back to article Man sues YET AGAIN for chance to marry his computer

A Tennessee man is suing Utah because, like the rest of America, it won't let him marry his computer. Chris Sevier has previously complained that Apple let him become addicted to porn; now he wants to “go legal” with the love of his life. In a leap of logic that gave El Reg a side-eye headache, he's also miffed that he can't …

Silver badge
Go

I don't see why not.

I spent years married to an inanimate object!

...

Wasn't getting off on it though, hence the past tense.

20
0
Silver badge

Re: I don't see why not.

Did you try turning her off and on?

27
0
Coat

Re: I don't see why not.

Should have upgraded to Windows 10...

3
0
Silver badge

Re: I don't see why not.

Should've married Comcast's network, that thing is always going down...

7
0
Silver badge

Utah is a common-law marriage state. All he has to do is wait, then announce it in the papers (just to piss everybody off). There is also, in the US, the ability for Indian Nations to perform a tribal ceremony, so there's possibilities there.

Plus you might as well let him marry the computer, because he's never getting laid again now this has hit the papers.

Not convinced of the chap's sanity; but I can't see that it does any harm or is any of anyone else's business.

12
0
Silver badge

What happens when he dies? How will the computer inherit and administer his estate? What if there are children?

5
0

> What if there are children?

Well, it sounds like he's been forking quite a lot.

17
0
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

@ frank ly

What if there are children?

they would be Mac minis

Paris - only she can save him now. Or, was she the root cause?

5
0
Silver badge
Terminator

What if there are children?

Then those will be the first of the Borg...

2
0

Here legally married means income taxes are assessed differently. The government doesn't want taxes to go down every time some sad wanker watches grumble flicks.

2
0
FAIL

Macs don't have a C:\

Windows computers aren't marriage material because they're promiscuous, high risk of STIs, high maintanence, and are always trying to "reinvent themselves".

30
2

And Mac's are PC's with plastic surgery and a needy attitude? Will only let designer brands into their holes?

I'm not sure I like where this metaphor is going...

25
1
Silver badge

Linux would be cheap, accommodating and a little bit basic.

Actually, had another way to solve the chap's problems...he could send away for one of those mail-order license to marry (or rent a boat to captain) and -with a bit of video editing- perform and star in the ceremony himself. I'd love to see what the courts could do about that. If they even bothered, the case would be hilarious.

3
0
Anonymous Coward

"Macs don't have a C:\"

Except when running Windows...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boot_Camp_(software)

2
0
Anonymous Coward

ReL Windows computers aren't marriage material because

Could be the answer to your maintenance problems.

Perhaps if you married your Windows PC it would stop going down on you all the time.

25
1
Silver badge

Re: ReL Windows computers aren't marriage material because

Windows PCs seem to be a lot more fickle than the old Nintendos. All they needed was a quick blow.

5
0
Silver badge

Re: ReL Windows computers aren't marriage material because

Perhaps if you married your Windows PC it would stop going down on you all the time.

Cough... cough... sputter... sputter... And why do you think it is good for it to stop doing so? In the context of the spirit of such discussions on The Register of course: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/02/11/itaughttaylorswifthowtogiveheadcom/

1
1
Silver badge

Re: ReL Windows computers aren't marriage material because

If it wasn't for the mention of Apple, I'd be inclined to think he wants to put his dongle in Microsoft. (NSFW)

2
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: ReL Windows computers aren't marriage material because

> Cough... cough... sputter... sputter... And why do you think it is good for it to stop doing so?

Because it's apparently not PC to be intimate with your HW

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/latest/2015/09/15/anti_robot_prostitution_campaign/

0
0

Macs that are over 18 years old can't run Windows, to run Windows it would probably need to be no more than 10 years old.

1
0
Childcatcher

"Windows computers aren't marriage material because they're promiscuous, high risk of STIs, high maintanence, and are always trying to "reinvent themselves". "

Like real women? Yer Honor, I rest my case.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

I'm sorry Dave...

... I can't let you do that.

19
0
Silver badge

Re: I'm sorry Dave...

Oink!

13
1
Silver badge
Pint

Better yet

Just let Reverend Jim Ignatowski do the ceremony, he probably won't notice it is a computer ;-}

2
0
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Better yet

I wish I could upvote you more. I forgot all about Reverend Jim... My how the decades have flown past.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

How long till the upgrade to Wife 2.0?

Nuff said...

1
0
Silver badge
Coat

Re: How long till the upgrade to Wife 2.0?

Wife 2.0 software is incompatible with Win10

0
0
Silver badge
Coat

Re: How long till the upgrade to Wife 2.0?

Wife 2.0 software is incompatible with Win10

Given that he's an Apple fanboi, it's Hardware compatibility that would be the problem. Square hole, round peg?

2
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: How long till the upgrade to Wife 2.0?

> Wife 2.0 software is incompatible with Win10

Wife 2 caught a bad case of Win10, but now feels the incompatibility is no worse than Win8.1

0
0
Silver badge

Re: square hole

An amusing (but NSFW) take on the square hole / round peg idea:

http://oglaf.com/annuitcoeptis/

0
0
Silver badge

In the future...

"A Utah man is trying to divorce his computer, because it upgraded to Windows 10 and he doesn't like it".

13
1
Anonymous Coward

Re: In the future...

Win-10 looming Subscription model (High maintenance)

0
0
Silver badge

Sod marrying my computer

Can someone tell me how I can divorce the damn things!

5
0
Gold badge

Back to Star Trek..

"It's life, Jim, but not as you know it"

4
0

It would never last

Each time I buy a new PC I tell myself it will last for years, but I'm eyeing up newer models before you can say "disloyal".

4
0
Thumb Up

Thats it i'm Done !! !

You guys broke me, this is hilarious !!!!

Love your comments. Haven't laughed like that in ages.

Thanks

6
0
M7S
Silver badge

Is it perhaps a cunning legal ploy?

If they have anything where he lives like the law that used to apply in the UK (repealed many many decades ago) where IIRC a wife could not be forced to testify against her husband in any trial, then this would allow him to get up to all sorts of computer related shenanigans and be immune to any searches of his PC by law enforcement.

Could start a trend for hackers if this wild guess is anywhere near the mark.

16
0
Silver badge

Chobits?

If anyone has heard of that manga.... (also a short 1 series anime).

Well, I only brought it up as it's the only scenario I'd find myself with the same temptation.

'Chi...Chi...Chi?'

2
0
Silver badge

Has the computer consented to the marriage?

There's too many forced marriages already

1
0

Consent

How can he prove that the PC has given consent without any form of coercion - it's kind of an imperative part of the ceremony - Programming it to say 'I do' is coercion, he's making the PC say it.

5
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: he's making the PC say it.

yeah - just like when I give my computer the command to print, it prints...

1
0
Silver badge

Re: he's making the PC say it.

And when I say "Don't upgrade to Windows 10 ... "

You know the rest.

2
0
Anonymous Coward

1) Just charge him 5K for the marriage paperwork (still cheaper than the wedding, even if the fiancée doesn't invite many guest from her side - well or at least they don't drink a lot)

2) tell him any future upgrade will need a divorce (same fee) and a re-marriage.

And that's it! Now he can, but does not want to do it anymore...

2
0
Gimp

Well...

I'm pretty sure someone married their Motorcycle, so why not!

1
0

Why dont they say he can when his computer reaches the age of consent?

7
0
Silver badge

I never thought I would say this :-

I feel sorry for the Genius Bar chap that has to carry out the repair

5
0

Sometimes

We just need to say "just shut up and fuck off you daft cunt" to people like this. What a fucking waste of everyone's time over one sad wanker.

Son, we all crack one off now and then whilst browsing certain sites, but most of us have the sense not to make a fuss about it. (Yes, I'm aware of the irony.)

9
0
Silver badge

Re: Sometimes

harsh but fair

3
0
Anonymous Coward

Brigham Young would have let you marry a child, I mean a computer.

0
0
Silver badge

I can sort this out for him

mklink /H /D %userprofile% Link %computername&

1
0

Page:

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017