back to article Simply not credible: The extraordinary verdict against the body that hopes to run the internet

In an extraordinary judgment, the organization that hopes to take over running the top level of the internet later this year has been slammed by an independent review as at best incompetent and at worst deliberately mendacious. The decision [PDF] by ICANN's Independent Review Panel (IRP) over the organization's decision to …

  1. Martin Summers Silver badge

    As if there hadn't been enough warning signs already, now this. I hope you're listening US Government, do not give these people power over the global Internet. It will not end well for it. Other countries seriously need to intervene on this or at least have some input.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Well...Congress seems divided. Some what it to go, other say "stay". They've already decided no money is to be spent by government agencies on the separation from the government. They've been warned about this a lot, yet Congress chooses ignore it and send ICANN out on it's own. Why it's almost as if someone lobbied or bought Congress for this particular affair.

      1. frank ly Silver badge

        @Mark 85

        "Why it's almost as if ..."

        I'd go further but wealthy organisations with expensive lawyers are dangerous. Did I say "dangerous"? I meant "formidable".

      2. Marketing Hack Silver badge
        Trollface

        @Mark85 You can't buy Congress!

        But the rent is very reasonable :)

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: @Mark85 You can't buy Congress!

          Rent? And here all along I thought we had the best politicians money could buy.

      3. oiseau
        Flame

        "... almost as if someone lobbied or bought Congress for this particular affair."

        Almost?

        ALMOST?

        Really now ...

    2. Ole Juul Silver badge

      this needs to be escalated

      Other countries seriously need to intervene on this or at least have some input.

      I'm not sure I'd like China and Turkey, or whomever, to take much control, but in this case it might be good if they weighted in on this one so as to put a bit of fire under the US govt to get some action here. This situation has been going on for a long time and it's as if the behaviour is acceptable. It is not.

    3. Fatman Silver badge

      Listen to the warning signs

      There are two possible outcomes:

      1) Do NOTHING and let ICANN take over the IANA functions. I suspect that this is the default as there most likely has been some greasing of the wheels to insure this happens. or

      2) The US government agency that will transfer control finds some excuse reason for putting the transfer on hold, or (hopefully) killing it altogether. But, this, I feel is unlikely to happen.

  2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Gimp

    Do I hear snorting at this trough?

    We are still studying the declaration, but according to ICANN’s bylaws the next step will be for the Board of Directors to consider the declaration

    Organization "I" personnel need to be shot to the moon without oxygen supply and the EIU is a feel-good backscratching operation (the 80s really are long gone), oh surprise!

  3. Pliny the Whiner

    And they have a famous chef, too

    I was thinking of what country I would trust the most with the keys to the root servers (which is what we're talking about here), and there was only one answer: Sweden. Yes, Swedish is a fake language consisting of mostly incoherent gibberish, but that hasn't stopped the Swedes from building a rational, credible society that doesn't seem to piss off anyone. How often does that happen?

    In the meantime, ICANN: You can't act like that and continue to call yourselves adults.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And they have a famous chef, too

      "Yes, Swedish is a fake language consisting of mostly incoherent gibberish, but that hasn't stopped the Swedes from building a rational, credible society that doesn't seem to piss off anyone."

      Simply because they don't really have anything worth being pissed off at them over. Don't GIVE them that reason...

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: And they have a famous chef, too

        Simply because they don't really have anything worth being pissed off at them over.

        You haven't been downwind of an open tin of Surströmming, have you?

        1. Charles 9 Silver badge

          Re: And they have a famous chef, too

          "You haven't been downwind of an open tin of Surströmming, have you?"

          But at least that at worst only has a local influence. I'm talking international stinks.

    2. kbb

      Re: And they have a famous chef, too

      Setting up DNSSEC might be easier with Ikea-style documentation.

    3. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: And they have a famous chef, too

      Given the rise of far right political parties and the growing discussion and problems around immigration/refugees in sweden I'm not entirely sure they are as non-offensive as you think they are. It's just that they never really bothered anyone ELSE so far. (except maybe Denmark)

  4. Yes Me Silver badge
    WTF?

    Umm, some balance please

    So, ICANN opens one of its many proceedings up to review by an arm of the American Arbitration Association, which identifies some problems. And the report is published. It may even be right; I don't have enough personal knowledge to judge that. Exactly how does that show that ICANN is unfit to do its job? It seems to me that, on the contrary, ICANN is much more open and fair than, say, the International Olympic Committee, or FIFA, to name but two. And please don't overlook that DOT Registry, the complainer in this arbitration, exists to make money out of several completely unnecessary and confusing new top level domains - it isn't intended to do anything useful or productive, just to extract money from the Internet for old rope.

    Let's be clear: new top level domains in Latin script are stupid and unnecessary, and I've believed for years that ICANN was misguided to allow them. But given that they went that way, one or two disputes going to arbitration were inevitable. Move right along, nothing to see here.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Umm, some balance please

      ICANN is much more open and fair than, say, the International Olympic Committee, or FIFA, to name but two.

      Objection your honour! Attorney "Yes Me2" is setting the bar deliberately low using an old-school rhetorical trick, but does not address any of the accusations, in particular, willful perversion of ICANN's own internal processes to make sure said processes result in apparently previously chosen outcomes that seem suspiciously linked to pecuniary interests. Indeed there is an intention to deflect the discussion to the well-foundedness or otherwise of allowing new TLDs.

      1. graeme leggett Silver badge

        Re: Umm, some balance please

        Not just rhetoric but a logical fallacy.

        Strong whiff of WhatAboutIsm

    2. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: Umm, some balance please

      Yes, let's balance. I don't give two hoots about corruption in the Olympic Committee or FIFA - they do not and will never affect me in any way.

      I damn well care about my Internet and I am incensed every time I hear about how ICANN in general just doesn't give a flying monkey's about respecting anything so mundane as rules and regulations when it is the fucking global Internet that they've got in their hands.

      It is literally criminal how they get away with blatantly saying "F U" to everyone's face and nobody lifts a finger in retaliation. I would send in the Marines and have them all shot for treason on site, no delay and no discussion.

      1. Charles 9 Silver badge

        Re: Umm, some balance please

        "It is literally criminal how they get away with blatantly saying "F U" to everyone's face and nobody lifts a finger in retaliation. I would send in the Marines and have them all shot for treason on site, no delay and no discussion."

        OK, then. After you sweep ICANN clean, what would you replace it with? And how would you ensure it did its job properly while also preventing it being corrupted or subverted AGAIN?

        You see, the big trouble with all these cries of "Throw the Bums Out!" is that no one ever bothers to consider what you're going to do AFTER they're gone. It's not like the Internet runs itself or can completely ignore political entities that can control the physical wires...

      2. annfan

        Re: Umm, some balance please

        "I am incensed every time I hear about how ICANN in general just doesn't give a flying monkey's about respecting anything so mundane as rules and regulations when it is the fucking global Internet that they've got in their hands."

        The US mafia has done well for itself.

        "I would send in the Marines."

        How about the National Guard, to take over its computers?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No, these guys really are like FIFA or the IOC. The difference is there is less money coming in, so the scale of their corruption is necessarily smaller. The only thing surprising about this report is that this external investigation wasn't subverted as well.

  6. Alistair Silver badge
    Coat

    homonym or homily

    ICANN.

    Icahn.

    I can't tell the difference.

    They sure as heck *act* the same.

    As to who should be herding the root servers, I rather suspect that the original principle should be applied vigorously and have them managed by independent agencies hosted in various countries. With all details of the management agencies being publicly available. I certainly would *not* want someone like Erdogan or Un or (some days) Putin or Zuma with their hands on the leashes of more than one of the servers.

    <Please note, this is hour 6 of a conf call and I've been up for almost 20 hours. Sense may be lacking>

    1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

      Re: homonym or homily

      Don't worry. That's far more sensible than anything coming form ICANN

    2. Charles 9 Silver badge

      Re: homonym or homily

      "As to who should be herding the root servers, I rather suspect that the original principle should be applied vigorously and have them managed by independent agencies hosted in various countries. With all details of the management agencies being publicly available. I certainly would *not* want someone like Erdogan or Un or (some days) Putin or Zuma with their hands on the leashes of more than one of the servers."

      How do you avoid puppets then who can in turn be protected by the power of sovereignty?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    "ICANN's chosen panelist, Charles Browser"

    Good grief, doesn't April 1st come round rapidly?

  8. Yugguy

    I cann I cann't?

    This is a local Internet, for local people.

  9. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Surely by now they've had enough opportunities to clean up their act. It's time to open up to tender; ICANN or any organisation with ex-ICANNers in its management need not apply.

  10. Tom 64
    Coat

    26% p/a salary bump?

    Nice work if youCANN get it.

    Perhaps if I become a lying corrupt shyster, ICANN achieve a similar level of success.

    Yes, I know, getting my coat.

  11. Craig 2

    Should have just taken a leaf out of the parent's handbook and wrote on the report "because I said so".

  12. Yugguy
    Coat

    That getting a coat icon

    It really doesn't look like you're getting your coat. It looks like you are nicking stuff from someone else's.

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: That getting a coat icon

      ...and this is somehow inappropriate for ICANN? :)

      (but yes, it does and it has been mentioned before...)

  13. Huns n Hoses

    I cant hear youuuu...

    Well, these are just details right? We've handled details before.

    So, October then?

  14. Jonathan Smythe

    .gay not gay enough?

    I seem to recall an issue with the .gay domain where el reg mentioned how an application was possibly either too gay or not gay enough? Reading the above, it looks like ICANN may well have decided they didn't want that group's application to be successful, and decided to massage the criteria to ensure it failed. It sounds like this could be happening with many other new TLDs.

  15. 273 Kelvin

    Voluntary?

    "Also in 2015, the chair of the BGC, Chris Disspain, received [PDF] $145,000 in compensation, payment and reimbursements for the part-time voluntary work he carried out for ICANN"

    That's nice. He volunteers & gets a sack of cash. This is a different definition of voluntary work than I'm used to!

    Nice gig to get.

  16. nuked
    Holmes

    Think i've found the problem...

    "...double-dealing that many suspected occurred in the non-profit organization.."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Re: Think i've found the problem...

      Amateurs.

      For real shenanigans, you want Crapita or Shirko. Or of course government.

    2. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Think i've found the problem...

      "non-profit organization.."

      That doesn't mean what you think it means.

      Non-profits are free to pay out obscene amounts of money to employees and others. They're not free to return profits to their stakeholders.

      The game they're playing is an ancient scam pulled by thousands of non-profits worldwide.

      The best thing you can do is sic the IRS onto them and try to get the non-profit status revoked, but with that amount of money in their legal war chest iy might be hard to achieve.

  17. hoola

    MONEEEEYYYYYYYYYY

    A bunch of unaccountable desk wallahs who are paid quite a lot of money suddenly find they have lots more money and don't know what to do with it. What could possibly go wrong.

    They must all be search the web for yachts and villas and tax havens to dispose of their pay rises.

    Arrange these words into a common phrase

    Trough In Snout The

  18. druck
    Joke

    The New FIFA

    I'm waiting to see if Sepp Blatter gets made the new life president of ICANN, after all, there is no one else more qualified.

    1. aregross

      Re: The New FIFA

      Bernie Ecclestone?

  19. steward
    Facepalm

    Accountability won't exactly change

    "A key concern with that move is that ICANN is not sufficiently transparent or accountable."

    And the US Government is transparent and accountable?

  20. E 2

    Running ICANN might rival running the IOC in terms of opportunities for graft.

    Running ICANN might rival running the IOC in terms of opportunities for graft.

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