back to article She cannae take it, Captain Kirk! USS Zumwalt breaks down

Weird new warship USS Zumwalt has broken down while on sea trials, three weeks ahead of her formal commissioning ceremony. The futuristic $4.4bn vessel, which features a so-called “tumblehome” hull, suffered a seawater leak into the auxiliary lube oil system for one of her main propeller shafts, according to USNI News. The …

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  1. Jeroen Braamhaar

    Maybe they should water down .... oh wait, I guess they tried that and it broke :D

    1. ElectricFox
      Trollface

      The damage doesn't look so bad from out there in the picture

      Sorry James Kirk, I had to get a Star Wars reference in

  2. wolfetone Silver badge

    iPhone Case?

    Surely it looks like a very weird and specialist sex toy?

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: iPhone Case?

      Sex toys with sharp edges..........ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh

    2. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: iPhone Case?

      Knowing the internet, probably not that weird or specialist.

    3. Scorchio!!
      Coat

      Re: iPhone Case?

      "Surely it looks like a very weird and specialist sex toy?"

      It's sex Jim, but not as we know it.

  3. Roger Kynaston
    Pint

    El Reg unit

    is that IoW ferry the one that goes from Southampton to Cowes, Portsmouth to Wootton Bridge or Lymington to Yarmouth? Precision please!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: El Reg unit

      Ah, the IoW ferry... whats brown and comes out of Cow(e)s?

      Then they painted is white :-/

      1. ceayers

        Re: El Reg unit

        the full joke is

        What is brown, steams and comes out of cowes backwards?

    2. Kevin Johnston

      Re: El Reg unit

      Quite, the Lymington ferry is a fraction of the size of St Claire and the new Red Funnels (Red Falcon?) which is mostly down to the narrow waterway coming out of Lymington and the lack of traffic wanting to drive through the New Forest to catch a ferry.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: El Reg unit

        Red Osprey, Red Falcon and Red Eagle are refurbished, but not by any means new.

        The Lymington ferries, Wight Sun, Wight Sky and Wight Light are not that small, 1500 tonne, 65 cars + HGVs, Wight Sun sometimes works on the Portsmouth service.

        St. Cecilia, Sl Clare and St. Faith do the Portsmouth-Fishbourne (not Wootton Bridge) route.

        1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

          Re: El Reg unit

          Wow, someone with an even more specialised interest than sharp-edged sex toys.

        2. Kevin Johnston

          Re: El Reg unit

          The 'Reds' are new compared to Cowes Castle which took us over to the Island when we first arrived

          :)

      2. Matt Bryant Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Kevin Johnston Re: El Reg unit

        ".....and the lack of traffic wanting to drive through the New Forest to catch a ferry." precisely the reason I used to take the longer road down to Lymington. That and the much more appealing views.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is it running windows?

    'nuff said

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Is it running windows?

      Or "Windows for Warships" ?

      http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/01/05/windows_for_warships_hits_type_23s/ and http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/12/18/windows_for_warships_not_on_queen_elizabeth_class_aircraft_carriers/

    2. Brian Miller
      Linux

      Re: Is it running windows?

      It's running Linux. And it's various flavors, too.

  5. RachelG

    It's crying out in pain because Zumwalt is no kind of name for a self-respecting ship.

    1. Korev Silver badge

      You're going to love this then :)

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Don't sweat it, it's not a ship, just a wealth-transfer device. Should have been been named USS Pork Barrel.

        cemented US naval dominance well into the 21st Century

        Fighting the wars of the 1900s is never too late!!!

      2. GrumpyKiwi Silver badge

        Not to mention HMS Pansy, and the Gay class of Royal Navy Patrol Boats (HMS Gay Archer, HMS Gay Viking, etc).

        Rum, Sodomy and the Lash FTW

        1. Roj Blake Silver badge

          HMS Cockchafer (an Insect-class gunboat from WW1) is still the finest name for a warship

    2. PNGuinn Silver badge

      Self respecting name

      But Zummie McZumwalt would be rather cute, no?

  6. TRT Silver badge

    Oooh!

    You don't want to get contamination in your shaft lube.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: Oooh!

      This is exactly the reason for choosing a good quality Shaft Lube....

      1. Danny 14 Silver badge

        Re: Oooh!

        You better not laugh,

        Better not cry,

        Better loosen up

        Im coming in dry

  7. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    looks more like a submarine than a boat to me...

    1. John 104

      Nomenclature...

      @ASAC

      No no. A submarine is a boat. Anything else in naval nomenclature is a ship.

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Nomenclature...

        boat vs ship: technically, if it's over ~200 feet long (I think that's right), it's a ship. The exception is a submarine, which is called "boat" by tradition, since modern subs (and the ones in WW2 as I recall) are nearly ALL well over 200 feet long. L.A. class is ~360 feet.

        thinking of the L.A. class, they came out of the factory with a flaw that later had to be corrected. Future versions were built with the correction. However, a trip to a shipyard was required to fix the problem [it affected top speed, probably shouldn't give details]. So with only 3 ships in the class, this kind of thing really isn't all that uncommon.

        Still, it's fun to point fingers and laugh.

        1. peter_dtm
          Pirate

          Re: Nomenclature... @bombastic bob

          ship - 3 masted sailing vessel

          Steam Ship (ss Great Britain; ss British Patience) Steam ship - vessel using steam propulsion (so maybe nuclear as well ? )

          RMS (eg the 'Queens' ) Royal Mail Ship

          Motor Vessel - uses infernal combustion (diesel for instance)

          Motor Tanker - Tank(er) vessel using motor...

          other nationalities use different nomenclature to the Brits - like the Russians using 'he' instead of 'she' when talking about ships (and the PC use of 'it' [shudder] )

          1. Crazy Operations Guy

            Boat vs. ship

            The explanation I've heard from captains and admirals is:

            "If it can't be loaded onto something bigger, its a ship. If it can, its a boat.".

            1. Richard 12 Silver badge

              Re: Boat vs. ship

              So what about ship shipping ships?

              The Blue Marlin would define practically everything else as a boat.

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba7eOMhtu9I

          2. Jonathan Richards 1

            Re: Nomenclature... @peter_dtm

            > ss Great Britain

            SS doesn't mean what you think it means! (no, it doesn't mean your thing either, Herr Goebels). SS is an abbreviation for Screw Steamship, to distinguish them from paddle steamers.

        2. Kurt Meyer

          Re: Nomenclature...

          @ bombastic bob - Re: The Los Angeles class

          "So with only 3 ships in the class ..."

          There were 62 boats in the Los Angeles class, 39 of which are still active.

          Perhaps you were thinking of the Seawolf class, the successor to the Los Angeles. There are three Seawolf class boats.

          1. fishbone

            Re: Nomenclature...

            Bob's point was three ships in the Zumwalt class, I'm pretty sure Bob knows that and if you reread the article so will you.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Nomenclature...

        apart from lifeboats.

        oh, and directorships (on retirement)..

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      That's why it gives a deceitful radar signature. They're looking in the wrong place for it!

    3. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      With this tonnage...

      15 K tons was the "BattleShip Threshold" in the Versailles piece treaty - everything above that was a battleship.

      That is one extremely obese Destroyer...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: With this tonnage...

        Germany was limited to 10,000 tons by Versailles.

        The Washington Naval Treaty of 1922 limited battleships to 35,000 tons. Aircraft carriers to 27000 and everything else to 10,000 tons.

      2. GrumpyKiwi Silver badge

        Re: With this tonnage...

        The Treaty of Versailles had nothing to say on the size of Battleships apart from that Germany couldn't have any.

        That was the Washington Naval Treaty of 1922. And it placed no minimum size on them, but rather a maximum size of 35,000 tons standard displacement and a maximum of 16" guns.

        By that stage all the obsolete early RN and USN battleships had been retired/scrapped and 23,000 tonnes+ was about the size of even the oldest and least capable battleship.

        The treaty DID establish a maximum size of 10,000 tones standard displacement for Cruisers along with an 8" gun size limit.

        1. Jonathan Richards 1

          Re: With this tonnage...

          > The Treaty of Versailles had nothing to say on the size of Battleships apart from that Germany couldn't have any.

          > The treaty DID establish a maximum size of 10,000 tones standard displacement for Cruisers along with an 8" gun size limit.

          None of which stopped Germany from building the Panzerschiffe at up to 12,000 tons, with 28cm (11") guns, and all before the Treaty of Versailles was repudiated by the National Socialists.

      3. Dave 15 Silver badge

        Re: With this tonnage...

        Obese? It is American so what do you expect?

  8. LDS Silver badge

    That's what happen when you have a Kirk...

    ... but no Scott!

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: That's what happen when you have a Kirk...

      Makes me wonder how many times one can actually be amused by the executive officer going on the ship-wide intercom and announcing "Bridge to Captain Kirk."

      1. Brian Miller

        Re: That's what happen when you have a Kirk...

        "Bridge to Captain Kirk" plus sound effects. When I was in the Army, we (Signal) had the intercom in our hands in short order. I'm sure the Navy lads won't leave it alone!

    2. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      Re: That's what happen when you have a Kirk...

      Two weeks at base. That'll make for a boring episode.

      Unless, they get into some wacky hi-jinks with some cute furry creatures.

      1. Jeffrey Nonken Silver badge

        Re: That's what happen when you have a Kirk...

        Oh, come on. Shore leave episode, and Kirk will seduce or be seduced by some gorgeous alien woman who will turn out to be an enemy spy but will do a last-minute heel-face turn because she's fallen in love.

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

          Re: That's what happen when you have a Kirk...

          But then when he's back aboard and she's under steam ....

          Cough Cough!

          SUDDENLY CHESTBUSTER!

        2. DropBear Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: That's what happen when you have a Kirk...

          "...gorgeous alien woman who will turn out to be an enemy spy but will do a last-minute heel-face turn..."

          Then of course right before the finale a new last-last-minute threat appears and said spy saves the day, the hero's life or both at the cost of her own - this last part is non-negotiable seeing as how having been a baddie is a sin in the eyes of Hollywood that can never possibly be redeemed to a degree that would warrant a happy ending for an ex-spy regardless of how reformed she might be; much as any villain must die of some convenient consequence of his own actions as to not sully the hands of the hero with his murder yet still be satisfactorily dealt with, any reformed baddie absolutely must suffer the heroic version of the same fate so as to not burden the protagonist with any questionable moral choices. Some wholesome mourning and #sadfaces all around is so much better than insinuating that the real world might not be black and white after all...

      2. Ben Boyle

        @Francis Boyle - Re: That's what happen when you have a Kirk...

        Norfolk is also the home of PETA, so no hi-jinks with any furry creatures or there'll be uproar.

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