back to article Germany: If Brits vote to Remain, we'll admit Hurst's 1966 goal was a goal

Germany’s premier tabloid Bild has vowed to fulfil a series of promises if the Brits vote to remain in the EU, chief among them admitting Geoff Hurst’s disputed 1966 World Cup goal was over the line. With tongue firmly in cheek, the national daily swing into action today to convince any stragglers - using the country’s …

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  1. wolfetone Silver badge

    See what can happen when you work together?

    Yes you may be annoyed that you can't buy a curvy cucumber, or that there are 105 regulations for pillows (which, actually, is bollocks), but you'll finally get Germany to acknowledge the winning 1966 World Cup Goal!

    Brexit can't do that!

    1. James 51 Silver badge

      Re: See what can happen when you work together?

      There aren't that many regulations on pillows. John Oliver exposed the manipulation of the facts required to come up with that number.

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        Re: See what can happen when you work together?

        "There aren't that many regulations on pillows. John Oliver exposed the manipulation of the facts required to come up with that number."

        I know. He spoke a lot of sense in that video, and the best thing about him he's a Brummie!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: See what can happen when you work together?

          It is a pity more people here didn't see John Oliver's smug presentation here.

          If you vote Leave, you are a racist xenophobe, was the "joke". He would have been a huge boost to the Leave campaign.

          Better than Geldof.

          1. wolfetone Silver badge

            Re: See what can happen when you work together?

            "If you vote Leave, you are a racist xenophobe, was the "joke". He would have been a huge boost to the Leave campaign."

            Didn't Boris Johnson, poster boy of the Leave campaign, say that Barack Obama was anti-English because he was born in Kenya? Of course, there is the underlying hilarity of Johnson being so against someone outside of the UK having an opinion on UK matters when Johnson was born in America.

            And as for Geldof, the UK are happy to keep him. He thinks he's English anyway.

            1. SkippyBing Silver badge

              Re: See what can happen when you work together?

              'Didn't Boris Johnson, poster boy of the Leave campaign, say that Barack Obama was anti-English because he was born in Kenya?'

              Only when he was quoting The Guardian. But of course when they say it it's fine.

            2. Bob Vistakin
              FAIL

              Re: See what can happen when you work together?

              The Ethiopeans certainly love Geldof.

              I asked Bob Keating, a superb young investigative reporter who had just started working with us, to look into this for a story. The assignment was simple — all this money had been raised, where was it going, was it actually doing good?

              He discovered it was not doing good, but, horrifically, unimaginably, the exact opposite. The Ethiopian dictator, Mengistu, until then deadlocked in the war, was using the money the west gave him to buy sophisticated weapons from the Russians, and was now able to efficiently and viciously crush the opposition. Ethiopia, then the third poorest country in the world, suddenly had the largest, best equipped army on the African continent.

              1. Bob Vistakin
                Facepalm

                Re: See what can happen when you work together?

                Turns out he's such a wanker someone on the actual boat he told the struggling fishermen to fuck off from has changed from voting in to out! Way to go asshole, why couldn't you have been more prominent from the start?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: See what can happen when you work together?

        @James51

        One most heartedly agrees ..

        Absolute scandal those nasty bigoted brexiters were pedaling .. Our hardworking EU commissars haven't legislated 105 regulations for pillows at all !

        There are only 19 eu regulations and 25 eu directives on pillows..eminently sensible indeed

        One must conclude this should give us good reason to cancel the referendum result, as one can not possibly trust the plebians to understand the nuances of sophisticated political discourse at all.

        It was thoroughly nauseating enough the voter franchise was extended in 1836, let alone this hideous exercise in direct democracy.

        Vote Europa .. never need to vote again I say

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: See what can happen when you work together?

      Michael Gove was enough to persuade me to vote remain.

      1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        Re: See what can happen when you work together?

        It's sooooo difficult....

        every time I see or hear Gove or Johnson I decide to vote remain

        Then every time I see or hear Cameron or Osborne i decide to vote leave.

        My head is spinning!

        1. alain williams Silver badge

          Re: See what can happen when you work together?

          My head is spinning!

          As is mine ... and the reason is that most of the politicians have said almost anything to get people to vote the way that they want us to; regardless of evidence or consistency with previous assertions.

          They disagree even facts that should not be hard to verify; just call each other liars rather than try to agree numbers (possibly with error bars).

          The result is that I will take whatever they say with a larger dose of salt than I have in the past. Seriously: when one of them pronounces on something in the future - who will believe them if they do not come out with good evidence with all the points carefully attributed to an unimpeachable source ?

          Politicians have become the big losers in this campaign, it will take a long time before I trust them again.

          Actually: I suspect that many have been reasonable, but (as a result) have lacked media attention and have thus been ignored. Thus I (falsely) denigrate all politicians due to the antics of a few.

          *

          But that rant does little to help me decide which way to vote. I might spoil my ballot in protest.

          1. kbb
            Trollface

            Re: See what can happen when you work together?

            You mean you trusted politicians before?!

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: See what can happen when you work together?

          <i>It's sooooo difficult....

          every time I see or hear Gove or Johnson I decide to vote remain

          Then every time I see or hear Cameron or Osborne i decide to vote leave.

          My head is spinning!</i>

          And then you hear the UKIP vans shouting vote leave at people and you suddenly decide to vote remain again.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Goving Goving Gone

        That means the Great One's work on this Earth is now done! Mwuahahaha

    3. Lars Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: See what can happen when you work together?

      @ wolfetone

      Regarding a curvy cucumber. In some countries like Finland and Sweden cucumber is grow, during the winter, inside using electric light. The result is a thin, curvy and bitter piece of shit compared to the straight thick and juicy ones you get in the more sunny parts of Europe.

      Suppose then that somebody in say Paris who sells stuff like that, decided, due to the common market, to get half a ton of those Nordic cucumbers.

      That poor guy would be unable to sell and if he did he would lose his customers.

      There is more to regulations sometimes than meets the eye.

      1. JEDIDIAH
        Mushroom

        Re: See what can happen when you work together?

        If a product is pants, you don't buy it.

        See how simple that is?

    4. JEDIDIAH
      Linux

      Re: See what can happen when you work together?

      Curvy cucumbers? Really? You know there's a movement afoot to utilize mis-shappen and otherwise unwanted produce? Otherwise it goes to waste. Does this cucumber regulation sabotage that sort of thing?

  2. TRT Silver badge

    And here's me...

    thinking the Germans didn't have a sense of humour. That was the funniest thing I've read in ages!

    1. A. Coatsworth
      Pint

      Re: And here's me...

      Came to say *exactly* that

      Have an upvote und ein Bier instead

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: And here's me...

        I remember a few years ago the German F1 drivers being asked if they knew any funny German jokes. Seb Vettel giggled (he was very young) and Nick Heidfeld said, with a straight face, "No".

        The problem I found with the Germans is that after I'd explained a joke to them, they'd get it and laugh... just a bit too much :-)

      2. Ugotta B. Kiddingme
        Pint

        Re: And here's me...

        "Two peanuts valk into a bar. Vun of zem vas a salted. peanut."

        It's been around for many years but much more amusing when recently told to me by ein Deutscher mann who worked in my division. Yes, this was after much bier.

    2. Zippy's Sausage Factory

      Re: And here's me...

      I'd seriously love to hear Henning Wehn's take on the whole Brexit referendum. Alas, I don't often get back to the UK to find out...

    3. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: And here's me...

      > ...thinking the Germans didn't have a sense of humour.

      We do have a sense of humor. It's not well known because we retreat to the cellar before laughing.

      Oh, and we apparently mock the UK. To be abundantly clear, the video does mock the UK (stereotypes) but does it in a friendly way (the "Express" totally misses that). The comedian is Oliver Welke.

      Icon because whatever the outcome will be, beer is the solution.

      1. Laura Kerr
        Pint

        Beer is the solution

        Beer is always the solution!

        Prost, mein Kamerad.

  3. Grant Mitchell

    So now Scotland suddenly swings to vote leave

    As per title...

    1. Bob Vistakin
      Facepalm

      Re: So now Scotland suddenly swings to vote leave

      Inspired by the commitment of the luvvies.

      1. YARR
        Holmes

        Labour changing strategy

        I seem to recall that at the start of the referendum campaign Labour presented a near-united pro-EU front with very few opposed. As the polls have progressed and Leave has picked up momentum, I've noticed more Labour supporters switching to a "pro-Europe anti-EU" stance, basically supporting UKIP in principle but never in person. Is this a form of damage control so they don't appear totally at odds with their traditional working class voters I wonder?

  4. Geronimo!

    Sorry Britons, Tommies, Islandmonkeys etc. etc.

    I'm afraid we (Yes, I am a partial Kraut by choice, and did that entirely voluntarily) will be bothering you with our "humorous" articles in "BILD", including our poor grasp of your grammatical peculiarities, regardless if you stay or leave.

    1. moiety

      Re: Sorry Britons, Tommies, Islandmonkeys etc. etc.

      That was an excellent article. However, we're going to expect you to pay up on the beer thing if remain wins..

    2. fruitoftheloon
      Pint

      @Geronimo! Re: Sorry Britons, Tommies, Islandmonkeys etc. etc.

      G,

      That is stonking my son (said with distinct east london accent).

      Ooi one can get by (albeit slowly) in your fine mother tongue!

      Cheers mate, have one on me...

      Jay

  5. Doogie Howser MD
    Happy

    As I think Spike Milligan said..

    The German sense of humour is no laughing matter.

    1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Re: As I think Spike Milligan said..

      Laugh? I almost did.

    2. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Holmes

      Re: As I think Spike Milligan said..

      It ist! Unapproved jokes are shtriktly verboten. Jawoll!

      Tze German humor police ------------------>

  6. MiguelC Silver badge

    Wanted to look at the original article

    But apparently, ich habe nicht JavaScript aktiviert and auch ich habe ein AdBlocker aktiviert, so no sausage...

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Wanted to look at the original article

      You ain't missing much. Imagine the Sun but on quarto paper and with breasts on the front page.

      Hell has special placed reserved for Bild and Sun editors. As with The Sun it's less offensive if you treat it as a comic. Apart from that, you can basically rinse and translate the racist bollocks from The Sun and you've got it. And like The Sun, it's mainly bought for a couple of minutes outrage at scandal of the day and the sports coverage.

      1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge

        Re: Wanted to look at the original article

        You nailed it regarding BILD. Fun fact: they used to be even worse in the past.

        BILD BELLT, BALD BLÖD, BALD BLIND.

  7. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    No foam, just a thick creamy head thanks.

    Stop exporting your bloody awful sausages and we'll talk.

    1. jason 7

      "bloody awful sausages " - 'floppy fat tubes' we call them. Never found any trace of meat in a German sausage.

      1. Mongo

        exporting bloody awful sausages

        That's your mistake: Try eating the ones that don't get exported instead. Go to a proper Fleischerei, tell them how you plan to cook the sausage and with what, then enjoy the results of following their advice. And your life will be free of those "joyless tubes of gristle" (per Douglas Adams)

        1. swarfega

          Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

          Gimme a German Krakauer and I'll know what to do with it, nom nom nom ;) Yes I know it is really a Polish type. They are not the Wurst I have eaten ;)

          1. Charlie Clark Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

            They are not the Wurst I have eaten

            I prefer Krakauer and Mettwürste to the ubiquitous and extremely bland Bratwurst. In general, I prefer the British style of sausage, as long as they're from a real butchers, and was recently delighted to find my local butcher doing chorizo style sausages with cranberry. Luvverly, especially with a bit of Mostert (ABB is the best)!

            But I will be testing the altbier and onion sausages soon enough!

            1. swarfega

              Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

              OMG I need to go food shopping now, got hungry reading all that! The mostert had me puzzled until I read it phonetically ......

              1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

                Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

                The mostert had me puzzled until I read it phonetically

                It's the traditional name for mustard in and around Düsseldorf where it was more or less introduced by the French, and Düsseldorfer Mostert is now one of those jealously guarded regional designations. ABB is lovely and aromatic and comes charming earthenware pots, but I'm also a great fan of the hot enough to take the top of your head off Löwensenf that was introduced by someone from Dijon. Apart from that most mustard in Germany is the usual bland, tasteless nonsense you get anywhere.

                Anyway back to food: along with good British style sausages there's a huge potential market for good, strong English cheddar. The Dutch currently have the market sewn up with the perennially bland junge Gouda (you can also get Beemster and Oud Amsterdamer) and cheddar is usually from Kerrygold. I'm sure something like Cornish Crackler would be popular here with a Röggelchen (bread roll made with rye flour) and a glass of beer. Damn it! I've got my own mouth watering now!

                1. The_Idiot

                  Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

                  Not Germany, but I can go down to St Lawrence Market (a place National Geographic once awarded 'Best Market in the World') here in Toronto and pick up artisan cheddars aged for anywhere from two years to eighteen. Oh - and Bella Casara Mascarpone, fantastic Raclette, beautiful Brie, buffalo milk Parmesan - I'd go on, but Olympic Cheese alone have over 600 cheeses, and they're not the only quality cheese vendor there :-).

                  Olympic Cheese - St Lawrence Market

            2. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
              Happy

              Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

              > ...extremely bland Bratwurst.

              Wot? Just buy a good one! With a side of Sauerkraut, if you dare.

              Happy Bratwurst face is happy. ------------>

            3. Vincent Ballard

              Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

              @Charlie Clark, I wouldn't have thought cranberries and paprika would go well together. Interesting. Was it the dried chorizo for eating raw or the undried chorizo for cooking?

              1. Charlie Clark Silver badge
                Pint

                Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

                @Vincent

                Sometimes you have to try these things out. Imagine a British style sausage (like one of Jeff Capes' fingers) but made like a Chorizo with cranberries in it. Works well. Though not as good as the red onion and ginger ones I recently had in France: there really were the dogs bollocks! Well, hopefully not literally.

            4. fruitoftheloon
              Pint

              @Charlie clark: Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

              Charlie,

              I'm voting for you with that one matey.

              Out butchers (little village just north of Dartmoor), cures their own hams and makes the sausage too, they taste incredible, and by an amazing coincidence are much cheaper than that proferred by 'supermarkets'....

              Also the local (6 miles away) bakery delivers orders EVERY DAY to the butchers, local pork/bacon (29 miles), milk/cream/butter/yog stuff (5 miles), cheese (1 mile!!!) life is good!!!

              Cheers,

              Jay

            5. JEDIDIAH
              Linux

              Re: exporting bloody awful sausages

              Cranberry in chorizo? [shudders]

              Ay caramba!

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