back to article Thai bloke battles jumbo python in toilet todger thriller

A Thai chap's "morning routine of a shower and protracted bowel movement" was rudely interrupted earlier this week when a 4-metre python clamped its laughing gear round his todger as he squatted over the throne. According to an eye-watering report by Khaosod English - (some pics quite possibly NSFW) - Atthaporn Boonmakchuay of …

Science needs to know

How many eyes did this "trouser snake" have?

9
0
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Science needs to know

While understandably screaming, the bleeding 38-year-old did have the presence of mind to call to his missus Sawittree Shooyoung to bring a rope, which he used to lash the serpent's head to the bathroom door.

That is some pretty shrewd thinking under the circumstances. To be in that much pain, and still come up with a plan to rope the snake to the bathroom door is some very smart thinking under the circumstances.

20
0
Silver badge

Re: Science needs to know

I guess it concentrates the mind. Or to put it in nerd speak, that task would immediately be given a high scheduling priority.

25
0
g e

Syphon the Python

As per title....

2
0

Re: Science needs to know

If you check the pictures on that link, (they're not that bad), they give you a fair impression of that mans ability to pay attention to whats important.

0
0
Silver badge

Unless it is done later...

I call FAKE.

TYAGN

0
0

Skilled

"Operatives liberated the python from the bog by removing the entire toilet and smashing it with a hammer"

The bog or the python?

17
1

Re: Skilled

It does make you wonder where they release wild toilets these days...

23
0
Silver badge

Re: Skilled

Bognor?

17
0
TRT
Silver badge

Re: Skilled

Waterloo?

14
0
Silver badge

Re: Skilled

Dunedoo (pronounced DunnyDoo) NSW Australia

6
0
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Skilled

It does make you wonder where they release wild toilets these days...

In Japan, they disguise them so that they blend into the natural environment before releasing them into the wild.

I believe the local term is Camo-Khazi.

15
0
Silver badge

Movement

I imagine that given the circumstances, the scheduled bowel movement was fairly high yield, low effort and more-or-less instantaneous.

49
0
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Movement

Surely that must be COTW. I cannot imagine much to top that one.

3
0
Silver badge

Re: Movement

CoTW?

I second that Motion.

Um, let me rephrase that...

9
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: Movement

I second that Motion.

I turd it

3
0
TRT
Silver badge

Poor snake...

getting wrapped round a knob at both ends.

7
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: Poor snake...

Kinky stuff, but then emergency rooms do see a lot of strange situations.....

My favorite is the one about the poor lad admitted with a severely lacerated "spam javelin" and some localized scalding burns, His wife had serious scalding burns on the top of her head, face and shoulders. Suffice it to say they were next to the stove when a pot of boling water was inadvertently spilled, I will let you fill in the gaps.....

Regardless, I am sure the chatter in this emergency ward was fairly animated in this case, it has to be a first.

1
2
TRT
Silver badge

Re: Poor snake...

I can imagine the Emergency Room doctor now...

"Let's see... we've got Major Burns here. So I guess that makes you Hot Lips."

23
0
TRT
Silver badge

Re: Poor snake...

Or they put the water on to boil for pasta and didn't know the difference between fettuccine and felatio.

6
0
Anonymous Coward

Released into the wild

I thought they usually killed animals that had acquired a taste for our plump pink/brown/whatever bodies. That should be doubly so given the part it has tasted.

1
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: Released into the wild

Maybe that decision was made by a feminist, delighted at the serpent's exploits?

1
2
Anonymous Coward

Re: Released into the wild

I thought they usually killed animals that had acquired a taste for our plump pink/brown/whatever bodies. That should be doubly so given the part it has tasted.

That's usually on the principle that having learned the taste of blood they might want more.

I suspect that this snake may not fall into that category on account of probably (a) having been shat upon from an as yet undetermined height after closing its jaws and (b) having tasted the outside of that appendix before the blood started running, which events may have replaced the usual "Let's do that again" idea with "let's never ever even THINK about that again and see if we can bite some nice animal to lose that aftertaste".

I have a, cough, "sneaking" suspicion it may just have been his wife seeking to reduce the 30 min length of his daily "morning sessions", and it all got a bit out of hand..

1
0
Gold badge

Re: Released into the wild

I think we can cut this one a bit of slack.

Try looking at the situation from the snake's perspective. There you are, enjoying a snooze in a quiet spot and some bastard comes along and shits on your head........

4
0
Silver badge

Hang on....

I thought pythons worked by crushing their victims in their coils before eating them once they'd suffocated? Is he sure it was a python?

Of course I may be wrong, I'm not David Attenborough...

2
0
(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: Hang on....

Presumably, if the python thought the prey in this case sufficiently small and already dead...

22
0
Anonymous Coward

I'm writing the script now

It will be called "Snakes in a drain". Samuel L. Jackson will play the plumber and main hero.

But in my version, the pythons head doesn't get roped quickly enough.... or else it slips out of the noose.

I'm still casting for the heroic surgeon who knits it back on. Any suggestions ?

10
0
Silver badge

Re: I'm writing the script now

Kaffe Fasset?

2
0
Gimp

Re: Hang on....

It probably smelt dead

2
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: I'm writing the script now

You've got the surgeon, for example as in http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/mar/13/south-africa-man-penis-transplant . I daresay you might find others amongst societies that practice (male) genital mutilation.

0
0
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Hang on....

Presumably, if the python thought the prey in this case sufficiently small and already dead...

Well played sir. Have an upvote and a pint..

3
0

Re: Hang on....

They will still grab hold of a part of the victim with their mouths. Pretty hard to wrap yourself around something that can flee.

9
0

Re: Hang on....

I thought pythons worked by crushing their victims in their coils before eating them once they'd suffocated?

Constrictor teeth are usually hooked / backslanted to give a firm grip you don't want to try and ....pull out, they grip and then work the coils round.

4
0

This post has been deleted by its author

Silver badge
Joke

Re: Hang on....

Of course you're not David Attenborough...

You are Snakey McSnakeface - and I claim my five pounds ...

8
0

Re: I'm writing the script now

"I'm still casting for the heroic surgeon who knits it back on. Any suggestions ?"

Noel Edmonds?

I hear he has a fair bit of familiarity with knitting.

1
1
Bronze badge
Happy

Re: I'm writing the script now

Shirly Alan Alda....Hawkeye Pierce.

4
0

This post has been deleted by its author

TRT
Silver badge
IT Angle

C Python RISC. Rapid Action! Lasso Topspeed. Hope Mary Go Forth Inform Rescue Pro. Open bloo. Bash Cobra? Not exactly Nice. Stackless Python.

6
0
Anonymous Coward

I think you'll find the serpent pictured is a specimen of crotalus atrox, more commonly known as the diamondback rattlesnake, and not a python.

I'll get my coat, but not until after I've sniggered at the name Atthaporn.

10
0

I figured it was some sort of rattlesnake or other venomous snake - it certainly didn't look like any python or boa.

1
0

@AC

porn means something like good luck / blessed in Thai, so everywhere you go there are porn hotels, porn restaurants, etc. Even better Chang Mai had a radio station called TITS FM.

4
0
Anonymous Coward

Thai the knot

>I'll get my coat, but not until after I've sniggered at the name Atthaporn.

I nearly married a woman called Nice Supaporn, it's a long story :)

2
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: Thai the knot

> I nearly married a woman called Nice Supaporn

At last! A valid reason to google your own name.

1
0

Is it just me, or...

...is anyone else trying to figure out the IT angle to this story?

2
18
Anonymous Coward

Re: Is it just me, or...

The man's clarity of thought should make him a good IT man. And his admirable presence of mind in an extreme situation marks him out for an elite emergency response role.

8
0
Silver badge

Re: Is it just me, or...

Surely we've all dealt with a user or a boss where we've thought I'd rather feed my todger to a snake?

Or... alternatively, it might be we're currently in bootnotes ;)

16
0
Silver badge

Re: Is it just me, or...

Sadly, due to the obvious decline in comprehension standards around here, it's probably time that each "Bootnotes" article had a big banner at the top saying "THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT HAVE TO HAVE AN IT ANGLE"

19
0
(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: Re: Is it just me, or...

Oh I dunno, I still enjoy sanctimonious commentards not getting with the programme. Obviously, if we get three or so complaints, we'll change the entire editorial output of the site to suit their personal tastes.

37
0

Re: Is it just me, or...

Thanks. I did not know that!

13
0

Page:

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018