do more harm than good.”

Is that like a Windows developer trying to debug a Linux problem?

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Re: Cross training is needed

Its more like a CP/M dev trying to debug any modern OS problem since Christians are still living in the dark ages

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Devil

temporal failure

That's your problem right there! All your praying has caused a rift in the space-time continuum.

I can fix it, but it'll cost...

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“If they have no Christian ground...we can do more harm than good.”

I think we can agree on that, though probably not for the same reasons.

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Cupertino

Wouldn't they be more effectively utilised up at Cupertino, dealing with the JesusPhone and the worshipping of a False Idol. You know - commandment and all...

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Joke

California?

I would have thought Washington was the more afflicted part of the US. I cant think of a better explanation for everything that comes out of there then "Demons did it!"

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Childcatcher

Not Restricted to a Particular Religion

The first system admin job I got was for the Institute of American Indian Arts. I walked in on students smudging computers to drive out evil influences more than once. Not sure which approach I approve of more, blame the user or blame the computer, but I imagine it got the job done as often as these exorcisms.

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I wonder why ...

... these charlatans aren't arrested for practicing medicine without a license.

(Don't bother replying, I know the answer ... not that I agree with it.)

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Anonymous Coward

This is what happens

When you call the Helldesk.

"My windows is showing strange runes and won't let me click on anything".. Yeah, this is (flip) a known problem from solar flares, you need to take out the battery, wrap it in tinfoil and plug it back in, and put tinfoil round the mains adaptor input connector to stop the sun particles leaking back in from the mains wiring... KZZEEEERRT [NO CARRIER]

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Re: This is what happens

My favorite sign from 2nd level support... Picture of a voodoo priest... "Computer fixed. No chickens needed to be killed --- this time."

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Oh my

Oh my oh my.

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A very good short story about an exorcism.

Not ashamed to say that brought a tear, or two to my eyes. A pity it's fiction.

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Trollface

With apologies to SNL[*]

Could it be.......

...Satan??

You never know, but I understand he lives close to the Canadian border in Washington state. Near the Puget Sound. YMMV....

[*] SNL - Saturday Night Live TV show in USA

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Anonymous Coward

Sounds better in Latin

Ubi compiler constructionem infinitum concurrat, ibi daemones de naribus tuas volare facere licet est.

He's right, you know...

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