back to article Lindsay Lohan ‘happy’ to turn on Kettering

Troubled wildchild turned Brexit commenter Lindsay Lohan has accepted the challenge of turning on Kettering for Christmas, in order to “redeem her political reputation”. Lindsay, who is currently having a rest in the UK, displayed a hitherto unknown talent for political analysis as the referendum results poured in last week, …

  1. Badbob
    Facepalm

    Where's that calendar??

    No, turns out it isn't April.

    Lohan for PM!

  2. Joefish
    Facepalm

    At least people who know where Kettering is

    Know it's in 'Northamptonshire', not 'Northampshire'...

    If only for the purpose of going round...

    1. FredBloggs61

      Re: At least people who know where Kettering is

      Article doesn't say Kettering is in Northampshire, Does say their correspondent is though, "Our Northampshire correspondent"

  3. FireBurn

    Shrugs

    I've never heard of it

  4. Captain Hogwash Silver badge
    Coat

    Do you like Kettering?

    I don't know. I've never kettered.

  5. M7S
    Coat

    "Lindsay happy to turn on Kettering"

    One at a time, or collectively?

    I'm just saying what you're all thinking!

    1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      Re: "Lindsay happy to turn on Kettering"

      Didn't you read the article? It clearly states she will be "flicking the switch" which rules out approximately 50% of the population.

      1. Blank-Reg
        Coat

        Re: "Lindsay happy to turn on Kettering"

        I swore she also mentioned something about ticking the box? If so, that's the other 50% sorted.

        Don't worry, I've got it and I'm going...

  6. AndrueC Silver badge
    Happy

    I used to live in Kettering (working for a pittancePegasus Software). Now I live in Brackley. Same county but about as far away from it as is possible, which due to Northamptonshire's shape means nearly fifty miles away :)

    It was okay as a town in the late 80s but not particularly friendly. And Weetabix is made in Burton Latimer which at the time I was there seemed to be a village a couple of miles outside of Kettering. I do wonder how it changed when the link road to the M1 was completed. It may have changed for the better, I've been told it's grown a lot.

    1. Joefish
      Thumb Down

      I went to schoool there at a similar time.

      That extension to the Newlands centre they took forever to build? They extended the extension too. Last time I saw it a few years ago, most of it that isn't bargain bucket-shops is empty.

      For anyone else, the chief employers in the county were shoe factories, which all went down the pan in the 80s and several places never recovered. There weren't any union gobshites or plucky brass bands to make films about, but at least there was a small tranny contingent to give a pathetically short-lived moment of hope before the last factory got quietly smothered in its sleep (ref. 'Kinky Boots').

      On the other hand, the A14 does provide an excellent means of avoiding the whole town.

      (Although it sadly chops up several sections of old railway track that used to provide excellent countryside walks away from Kettering. At least some of those are being restored around the Stanwick Lakes on the A45, though with less of the fun of traversing the gaping holes in the old Nene bridges between Woodford and Irthlingborough).

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      How it changed after the link road...

      now instead of having to go through it, you can miss it completely. The town centre is a good reflection of that, mostly nail salons and charity shops

  7. Christoph Silver badge

    Have they not heard of the Kettering Group?

    Kettering is internationally known as the home of the Kettering Group of satellite trackers.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  8. Robigus
    Pint

    It has the National Volleyball Centre too.

  9. wolfetone Silver badge
    Trollface

    Miss.Lohan, thank you so much for being in Meangirls. You "helped" me out when I was a teenager and had restricted access to dial up internet and a DVD player.

    But I'm not in Kettering, so can you come up to Birmingham and show me how you turn things on?

    1. Dadmin
      Paris Hilton

      I, for one, am super chuffed that the old girl has found some fans in blighty. Over here in the colonies she's a C-list celeb, on her best day.

      I'm wondering if people over there are wondering what Justin Beaver thinks about this. Something important, I guess. :)

  10. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Flame-haired ACRESS?

    Missing a consonant there, guys.

    I heard Ms. Lohan also tweeted a congrats to the Shetland Islands when they voted remain. It would be nice if they sent her a fruit basket or something.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It would be nice if they sent her a fruit basket or something.

      ... if it's from the Shetlands, presumably it'd be a pony.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It would be nice if they sent her a fruit basket or something.

        Shetlands ? Has to be fudge - preferably the gin & lime one.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not! 1982 (book)

    defined Kettering as "the marks left in the skin after sitting in a wicker chair."

    I just happened to remember that - 35 years on.

    (ISTR "Ludlow" was described as "the folded piece of paper to steady a table" with a note that "before he was supplied with prosthetic legs, Sir Douglas Bader used to get around on a massive pair of Ludlows").

    1. Fr. Ted Crilly
      Pint

      Re: Not! 1982 (book)

      ! have a beer sir...

  12. chivo243 Silver badge
    Meh

    she looks high, wonder who her doctor is? I've been feeling down lately...

  13. P. Lee Silver badge
    Flame

    If you turn on Kettering

    can you then have a hot drink? ---> Gas stove ---->

    1. Wommit

      Re: If you turn on Kettering

      I'm not sure that mains gas has arrived at Kettering (or 'Kettrin' as the locals call it) yet. Definitely none of that newfangled electrickery at all.

      1. David_H

        Re: If you turn on Kettering

        Yes they have gas :-) but not a lot else these days :-(

        It was a thriving market town until the Council turned the market square into 'The Restaurant Sector', and the High Street died due to the loss of market day foot-fall. It's mainly charity and empty shops now, with most of the chains in large out-of-town sites, just off the A14.

        At least there is still Wicksteed Park.

        Kettrin and the surrounding areas gained quite unique accents during the height of the Shoe Industry as workers condensed their utterances to fit into the gaps between machine noises. Rowl (Rothwell) was probably the most impenetrable, with even the fledgling BBC Radio Northampton taking the p1ss!

  14. Glenturret Single Malt

    Tut, tut. Women in this profession are called actors nowadays.

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