back to article Lethal 4-hour-erection-causing spiders spill out of bunch of ASDA bananas

Yet another British family has been forced to flee its habitat after an infestation of Brazilian wandering spiders smuggled itself into their nest on the back of a bunch of supermarket bananas. The Brazilian wandering spider's bite is so venomous it can leave males of many species with a painful four-hour long erection before …

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  1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    'British version of Walmart'

    I thought it *was* Walmart? (In the same way Cadburys are Kraft foods)

    1. Chris Miller

      Re: 'British version of Walmart'

      Quite. It's a subsidiary - but the last Asda I went in didn't have a gun aisle, unlike the last Walmart I visited.

      1. JustNiz

        OK time for some fact-based info

        @Chris Miller: I seriously doubt it was an aisle, unless you're talking about airsoft or other non-lethal/toy guns. Some of the larger Walmarts in the US do indeed have a sporting section which includes a separate desk with locked display cabinets of firearms behind. Mostly hunting rifles. Its not like you can just wander down an aisle and take an AR-15 off a peg. And while I'm at it, lets end another myth: Whenever you buy a firearm in the US you have to pass an FBI background check before you can take it away (Gun shows and private trades are the only exception). Its just a form and a phone call but nevertheless it's actually not as easy/unregulated as the fact-free sensationalist UK media (including the BBC) would have you believe.

        1. asdf Silver badge

          Re: OK time for some fact-based info

          >Gun shows and private trades are the only exception

          Online sales in some cases as well. Seen much higher figures but safe to say at least 20% of the guns that switch hands in the US are done without a background check. Still as the poster above implies even here in probably the most gun friendly red state its hardly the wild wild west.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: OK time for some fact-based info

            Gun shows aren't an exception, same rules apply. Buy from a dealer and go through a NICS check, private sales may or may not need to depending on state.

            Online sales have to go to a FFL in the buyer's state, who will then run the NICS check before handing over the weapon, unless the weapon is Curio/Relic eligible and the buyer has a C&R license.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: OK time for some fact-based info

            "Online sales in some cases as well. Seen much higher figures but safe to say at least 20% of the guns that switch hands in the US are done without a background check. Still as the poster above implies even here in probably the most gun friendly red state its hardly the wild wild west"

            Since we are going there, HERE is the scoop:

            * In the U.S. , there are two types of sales: private sales between individuals and sales from an FFL (Federal Firearms License) dealers.

            * ALL new guns are going through an FFL and require a background check. That includes new gun sales from an FFL dealer at a gunshow, or sales over the internet. ALL NEW GUN SALES REQUIRE A BACKGROUND CHECK.

            * Between individuals , State law applies. In Georgia, for example, I can sell longarms or pistols face-to-face without a background check. I can send a longarm through the mail to another individual in the state without a background check. I CANNOT send a pistol through the mail to another individual without a background check. I CAN send the pistol through the mail to an FFL dealer in the state, and the receiving party would need to go to the dealer and pass a background check before he could recieve the pistol. I CAN send pistols or rifles to an FFL in another state where an individual can pick them up after passing a background check.

            The "gunshow loophole" is simply that individuals go to gunshows with a gun to sell, and may sell that gun to another individual (or FFL) in the state without a background check. This is allowed as all other face to face exchanges are allowed. Again, it is NOT allowed to purchase a gun from an FFL dealer at a gunshow without a background check. So when people are attacking "the gunshow loophole", what they are really trying to do is to prohibit transfers of guns between individuals without a background check. It has NOTHING to do with gunshows.

        2. Chris Miller

          Re: OK time for some fact-based info

          @JustNiz - it was Flagstaff, AZ (as you say, a manned area at the back of the store, you couldn't just pick up a rifle and put it in your trolley). I had a good chat with the knowledgeable guys manning the area - they were bewildered that we couldn't buy this stuff in the UK :)

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: OK time for some fact-based info

          Its just a form and a phone call but nevertheless it's actually not as easy/unregulated as the fact-free sensationalist UK media (including the BBC) would have you believe.

          Oh yes, good thing the FBI background check phone call stops all mass murderers.

        4. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: OK time for some logic-based thinking...

          The USA has about as many guns as people.

          Therefore, when somebody blows their last mental fuse on any given Monday, then they typically only need to walk to their closet to fetch their existing guns and ammo. There's no "background check" to prevent them from opening their closet.

          People go nutz every day. But in the USA, they probably ALREADY have guns.

          Background Checks are to Guns what a Drunk Driving Sobriety Test would be to **Purchasing** a Car.

          Which would be as stupid and useless as it sounds. ...Just like 'background checks' for gun purchases.

          What's actually amazing here is that I'm apparently the first and only person on Earth to figure this out. I've never seen this duh-obvious point made by anyone except me.

          1. asdf Silver badge

            Re: OK time for some logic-based thinking...

            Honestly if you don't keep a gun in your house the odds of you being murdered by a firearm outside of some inner city areas is very small even in the US. Significantly more than 2/3rd of all gun deaths are suicides and accidents. The majority of gun homicides are also committed by "loved" ones. Hardly a fan of gun control but don't like the lies that guns make you safer either. Guns don't scare me. ISIS and terrorism doesn't scare me. Traffic scares me, because that is what's most likely to kill me or an immediate family member by far at this point in our lives (more than hour spent in the car daily drives the point home). Can't wait for them to get the self driving cars bugs worked out fast enough so maybe a significant portion of the drunk fools in society pass out instead of going the wrong way on the freeway.

            1. Natalie Gritpants

              Re: OK time for some logic-based thinking...

              Traffic deaths are decreasing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reported_Road_Casualties_Great_Britain#/media/File:Killed_on_British_Roads.png and that's with traffic and population increasing. Must be all those speed cameras :-) or could it be Kevlar brake pads, radial tyres, jelly-mold car fronts and better road design?

        5. el_oscuro

          Re: OK time for some fact-based info

          Over here in northern VA, the local Dicks sporting goods has a complete section with hunting rifles and shotguns. They are behind the counter but not locked.

          1. x 7 Silver badge

            Re: OK time for some fact-based info

            " Dicks sporting goods has a complete section with hunting rifles and shotguns."

            Rather appropriate name for such a shop

    2. Old Tom

      Re: 'In the same way Cadburys are Kraft foods'

      You're behind the times, that should read 'In the same way Cadbury are Mondalez International'.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Cadburys

        But we still have Mars in the UK, although part of Mars international. If this had happened to one of their products, we'd be coming over all Ziggy Stardust now.

        1. Vic

          Re: Cadburys

          If this had happened to one of their products, we'd be coming over all Ziggy Stardust now.

          <jarvis> Now that's the last thing I'd want to happen </jarvis>

          Vic.

  2. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: What A Way To Go....

      That would be pronounced "My-co--za-flow--pin".

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: What A Way To Go....

        "That would be pronounced "My-co--za-flow--pin"."

        You you really think so? Here?

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: You you really think so? Here?

          You have a point...

    2. TitterYeNot
      Coat

      Re: What A Way To Go....

      "In addition to this, before the brand name viagra, they were going to name it mycoxaflopin"

      Oh not this one again! The generic name for Viagra is actually Sildenafil - I know because I'm an acquaintance of both the discoverer of the drug, Doctor Drew Peacock, and the owner of the patent, Doctor Hugh Jardon.

      <Coughs>

      But on a more serious note, what happens if you get bitten by one of these spiders and have to rush to A&E?

      - Doctor, help me, a spider gave me this huge erection!

      - Pervert. You've got chronic Arachnophilia and you need to go and see a psychiatrist before it's too late...

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Doctor, help me, a spider gave me this huge erection!

        Well, it wouldn't be the first time you got a hard-on from something off the web.

        1. Smody

          Re: Doctor, help me, a spider gave me this huge erection!

          I really did LOL when I read this. The headline was crazy enough ("Lethal" + "4-hour-erection-causing"?), but this was the perfect response.

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

        1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

          Re: What A Way To Go....

          > "I know what it means, i didn't even have to look it up......."

          I was rather surprised that the author didn't try to work it in somewhere (oops, no pun intended).

          Kind of hard (oops) to make a pun out of "priapism", but maybe describe the spiders as "peripatetic priapistic poisoners"?

      3. Triggerfish

        Re: What A Way To Go....

        It's not just the huge erection, apparently if you survive there's a good chance that it breaks your cock forever after.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: What A Way To Go....

          The Blue Knob of Death?

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: What A Way To Go....

          "It's not just the huge erection, apparently if you survive there's a good chance that it breaks your cock forever after."

          Well, maybe for you girls that aren't used to four hour erections.

          Just business as usual for me.

          1. Triggerfish

            Re: What A Way To Go....

            Yes I said after.

            One shot one time, and never more, not sure that would keep your missus happy, then again maybe it would .........

      4. W4YBO

        Re: What A Way To Go....

        "The generic name for Viagra is actually Sildenafil"

        Considering its purpose, Cialis has a great generic name... Tadalafil.

      5. cortland

        Re: What A Way To Go....

        Well, if you know people in the pharmaceutical industry, here's an opportunity; a new NATURAL cure for ED.

        Should sell like (cough, cough) "gang-busters".

        In commercial terms, it'll have legs.

  3. Sureo

    Curious

    It's curious how the company comments are at odds with the obvious facts. They should apologize and pay for the costs involved without fuss.

    1. barstewardsquad

      Re: Curious

      It's curious how the company comments are at odds with the obvious facts. They should apologize and pay for the costs involved without fuss.

      The obvious facts being that the customer told them it had happened and so it must be true?

      1. Haefen

        Re: Must be true.

        We accept such from companies, many already proven to be less than truthful. If the customer is lying have the police investigate for fraud.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Curious

        "It's curious how the company comments are at odds with the obvious facts. They should apologize and pay for the costs involved without fuss.

        The obvious facts being that the customer told them it had happened and so it must be true?"

        When I was younger there was hysteria about the log flume ride at the new theme park - the hollowed out logs were infested with deadly snakes from South America.

        God knows what the death toll was.

        That would be the fiberglass logs.

        So, count me in the group that needs confirmation for everything.

    2. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Curious

      All our xxx are xxx they are transported to the UK and every single piece of xxx is manually checked for quality and xxx.

      I think that that is the standard 'Oh eff off and die" response to the media/public as a whole. Customer Service departments worldwide have an app they use to run off trite like that as or when required.

    3. Benchops

      Re: Curious

      The response should be: if, as you say, this is so incredibly rare, you will not worry one second about paying to fumigate each and every time it happens.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Curious

      On the other hand, 1500 baby spiders in the size of a 20p coin, they're tiny. Maybe a fully grown spider can inflict a nasty bite but these are a long way short of that, a long way from their natural environment, not going to survive.

      This story sounds a bit like it might be "over-reacting consumer spots an opportunity to screw the shop for compensation". I'd just have gone round with an insecticide spray (just to pre-empt the pedants, yes, spiders are arachnids not insects but insecticide still kills them).

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: Curious

        Generally speaking most venemous animals are venoumous right from the get go (as it's used for hunting and defence).

        In fact there is a school of thought it may be better to be bittten by an adult snake versus a juvenile because an adult snake has more control and is more likely to dry bite, or only partial inject, (have seen this behaviour with King Cobras) whereas the little uns will just fully envonomate you.

        Not sure how that translates to inverts, pretty sure it does with Octopusses, either way don't underestimate venomus animals just because they are babies.

  4. Novex

    "...every single piece of fruit is checked..."

    My arse.

    1. Pascal

      > "...every single piece of fruit is checked..."

      ... from outside the crate, through those tiny hole used for air flow and whatnot, while being loaded 10,000 at a time in a cargo container ...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      I came to say the same...

      "every single piece of fruit is manually checked for quality and stowaways."

      "We sell one billion bananas every year "

      So even if they only spent 1 second for each banana that would equate to roughly 277,778 man hours.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "So even if they only spent 1 second for each banana that would equate to roughly 277,778 man hours."

        And that's only the bananas. Then there are all the apples, oranges, pears... And don't forget to check each grape.

        1. Triggerfish

          Tilbury

          Dock workers at Tilbury used to tell me they would all stand outside the Banana warehouse when a shipment came in with sticks and there would be a literal flood of spiders when the doors were opened.

          1. W4YBO

            Re: Tilbury

            In the southern US, we have Wolf spiders that carry their egg sacks underneath their abdomen. I don't care how manly a man you are, you will squeal like a little girl when a thousand baby spiders run out from under your shoe.

            1. Triggerfish

              Re: Tilbury

              I have walked into a bathroom only to have a full size Scolopendra subspinipes (Vietnamese giant centipede) casually wander over my bare foot, which frankly almost saved me the trip to the toilet I initially went in there for.

        2. veti Silver badge

          You're counting it wrong...

          Bananas in Asda cost about 16p each. If someone at minimum wage can check 3600 per hour (one second each), that would cost 0.2p per banana. Perfectly feasible.

    3. Stoneshop Silver badge

      Your arse

      every single piece of fruit is checked..."

      Errrrrmm. Yes, I can see that.

      But how about watermelon, or durian? Even pomegranates would be stretching it already...

      1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

        Re: Your arse

        But how about watermelon, or durian?

        Huh? You mean you get durian shipped into the UK? Colour me surprised.

        1. x 7 Silver badge

          Re: Your arse

          "Huh? You mean you get durian shipped into the UK? Colour me surprised."

          Saw some on sale in a fruit and veg shop on the Edgware Rd around ten years ago. I wasn't tempted

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